0 SAB - Drunk with Blood: God's killings in 2 Samuel

I kill ... I wound ... I will make mine arrows drunk with blood, and my sword shall devour flesh. Deuteronomy 32:39-42

God's Killings in 1 Kings

First Kings begins with Solomon murdering Job and Shimei, in accordance with the deathbed wish of his father, David. After that, the killings really get weird.

God sent a lion to kill a prophet for believing another prophet's lie. Then he sent another lion to kill a man for not smiting a prophet. God killed King Ahab for not killing a captured king, and killed 450 losers of a prayer contest with Elijah. He killed 100,000 Syrians for calling him a god of the hills, and 27,000 soldiers by having a wall fall on them.

Because God thought Jeroboam was the worst person in the world (1 Kings 14:9), he killed his son and entire family ("everyone that pissed against the wall"). Then God punished the guy (Baasha) who killed Jeroboam's family -- not by killing Baasha, but by killing all of his wall-pissing family and friends. Finally, Zimri, who killed Baasha's family and friends, burned to death for doing "evil in the sight of the Lord."

Here are the killings in 1 Kings:

  1. Solomon carried out the deathbed wish of David by having Joab and Shimei murdered
  2. A tale of two prophets
  3. Jeroboam's son: God kills another child
  4. Jeroboam's family
  5. Baasha's family and friends
  6. Zimri burns to death
  7. God kills Hiel's sons
  8. The drought of Elijah
  9. Elijah kills 450 religious leaders in a prayer contest
  10. The first God-assisted slaughter of the Syrians
  11. God killed 100,000 Syrians for calling him a God of the hills
  12. God killed 27,000 Syrians with a falling wall
  13. God sent a lion to kill a man for not smiting a prophet
  14. God killed Ahab for not killing a captured king

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