0 SAB Exodus 12

And the magicians did so with their enchantments, and brought up frogs upon the land of Egypt. 8:7

Trivia: Who said he had uncircumcised lips?



God finds a way to avoid killing the wrong children


1 And the LORD spake unto Moses and Aaron in the land of Egypt saying,

2 This month shall be unto you the beginning of months: it shall be the first month of the year to you.

God said to Moses,
This month will be the first month of the year to you.

3 Speak ye unto all the congregation of Israel, saying, In the tenth day of this month they shall take to them every man a lamb, according to the house of their fathers, a lamb for an house:

4 And if the household be too little for the lamb, let him and his neighbour next unto his house take it according to the number of the souls; every man according to his eating shall make your count for the lamb.

5Your lamb shall be without blemish, a male of the first year: ye shall take it out from the sheep, or from the goats:

On the tenth day of this month, every family must select an unblemished, first-year, male lamb or goat.

6 And ye shall keep it up until the fourteenth day of the same month: and the whole assembly of the congregation of Israel shall kill it in the evening.

7 And they shall take of the blood, and strike it on the two side posts and on the upper door post of the houses, wherein they shall eat it.

On the evening of the fourteenth day, kill the animal and wipe some of its blood on the sides and top of the door posts.

8 And they shall eat the flesh in that night, roast with fire, and unleavened bread; and with bitter herbs they shall eat it.

Then roast its flesh and eat it with unleavened bread and bitter herbs.

9 Eat not of it raw, nor sodden at all with water, but roast with fire; his head with his legs, and with the purtenance thereof.

Don't eat it raw or sodden, but roasted, with his head, legs, and internal organs.

10 And ye shall let nothing of it remain until the morning; and that which remaineth of it until the morning ye shall burn with fire.

Don't let any of it remain until morning. (But if anything does remain, burn it with fire.)

11 And thus shall ye eat it; with your loins girded, your shoes on your feet, and your staff in your hand; and ye shall eat it in haste: it is the LORD's passover.

Eat it with your loins girded, your shoes on your feet, and your staff in your hand.

Eat it quickly. It's God's passover.

12 For I will pass through the land of Egypt this night, and will smite all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both man and beast; and against all the gods of Egypt I will execute judgment: I am the LORD.

I will pass through Egypt, killing all the firstborn men and animals.

In this way I will judge the gods of Egypt. [1]

I am God.

13 And the blood shall be to you for a token upon the houses where ye are: and when I see the blood, I will pass over you, and the plague shall not be upon you to destroy you, when I smite the land of Egypt.

As I pass over Egypt, I'll see the blood on your door posts and I'll pass over you.

That way I'll know not to kill your firstborn men or animals. [2]

Passover laws


14 And this day shall be unto you for a memorial; and ye shall keep it a feast to the LORD throughout your generations; ye shall keep it a feast by an ordinance for ever.

15Seven days shall ye eat unleavened bread; even the first day ye shall put away leaven out of your houses: for whosoever eateth leavened bread from the first day until the seventh day, that soul shall be cut off from Israel.

16 And in the first day there shall be an holy convocation, and in the seventh day there shall be an holy convocation to you; no manner of work shall be done in them, save that which every man must eat, that only may be done of you.

17 And ye shall observe the feast of unleavened bread; for in this selfsame day have I brought your armies out of the land of Egypt: therefore shall ye observe this day in your generations by an ordinance for ever.

18 In the first month, on the fourteenth day of the month at even, ye shall eat unleavened bread, until the one and twentieth day of the month at even.

19 Seven days shall there be no leaven found in your houses for whosoever eateth that which is leavened, even that soul shall be cut off from the congregation of Israel, whether he be a stranger, or born in the land.

20 Ye shall eat nothing leavened; in all your habitations shall ye eat unleavened bread.

God continues talking to Moses, saying,

This day shall be a memorial to you.

You must keep it by law forever.

For seven days you must eat unleavened bread [3], and you must remove all leaven from your houses.

Whoever eats leaven bread during this time must be cut off from Israel.

There will be holy convocations on the first and seventh days.

No one may do any work on these days.

21 Then Moses called for all the elders of Israel, and said unto them, Draw out and take you a lamb according to your families, and kill the passover.

Moses called the elders and said to them,
Each family must select and kill a lamb.

22 And ye shall take a bunch of hyssop, and dip it in the blood that is in the bason, and strike the lintel and the two side posts with the blood that is in the bason; and none of you shall go out at the door of his house until the morning.

And they must take some hyssop and dip it in the lamb's blood and smear it on the top and sides of the door.

23 For the LORD will pass through to smite the Egyptians; and when he seeth the blood upon the lintel, and on the two side posts, the LORD will pass over the door, and will not suffer the destroyer to come in unto your houses to smite you.

Because God will pass through and kill the Egyptians, but when he sees the blood on the door posts, he'll pass over your house without killing you.

24 And ye shall observe this thing for an ordinance to thee and to thy sons for ever.

25 And it shall come to pass, when ye be come to the land which the LORD will give you, according as he hath promised, that ye shall keep this service.

You must observe this thing as a law forever.

26 And it shall come to pass, when your children shall say unto you, What mean ye by this service?

27 That ye shall say, It is the sacrifice of the LORD's passover, who passed over the houses of the children of Israel in Egypt, when he smote the Egyptians, and delivered our houses. And the people bowed the head and worshipped.

