They gathered the bones of them that were hanged ... And after that God was intreated for the land. 21:13
The Bible in Fewer Words - 2 Samuel (14)
Absurdity (54)
Injustice (44)
Cruelty & Violence (42)
Contradictions (31)
Family Values (21)
Women (16)
Sex (9)
Science (8)
Interpretation (5)
Intolerance (3)
Homosexuality (2)
Boring stuff (1)
Prophecy (1)
The Second Book of Samuel
1 David kills the messenger (a kind Amalekite) (1-16)
The song of the bow (and the love of Jonathan) (17-27)
2 David becomes king of Judah (1-7)
Ishbosheth becomes king of Israel (8-11)
The young men "play" before Abner and Joab (12-16)
Squabbles between Judah and Israel (17-32)
3 David impregnates six women (1-5)
Abner revolts against Ishbosheth (6-11)
David steals Michal from her husband (12-16)
Joab kills Abner (17-39)
4 Baanah and Rechab kill Ishbosheth (1-6)
Ishbosheth's head is brought to David (7-8)
David kills Rechab and Baanah, cuts off their hands and feet, and hangs their bodies over the pool (9-12)
5 David becomes king of Israel (1-5)
David occupies Jerusalem, calling it "The City of David" (6-12)
David takes more wives and concubines (13-16)
God helps David smite the Philistines (twice) (17-25)
6 God kills Uzzah for protecting the ark (1-7)
David dances nearly naked in front of God and everybody (8-15)
Michal is disgusted by David's performance (16-23)
7 David, God, and Nathan talk about houses and stuff (1-29 1 Chr 17)
8 God gave David victory wherever he went (1-18)
9 David finds someone in Saul's family to be kind to (for Jonathan's sake) (1-13)
10 David fights Ammon and Syria (1-19)
11 David sends Joab to destroy the Ammonites (1)
David impregnates Bathsheba (2-5)
David has Uriah killed (6-25)
David marries Bathsheba and she has a son (16-27)
God kills a baby (15-23)
David comforts Bathsheba and Solomon is born (24-25)
David tortures the children of Ammon (26-31)
13 Amnon rapes his half-sister Tamar (1-19)
Absalom kills Amnon for raping his sister (20-39)
Absalom comes home to Jerusalem (21-33)
15 Absalom conspires against David (1-12)
David runs away (leaving his concubines to keep house) (13-37)
16 Ziba and David meet again (1-4)
Shimei curses and throws stones at David (5-14)
Absalom has sex with his father's ten concubines (in front of all the people) (15-23)
Hushai's plan (5-13)
Hushai's plan is accepted (so God could bring evil on Absalom) (14)
David is warned (15-22)
Ahithophel hangs himself (23-29)
18 David's men fight Absalom, killing 20,000 Israelites (1-8)
Absalom is killed (9-33)
19 David crosses the Jordan River (1-43)
David punishes his concubines (for being publicly raped by his son Absalom) (3)
Joab murders Amasa (by smiting him under the fifth rib) (4-14)
Sheba is decapitated (and his head is thrown over the wall) (15-26)
21 Seven of Saul's sons are hung up before the Lord (to end a famine) (1-14)
More wars and giant killing (15-22)
23 David's (next to the) last words (1-7)
David's 36 (or 37) mighty men (8-39)
24 God tells David to have a census (1-9)
God kills 70,000 men because of David's census (10-25)
