0 Skeptics Annotated Bible highlights list

He hath Beelzebub, and by the prince of the devils casteth he out devils. Mark 3:22

Trivia: In Mark 16, what five signs did Jesus say would identify his followers?

    THE SONG OF SOLOMON

  1. "How much better is thy love than wine!" 4:10
  2. "Come ... blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his pleasant fruits." 4:16
  3. "I have drunk my wine ... O friends; drink, yea, drink abundantly." 5:1
  4. "Open to me, my sister, my love, my dove, my undefiled." 5:2
  5.  "My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him." 5:4
  6. "I opened to my beloved; but my beloved had withdrawn himself." 5:6
  7. "The joints of thy thighs are like jewels." 7:1
  8. "Thy navel is like a round goblet, which wanteth not liquor: thy belly is like an heap of wheat set about with lilies." 7:2
  9.  "Thy breasts shall be as clusters of the vine." 7:8
  10. "I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate." 8:2
  11. ISAIAH

  12.  "We have a little sister, and she hath no breasts ... [But] my breasts [are] like towers." 8:8, 10 Isaiah
  13. "When ye spread forth your hands, I will hide mine eyes from you: yea, when ye make many prayers, I will not hear." 1:15
  14. "God will "smite with a scab the crown of the head of the daughters of Zion" because he dislikes the way they dress and walk. 3:16
  15. "The Lord will discover their secret parts." 3:17
  16. "The Lord shall hiss for the fly ... and for the bee." 7:18
  17. God will make every man kill his brother and then force him to eat "the flesh of his own arm." 9:19-20
  18. "He shall smite the earth: with the rod of his mouth, and with the breath of his lips shall he slay the wicked." 11:4
  19. If God can find you, he will "thrust you through," smash your children "to pieces" before your eyes, and rape your wife. 13:15-18
  20. "Prepare slaughter for his children for the iniquity of their fathers." 14:21
  21. "Out of the serpent's root shall come forth a cockatrice, and his fruit shall be a fiery flying serpent." 14:29
  22. Every head will be bald, every beard will be shaved, and everyone will howl and weep abundantly. 15:2-3
  23. "Wherefore my bowels shall sound like an harp." 16:11
  24. God will ride in on a cloud and scare the hell out of the Egyptians. 19:1
  25. God sends a "perverse spirit" among the Egyptians and causes them to err "as a drunken man staggereth in his vomit." 19:14
  26. God tells Isaiah to take off all his clothes and to wander around completely naked for three years as a "sign and a wonder." 20:2-5
  27. "Therefore are my loins filled with pain ... I was dismayed at the seeing of it." 21:3
  28. "She shall turn to her hire, and shall commit fornication with all the kingdoms of the world ... and her hire shall be holiness to the LORD." 23:17-18
  29. The Apocalypse of Isaiah: God will destroy the earth, burning everyone and every living thing alive (except maybe a few men). 24:1-6
  30. "The earth shall reel to and fro like a drunkard ... it shall fall, and not rise again." 24:20
  31. "All tables are full of vomit and filthiness." 28:8
  32. "Thou shalt cast them away as a menstrous cloth." 30:22
  33. "The light of the moon shall be as the light of the sun, and the light of the sun shall be sevenfold." 30:26
  34. "The Lord ... will bring evil." 31:1-2
  35. "Tremble, ye women that are at ease ... strip you, and make you bare." 32:11
  36. "There stink shall come up out of their carcasses, and the mountains shall be melted with their blood." 34:2-3
  37. God's sword is "filled with blood." He plans to kill so many people that the "land will be soaked with blood." 34:5-8
  38. "That they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you." 36:12
  39. God will "go forth as a mighty man" who cries and roars, and "will cry like a travailing woman." 42:13
  40. God created evil. 45:7
  41. "Make bare the leg, uncover the thigh ... Thy nakedness shall be uncovered." 47:2-3
  42. God will force people to "eat their own flesh" and be "drunken with their own blood." 49:26
  43. "Thou shalt also suck the milk of the Gentiles, and shalt suck the breast of kings." 60:16
  44. God's clothes will get stained with the blood of humans. 63:3-6
  45. God will "plead with all flesh" with his fire and sword. "And the slain of the Lord shall be many." 66:16
  46. JEREMIAH