28 And the children of Israel went away, and did as the LORD had commanded Moses and Aaron, so did they.

When your children ask you, "Why are you doing this?", you will say to them, "Because God passed over our houses when he was killing Egyptians and didn't kill any of us."
The tenth plague:
God kills all the Egyptian firstborn children and animals


29 And it came to pass, that at midnight the LORD smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh that sat on his throne unto the firstborn of the captive that was in the dungeon; and all the firstborn of cattle.

At midnight, God killed all the firstborn children (and cattle [4]) in Egypt.

30 And Pharaoh rose up in the night, he, and all his servants, and all the Egyptians; and there was a great cry in Egypt; for there was not a house where there was not one dead.

There was a great cry throughout Egypt, because there wasn't a single house in which there wasn't one dead child. [5]

31 And he called for Moses and Aaron by night, and said, Rise up, and get you forth from among my people, both ye and the children of Israel; and go, serve the LORD, as ye have said.

The Pharaoh called Moses and said to him,
Get up and get out of Egypt. Go serve God, like you've said you wanted to.

32 Also take your flocks and your herds, as ye have said, and be gone; and bless me also.

33 And the Egyptians were urgent upon the people, that they might send them out of the land in haste; for they said, We be all dead men.

34 And the people took their dough before it was leavened, their kneadingtroughs being bound up in their clothes upon their shoulders.

And take all your children and animals with you. Leave now and bless me, too.

35 And the children of Israel did according to the word of Moses; and they borrowed of the Egyptians jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment:

36 And the LORD gave the people favour in the sight of the Egyptians, so that they lent unto them such things as they required. And they spoiled the Egyptians.

The Israelites, following Moses and God's instructions, steal jewels and clothing from the Egyptians. [6]

The Israelites begin their Exodus from Egypt

37 And the children of Israel journeyed from Rameses to Succoth, about six hundred thousand on foot that were men, beside children.

38 And a mixed multitude went up also with them; and flocks, and herds, even very much cattle.

39 And they baked unleavened cakes of the dough which they brought forth out of Egypt, for it was not leavened; because they were thrust out of Egypt, and could not tarry, neither had they prepared for themselves any victual.

The Israelites left Egypt, with 600,000 men [7], a multitude of farm animals, and lots of unleavened bread. (They didn't have time to make it leavened, since they were in such a hurry leaving Egypt.)

40Now the sojourning of the children of Israel, who dwelt in Egypt, was four hundred and thirty years.

41 And it came to pass at the end of the four hundred and thirty years, even the selfsame day it came to pass, that all the hosts of the LORD went out from the land of Egypt.

The Israelites were in Egypt for 430 years. [8]

42 It is a night to be much observed unto the LORD for bringing them out from the land of Egypt: this is that night of the LORD to be observed of all the children of Israel in their generations.

More Passover laws
(Because you can never have too many)


43And the LORD said unto Moses and Aaron, This is the ordinance of the passover: There shall no stranger eat thereof:

44But every man's servant that is bought for money, when thou hast circumcised him, then shall he eat thereof.

45A foreigner and an hired servant shall not eat thereof.

God said to Moses,

This is my law: No stranger or foreigner may eat the passover.

(But circumcised slaves are okay.) [9]

46 In one house shall it be eaten; thou shalt not carry forth ought of the flesh abroad out of the house; neither shall ye break a bone thereof.

47 All the congregation of Israel shall keep it.

Don't break any bones of the animal that you kill on passover.

48 And when a stranger shall sojourn with thee, and will keep the passover to the LORD, let all his males be circumcised, and then let him come near and keep it; and he shall be as one that is born in the land: for no uncircumcised person shall eat thereof.

49 One law shall be to him that is homeborn, and unto the stranger that sojourneth among you.

50 Thus did all the children of Israel; as the LORD commanded Moses and Aaron, so did they.

51 And it came to pass the selfsame day, that the LORD did bring the children of Israel out of the land of Egypt by their armies.

And make sure any male strangers get circumcised before eating the passover meal.

No uncircumcised person may eat the passover meal. [10]

VegetableEMPEROR5 months ago

Passover: When God decided to commit genocide on the Egyptian people, God tells Moses to instruct the Israelites to smear unblemished boy-lamb blood on their door posts so that God would know which houses are to be saved and which are to be ravaged. If God saw the blood at a house, he'd "pass over" it and go to the next in his hunt for Egyptian firstborns.

I had to look up the origin of the name "Passover" because it just couldn't be in reference to God's bloodlust, but, of course, I was wrong. The Jewish people recognize the holiday as the emancipation of the Jewish people from Egyptian slavery, which is great, but I don't understand the reverence for God's way of accomplishing it. There's no-one of the faith who thinks that God had plenty of other options for setting the Israelites free?

God HAD to play telephone with Moses and Aaron and the Pharaoh to get his word out? God HAD to not plague once, but ten times to make his point? God HAD to keep dicking around with the Pharaoh's heart for no other reason than to be an egomaniacal show-off? Why not show-off some good things? If he MUST kill, why not just take out the Pharaoh and save the Egyptian people a hell of a lot of trouble and pain? God can't detect Israelite dwellings from Egyptian ones without the aid of pure lamb blood? God can't emancipate his own people without mass-executing babies? God's obsession with bread is bizarre to say the least.

God loves taking a sledgehammer to flies and we're not even halfway through this awful book of the Bible yet.


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