Cruelty and Violence in the Bible

Genesis

1. Because God liked Abel's animal sacrifice more than Cain's vegetables, Cain kills his brother Abel in a fit of religious jealousy. 4:8
2. "I will destroy ... both man and beast."
   God is angry. He decides to destroy all humans, beasts, creeping things, fowls, and "all flesh wherein there is breath of life." He plans to drown them all. 6:7, 17
3. "Every living substance that I have made will I destroy."
   God repeats his intention to kill "every living substance ... from off the face of the earth." But why does God kill all the innocent animals? What had they done to deserve his wrath? It seems God never gets his fill of tormenting animals. 7:4
4. "All flesh died that moved upon the earth."
   God drowns everything that breathes air. From newborn babies to koala bears -- all creatures great and small, the Lord God drowned them all. 7:21-23
5. God sends a plague on the Pharaoh and his household because the Pharaoh believed Abram's lie. 12:17
6. God tells Abram to kill some animals for him. The needless slaughter makes God feel better. 15:9-10
7. Hagar conceives, making Sarai jealous. Abram tells Sarai to do to Hagar whatever she wants. "And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she fled." 16:6
8. "I will not destroy it for ten's sake."
   I guess God couldn't find even ten good Sodomites because he decides to kill them all in Genesis 19. Too bad Abraham didn't ask God about the children. Why not save them? If Abraham could find 10 good children, toddlers, infants, or babies, would God spare the city? Apparently not. God doesn't give a damn about children. 18:32
9. Lot refuses to give up his angels to the perverted mob, offering his two "virgin daughters" instead. He tells the bunch of angel rapers to "do unto them [his daughters] as is good in your eyes." This is the same man that is called "just" and "righteous" in 2 Peter 2:7-8. 19:7-8
10. God kills everyone (men, women, children, infants, newborns) in Sodom and Gomorrah by raining "fire and brimstone from the Lord out of heaven." Well, almost everyone -- he spares the "just and righteous" Lot and his family. 19:24
11. Lot's nameless wife looks back, and God turns her into a pillar of salt. 19:26
12. God gets angry with king Abimelech, though the king hasn't even touched Sarah. He says to the king, "Behold, thou art but a dead man," and threatens to kill him and all of his people. To compensate for the crime he never committed, Abimelech gives Abraham sheep, oxen, slaves, silver, and land. Finally, after Abraham "prayed unto God," God lifts his punishment to Abimelech, "for the Lord had fast closed up all the wombs of the house of Abimelech, because of Sarah." 20:3-18
13. Sarah, after giving birth to Isaac, gets angry again at Hagar (see 16:5-6) and tells Abraham to 'cast out this bondwoman and her son." God commands Abraham to "hearken unto her voice." So Abraham abandons Hagar and Ishmael, casting them out into the wilderness to die. 21:10-14
14. God orders Abraham to kill Isaac as a burnt offering. Abraham shows his love for God by his willingness to murder his son. But finally, just before Isaac's throat is slit, God provides a goat to kill instead. 22:2-13
15. Abraham shows his willingness to kill his son for God. Only an evil God would ask a father to do that; only a bad father would be willing to do it. 22:10
16. "Because thou hast done this thing, and hast not withheld thy son, thine only son."
    Why did God love Abraham so much? Because he was willing to murder his son for him. (Greater evil hath no man than this, that he is willing to kill his own son for God.) 22:16
17. Dinah, the daughter of Jacob, is "defiled" by a man who seems to love her dearly. Her brothers trick all of the men of the town and kill them (after first having them all circumcised), and then take their wives and children captive. 34:1-31
18. "The terror of God was upon the cities that were round about them." 35:5
19. "And Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the Lord; and the Lord slew him." What did Er do to elicit God's wrath? The Bible doesn't say. Maybe he picked up some sticks on Saturday. 38:7
20. After God killed Er, Judah tells Onan to "go in unto they brother's wife." But "Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and ... when he went in unto his brother's wife ... he spilled it on the ground.... And the thing which he did displeased the Lord; wherefore he slew him also." This lovely Bible story is seldom read in Sunday School, but it is the basis of many Christian doctrines, including the condemnation of both masturbation and birth control. 38:8-10
21. After Judah pays Tamar for her services, he is told that she "played the harlot" and "is with child by whoredom." When Judah hears this, he says, "Bring her forth, and let her be burnt." 38:24
22. Joseph interprets the baker's dream. He says that the pharaoh will cut off the baker's head, and hang his headless body on a tree for the birds to eat. 40:19
23. God brought a seven year, "very grievous" famine on the whole earth for no apparent reason (except maybe to make Joseph wealthy). 41:25-32, 54

    Exodus

24. Moses murders an Egyptian after making sure that no one is looking. 2:11-12
25. "I will ... smite Egypt with all my wonders." 3:20
26. God threatens to kill the Pharaoh's firstborn son. 4:23
27. God decides to kill Moses because his son had not yet been circumcised. 4:24-26
28. Moses and Aaron ask the Pharaoh to let all the Israelites go into the desert to pray for three days, or else God will kill them all "with pestilence, or with the sword." 5:3
29. "Now shalt thou see what I will do to Pharaoh." 6:1
30. God will make sure that Pharaoh does not listen to Moses, so that he can kill Egyptians with his armies. 7:4
31. "And the Egyptians shall know that I am the LORD." Who else could be so cruel and unjust? 7:5, 17
32. God tells Moses and Aaron to smite the river and turn it into blood. This is the first of the famous 10 plagues of Egypt. 7:17-24
