0 Dwidnling in Unbelief

Latest Posts (In 2010)

Posted: Tuesday 28 December 2010 ( 13 years ago )

1 Nephi 20-21: I will feed them with their own flesh; they shall be drunken with their own blood

Joseph Smith Nephi must have been getting tired of writing. Why else would he copy two chapters nearly verbatim from the King James Version of the Bible? I suspect that the answer is much like Bill Clinton's answer to the question, "Why did you ha ...

Posted: Wednesday 22 December 2010 ( 13 years ago )

Surah 4: 1-34 Woe to the Women

Surah 4 begins by repeating one of the first lies of Genesis. God created a man first, then a woman from the man, and all humans descended from them. Your Lord Who created you from a single soul and from it created its mate and from them twain hat ...

Posted: Saturday 18 December 2010 ( 13 years ago )

The LDS church is embarrassed by its own book

The Mormons did it again. They changed the Book of Mormon to make it a bit less embarrassing. To see this best, though, you need to go get your Book of Mormon. I know you've got one somewhere. I'll wait. OK, good. You found it. Now chec ...

Posted: Tuesday 14 December 2010 ( 13 years ago )

1 Nephi 19: Zenos' Paradox

It's hard to keep track of all the plates in the Book of Mormon. Remember the the plates of Lehi? You know, the ones that Lehi forgot when he left Jerusalem, so he had to send his sons back get them? Lehi's plates were so important to God that he ...

Posted: Sunday 12 December 2010 ( 13 years ago )

Surah 3 -- Allah is the best of schemers

The last surah (2) took eleven posts over a period of five months. Even considering its length (286 verses), that's just too darned long. At that rate, it'd take me about nine years to finish blogging the Quran. So I'm going to speed things up a bit. ...

Posted: Thursday 25 November 2010 ( 13 years ago )

50 reasons to be ashamed (and not a fan) of Jesus

There's a group in the United States called Not a Fan that encourage Christians to show that they aren't ashamed of Jesus (no matter how badly he behaved in the gospels) by being not just fans, but fanatics. But every believer should be ashamed ...

Posted: Tuesday 16 November 2010 ( 14 years ago )

1 Nephi 18: Nephi discovers America

This is the chapter you've all been waiting for. The exciting climax to First Book of Nephi in which Nephi discovers America. It begins with God going over with Nephi his plans for the ship's construction, showing him (from time to time) how to wo ...

Posted: Friday 12 November 2010 ( 14 years ago )

Quran 2:243-286 -- Zombie soldiers, Rip Van Winkle, bird talk, and other silly stories

Allah begins this section by asking Muhammad if he'd heard the story about the resurrected soldiers. You know, the one where back in the day there were thousands of soldiers that Allah told to die and then after they died he raised them from the dead ...

Posted: Thursday 11 November 2010 ( 14 years ago )

Something Christians, Jews, and Muslims can agree on: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.

As you may have heard, Michelle Obama ran into trouble Tuesday while visiting Indonesia. She shook hands with a man (actually several of them) while passing through a receiving line that greeted the president and the first lady after their arrival in ...

Posted: Thursday 04 November 2010 ( 14 years ago )

1 Nephi 17: The Trip to Bountiful

Up to now, Nephi and company have just been camping out in the wilderness, going on little side trips from time to time. First they traveled from "the land of Jerusalem" to the shore of the Red Sea, a distance of at least 400 km. Then Nephi and his b ...

Posted: Tuesday 02 November 2010 ( 14 years ago )

Jeroboam's family

The reason for this killing was the same as the last: God disliked Jeroboam (he was the worst person in the world) so he killed his son. Now he's back for the rest of the family. I think God may have gotten a bit carried away with this one, ...

Posted: Monday 01 November 2010 ( 14 years ago )

Surah 2:218-242: Allah's guide to alcohol, gambling, menstruation, sex, and divorce

If anyone asks you about drinking and gambling, here's what Allah says to say. They question thee about strong drink and games of chance. Say: In both is great sin, and (some) utility for men; but the sin of them is greater than their usefulness. 2 ...

Posted: Wednesday 27 October 2010 ( 14 years ago )

Current's Wager

If you wear garlic around your neck and vampires don't exist, you have nothing to lose. But if vampires do exist and you don't have garlic around your neck, you have everything to lose. (About 12 pints of blood, anyway.) So wearing garlic around ...

Posted: Sunday 24 October 2010 ( 14 years ago )

1 Nephi 16: A group marriage, magic brass ball, and broken steel bow

After Nephi finished preaching to his evil older brothers, they all got down to more important matters. Like sex. Remember how Lehi's family left Jerusalem to "go into the wilderness" and somehow ended up more than 400 kilometers away on the shor ...

