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Posted: Tuesday 30 March 2010 ( 14 years ago )
Jesus
You’ve heard this one before: God killed his son in order to stop himself from torturing people forever after they die for something that someone else supposedly did thousands of years before they were born.
The story is known too well already. ...
Posted: Monday 29 March 2010 ( 14 years ago )
Herod was eaten by worms for not giving the God the glory
One day, King Herod (Aggripa) gave a speech to the people.
Upon a set day Herod, arrayed in royal apparel, sat upon his throne, and made an oration unto them. Acts 12:21
The Bible doesn't tell us what he said, but it must have been one hell of a g ...
Posted: Monday 29 March 2010 ( 14 years ago )
Hananiah
Whenever two prophets get together in the Bible, you can be pretty sure that one of them will soon be killed by God. Remember how God sent a lion to kill a prophet for believing another prophet’s lie? And then he sent another lion to kill another ...
Posted: Tuesday 23 March 2010 ( 14 years ago )
Ananias and Sapphira
Ananias and his wife, Sapphira, sold some land, gave some of the money to the apostles and kept the rest.
Ananias, with Sapphira his wife, sold a possession, And kept back part of the price, his wife also being privy to it, and brought a certain p ...
Posted: Monday 22 March 2010 ( 14 years ago )
God kills Ezekiel's wife and tells him not to mourn her death
I guess God was trying to make some kind of point in this killing. Maybe you can help me figure out what it was.
God had just revealed some important stuff to Ezekiel.
Thus saith the Lord GOD ... Woe to the bloody city, to the pot whose scum i ...
Posted: Monday 22 March 2010 ( 14 years ago )
Job's Daughters (even prettier than the originals!)
Remember how, in God's 107th killing, a big wind blew down the house that Job's children were partying in? Well, it was all a part of God's plan -- or in this case, his bet with Satan.
In case you were wondering, God won the bet. Job never cursed ...
Posted: Monday 22 March 2010 ( 14 years ago )
God and/or Satan kill Job's children, slaves, and animals
This is the only killing in the Bible that Satan had anything to do with. And he didn't do it alone; God was a co-conspirator.
The story begins by introducing Job.
Job was a perfect man with 7 sons, 3 daughters, 7000 sheep, 3000 camels, 500 oxen ...
Posted: Wednesday 17 March 2010 ( 14 years ago )
The Fall of Jerusalem
There are only two kinds of kings in the Bible: those that were like David and did right in the sight of the Lord and those that were not like David and did evil in the sight of the Lord. Zedekiah was in the latter group. He didn’t humble himself ...
Posted: Friday 12 March 2010 ( 14 years ago )
Friendly Fire: God forced "a great multitude" to kill each other
"A great multitude" of Ammonites, Moabites, and Edomites gathered to attack the kingdom of Judah.
There cometh a great multitude against thee from beyond the sea ... the children of Ammon and Moab and mount Seir [the Edomites]. 2 Chronicles 20.2
Th ...
Posted: Thursday 11 March 2010 ( 14 years ago )
God killed 120,000 valiant men for forsaking him
After God smote Ahaz by delivering him into the hand of the Syrian king, he delivered him into the hand of another king (Pekah, the king of Israel) for some more smiting. I guess the Syrian king didn't smite Ahaz hard enough.
God should have been ...
Posted: Thursday 11 March 2010 ( 14 years ago )
God smote Ahaz with the king of Syria
Ahaz was another king that God didn't like very much. He just wasn't enough like David to suit him.
Ahaz ... did not that which was right in the sight of the LORD, like David his father. 2 Chronicles 28.1
And, it's true; he did seem to lack parent ...
Posted: Thursday 11 March 2010 ( 14 years ago )
God destroys Amaziah
The first thing we are told about king Amaziah (besides when he began to reign and the name of his parents) is that "did that which was right in the sight of the LORD, but not with a perfect heart."
Amaziah ... did that which was right in the sight ...
Posted: Wednesday 10 March 2010 ( 14 years ago )
Did God kill Uzziah?
Uzziah was one of God's favorite kings. He did right in the sight of the Lord just like his father, Amaziah.
Uzziah ... did that which was right in the sight of the LORD, according to all that his father Amaziah did. 2 Chronicles 26:3-4
God helpe ...
Posted: Wednesday 10 March 2010 ( 14 years ago )
All God's Killings: Search the scriptures to find them all
Those who have been following along with me know that I'm nearing the end of God's killings, at least those that I've included on the list. I worry, though, that I've missed some and I'd like to make the list as complete as possible, giving God all ...