33. The fifth plague: all cattle in Egypt die.
    But a little later (9:19-20, 12:29), God kills them again a couple more times. 9:6
34. The sixth plague: boils and blains upon man and beast. 9:9-12
35. "For I will at this time send all my plagues upon thine heart, and upon thy servants, and upon thy people; that thou mayest know that there is none like me in all the earth." Who else but the biblical god could be so cruel? 9:14
36. God made the Pharaoh king so that God could show off his power. 9:16
37. The seventh plague is hail. "And the hail smote throughout the land of Egypt all that was in the field, both man and beast." 9:22-25
38. God wants to be remembered forever for the mass murder of little children. 10:2
39. These verses clearly show that the mass murder of innocent children by God was premeditated. (see 12:29-30) 11:4-6
40. God will kill the Egyptian children to show that he puts "a difference between the Egyptians and Israel." 11:7
41. God explains to Moses that he intends to "smite all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both man and beast. 12:12
42. After God has sufficiently hardened the Pharaoh's heart, he kills all the firstborn Egyptian children. When he was finished "there was not a house where there was not one dead." Finally, he runs out of little babies to kill, so he slaughters the firstborn cattle, too. 12:29
43. To commemorate the divine massacre of the Egyptian children, Moses instructs the Israelites to "sacrifice to the Lord all that openeth the matrix" -- all the males, that is. God has no use for dead, burnt female bodies. 13:2, 12, 15
44. "I will harden Pharaoh's heart." 14:4
45. After hardening Pharaoh's heart a few more times, God drowns Pharaoh's army in the sea. 14:4-28
46. The LORD shall fight for you. 14:14
47. "I will harden the hearts of the Egyptians, and they shall follow them: and I will get me honour." 14:17
48. "And the Egyptians shall know that I am the LORD, when I have gotten me honour upon Pharaoh, upon his chariots, and upon his horsemen." 14:18
49. "And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand over the sea, that the waters may come again upon the Egyptians." 14:26
50. "And Israel saw that great work which the LORD did upon the Egyptians." 14:31
51. Moses and the people sing praises to their murderous god. 15:1-19
52. "The Lord is a man of war." Indeed, judging from his acts in the Old Testament, he is a vicious warlike monster. 15:3
53. God's right hand dashes people in pieces. 15:6
54. "For the horse of Pharaoh went in with his chariots and with his horsemen into the sea, and the LORD brought again the waters of the sea upon them." 15:19
55. "Horse and his rider hath he thrown into the sea." 15:21
56. If you do what God says, he won't send his diseases on you (like he did to the Egyptians). But otherwise.... 15:26
57. Joshua, with God's approval, kills the Amalekites "with the edge of the sword." 17:13
58. "I will utterly put out the remembrance of Amalek from under heaven." 17:14
59. "The Lord has sworn [God swears!] that the Lord will have war with Amalek from generation to generation." So God is still fighting Amalek. I hope Moses can still keep his hand up. 17:14-16
60. Any person or animal that touches Mt. Sinai shall be stoned to death or "shot through." Did Moses impose such severe penalties because he feared that someone might see him fake his meeting with God? 19:12-13
61. Like the great and powerful Wizard of Oz, nobody can see God and live. 19:21
62. God gives instructions for killing and burning animals. He says that if we will make such "burnt offerings," he will bless us for it. What kind of mind would be pleased by the killing and burning of innocent animals? 20:24
63. A child who hits or curses his parents must be executed. 21:15, 17
64. It's okay to beat your slaves; even if they die you won't be punished, just as long as they survive a day or two after the beating (see verses 21:20-21). But avoid excessive damage to their eyes or teeth. Otherwise you may have to set them free. 21:26-27
65. An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. 21:24-25
66. If an ox gores someone, "then the ox shall surely be stoned." 21:28
67. If an ox gores someone due to the negligence of its owner, then "the ox shall be stoned, and his owner shall be put to death.". 21:29
68. If an ox gores a slave, the owner of the ox must pay the owner of the slave 30 shekels of silver, and "the ox shall be stoned." 21:32
69. "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live." Thousands of innocent women have suffered excruciating deaths because of this verse. 22:18
70. "Whosoever lieth with a beast shall surely be put to death." Is it really necessary to kill such people? Couldn't we just send them to counseling or something? 22:19
71. "He who sacrificeth unto any god, save unto the Lord only, he shall be utterly destroyed." If this commandment is obeyed, then the four billion people who do not believe in the biblical god must be killed. 22:20
72. If you make God angry enough, he will kill you and your family with his own sword. 22:24
73. "The firstborn of thy sons thou shalt give unto me." (As a burnt offering?) 22:29
74. God promises to "send his fear before the Israelites" and to kill everyone that they encounter when they enter the promised land. 23:27
75. God has hornets that bite and kill people. 23:28
76. Moses has some animals killed and their dead bodies burned for God. Then he sprinkles their blood on the altar and on the people. This makes God happy. 24:5-8