Posted: Friday 22 October 2010 ( 14 years ago )

Surah 2:190-217 -- Allah's Rules for Holy Warfare

In this section, Allah lays down the rules of war for the religion of peace. The first rule is that you must "fight in the way of Allah," but only against those that fight against you, and, even then, you can't start the war yourself. So preemptiv ...

Posted: Friday 15 October 2010 ( 14 years ago )

1 Nephi 15: Nephi explains his dad's magic tree (again)

Remember back in chapter 8 when Lehi had a dream about a tree? Yeah, well, it's back again. And this time it's causing all sorts of trouble for Nephi's brothers. You see, they just couldn't figure it all out. What was it, anyway? And who cares? A c ...

Posted: Tuesday 12 October 2010 ( 14 years ago )

Surah 2:159-189 -- Hiding the Quran, cursing unbelievers, eating pork, retaliating, the death tax, and Ramadan sex

The section begins in the usual way. Allah repeats his threats and curses for non-believers, as he does throughout the Quran. Believe whatever Allah revealed to Muhammad or Allah torture you forever after you die. Lo! Those who hide the proofs and ...

Posted: Sunday 10 October 2010 ( 14 years ago )

Forget Jesus. The stars died so you could live.

That's just one of the many great quotes from this Lawrence Krauss lecture. ...

Posted: Saturday 09 October 2010 ( 14 years ago )

1 Nephi 14: There are only two churches - the church of God (the Mormons) and the church of the devil (everyone else)

Nephi's angel finally stops talking in this chapter. But he saved his best stuff for last. Once again it's important to keep in mind the historical context of the angel's revelations to Nephi. This was 600 BCE, before most of the books in the Hebre ...

Posted: Thursday 23 September 2010 ( 14 years ago )

1 Nephi 13 revisited: Satan founded the Catholic church, God blessed America (and cursed the Native Americans) , and the BoM fixed the Bible

It’s easy to get distracted by the strange words and phrases in the Book of Mormon and thereby miss the even stranger messages that lurk therein. That’s what happened to me the first time I read chapter 13 of 1 Nephi. (And that's why I'm revisin ...

Posted: Saturday 18 September 2010 ( 14 years ago )

Who wins the Bible's Quiverfull prize?

Have you heard of the Quiverfull movement? It's a whacked-out group of fundamentalist Christians who try to have as many kids as they can, because they believe that children show God's favor on the men who father them. The movement takes its name f ...

Posted: Saturday 28 August 2010 ( 14 years ago )

1 Nephi 12: Those who dwindle in unbelief will become dark, loathsome, filthy, idle, and abominable people

In the last chapter, an angel showed Nephi all the shit his dad saw and much, much more. Nephi saw dad's magic tree, iron rod, large and spacious building, the exceedingly white virgin Mary, Jesus, John the Baptist, the twelve apostles -- pretty muc ...

Posted: Thursday 26 August 2010 ( 14 years ago )

Frank Schaeffer has a great idea

[T]he best thing a believer in any actual God can do is to admit that a lot of the Bible is hate-filled blasphemy. (Maybe God Rejects the Bible) What Frank Schaeffer says here is obvious to any believer who has taken the time to read the Bible. Unf ...

Posted: Friday 20 August 2010 ( 14 years ago )

1 Nephi 11: A spirit shows Nephi all the shit his dad saw

Since It's been a while since I've blogged the BOM, I suppose I'd better review what's happened so far in 1 Nephi. Chapter 1: God tells Lehi and his family to get the hell out of Jerusalem. Chapter 2: So they travel to Arabia on the shore of the ...

Posted: Wednesday 18 August 2010 ( 14 years ago )

Blogging the Quran

1: The Opening The Lord of the Worlds 2: The Cow 1-13: Allah is wise, mysterious, funny 14-24: Produce a surah the like thereof 25-34: Believers get pure companions in heaven, Adam learns the animals' names, and Iblis becomes a disbeliever 35 ...

Posted: Monday 16 August 2010 ( 14 years ago )

Surah 2:139-158 -- Changing holy directions (qiblah)

One of the peculiar things about Muslims is that they have to pray in a particular direction: toward the Kaaba in Mecca. It is also the direction that the faces of dead Muslims point towards, and the direction that the head of an animal is supposed ...

Posted: Monday 02 August 2010 ( 14 years ago )

1 Nephi 10: Lehi proves Jesus wrong by becoming the greatest prophet ever

Jesus said that John the Baptist was the greatest prophet who had ever lived. For I say unto you, Among those that are born of women there is not a greater prophet than John the Baptist: but he that is least in the kingdom of God is greater than he ...

