Skeptic's Annotated Bible
Skeptic's Annotated Quran
Skeptic's Annotated Book of Mormon

1 Samuel

Introduction

A Topical Outline

Drunk With Blood

Triva Questions

Selected Verses

Absurdities
Cruelty and Violence
Injustice
Contradictions
Intolerance
Family Values
Women
Sex
Homosexuality
Interpretation
Language
Science and History
Good Stuff
Commandments

Drunk With Blood

Strange Flesh: The Bible and Homosexuality

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1 Samuel Trivia:

The First Book of Samuel

CHAPTERS

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31

Introduction

OUTLINE

1 Samuel's miraculous birth
2 Hannah's prayer
Eli's sons were sons of Belial
The boy Samuel ministers to God
Eli's sons have sex with women in the tabernacle
God will kill Eli's sons and make all his descendants die young
3 God appears to the boy Samuel (to tell Eli the bad news)
4 The Philistines kill 34,000 Israelites
The Philistines steal the ark (and kill Eli's sons)
5 The fall of Dagon
God smites the Philistines with hemorrhoids (in their secret parts)
6 Five golden hemorrhoids
God kills 50,070 Israelites for looking into the ark
7 God helps the Israelites smite the Philistines
8 Israel demands a king
9 God and Samuel select Saul as king
10 Saul is made king (after God found him hiding among the stuff)
11 The men of Jabesh make a deal with the Ammonites
Saul and he chops up some oxen (and sends the pieces to the twelve tribes of Israel)
Saul and 330,000 Israelites slaughter the Ammonites
12 Samuel has a conversation with everyone in Israel
Samuel and God make it thunder and rain
13 Saul blows a trumpet througout Israel
Saul sacrifices some animals (and loses his kingdom for it)
14 Jonathan's first slaughter
God forces the Philistines to kill each other
Saul's curse, God's lottery, and more killings
15 The Amalekite (incomplete) genocide
God rejects Saul as king (for not killing all the Amalekites)
Samuel hacks Agag to death before the Lord
16 God chooses David as king
An evil spirit from God plagues Saul (and David makes it go away)
17 David kills Goliath
18 Jonathan and David (were lovers?)
Saul and David compete (to see who can kill more people)
David buys a wife (with 200 Philistine foreskins)
19 Saul tries to kill David
Saul, the naked prophet
20 The special relationship between Jonathan and David
21 David flees to Nob (and lies to get holy bread and Goliath's sword)
David flees to Gath (where he acts insane)
22 David flees to the cave Adullam
Saul kills the priests, people, and animals of Nob
23 God tells David to smite the Philistines
God warns David (via ephod) about Saul
Jonathan and David have a secret meeting
Saul chases David around a mountain
24 David cuts off Saul's skirt (while he's going to the bathroom)
David and Saul make up (and give long speeches)
25 David threatens Nabal
Abigail meets David
God kills Nabal
David takes Abigail for a wife (and Ahinoam)
26 David takes Saul's spear and water while he's sleeping
27 David commits random acts of genocide for the Philistines
28 Saul visits a woman from Endor
Samuel rises from the dead to give Saul the bad news
29 David wanted to fight with the Philistines against the Israelites
(but the Philistines wouldn't let him)
30 The Amalekites attack Ziklag (and the people decide to stone David)
David asks God what to do (God tells him to go kill the Amalekites)
David slaughters the Amalekites (and gets back all his stuff)
31 Saul and his sons die (as predicted by the ghost of Samuel)