77. Get some animals, kill them, chop up their bodies, wave body parts in the air, burn the carcasses, and sprinkle the blood all around -- in precisely the way God tells you. It may well make you sick, but it makes God feel good. 29:11-37
78. Have you killed and offered your bullock for a sin offering today? How about the two lambs you are supposed to offer each day? 29:36-39
79. Wash up or die. This is a good verse to use when reminding the kiddies to wash their hands before supper. 30:20
80. Whoever puts holy oil on a stranger shall be "cut off from his people." 30:33
81. Those who break the Sabbath are to be executed. 31:14
82. God asks to be left alone so that his "wrath may wax hot" and he can "consume them. 32:10
83. Moses burned the golden calf, ground it into powder, and then forced it down the throats of all the people. 32:20
84. God orders the sons of Levi (Moses, Aaron, and the other members of their tribe that were "on the Lord's side") to kill "every man his neighbor." "And there fell of the people that day about 3000 men." 32:27-28
85. "Whosoever hath sinned against me, him will I blot out of my book." 32:33
86. But God wasn't satisfied with the slaughter of the 3000, so he killed some more people with a plague. 32:35
87. If you can't redeem him, then just "break his neck." Hey, it's all for the glory of God. 34:20
88. Whoever works, or even kindles a fire, on the Sabbath "shall be put to death." 35:2-3

    Leviticus

89. God gives detailed instructions for performing ritualistic animal sacrifices. such bloody rituals must be important to God, judging from the number of times that he repeats their instructions. Indeed the entire first nine chapters of Leviticus can be summarized as follows: Get an animal, kill it, sprinkle the blood around, cut the dead animal into pieces, and burn it for a "sweet savor unto the Lord." Chapters 1 - 9
90. The burnt offering: An unblemished bullock 1:1-9
91. The burnt offering: An unblemished male sheep or goat 1:10-13
92. The burnt offering: A dove or a pigeon 1:14-17
93. The meat offering 2:1-16
94. The peace offering: An unblemished bull or cow 3:1-5
95. The peace offering: An unblemished male or female sheep 3:6-11
96. The peace offering: A goat (blemished or unblemished, male or female) 3:12-17
97. All firstborn men and beasts belong to God, since God killed all the firstborn of Egypt. 3:13
98. The offering for an individual who sins through ignorance: An unblemished bullock 4:1-12
99. The offering for a congregation that sins through ignorance: A bullock (blemished or unblemished) 4:13-21
100. The offering for a ruler who sins through ignorance: A young unblemished male goat 4:22-25
101. The offering for a common person who sins through ignorance: A young unblemished female sheep or goat 4:27-35
102. "He shall bring his trespass offering unto the LORD ... a female from the flock, a lamb or a kid of the goats."
     If you touch an insect, dead animal, or "the uncleanness of man" or if you swear to do something good or bad (5:2-4), kill a female lamb or goat for God. (A female will do since it's a minor offense.) 5:6
103. "If he be not able to bring a lamb, then he shall bring ... two turtledoves, or two young pigeons, unto the LORD ... and wring off his head."
     If you don't have a lamb to kill for God, then you can wring off the head of a pigeon or dove. 5:7
104. "And he shall sprinkle of the blood of the sin offering upon the side of the altar; and the rest of the blood shall be wrung out at the bottom of the altar: it is a sin offering." 5:9
105. If you sin without knowing that you've done anything wrong, kill an unblemished ram for God. 5:14-15
106. The law of the burnt offering 6:8-13
107. The law of the meat offering 6:14-18
108. "This is the law of the sin offering: the sin offering [shall] be killed before the LORD: it is most holy." 6:25
109. The holy law of trespass offering: Find an animal; kill it; sprinkle the blood around; offer God the fat, rump, kidneys, and caul; burn and eat it in the holy place, for "it is most holy." 7:1-6
110. Kill the trespass offering: and the blood thereof shall he sprinkle round about upon the altar." 7:2
111. The law of peace offerings requires a priest to sprinkle blood around. 7:11-14
112. Be careful what you eat during these animal sacrifices. Don't eat fat or blood -- these are for God. (And he doesn't like to share!) 7:18-27
113. The fat with the breast shall be waved for a wave offering before the Lord. 7:30
114. The priest shall burn the fat on the altar, but the breast is for Aaron and his sons. 7:31
115. Give the priest the right shoulder for a heave offering. 7:32
116. Aaron's sons offer the blood and fat of peace offerings, so they get the right shoulders. 7:33
117. God gave the wave breasts or heave shoulders to the priests by a statute forever. 7:34
118. The law of the burnt offering, meat offering, sin offering, trespass offering, and peace offering are all commanded by God to be statutes forever. 7:36-37
119. Moses does it all for God. First he kills an animal; wipes the blood on Aaron's ears, thumbs, and big toes. Then he sprinkles blood round about and waves the guts before the Lord. Finally he burns the whole mess for "a sweet savour before the Lord." 8:14-32
120. "Aaron and his sons laid their hands upon the head of the bullock for the sin offering and he slew it." 8:14-15
