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The Gospel According to Matthew

CHAPTERS

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28

Introduction

OUTLINE

1 The genealogy of Jesus Joseph
The birth of Jesus
2 The wise men
The flight to Egypt
Herod murders the infants in Bethlehem
The return from Egypt
Jesus's childhood in Nazareth
3 John the Baptist
The baptism of Jesus
4 Jesus is tempted by the devil
Jesus calls his first disciples
Jesus heals devil-possessed lunatics in Galilee
5 The sermon on the mount (part 1)
The beatitudes
Salt of the earth, light of the world
Obey the law of Moses (every jot and tittle)
Moses says this, but I say that (name-callers go to hell)
Some legal advice
Lust = adultery
Pluck out your eye, cut off your hand
Divorce
Don't swear
Turn the other cheek
Give to anyone who asks
Love your enemies
Be perfect
6 The sermon on the mount (part 2)
Don't let others see your good works
Don't pray in public (or use repetitions)
The Our Father (or The Lord's prayer)
Don't let others know that you're fasting
Treasures in heaven
The evil eye
God and mammon
Don't worry about money, food, clothes, or the future
7 The sermon on the mount (Part 3)
Don't judge
Pearls before swine
Just ask God (and he'll give it to you)
The golden rule (that's the whole law)
Most people go to hell
Watch out for false prophets (and bad trees)
Didn't I cast out devils in your name, Jesus? (I never knew you)
Obey Jesus (build your house on a rock)
8 Jesus cleans a leper
The centurion's servant
Peter's mother-in-law
Jesus casts out devils and heals the sick
Let the dead bury the dead (to hell with family values)
Jesus calms a storm
Jesus casts out more devils (and drowns some pigs)
9 A man with palsy
The call of Matthew
Why Jesus and his disciples didn't fast
The ruler's daughter and a woman with an issue of blood
Two blind men
A dumb man possessed with a devil
Jesus heals every sickness
10 The twelve apostles
The mission of the apostles
It'll be worse than Sodom and Gommorah
You'll be hated by everyone
Whom you should fear (the one who can send you to hell)
If you deny Jesus, he'll deny you (fair is fair)
Don't love your family (more than Jesus)
Be nice to Jesus's followers, and he'll be nice to you
11 John the Baptist: Should we look for another?
Jesus: John the Baptist is Elijah
Jesus condemns certain cities (The ones that didn't like his preaching)
Jesus: Thanks Father for hiding things from the wise (and revealing them to babies)
Come to Jesus
12 The disciples pluck grain on the sabbath
A man with a withered hand
God's chosen servant
Jesus and Beelzebub
The unforgivable sin (blasphemy against the Holy Ghost)
An evil and adulterous generation (asks for a sign)
The return of the unclean spirit
Jesus: Who is my mother?
13 The parable of the sower
The purpose of the parables (to confuse people)
Jesus explains the parable of the sower
Weeds and wheat
A mustard seed
Heaven is like yeast
The purpose of the parables (again)
Jesus explains the parable of the weeds
Three little parables
Jesus is rejected in his hometown
14 Herod: Jesus is the risen John the Baptist
The death of John the Baptist
Jesus feeds five thousand men
Jesus walks on water
Jesus heals the sick in Gennesaret
15 The Pharisees criticize Jesus's disciples (for not washing their hands before eating)
Jesus criticizes the Pharisees (for not killing disobedient children)
Things that defile a person
Jesus removes a devil from a Canaanite woman's daughter (after calling her a dog)
Jesus feeds four thousand men
16 A wicked and adulterous generation (asks for a sign)
The yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees
Peter declares Jesus to be Christ (and becomes the first pope)
Jesus fortells his death and resurrection (and calls Peter "Satan")
Jesus will come again soon (within the lifetime of some of his listeners)
17 The Transfiguration
John the Baptist is Elijah
Jesus heals a boy possessed by the devil
Jesus fortells his death (again)
Jesus pays his tribute (by taking a coin out of a fish's mouth)
18 Who is the greatest?
Cut off your hand and pluck out your eye (if they offend you)
The lost sheep
What to do with someone who trespasses against you
Special powers given to believers
How many times must we forgive? (490)
The parable of the cruel master
19 Divorce
Eunuchs
Little children
The rich young man
Abandon your family for Jesus (and you'll get 100x more and live forever)
20 The parable of the unfair employer
Jesus fortells his death (for the third time)
The mother of James and John ask Jesus for a favor (Special seats in heaven)
Two blind men
21 Jesus rides into Jerusalem (on an ass and a colt)
Jesus's temple tantrum
Jesus kills a fig tree (by cursing it)
Jesus stumps the chief priests and elders
The parable of two sons
A parable about a vineyard
22 The parable of the wedding banquet (and the psyco king)
Pay your taxes (and keep state and church separate)
There is no marriage in heaven
The greatest commandment
Jesus is not the son of David
23 Woe to scribes and Pharisees!
24 The end of the world
25 Heaven is like ten virgins
The cruel and unjust master
The sheep and the goats
26 Jesus predicts his death (for the fourth time)
The plot to kill Jesus
Jesus gets his head anointed (the poor get nothing)
Judas betrays Jesus (for thirty pieces of silver)
The Last Supper
Peter's promise (and Jesus's prediction)
Jesus prays at Gethsemane (while the disciples sleep)
Jesus is arrested
Jesus is taken to Caiaphas
Peter denies Jesus three times
27 Jesus is taken to Pontius Pilate
Judas hangs himself
Jesus is questioned by Pilate
The people prefer Barabbas to Jesus
The soldiers make fun of Jesus
Simon of Cyrene carries Jesus's cross
The soldiers give Jesus vinegar to drink (mixed with gall)
Jesus is crucified
The two thieves
Jesus dies
Earthquakes, zombies, and Jesus's burial
28 Jesus rises from the dead
The priests bribe the guards
Jesus appears to his disciples (but some doubted)