  47. The carcasses of those killed by God will be piled high. They will rot and burn forever. 66:24 Jeremiah
  48. Circumcise the foreskin of your heart or God will burn you to death. 4:4
  49. He will bring evil to entire cities, destroying all their inhabitants. 4:6-8
  50. He will send lions, wolves, and leopards to tear people to pieces. 5:6
  51. He just can't hold in his fury any longer. He will kill everyone: husbands and wives, children and old people. 6:11
  52. He will punish the men by taking away their property, including their wives, and giving it to others. 6:12
  53. He will kill pretty much everyone: fathers and sons, family, friends, and neighbors. He plans to kill them all after laying a stumbling block before them. 6:21
  54. He will pour out his anger on both man and beast. Not even the trees will be spared from his wrath. And the ground itself will burn forever. 7:20
  55. He will feed people to the birds and the beasts and no one will scare them away. 7:33
  56. He will cover the earth with dead bodies that will not be buried. "They shall be for dung upon the face of the earth." 8:2
  57. People will choose to kill themselves, rather than be killed by their vicious God. 8:3
  58. To punish men, he will "give their wives unto others." 8:10
  59. He will send serpents to cockatrices to bite you. 8:17
  60. He will give the people bad food and water, and then kill them with a sword. 9:15-16
  61. He will kill children and young men, and the dead bodies "shall fall as dung .... and none shall gather them." 9:21-22
  62. He is the source of evil. 11:11, 16:10-11, 19:3, 23:12, 26:3,13,19, 32:42, 35:17, 36:3, 36:31, 40:2, 42:10, 44:2, 45:5, 49:37, 51:64
  63. He forbids others from praying for his victims. Such prayers would be useless anyway, he says, because he "will not hear them in their time of trouble." 11:14
  64. He will punish people by killing their young men in war and starving their children to death. 11:22
  65. His sword will "devour" everyone until "no flesh shall have peace." 12:12
  66. He will make everyone drunk and then "dash the fathers and the sons together." He vows to "not pity, nor spare, nor have mercy, but destroy them." 13:13-14
  67. He tells Jeremiah not to pray for the people. God has decided to kill them all and he doesn't want to be talked out of it. 14:11-12, 15:1
  68. God promises to kill everyone by war, starvation, and disease. 14:12, 24:10, 29:17-18, 42:17-18, 22
  69. He will destroy by famine and sword those who are misled by the prophets. 14:16
  70. He plans to kill people with swords, tear their flesh with dogs, and feed their bodies to the birds and beasts. Why? Because of something some former king did. 15:2-4
  71. He will kill children, make more widows than there are grains of sand, terrorize cities, and then kill the survivors. 15:7-9
  72. He told Jeremiah not to get married or have children, because he will kill everyone (mothers and daughters, fathers and sons). They all "shall die of grievous deaths," and shall neither "be lamented" nor buried, but "shall be as dung upon the face of the earth." For he has removed peace, "lovingkindness," and mercy from the people. 16:1-7
  73. When the people ask why God is killing everyone, he answers by saying, "Because your fathers have forsaken me." 16:10
  74. He will make parents eat their own children, and friends eat each other. 19:7-9
  75. He will kill everyone, "both man and beast," with a "great pestilence." 21:6
  76. He will force all of Israel to get drunk. Then, he'll kill them all with a sword. 25:27-29
  77. He will kill so many people that the entire earth will be covered with their dead bodies. No one is to mourn them or even bury them, "they shall be as dung upon the ground." 25:33
  78. He will bring evil on all flesh. 45:5
  79. On the day of the Lord, God's sword will become drunk with blood. 46:10
  80. He plans to kill just about everybody. "No city shall escape" and "cursed be he that keepeth back his sword from blood." 48:8-10
  81. He will cause the daughters of Rabbah to be burned to death. 49:2
  82. He will "break in pieces" pretty much everyone and everything he can think of. 51:21-23
  83. He will get the Babylonians drunk and then kill them all, leading them "like lambs to the slaughter." 51:39-40
  84. LAMENTATIONS