121. "Moses took the blood, and put it upon the horns of the altar round about with his finger .. and poured the blood at the bottom of the altar." 8:15
122. "And he took all the fat that was upon the inwards, and the caul above the liver, and the two kidneys, and their fat, and Moses burned it upon the altar." 8:16
123. "But the bullock, and his hide, his flesh, and his dung, he burnt with fire without the camp; as the LORD commanded Moses." 8:17
124. "Aaron and his sons laid their hands upon the head of the ram. And he killed it." 8:18-19
125. "Moses sprinkled the blood upon the altar round about." 8:19
126. "And he cut the ram into pieces; and Moses burnt the head, and the pieces, and the fat." 8:20
127. "And he washed the inwards and the legs in water; and Moses burnt the whole ram upon the altar: it was a burnt sacrifice for a sweet savour, and an offering made by fire unto the LORD; as the LORD commanded Moses." 8:21
128. "Aaron and his sons laid their hands upon the head of the ram. And he slew it." 8:22-23
129. "Moses took of the blood of it, and put it upon the tip of Aaron's right ear, and upon the thumb of his right hand, and upon the great toe of his right foot." 8:23
130. "And he brought Aaron's sons, and Moses put of the blood upon the tip of their right ear, and upon the thumbs of their right hands, and upon the great toes of their right feet: and Moses sprinkled the blood upon the altar round about." 8:24
131. "And he took the fat, and the rump, and all the fat that was upon the inwards, and the caul above the liver, and the two kidneys, and their fat, and the right shoulder." 8:25
132. "And he put all upon Aaron's hands, and upon his sons' hands, and waved them for a wave offering before the LORD." 8:27
133. "Moses ... burnt them ... for a sweet savour." 8:28
134. "And Moses took the breast, and waved it for a wave offering before the LORD." 8:29
135. "And Moses took ... of the blood which was upon the altar, and sprinkled it upon Aaron, and upon his garments, and upon his sons, and upon his sons' garments." 8:30
136. "Moses said unto Aaron and to his sons, Boil the flesh." 8:31
137. And that which remaineth of the flesh .... shall ye burn with fire." 8:32
138. More killing, sprinkling of blood, waiving animal parts, and burning carcasses "before the Lord." 9:2-21
139. "Take thee a young calf for a sin offering, and a ram for a burnt offering, without blemish, and offer them before the LORD." 9:2
140. "Take ye a kid of the goats for a sin offering; and a calf and a lamb, both of the first year, without blemish, for a burnt offering." 9:3
141. "Also a bullock and a ram for peace offerings, to sacrifice before the LORD; and a meat offering." 9:4
142. Kill the calf, dip your finger in the blood, sprinkle the blood round about, burn the fat and entrails, and wave the breast for a wave offering before the Lord. 9:8-21
143. "Aaron ... slew the calf of the sin offering." 9:8
144. "And the sons of Aaron brought the blood unto him: and he dipped his finger in the blood, and put it upon the horns of the altar, and poured out the blood at the bottom of the altar." 9:9
145. "But the fat, and the kidneys, and the caul above the liver of the sin offering, he burnt upon the altar; as the LORD commanded Moses." 9:10
146. "And the flesh and the hide he burnt with fire without the camp." 9:11
147. "And he slew the burnt offering; and Aaron's sons presented unto him the blood, which he sprinkled round about upon the altar." 9:12
148. "And they presented the burnt offering unto him, with the pieces thereof, and the head: and he burnt them upon the altar." 9:13
149. "And he did wash the inwards and the legs, and burnt them upon the burnt offering on the altar." 9:14
150. "And he ... took the goat ... the people, and slew it." 9:15
151. "He slew also the bullock and the ram ... and Aaron's sons presented unto him the blood, which he sprinkled upon the altar round about." 9:18
152. "And the fat of the bullock and of the ram, the rump, and that which covereth the inwards, and the kidneys, and the caul above the liver." 9:19
153. "And they put the fat upon the breasts, and he burnt the fat upon the altar." 9:20
154. "And the breasts and the right shoulder Aaron waved for a wave offering before the LORD; as Moses commanded." 9:21
155. Two of the sons of Aaron "offered strange fire before the Lord" and "there went out fire from the Lord, and devoured them, and they died before the Lord." 10:1-2
156. Moses tells Aaron that his sons were burned to death to sanctify and glorify God. 10:3
157. Moses tells Aaron's cousins to drag the burned bodies out of the camp, and he warns Aaron not to mourn the death of his sons or God will kill him too, along with everyone else. 10:4-6
158. If priests misbehave at the tabernacle by uncovering their heads, tearing their clothes, leaving with holy oil on them, or by drinking "wine or strong drink", then God will kill them and send his wrath on "all the people." 10:6-9
159. God will kill any priest that leaves the tabernacle. 10:7
160. If priests misbehave at the tabernacle by by drinking "wine or strong drink," then God will kill them and send his wrath on "all the people." "It shall be a statute for ever." 10:9
161. "And the wave breast and heave shoulder shall ye eat in a clean place." 10:14
162. "The heave shoulder and the wave breast ... bring with the offerings made by fire of the fat, to wave it for a wave offering before the LORD." 10:15
163. "She shall bring a lamb ... for a burnt offering, and... a young pigeon, or dove, for a sin offering."