Posted: Friday 30 July 2010 ( 14 years ago )

Surah 2:106-138: Abrogation, proof, and Allah's coloring book

The section begins with a verse that contradicts itself. Nothing of our revelation (even a single verse) do we abrogate or cause be forgotten, but we bring (in place) one better or the like thereof. 2:106 Nothing in the Quran, not a singe verse, ...

Posted: Wednesday 21 July 2010 ( 14 years ago )

1 Nephi 9: Nephi names his plates

Lucky for us, Nephi left out a lot of shit his dad said while camping out in the valley of Lemuel. And all these things did my father see, and hear, and speak, as he dwelt in a tent, in the valley of Lemuel. 1 Nephi 9:1a He just didn't have room ...

Posted: Saturday 17 July 2010 ( 14 years ago )

1 Nephi 8: Lehi's magic happy-fruit tree

After Nephi and his brothers got back from their women-hunting mission to Jerusalem, it came to pass that Lehi had another dream -- that is he dreamed a dream; or, in other words, he had seen a vision. And it came to pass that while my father tar ...

Posted: Friday 16 July 2010 ( 14 years ago )

Surah 2:75-105 -- Little is that which they believe

Now here is something I can agree with Allah on! Little is that which they believe. 2:88b There is little in the Quran that I believe. Actually nothing. It's all complete bullshit to me. And because I disbelieve in his bullshit, Allah has cursed ...

Posted: Tuesday 06 July 2010 ( 14 years ago )

Bryan Fischer: May each of us be a Phinehas in our own world

Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association says that each of us should be a Phinehas in own world. Now that won't mean much to you, unless you've read the story in Numbers 25. And, behold, one of the children of Israel came and brought unto ...

Posted: Tuesday 06 July 2010 ( 14 years ago )

1 Nephi 7: Oh Fetch! We forgot the fricken women!

Remember how Nephi and his brothers had to return to Jerusalem to get the brass plates? Well, now they have go back again to get some women. Otherwise they'd have to have sex with their mom in order to populate the New World, and that's just too yuc ...

Posted: Thursday 01 July 2010 ( 14 years ago )

1 Nephi 6: It mattereth not to me that I am particular

In the last chapter, Lehi's family spoke in a certain manner of language. In this chapter, Nephi says nothing at all. He's not going to say anything about Lehi's genealogy. And now I, Nephi, do not give the genealogy of my fathers in this part of ...

Posted: Tuesday 29 June 2010 ( 14 years ago )

Surah 2: 35-74 -- Allah turns Jews into apes and solves a murder mystery with a dead yellow cow

Last time we learned that Iblis (pbuh) became the first disbeliever by refusing to worship Adam. We said unto the angels: Prostrate yourselves before Adam, they fell prostrate, all save Iblis. 2:34 From that quote, I got the impression that Iblis ...

Posted: Thursday 24 June 2010 ( 14 years ago )

1 Nephi 5: After this manner of language did they speak

In this chapter, Nephi and his brothers, along with Laban's servant Zoram, return to the wilderness from Jerusalem. And it came to pass that after we had come down into the wilderness unto our father. 1 Nephi 5:1a I guess the 400+ kilometer trip ...

Posted: Wednesday 23 June 2010 ( 14 years ago )

Surah 2: 25-34 -- Believers get pure companions in heaven, Adam learns the animals' names, and Iblis becomes a disbeliever

Yep, all that in just ten verses. Here's a summary. If you believe and do good works, you will have pure companions in heaven. And give glad tidings (O Muhammad) unto those who believe and do good works ... for them are pure companions. 2:25 A ...

Posted: Tuesday 22 June 2010 ( 14 years ago )

1 Neph 4: Better for one man to die than a whole nation dwindle in unbelief

Chapter 3 ended with an angel telling Nephi's brothers to stop beating Nephi and Sam with a rod. And it came to pass as they smote us with a rod, behold, an angel of the Lord came and stood before them, and he spake unto them, saying: Why do ye smi ...

Posted: Monday 21 June 2010 ( 14 years ago )

Surah 2: 14- 24 -- Produce a surah the like thereof

OK, where were we? When you're reading the Quran, it's hard to remember where you are because it says the same damned thing over and over again. So if you're reading along with me, you're going to need a bookmark. If you remember last time, Allah ...

Posted: Thursday 17 June 2010 ( 14 years ago )

1 Nephi 3: Oh my heck! We forgot the brass plates!

When we last left Lehi and his family, they were camping out on the shore of the Red Sea next to the River Laman. The Lord had just visited Nephi and told him about his plan to lead Nephi to a new land that the Lord had prepared just for him, "a lan ...

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