Posted: Tuesday 09 March 2010 ( 14 years ago )
Joash, the princes, and the army of Judah
Here's another boring one. Sorry about that. It starts with the spirit of God coming on Zechariah, which, of course, makes him condemn everybody else.
The Spirit of God came upon Zechariah the son of Jehoiada the priest, which stood above the peopl ...
Posted: Monday 08 March 2010 ( 14 years ago )
God killed Jehoram's sons
In Elijah's letter to Jehoram, he said that God would smite his children and his wives with a great plague.
Behold, with a great plague will the LORD smite thy people, and thy children, and thy wives. 2 Chronicles 21.14
From that, I expected God to ...
Posted: Sunday 07 March 2010 ( 14 years ago )
God made Jehoram's bowels fall out
Jehoram (of Judah) was not a very nice guy. When he became king he killed all of his brothers along with some Israelite princes.
Now when Jehoram was risen up to the kingdom of his father, he strengthened himself, and slew all his brethren with the ...
Posted: Saturday 06 March 2010 ( 14 years ago )
God killed one million Ethiopians
In the killing before last, God killed 500,000 Israelites. That was pretty impressive. But here, in the next chapter, God killed a million Ethiopians.
God got involved in this killing because he liked Asa, the king of Juda, so much. Asa did what w ...
Posted: Saturday 06 March 2010 ( 14 years ago )
Jeroboam
After God killed 500,000 of Israelite soldiers, he killed their leader, king Jeroboam.
Neither did Jeroboam recover strength again in the days of Abijah: and the LORD struck him, and he died. 2 Chronicles 13.20
You see, God hated Jeroboam. To God, ...
Posted: Friday 05 March 2010 ( 14 years ago )
God killed a half million Israelite soldiers
Sometimes God has to kill a half million of his favorite people just to make a point of some kind. I'm not sure what the point was in this case, but that's beside the point, whatever it might have been.
Here's what happened.
There was a war betw ...
Posted: Thursday 04 March 2010 ( 14 years ago )
Just another holy war
First Chronicles gets my vote for the most boring book ever written. Just try reading the first nine chapters some time. If you make it through, reading every word, you're probably the first person who ever has.
But hidden in the list of descendan ...
Posted: Tuesday 02 March 2010 ( 14 years ago )
God caused king Sennacherib to be killed by his sons
Poor king Hezekiah was upset, so upset, in fact, that he "rent his clothes."
And it came to pass, when king Hezekiah heard it, that he rent his clothes. 2 Kings 19.1, Isaiah 37.1
You see, Hezekiah had just heard the commanding officer (Rabshakeh) o ...
Posted: Tuesday 02 March 2010 ( 14 years ago )
An angel killed 185,000 sleeping soldiers, "and when they arose early in the morning, behold, they were all dead."
Well, the title pretty much says it all, since it all happens place in a single verse (that is repeated twice in the Bible).
185,000 sleeping Assyrian soldiers were killed by an angel of the Lord. And when they woke up the next morning "behold, th ...
Posted: Monday 01 March 2010 ( 14 years ago )
God sent lions to eat those that didn't fear him enough
God wants you to fear him. If you don't fear him enough, he'll do something to make you afraid of him. Like send lions to eat you.
They feared not the LORD: therefore the LORD sent lions among them, which slew some of them. 2 Kings 17.25
He also li ...
Posted: Monday 01 March 2010 ( 14 years ago )
The priest of Baal and Queen Athaliah
The high priest Jehoiada arranged an agreement between God, the king, and the people. The king and the people would be God’s people.
Jehoiada made a covenant between the LORD and the king and the people, that they should be the LORD's people; bet ...
Posted: Sunday 28 February 2010 ( 14 years ago )
Jehu assembled the followers of Baal and then slaughtered them all
After Jehu finished killing Ahab's family in Samaria, he called an assembly to worship Baal.
Jehu gathered all the people together, and said unto them, Ahab served Baal a little; but Jehu shall serve him much. 2 Kings 10:18
Jehu would lead the ...
Posted: Thursday 25 February 2010 ( 14 years ago )
Jehu and his partner show their zeal for the Lord by killing the rest of Ahab's family
After meeting with Ahaziah's family (and killing them all), Jehu got into his chariot and drove away furiously toward Samaria. On his way he ran across an old friend, Jehonadab.