     After a woman gives birth, a priest must kill a lamb, pigeon, or dove as a sin offering. This is because having children is sinful and God likes it when things are killed for him. 12:6
164. "If she be not able to bring a lamb, then she shall bring two turtles, or two young pigeons ... and she shall be clean." 12:8
165. Lepers must tear up their clothes, not wear hats, cover their upper lips, and cry "unclean, unclean."They are defiled, unclean, and must live alone, away from everyone else. 13:45-46
166. The Law of the Leper (for those who can afford it) 14:2-20
167. "Then shall the priest command to take for him that is to be cleansed two birds alive and clean ... and the priest shall command that one of the birds be killed in an earthen vessel over running water." 14:4
168. "And on the eighth day he shall take two he lambs without blemish, and one ewe lamb of the first year without blemish ... And the priest shall take one he lamb, and offer him for a trespass offering ... and wave them for a wave offering before the LORD." 14:10-12
169. "And he shall slay the lamb ... in the holy place: ... it is most holy." 14:13
170. "And the priest shall take some of the blood of the trespass offering, and ... put it upon the tip of the right ear of him that is to be cleansed, and upon the thumb of his right hand, and upon the great toe of his right foot." 14:14
171. "The priest shall offer the sin offering ... and afterward he shall kill the burnt offering." 14:19
172. The Law of Leprosy (for those who can't afford the standard law) 14:21-32
173. "If he be poor, and cannot get so much; then he shall take one lamb for a trespass offering to be waved ... and two turtledoves, or two young pigeons ... and the one shall be a sin offering, and the other a burnt offering." 14:21-22
174. "And the priest shall take the lamb of the trespass offering ... and the priest shall wave them for a wave offering before the LORD:" 14:24
175. "And he shall kill the lamb of the trespass offering, and the priest shall take some of the blood of the trespass offering, and put it upon the tip of the right ear of him that is to be cleansed, and upon the thumb of his right hand, and upon the great toe of his right foot." 14:25
176. "And he shall offer the one of the turtledoves, or of the young pigeons, such as he can get." 14:30
177. "Even such as he is able to get, the one for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering, with the meat offering." 14:31
178. "When ye be come into the land of Canaan ... I put the plague of leprosy in ... the land of your possession."
     God "put the plague of leprosy" on the Canaanites. 14:34
179. "He shall take to cleanse the house two birds ... And he shall kill the one of the birds ... And he shall take ... the living bird, and dip them in the blood of the slain bird ... and sprinkle the house seven times ... And he shall cleanse the house with the blood of the bird." 14:49-52
180. "On the eighth day he shall take to him two turtledoves, or two young pigeons ... and ... offer them, the one for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering." 15:14-15
181. "On the eighth day she shall take unto her two turtles, or two young pigeons ... for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering; and the priest shall make an atonement for her before the LORD for the issue of her uncleanness." 15:29-30
182. God warns Aaron that he might have to burn him to death like he did his sons. (10:1-2) 16:1
183. God explains the use of scapegoats. It goes like this: Get two goats. Kill one. Wipe, smear, and sprinkle the blood around seven times. Then take the other goat, give it the sins of all the people, and send it off into the wilderness. 16:8-28
184. "Kill the bullock of the sin offering." 16:11
185. "Take of the blood of the bullock, and sprinkle it ... seven times." 16:14
186. "Kill the goat of the sin offering, that is for the people, and bring his blood ... and sprinkle it upon the mercy seat." 16:15
187. "Take of the blood of the bullock, and of the blood of the goat, and put it upon the horns of the altar round about." 16:18
188. "He shall sprinkle of the blood upon it with his finger seven times." 16:19
189. Sprinkle the blood and burn the fat for a sweet savour unto the Lord. 17:6
190. If you upset God, he'll cause the land to vomit you out. 18:25
191. "Keep my statutes and my judgments, and shall not commit any of these abominations ... that the land spue not you out also, when ye defile it, as it spued out the nations that were before you." 18:26-28
192. "Whosoever shall commit any of these abominations ... shall be cut off from among their people." 18:29
193. Don't eat sacrifices on the third day or God will cut you off from among your people. 19:6-8
194. "Whosoever ... giveth ... his seed unto Molech ... the people ... shall stone him with stones." 20:2
195. If you refuse to kill someone who gives his seed to Molech, God set his face against you and your family. 20:4-5
196. "For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall surely be put to death." Couldn't we try spanking first? 20:9
197. Both parties in adultery shall be executed. 20:10
198. If a man has sex with his father's wife, kill them both. 20:11
199. If a man "lies" with his daughter-in-law, then both must be killed. 20:12
200. If a man has sex with another man, kill them both. 20:13
201. If you "lie" with your wife and your mother-in-law (now that sounds fun!), then all three of you must be burned to death. 20:14
202. If a man or woman "lie with a beast" both the person and the poor animal are to be killed. 20:15-16
203. People with "familiar spirits" (witches, fortune tellers, etc.) are to be stoned to death. 20:27
204. A priest's daughter who "plays the whore" is to be burned to death. 21:9
205. "Ye shall offer ... a male without blemish ... Blind, or broken, or maimed, or having a wen, or scurvy, or scabbed, ye shall not offer these unto the LORD ... Ye shall not offer unto the LORD that which is bruised, or crushed, or broken, or cut."