  85. God will force the Babylonians to get so drunk that they die from alcohol poisoning. 51:57 Lamentations
  86. Jerusalem is compared to a naked woman who sighs and turns backward. "Her filthiness is in her skirts." 1:8-9
  87. The adversary puts his hand upon "all her pleasant things." 1:10
  88. "The LORD hath trodden the virgin ... as in a winepress." 1:15
  89. "Jerusalem is as a menstrous woman." (To God this is an insult.) 1:17
  90. ""He hath bent his bow like an enemy ... and slew all that were pleasant to the eye ... he poured out his fury like fire." 2:4
  91. God mercilessly kills everyone, young and old. He even causes women to eat their children. 2:20-22
  92. He is like a bear or a lion who secretly pursues you and then tears you apart. 3:10-11
  93. He shoots people with his bow and breaks their teeth with stones. 3:13-16
  94. "Out of the mouth of the most High proceedeth not evil and good?" (Mostly evil, I'd say -- at least if you believe the Bible.) 3:38
  95. "Thou hast slain, thou hast not pitied." 3:43
  96. "Thou hast covered thyself with a cloud, that our prayer should not pass through." 3:44
  97. He "accomplishes his fury" on the Israelites by starving children to death and forcing their mothers to eat them. 4:4-11
  98. EZEKIEL

  99. Rejoice and be glad, O daughter of Edom ... Thou shalt be drunken, and shalt make thyself naked." (When God gets angry at you he calls you a drunken whore.) 4:21 Ezekiel
  100. Ezekiel sees God's loins ("the glory of the Lord"), which were on fire. 1:27, 8:2
  101. At God's command, Ezekiel eats a book that tastes as sweet as honey. 2:9 - 3:3
  102. If a good person does something wrong after God "lays a stumbling block before him," God will kill him. "He shall die in his sin" and whatever good he has done will be forgotten. 3:20, 18:24-26
  103. The spirit (of God?) enters Ezekiel, ties him up, and makes his tongue stick to the roof of his mouth so that he could no longer speak. 3:24-26
  104. God makes Ezekiel lay on his right side for 390 days, and then on his left side for another 40 days. 4:4-8
  105. He tells Ezekiel to bake and eat bread that is made with the "dung that cometh out of man." 4:12
  106. He tells him to shave his head and beard, divide the cut hair into thirds, burn one portion, smite the second with a knife, and scatter the third in the wind. 5:1-3
  107. He will force fathers to eat their sons and sons to eat their fathers and will cause every man's sword to be against his brother. 5:10, 38:21-23
  108. God will slaughter everyone by killing one third with plagues, one third with famines, and one third with wars. If any somehow survive, he'll send "evil beasts" to devour them. Finally, after he's done killing, he "will be comforted." 5:11-17
  109. He plans to kill everyone with plagues, famines, and wars. If any survive, he'll send beasts to devour them. He will decorate the land with human bones and dead bodies. 5:17, 6:5
  110. He tells Ezekiel to clap his hands and stamp his feet while saying, "they shall fall by the sword, by the famine, and by the pestilence." 6:11
  111. "The end is come upon the four corners of the land ... Now is the end come." 7:3-6
  112. God will pour out his fury on everyone, with pity toward none. By so doing he says that "ye shall know that I am the Lord that smiteth." 7:3-11
  113. He is mad at everyone and no one will escape his wrath. He'll kill them all -- good and bad, just and unjust -- with war, disease, and starvation. He will ignore them when they beg for mercy. "Horror shall cover them" and "they shall know that I am the Lord." 7:14-27, 8:18, 21:3-5
  114. A detached hand grabbed Ezekiel by the hair and raised him up between heaven and earth. 8:3
  115. God marks the foreheads of the men who will be saved. All of the women and unmarked men will be slaughtered. He will "fill the courts with the slain" and will have pity on no one. 9:4
  116. God will kill nearly everyone in one way or another (sword, famine, pestilence), but he'll leave a few men standing "to declare their abominations among the heathen." 12:15-16
  117. He dislikes women and pillows. "Woe to the women that sew pillows ... behold, I am against your pillows." 13:17-21
  118. He deceives some of his prophets and then kills them for believing his lies. 14:9, 20:25
  119. He dresses up Jerusalem, cleans off the blood that she was wallowing in, and compliments her on her nice hair and breasts. 16:8
  120. Seeing that it is the time for love, God spreads his skirt over Jerusalem to cover her nakedness. 16:8
  121. After exposing her nakedness, God will give her "blood in fury and jealousy" and strip her naked once more. Then he'll have her stoned "with stones and thrust through with swords." 16:38-41
  122. His ex-girlfriend (Jerusalem) had sex with every man that passed by. She especially liked the Egyptians with big penises. If no one was available, she "committed whoredom" with "images of men." 16:15-26
  123. A just man never gets near a menstruating woman. 18:5-6
  124. "For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses." 23:20
  125. "They shall take away thy nose and thine ears ... Thou shalt ... pluck off thine own breasts: for I have spoken it, saith the Lord." 23:25, 34
  126. God gets all excited about cooking human flesh and "scum." 24:3-10
  127. He killed Ezekiel's wife to demonstrate his intention to kill the Israelites' children. Just as God told Ezekiel not to mourn his wife's death, God forbids the parents to mourn the death of their children. 24:15-24
  128. God will vex hearts, destroy nations, brandish his sword, kill animals, and cause floods. In this way people will come to know him. 32:9-15
  129. If a "righteous" person does something wrong, God will forget every good thing that that person has ever done. Then God will kill him for the single mistake. 33:12-13
  130. He showed Ezekiel how to join together dead people's bones and then bring them back to life. (The leg bone connected to the thigh bone.) 37:7-10
  131. DANIEL