Jehu asked Jehonadab, "Is your heart as true to mine as mine is to yo ...
Posted: Thursday 25 February 2010 ( 14 years ago )
Jehu killed 42 of Ahaziah's family (and God approved of this killing)
After Jehu killed what remained of Ahab's family in Jezreel, he went to Samaria and met with the family of king Ahaziah of Judah.
And he arose and departed, and came to Samaria. And ... met with the brethren of Ahaziah king of Judah, and said, Wh ...
Posted: Wednesday 24 February 2010 ( 14 years ago )
Context: It almost always makes it worse
When it comes to God's killings in the Bible, context matters. And it almost always makes them less defensible.
Maybe that's why I can't find any believers to explain how context makes God's killings OK.
...
Posted: Wednesday 24 February 2010 ( 14 years ago )
Ahab's hometown family, friends, and priests
In God's last killing, the chicken-shit leaders of Jezreel sent Jehu the heads of Ahab's sons (all 70 of them).
But that didn't quite satisfy Jehu. He had his orders from God, given to him by Elisha when Jehu was made king.
Thus saith the LORD G ...
Posted: Wednesday 24 February 2010 ( 14 years ago )
Ahab's sons: 70 heads in two heaps
Jehu was on a mission from God.
(Like Anton Chigurh in "No Country for Old Men," but without the coin tosses.)
First he killed one of Ahab's sons, Jehoram. Then he killed Ahab's wife, Jezebel. Now it was time to take care of the rest of Ahab's fa ...
Posted: Tuesday 23 February 2010 ( 14 years ago )
Jezebel
Next on God's hit list for Jehu was Jezebel. So he rode his chariot over to her house.
When she heard Jehu was coming, she put on her make-up and sat by the window. As he entered the gate, she said, "Is it peace, Zimri, murderer of your master?," r ...
Posted: Tuesday 23 February 2010 ( 14 years ago )
Jehoram of Israel
Remember when God killed Ahab for not killing a captured king? You might have thought that that would be the end of it. But no. God still had Ahab's family to kill. It was sort of his way of paying it forward.
The story is a bit complicated, but ...
Posted: Tuesday 23 February 2010 ( 14 years ago )
God calls for a seven year famine
Well, there's not much to say about this one. It all happens in a single verse.
Then spake Elisha unto the woman, whose son he had restored to life, saying, Arise, and go thou and thine household, and sojourn wheresoever thou canst sojourn: for th ...
Posted: Monday 22 February 2010 ( 14 years ago )
A skeptic is trampled to death
There was a famine in Samaria that was so severe that a donkey's head and a cup of bird dung sold for 80 and 5 shekels of silver, respectively. (About 500 and 32 current U.S. dollars)
There was a great famine in Samaria: and, behold, they besieged ...
Posted: Monday 22 February 2010 ( 14 years ago )
450 Religious Leaders Killed in a Prayer Contest
But who killed them? Elijah or God or both?
Here's the story.
Ahab, the king of Israel, was a follower of Baal, which, of course, Yahweh and Elijah didn't like very much. So Elijah suggested a prayer contest to determine which god was the real G ...
Posted: Monday 22 February 2010 ( 14 years ago )
Leprosy shall cleave unto thee and unto thy seed forever.
That's what Elisha said to his servant, Gehazi. And when Elisha speaks, he speaks for God.
So God gave Gehazi and all of his descendants leprosy. He had a reason, of course. He always has a reason. But it really doesn't matter what it was, does it? ...
Posted: Monday 22 February 2010 ( 14 years ago )
The Lord delivered the Moabites
This is a boring one. But since the Bible gives God the credit for this killing, so will I. Here's the story. Elisha tells the Israelites that God will deliver the Moabites into their hand.
The LORD ... will deliver the Moabites ... into your hand. ...
Posted: Sunday 21 February 2010 ( 14 years ago )
God sent two bears to rip apart 42 boys for making fun of a prophet's bald head
After Elijah went up to heaven in a chariot of fire, his disciple Elisha put on Elijah's mantle and started to perform miracles of his own. First he parted the Jordan River by slapping it with Elijah's mantle, and then he healed some water by ad ...
Posted: Sunday 21 February 2010 ( 14 years ago )
God killed king Ahaziah (of Israel) for asking the wrong god
In his last killing , God burned 102 men to death (in two shifts of 51 each) for asking Elijah to come down from his hill. The problem, I guess, was not so much in what they asked, but in how they asked it. The first two times, the captain asked dir ...
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