     God wants us to kill lots of animals for him. Not just any animals, though. God only wants dead, male animals without any blemishes. Don't kill any blind , broken, maimed, or scabbed, or female animials for him. 22:19-24
206. God gives us more instructions on killing and burning animals. I guess the first nine chapters of Leviticus wasn't enough. He says we must do this because he really likes the smell -- it is "a sweet savour unto the Lord." 23:12-14, 18
207. Don't do any work on the day of atonement or God will destroy you. 23:29-30
208. A man curses and blasphemes while disputing with another man. Moses asks God what to do about it. God says that the whole community must stone him to death. "And the children of Israel did as the Lord and Moses commanded." 24:10-23
209. Anyone who blasphemes or curses shall be stoned to death by the entire community. 24:16
210. "He that killeth any man shall surely be put to death." 24:17
211. "If a man cause a blemish in his neighbour; as he hath done, so shall it be done to him." 24:19
212. "Breach for breach, eye for eye, tooth for tooth: as he hath caused a blemish in a man, so shall it be done to him again." 24:20
213. "He that killeth a man, he shall be put to death." 24:21
214. God tells the Israelites to make slaves out of their neighbors and their families. The "heathens" and "strangers" are to be their possessions forever. 25:44-46
215. God tells the Israelites to "chase" their enemies and make them "fall before you by the sword." He figures five of the Israelites will be able to "chase" a hundred of their enemies, and a hundred will be able to "put ten thousand to flight." 26:7-8
216. If you don't follow all of the laws in the Old Testament, God will shower you with all of the curses in the next 25 verses. 26:14-15
217. "I will even appoint over you terror, consumption, and the burning ague, that shall consume the eyes, and cause sorrow of heart: and ye shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it." 26:16
218. "I will set my face against you, and ye shall be slain before your enemies." 26:17
219. "I will bring seven times more plagues upon you according to your sins." 26:21
220. "I will also send wild beasts among you, which shall rob you of your children, and destroy your cattle." 26:22
221. "I will bring a sword upon you ... I will send the pestilence among you; and ye shall be delivered into the hand of the enemy." 26:25
222. "And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat." 26:29
223. "I will ... cast your carcases upon the carcases of your idols, and my soul shall abhor you." 26:30
224. "And I will make your cities waste." 26:31
225. "And I will bring the land into desolation". 26:32
226. "And I will scatter you among the heathen, and will draw out a sword after you: and your land shall be desolate, and your cities waste." 26:33
227. "And they shall fall one upon another, as it were before a sword, when none pursueth: and ye shall have no power to stand before your enemies." 26:37
228. "And ye shall perish among the heathen, and the land of your enemies shall eat you up." 26:38
229. All "devoted" things (both man and beast) "shall surely be put to death." 27:28-29

     Numbers

230. God shows his hospitality with the admonition: "The stranger that cometh nigh shall be put to death." 1:51, 3:10, 3:38
231. Two of Aaron's sons are killed by God for "offering strange fire before the Lord." 3:4
232. All firstborn men and beasts belong to God, since God killed all the firstborn of Egypt. 3:13
233. Don't touch or "go in to see when the holy things are covered." God kills people who touch or look at covered holy things. 4:15, 20
234. God tells the people to expel from camp "every leper, every one that hath an issue, and whoever is defiled by the dead." So by God's instructions, the sick are abandoned and left to suffer and die alone. 5:1-4
235. "He shall bring two turtles, or two young pigeons, to the priest ... and the priest shall offer the one for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering." 6:10-11
236. "He ... shall bring a lamb of the first year for a trespass offering." 6:12
237. "He shall offer his offering unto the LORD, one he lamb of the first year without blemish for a burnt offering, and one ewe lamb of the first year without blemish for a sin offering, and one ram without blemish for peace offerings." 6:14
238. "The priest shall bring them before the LORD, and shall offer his sin offering, and his burnt offering." 616:
239. "The priest shall offer also his meat offering." 6:17
240. "And the priest shall take the sodden shoulder of the ram." 619:
241. "And the priest shall wave them for a wave offering before the LORD: this is holy for the priest, with the wave breast and heave shoulder." 6:20
242. When Moses set up the tabernacle, each of the twelve tribes kills a bullock, lamb, ram, and a kid, two oxen, and five rams, goats, and lambs for God, for a grand total of 240 animal sacrifices. 7:15-88
243. "The Levites shall lay their hands upon the heads of the bullocks: and thou shalt offer the one for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering." 8:8-12
244. All firstborn Israelites, "both man and beast", belong to God. He got them the day that he killed every Egyptian firstborn child and animal. 8:17
245. "And when the people complained, it displeased the Lord: and the Lord heard it (He had his hearing aid on.) .... and his anger was kindled; and the fire of the LORD burnt among them, and consumed them."