  132. He is preparing a feast for the birds and beasts. They will eat human flesh until they're full and drink human blood until they're drunk. 39:4, 17-20 Daniel
  133. Nebuchadnezzar decrees that anyone who says anything against the Hebrew god "shall be cut in pieces, and their houses shall become a dunghill." 3:29
  134.  Daniel's dream tree is tall enough to see to the end of the earth. Only on a flat earth would this be possible. 4:10-11
  135.  Nebuchadnezzar eats grass, grows hair like eagle feathers, and has nails like bird claws. 4:32-33
  136. A detached hand writes upon a wall. 5:5-6
  137. HOSEA

  138.  Nebuchadnezzar orders those who accused Daniel (including their wives and children) to be cast into the lions den. 6:24 Hosea
  139. God told Hosea to commit adultery, saying "take ... a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms" because the land has "committed great whoredom." So Hosea did as God commanded and "took" a wife named Gomer. 1:2-3
  140. He told Hosea to name his baby girl "Loruhamah," which means unloved. 1:6
  141. Hosea tells his children that their mother is a whore who is not his wife. He asks them to tell their mother to "put away her whoredoms" and "her adulteries from between her breasts" or he'll "strip her naked ... and slay her with thirst." 2:2-3
  142. God will not have mercy upon children if they are the children of whoredoms. 2:4-5
  143. "Now will I discover her lewdness in the sight of her lovers, and none shall deliver her out of mine hand." 2:10
  144. God tells Hosea to love an adulteress. So Hosea buys (another?) wife for a homer and a half of barley. 3:1-2
  145. Committing whoredom by going a whoring with the spirit of whoredom. 4:10-12, 5:3-4
  146. ;If you misbehave, God will make your daughters "commit whoredom" and your wife "commit adultery." 4:13
  147. Even more whoredom! "They have committed whoredom continually." 4:14-18
  148. More lewdness and whoredom. 6:9-10
  149. "I will send a fire upon his cities." 8:14
  150. "Thou hast gone a whoring from thy God, thou hast loved a reward upon every cornfloor." 9:1
  151. "The prophet is a fool, the spiritual man is mad." 9:7
  152. "Though they bring up their children, yet will I bereave them." 9:12
  153. "O Lord: what wilt thou give? give them a miscarrying womb and dry breasts." 9:14
  154. "Yea, though they bring forth, yet will I slay even the beloved fruit of their womb." 9:16
  155. God will punish Israel by "dashing" together mothers and their children. 10:14
  156. "The LORD ... shall roar like a lion." 11:10
  157. God will rip humans apart and eat them like a lion. 13:7-8
  158. JOEL

  159. "Their infants shall be dashed in pieces, and their women with child shall be ripped up." 13:16 Joel
  160. "Awake, ye drunkards, and weep; and howl, all ye drinkers of wine, because of the new wine; for it is cut off from your mouth." 1:5
  161. "The day of the LORD cometh, for it is nigh at hand." 1:15, 2:1, 3:14
  162. The animals are perplexed and cry out to God after he torments them by burning their food and drying up the rivers. 1:18-20
  163. On "the day of the Lord", everything and everyone will be burned to death. 2:3
  164. People will try to commit suicide but will not be able to. 2:8
  165. And there will be earthquakes, the sun and the moon will be dark, and the stars will no longer shine. 2:10
  166. God will repay Israel for the damage the locusts caused -- which he sent! And they will "praise the name of the Lord." 2:25-26
  167. He will show off all his magic tricks. Blood, fire, smoke, eclipses. 2:30-31
  168. "I will sell your sons and your daughters ... for the Lord hath spoken it." 3:8
  169. AMOS

