And Saul blew the trumpet throughout all the land, saying, Let the Hebrews hear. 13:3
The Bible in Fewer Words - 1 Samuel (16)
Absurdity (72)
Cruelty & Violence (50)
Injustice (46)
Contradictions (38)
Family Values (18)
Intolerance (15)
Women (10)
Homosexuality (7)
Interpretation (7)
Science (5)
Sex (5)
Language (4)
The First Book of Samuel
1 Samuel's miraculous birth (1-28)
Eli's sons were sons of Belial (11-17)
The boy Samuel ministers to God (18-21)
Eli's sons have sex with women in the tabernacle (22-26)
God will kill Eli's sons and make all his descendants die young (27-36)
3 God appears to the boy Samuel (to tell Eli the bad news) (1-21)
4 The Philistines kill 34,000 Israelites (1-21)
The Philistines steal the ark (and kill Eli's sons) (11-22)
God smites the Philistines with hemorrhoids (in their secret parts) (6-12)
6 Five golden hemorrhoids (1-18)
God kills 50,070 Israelites for looking into the ark (19-21)
7 God helps the Israelites smite the Philistines (1-17)
8 Israel demands a king (1-22)
9 God and Samuel select Saul as king (1-27)
10 Saul is made king (after God found him hiding among the stuff) (1-27)
11 The men of Jabesh make a deal with the Ammonites (1-5)
Saul chops up some oxen (and sends the pieces to the twelve tribes of Israel) (6-10)
Saul and 330,000 Israelites slaughter the Ammonites (11-15)
12 Samuel has a conversation with everyone in Israel (1-15)
Samuel and God make it thunder and rain (16-25)
13 Saul blows a trumpet throughout Israel (1-6)
Saul sacrifices some animals (and loses his kingdom for it) (7-23)
14 Jonathan's first slaughter (1-14)
God forces the Philistines to kill each other (15-23)
The honey curse (24-52)
15 The Amalekite (incomplete) genocide (1-9)
God rejects Saul as king (for not killing all the Amalekites) (10-31)
Samuel hacks Agag to death before the Lord (32-35)
16 God chooses David as king (1-13)
An evil spirit from God plagues Saul (and David makes it go away) (14-23)
18 Jonathan and David (were lovers?) (1-4)
Saul and David compete (to see who can kill more people) (5-16)
David buys a wife (with 200 Philistine foreskins) (17-31)
19 Saul tries to kill David (1-17)
Saul, the naked prophet (18-24)
20 The special relationship between Jonathan and David (1-42)
21 David flees to Nob (and lies to get holy bread and Goliath's sword) (1-9)
David flees to Gath (where he acts insane) (10-15)
22 David flees to the cave Adullam (1-5)
Saul kills the priests, people, and animals of Nob (6-23)
23 God tells David to smite the Philistines (1-5)
God warns David (via ephod) about Saul (6-12)
Jonathan and David have a secret meeting (13-18)
Saul chases David around a mountain (19-29)
24 David cuts off Saul's skirt (while he's going to the bathroom) (1-4)
David and Saul make up (and give long speeches) (6-22)
25 David threatens Nabal (1-13)
Abigail meets David (14-35)
God kills Nabal (36-38)
David takes Abigail for a wife (And Ahinoam) (39-44)
26 David takes Saul's spear and water while he's sleeping (and Saul is very impressed) (1-25)
27 David commits random acts of genocide for the Philistines (1-12)
28 Saul visits a woman from Endor (1-10)
Samuel rises from the dead to give Saul the bad news (11-25)
29 David wanted to fight with the Philistines against the Israelites (but the Philistines wouldn't let him) (1-11)
30 The Amalekites attack Ziklag (and the people decide to stone David) (1-6)
David asks God what to do (God tells him to go kill the Amalekites) (7-8)
David slaughters the Amalekites (and gets back all his stuff) (9-31)
31 Saul and his sons die (as predicted by the ghost of Samuel) (1-13)