     God burned the complainers alive. That'll teach them! 11:1-2
246. "And while the flesh [of the quails] was yet between their teeth, ere it was chewed, the wrath of the Lord was kindled against the people, and the Lord smote the people with a very great plague. "The Bible isn't too clear about what these poor folks did to upset God so much; all it says is that they had "lusted." 11:33
247. Miriam and Aaron (Moses' brother and sister) criticize Moses for marrying an Ethiopian woman and thus breaking the law of God. But God makes it clear that his rules don't apply to his favorites, and he strikes Miriam with leprosy. Notice that only Miriam is punished, though both she and Aaron complained.  12:1, 9-10
248. God tells Moses that he is going to kill all of the Israelites -- every last whining one of the them, and then make a whole bunch of brand new Israelites. 14:12
249. God punishes the children for the failings of their great-great grandfathers. 14:18
250. So Moses talked God out of killing everyone. He'll just see to it that no one over 20 years old survives the trip to Israel. Their "carcases shall fall in the wilderness." 14:20-35
251. God killed the ten spies that gave a discouraging report with a plague. 14:36-37
252. To further punish the Israelites for whining and plotting against Moses, God will send the Amelekites and Canaanites to smite them. 14:43-45
253. God gives more instructions for the ritualistic killing of animals. The smell of burning flesh is "a sweet savour unto the Lord." 15:3, 13-14, 24
254. The Israelites find a man picking up sticks on the sabbath. God commands them to kill him by throwing rocks at him. 15:32-36
255. Korah, Dathan, and Abiram, the first freethought/democracy martyrs, refused to follow Moses blindly, saying that everyone is holy and should be free to think for him or herself. God killed them and their families for daring to challenge Moses. 16:1-35
256. Separate yourselves from among this congregation, that I may consume them in a moment."
     God warns everyone to get away; he's going to kill some more people. 16:20-21
257. "Hereby ye shall know that the LORD hath sent me ... if the LORD make ... the earth open her mouth, and swallow them up, with all that appertain unto them, and they go down quick into the pit..."
     Moses tells the people that if the ground opens up and swallows the rebels and their families, then you'll know that God's on his side. 16:28-30
258. "The earth opened her mouth, and swallowed them up, and their houses, and all the men that appertained unto Korah ... They ... went down alive into the pit, and the earth closed upon them." 16:31-33
259. "And there came out a fire from the LORD, and consumed the two hundred and fifty men that offered incense." 16:35
260. After God killed Korah, his family, and 250 innocent bystanders, the people complained saying, "ye have killed the people of the Lord." So God, who doesn't take kindly to criticism, sends a plague on the people. And "they that died in the plague were 14,700." 16:41-50
261. "Get you up from among this congregation, that I may consume them as in a moment."
     God threatens (again) to kill everyone (but his special friends, Moses and Aaron). 16:44-45
262. "For there is wrath gone out from the LORD; the plague is begun ... they that died in the plague were fourteen thousand and seven hundred." 16:46-49
263. "Thou shalt quite take away their murmurings from me, that they die not." God threatens to kill those who murmur. 17:10
264. God threatens to kill those who murmur. To which the people reply, "Behold, we die, we perish, we all perish .... Shall we be consumed with dying?" 17:12-13
265. "They shall not come nigh the vessels of the sanctuary and the altar, that neither they, nor ye also, die."
     Stay away from holy things and places -- like churches. God might have to kill you if you get too close. 18:3
266. God shows us how to make new friends by saying : "The stranger that cometh nigh shall be put to death." 18:7
267. God describes once again the procedure for ritualistic animal sacrifices. such rituals must be extremely important to God, since he makes their performance a "statute" and "covenant" forever. Why, then don't Bible-believers perform these sacrifices anymore? Don't they realize how God must miss the "sweet savour" of burning flesh? Don't they believe God when he says "forever"? 18:17-19
268. "Neither must the children of Israel henceforth come nigh the tabernacle of the congregation, lest they bear sin, and die." 18:22
269. "Neither shall ye pollute the holy things of the children of Israel, lest ye die." 18:32
270. "This is the ordinance of the law which the LORD hath commanded."
     These absurd rituals, cruel sacrifices, and unjust punishments are vitally important to God. They are to be "a perpetual statute" for everyone on earth. 19:1-22
271. "Take of her blood with his finger, and sprinkle ... seven times."
     God's instructions for putting blood on fingers, sprinkling it around, and then burning the dung of sacrificial animals. This is something that everyone needs to know about. (That's why it's in the Bible!). 19:4-5
272. "And the Lord hearkened to the voice of Israel, and delivered up the Canaanites; and they utterly destroyed them and their cities." This verse demonstrates the power of prayer: If you ask God, he will destroy entire cities for you. 21:3
273. God sends "fiery serpents" to bite his chosen people, and many of them die. 21:6
274. God delivers the Amorites into Moses' hands. (You're in God hands with Moses.) So Moses does the usual thing, killing everyone "until their was none left alive." 21:34-35
275. God's people will kill like a lion and then "drink the blood of the slain." 23:24
276. God, who is as strong as a unicorn, will eat up the nations, break their bones, and then pierce them through with his arrows. What a guy! 24:8
277. After the people "commit whoredom with the daughters of Moab," Moses has them all killed. Then God tells Moses to hang their dead bodies up in front of him; God says that this will satisfy him. 25:1-5
278. When one of the Israelite men brings home a foreign woman, "Phinehas (Aaron's grandson) sees them and throws a spear "through the man .. and the woman through her belly." This act pleases God so much that "the plague was stayed from the children of Israel." But not before 24,000 had died. 25:6-9