  170. "Beat your plowshares into swords and your pruninghooks into spears." 3:10 Amos
  171. The divine pyromaniac threatens to "send fire unto" Hazel, Gaza, Tyrus, Teman, Rabbah, Moab, and Judah. 1:4 - 2:5
  172. "A man and his father will go in unto the same maid, to profane my holy name." 2:7
  173. All evil comes from God. 3:6
  174. God afflicted the Israelites with "cleanness of teeth" (famine), drought, blasting, and mildew. He killed them with pestilence, slaughtered them with the sword, and "made the stink of their camps come up into their noses." And yet they still didn't return to him. What is wrong with people? 4:6-10
  175. Woe is everyone (especially musicians and wine drinkers). 6:1-6
  176. God burned up the earth and sea, and then he repented for it. 7:4-6
  177. He stands on a wall holding a plumb line while he talks to Amos. 7:7
  178. "Thus saith the LORD; Thy wife shall be an harlot in the city, and thy sons and thy daughters shall fall by the sword ... and thou shalt die in a polluted land." 7:17
  179. God shows Amos a basket of summer fruit and tells him that the end has come. 8:1-2
  180. "There shall be many dead bodies in every place." 8:3
  181. "I will cause the sun to go down at noon, and I will darken the earth in the clear day." 8:9
  182. "I will bring up sackcloth upon all loins, and baldness upon every head." 8:10
  183. Amos sees God standing on the altar. 9:1
  184. OBADIAH

  185. God will kill "the last of them with the sword," and any that try to escape by diving to the bottom of the sea will be bitten, at God's command, by a serpent. God will set his "eyes upon them for evil, not for good." 9:1-4 Obadiah
  186. The Israelites hear "a rumor from the Lord" telling them to start a war with the Edomites. 1, 8
  187. God tells the Israelites to "destroy the wise men out of Edom" and to slaughter "everyone of the mount of Esau." 8-9
  188. "The day of the Lord is near." If so, it must have come and past, unnoticed, long before the birth of Jesus. 15
  189. JONAH

  190. God will burn all the heathen to death, "for the LORD hath spoken it." 16-18 Jonah
  191. Jonah fled "from the presence of the Lord." (There are some places where even God can't find you.) 1:3, 10
  192. God made "a great fish" swallow Jonah, who stayed in the fish's belly for three days and three nights. 1:17
  193. Jonah prays to God from his fish-belly hell. 2:1-2
  194. "The LORD spake unto the fish, and it vomited out Jonah upon the dry land." 2:10
  195. After hearing Jonah preach, everyone in Nineveh turned to God, including all the animals. Jonah must be one hell of a preacher! 3:5
  196. All the animals in Ninevah covered themselves with sackcloth and cried "mightily unto God." 3:8
  197. "God repented of the evil, that he had said that he would do unto them." 3:10
  198. MICAH

  199. God prepared a gourd to shade Jonah's head, a worm to destroy the gourd, and then a drying wind and baking sun that made Jonah wish he was dead. 4:6-8 Micah
  200. God will come down to earth to melt mountains and split valleys. 1:3-4
  201. God will destroy Samaria with stones. 1:6
  202. "I will wail and howl, I will go stripped and naked: I will make a wailing like the dragons, and mourning as the owls." 1:8
  203. "Evil came down from the Lord." 1:12
  204. Micah says "woe" to those that devise evil in 2:1, but only two verses later, God says he is devising evil against "this family." Woe is God. 2:1, 3
  205. "Behold, against this family do I devise an evil." 2:3
  206. Plucking off skin, flesh from bones, eating human flesh, flaying off skin, breaking bones, chopping bodies in pieces, making human stew. 3:2
  207. When they "cry unto the Lord ... he will not hear them: he will even hide his face from them at that time." 3:4
  208. Like a young lion "the remnant of Jacob" will tear the Gentiles to pieces. 5:8
  209. God will destroy entire cities, and "execute vengeance in anger and fury upon the heathen such as they have not heard." 5:14-15
  210. God will make his people sick, hungry, and desolate. Those who survive he will "give up to the sword." 6:13-16
  211. "Trust ye not in a friend, put ye not confidence in a guide: keep the doors of thy mouth from her that lieth in thy bosom." Advice like this is only found in the Bible. 7:5

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