Thou must come in unto me; for surely I have hired thee with my son's mandrakes. And he lay with her that night. 30:16
Trivia: Who was the first drunk and naked preacher of righteousness?
7:1-101 And the LORD said unto Noah, Come thou and all thy house into the ark; for thee have I seen righteous before me in this generation.
2 Of every clean beast thou shalt take to thee by sevens, the male and his female: and of beasts that are not clean by two, the male and his female.
3 Of fowls also of the air by sevens, the male and the female; to keep seed alive upon the face of all the earth.
God said to Noah,
It's time for you and your family to get on the ark.
You're the only righteous person in this generation. [1]
Take seven of each clean beast [2] and fowl, and two of each unclean, male and female.
4 For yet seven days, and I will cause it to rain upon the earth forty days and forty nights; and every living substance that I have made will I destroy from off the face of the earth.
In seven days, I make it rain for forty days and nights, and I'll kill every living thing that I have made on the earth. [3]
5 And Noah did according unto all that the LORD commanded him.
6 And Noah was six hundred years old when the flood of waters was upon the earth.
Noah did what God told him to do.
He was 600 years old when the flood began.
7 And Noah went in, and his sons, and his wife, and his sons' wives with him, into the ark, because of the waters of the flood.
When it began to rain, Noah and his wife, and his sons and their wives boarded the ark.
8Of clean beasts, and of beasts that are not clean, and of fowls, and of every thing that creepeth upon the earth,
9There went in two and two unto Noah into the ark, the male and the female, as God had commanded Noah.
Noah took two of every beast, fowl, and creeping thing onto the ark. [4]
10 And it came to pass after seven days, that the waters of the flood were upon the earth.
7:11-2411In the six hundredth year of Noah's life, in the second month, the seventeenth day of the month, the same day were all the fountains of the great deep broken up, and the windows of heaven were opened.
When Noah was 600 years old [5] (on the 17th day of the second month), the foundations of the great deep broke up and the windows of heaven opened.
12 And the rain was upon the earth forty days and forty nights.
And it rained for forty days and forty nights.
13In the selfsame day entered Noah, and Shem, and Ham, and Japheth, the sons of Noah, and Noah's wife, and the three wives of his sons with them, into the ark;
14 They, and every beast after his kind, and all the cattle after their kind, and every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind, and every fowl after his kind, every bird of every sort.
Noah and his wife, Noah's sons (Shem, Ham, and Japheth) and their wives, and all the beasts, fowls, and creeping things of every kind entered the ark on the same day. [6]
15And they went in unto Noah into the ark, two and two of all flesh, wherein is the breath of life.
16 And they that went in, went in male and female of all flesh, as God had commanded him: and the LORD shut him in.
All of the animals went in by twos, a male and female of each species. [7]
And then Noah shut the ark's door.
17And the flood was forty days upon the earth; and the waters increased, and bare up the ark, and it was lift up above the earth.
18 And the waters prevailed, and were increased greatly upon the earth; and the ark went upon the face of the waters.
The flood lasted forty days. [8]
19 And the waters prevailed exceedingly upon the earth; and all the high hills, that were under the whole heaven, were covered.
20Fifteen cubits upward did the waters prevail; and the mountains were covered.
The flood covered the highest mountain tops (Mount Everest?) with fifteen cubits to spare. [9]
21 And all flesh died that moved upon the earth, both of fowl, and of cattle, and of beast, and of every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth, and every man:
22All in whose nostrils was the breath of life, of all that was in the dry land, died.
23 And every living substance was destroyed which was upon the face of the ground, both man, and cattle, and the creeping things, and the fowl of the heaven; and they were destroyed from the earth: and Noah only remained alive, and they that were with him in the ark.
24 And the waters prevailed upon the earth an hundred and fifty days.
The flood lasted 150 days. [11]
Noah doesn't seem too righteous in 9:20-21, when he gets drunk and lies around naked in front of God and everybody.
How did Noah know which animals were "clean" and "unclean" to God? (It wasn't defined until Leviticus was written.)
God repeats his intention to kill "every living substance ... from off the face of the earth."
But why does God kill all the innocent animals? What had they done to deserve his wrath? It seems God never gets his fill of tormenting animals.
Contrary to God's instructions in verses 2-3, Noah boarded two of each animal, clean and unclean, onto the ark.
This must have taken some time, along with expert knowledge of taxonomy, genetics, biogeography, and anatomy.
How did Noah manage to collect the endemic species from the New World, Australia, Polynesia, and other remote regions entirely unknown to him?
How, once he found them, did he transport them back to the ark? How could he tell the male and female beetles (there are more than 500,000 species) apart?
How did he know how to care for these new and unfamiliar animals?
How did he find the space on the ark?
How did he manage to find and care for the hundreds of thousands of parasitic species?
How did he obtain and care for the hundreds of thousands of species of plants? (Plants are ignored in the Genesis account, but the animals wouldn't last long after if the plants died in the flood.)
No, wait, don't tell me. A miracle happened. Millions of them.
Or was it the 950th year of his life, as the Quran says?
With a million or so species (There are more than a million known today.), the animals must have boarded at a rate of at least 10 pairs/second.
Where did all the water come from? Where did it all go? Why is there no evidence of such a massive flood in the geological record?
God drowned everything that breathes air.
From newborn babies to koala bears -- all creatures great and small, the Lord God drowned them all.
Slate Blogs the Bible by David Plotz
