1 |
The genealogy of Jesus Joseph |
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The birth of Jesus |
2 |
The wise men |
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The flight to Egypt |
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Herod murders the infants in Bethlehem |
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The return from Egypt |
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Jesus's childhood in Nazareth |
3 |
John the Baptist |
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The baptism of Jesus |
4 |
Jesus is tempted by the devil |
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Jesus calls his first disciples |
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Jesus heals devil-possessed lunatics in Galilee |
5 |
The sermon on the mount (part 1) |
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The beatitudes |
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Salt of the earth, light of the world |
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Obey the law of Moses (every jot and tittle) |
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Moses says this, but I say that (name-callers go to hell) |
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Some legal advice |
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Lust = adultery |
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Pluck out your eye, cut off your hand |
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Divorce |
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Don't swear |
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Turn the other cheek |
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Give to anyone who asks |
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Love your enemies |
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Be perfect |
6 |
The sermon on the mount (part 2) |
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Don't let others see your good works |
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Don't pray in public (or use repetitions) |
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The Our Father (or The Lord's prayer) |
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Don't let others know that you're fasting |
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Treasures in heaven |
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The evil eye |
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God and mammon |
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Don't worry about money, food, clothes, or the future |
7 |
The sermon on the mount (Part 3) |
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Don't judge |
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Pearls before swine |
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Just ask God (and he'll give it to you) |
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The golden rule (that's the whole law) |
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Most people go to hell |
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Watch out for false prophets (and bad trees) |
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Didn't I cast out devils in your name, Jesus? (I never knew you) |
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Obey Jesus (build your house on a rock) |
8 |
Jesus cleans a leper |
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The centurion's servant |
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Peter's mother-in-law |
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Jesus casts out devils and heals the sick |
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Let the dead bury the dead (to hell with family values) |
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Jesus calms a storm |
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Jesus casts out more devils (and drowns some pigs) |
9 |
A man with palsy |
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The call of Matthew |
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Why Jesus and his disciples didn't fast |
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The ruler's daughter and a woman with an issue of blood |
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Two blind men |
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A dumb man possessed with a devil |
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Jesus heals every sickness |
10 |
The twelve apostles |
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The mission of the apostles |
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It'll be worse than Sodom and Gommorah |
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You'll be hated by everyone |
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Whom you should fear (the one who can send you to hell) |
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If you deny Jesus, he'll deny you (fair is fair) |
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Don't love your family (more than Jesus) |
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Be nice to Jesus's followers, and he'll be nice to you |
11 |
John the Baptist: Should we look for another? |
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Jesus: John the Baptist is Elijah |
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Jesus condemns certain cities (The ones that didn't like his preaching) |
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Jesus: Thanks Father for hiding things from the wise (and revealing them to babies) |
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Come to Jesus |
12 |
The disciples pluck grain on the sabbath |
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A man with a withered hand |
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God's chosen servant |
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Jesus and Beelzebub |
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The unforgivable sin (blasphemy against the Holy Ghost) |
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An evil and adulterous generation (asks for a sign) |
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The return of the unclean spirit |
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Jesus: Who is my mother? |
13 |
The parable of the sower |
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The purpose of the parables (to confuse people) |
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Jesus explains the parable of the sower |
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Weeds and wheat |
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A mustard seed |
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Heaven is like yeast |
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The purpose of the parables (again) |
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Jesus explains the parable of the weeds |
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Three little parables |
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Jesus is rejected in his hometown |
14 |
Herod: Jesus is the risen John the Baptist |
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The death of John the Baptist |
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Jesus feeds five thousand men |
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Jesus walks on water |
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Jesus heals the sick in Gennesaret |
15 |
The Pharisees criticize Jesus's disciples (for not washing their hands before eating) |
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Jesus criticizes the Pharisees (for not killing disobedient children) |
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Things that defile a person |
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Jesus removes a devil from a Canaanite woman's daughter (after calling her a dog) |
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Jesus feeds four thousand men |
16 |
A wicked and adulterous generation (asks for a sign) |
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The yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees |
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Peter declares Jesus to be Christ (and becomes the first pope) |
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Jesus fortells his death and resurrection (and calls Peter "Satan") |
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Jesus will come again soon (within the lifetime of some of his listeners) |
17 |
The Transfiguration |
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John the Baptist is Elijah |
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Jesus heals a boy possessed by the devil |
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Jesus fortells his death (again) |
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Jesus pays his tribute (by taking a coin out of a fish's mouth) |
18 |
Who is the greatest? |
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Cut off your hand and pluck out your eye (if they offend you) |
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The lost sheep |
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What to do with someone who trespasses against you |
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Special powers given to believers |
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How many times must we forgive? (490) |
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The parable of the cruel master |
19 |
Divorce |
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Eunuchs |
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Little children |
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The rich young man |
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Abandon your family for Jesus (and you'll get 100x more and live forever) |
20 |
The parable of the unfair employer |
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Jesus fortells his death (for the third time) |
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The mother of James and John ask Jesus for a favor (Special seats in heaven) |
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Two blind men |
21 |
Jesus rides into Jerusalem (on an ass and a colt) |
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Jesus's temple tantrum |
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Jesus kills a fig tree (by cursing it) |
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Jesus stumps the chief priests and elders |
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The parable of two sons |
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A parable about a vineyard |
22 |
The parable of the wedding banquet (and the psyco king) |
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Pay your taxes (and keep state and church separate) |
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There is no marriage in heaven |
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The greatest commandment |
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Jesus is not the son of David |
23 |
Woe to scribes and Pharisees! |
24 |
The end of the world |
25 |
Heaven is like ten virgins |
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The cruel and unjust master |
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The sheep and the goats |
26 |
Jesus predicts his death (for the fourth time) |
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The plot to kill Jesus |
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Jesus gets his head anointed (the poor get nothing) |
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Judas betrays Jesus (for thirty pieces of silver) |
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The Last Supper |
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Peter's promise (and Jesus's prediction) |
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Jesus prays at Gethsemane (while the disciples sleep) |
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Jesus is arrested |
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Jesus is taken to Caiaphas |
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Peter denies Jesus three times |
27 |
Jesus is taken to Pontius Pilate |
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Judas hangs himself |
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Jesus is questioned by Pilate |
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The people prefer Barabbas to Jesus |
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The soldiers make fun of Jesus |
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Simon of Cyrene carries Jesus's cross |
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The soldiers give Jesus vinegar to drink (mixed with gall) |
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Jesus is crucified |
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The two thieves |
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Jesus dies |
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Earthquakes, zombies, and Jesus's burial |
28 |
Jesus rises from the dead |
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The priests bribe the guards |
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Jesus appears to his disciples (but some doubted) |