279. For impaling the interracial couple, God rewards Phinehas and his sons with the everlasting priesthood. 25:10-13
280. God tells Moses how to care for his neighbors by saying: "Vex the Midianites, and smite them." 25:16-17
281. The ground swallow Korah and his companions and a fire consumes 250 men. 26:10
282. "And Nadab and Abihu died when they offered strange fire before the Lord." When you go camping avoid making any unusual fires. 26:61
283. In these chapters (28, 29), God provides ridiculously detailed instructions for the ritualistic sacrifice of animals. The burning of their dead bodies smells great to God. Eleven times in these two chapters God says that they are to him a "sweet savour." 28-29
284. Under God's direction, Moses' army defeats the Midianites. They kill all the adult males, but take the women and children captive. When Moses learns that they left some live, he angrily says: "Have you saved all the women alive? Kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves." So they went back and did as Moses (and presumably God) instructed, killing everyone except for the virgins. In this way they got 32,000 virgins -- Wow! (Even God gets some of the booty -- including the virgins.) 31:1-54
285. "The prey that was taken, both of man and of beast" was offered as a "heave offering of the LORD." 31:26-29
286. "Every man armed for war, before the LORD to battle" 32:27
287. God killed all the Egyptian firstborn. 33:4
288. God tells Moses to exterminate the residents of Canaan and destroy all of their religious symbols and possessions. 33:50-52
289. But if the Israelites don't kill them all, then God will make them pricks in their eyes and thorns in their sides. And he will do unto the Israelites as he planned to do to the inhabitants of Canaan. 33:55-56
290. "The revenger of blood himself shall slay the murderer: when he meeteth him, he shall slay him." The "revenger of blood" (the victim's closest relative) must murder the murderer just as soon as he sees him. 35:19, 21
291. "But if the slayer shall at any time come without the border of the city of his refuge ... and the revenger of blood kill the slayer; he shall not be guilty of blood. Because he should have remained in the city of his refuge until the death of the high priest" If the accidental killer leaves the city of refuge and is caught by the revenger of blood, then the revenger can legally kill the accidental killer. 35:26-28
292. "Whoso killeth any person, the murderer shall be put to death." 35:30
293. "The land cannot be cleansed of the blood that is shed therein, but by the blood of him that shed it." 35:33

     Deuteronomy

294. "The Lord ... had slain Sihon ... and Og." 1:3-4
295. "God ... shall fight for you." 1:30
296. "The hand of the LORD was against them, to destroy them from among the host, until they were consumed."
     God killed all the Israelite soldiers -- slowly. It took him 38 years to kill them all, but he finally got the job done. 2:14-16
297. "A land of giants: giants dwelt therein in old time ... but the Lord destroyed them." 2:20
298. "The Lord destroyed them before them" -- the general treatment of the people who were supposedly displaced by the Israelites. 2:21-22
299. "I have given into thine hand Sihon the Amorite, king of Heshbon, and his land: begin to possess it, and contend with him in battle." 2:24
300. All nations shall be terrorized by the followers of Yahweh. 2:25
301. God hardened the heart of the king of Heshbon and so that he could have him and all of his people killed. 2:30
302. At God's instructions, the Israelites "utterly destroyed the men, women, and the little ones" leaving "none to remain." 2:33-36
303. The Israelites, with God's help, kill all the men, women, and children of every city. 3:3-6
304. "And we utterly destroyed them, as we did unto Sihon king of Heshbon, utterly destroying the men, women, and children, of every city." 3:6
305. Moses promises Joshua that God will massacre kings and kingdoms for him, too. 3:21
306. When going to war, don't be afraid. God is on your side; "he shall fight for you." 3:22
307. "What God is there in heaven or in earth, that can do according to thy works?" What other God can kill so many people? 3:24
308. God destroyed the followers of Baalpeor. 4:3
309. God brought the Israelites out of Egypt "by war ... and by great terrors." 4:34
310. If someone makes an image of anything (like a bird or flower) then God will destroy the entire nation. 4:25-26
311. If you worship the wrong god, God will get jealous and kill you. 6:15
312. God instructs the Israelites to kill, without mercy, all the inhabitants (strangers) of the land that they conquer. 7:2
313. If you do show any mercy to such strangers, "give your daughters to any of them, or "take" any of their daughters, then you'll get God so angry that he'll "destroy thee suddenly." 7:4
314. God will kill those who hate him. 7:10
315. God commands his people to "consume all the people which the Lord thy God shall deliver thee; thine eye shall have no pity on them." 7:16
316. God will send hornets to kill your enemies, "for the Lord thy God is among you, a mighty God and terrible." 7:20-23
317. "The LORD thy God shall deliver them unto thee, and shall destroy them with a mighty destruction, until they be destroyed." 7:23
318. "If thou do at all forget the LORD thy God, and walk after other gods ... ye shall surely perish." 8:19-20
319. God is "a consuming fire" that destroys people. 9:3
320. "The blood of sacrifices shall be poured out ... and thou shalt eat the flesh." Isn't this the sort of thing that Satanists are accused of doing? 12:27
321. After God kills those of other faiths, be sure to reject their beliefs and do not learn about them. Otherwise God will have to kill you too. 12:30
322. Prophets and dreamers are to be executed if they say or dream the wrong things. 13:1-5
323. If your brother, son, daughter, wife, or friend tries to get you to worship another god, "thou shalt surely kill him, thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death." 13:6-10
324. If you hear of a city where another god is worshiped, then destroy everyone in the city (even the cattle) and burn it down. (Watch out Salt Lake!) 13:12-16

     How to buy a slave. 15:12

325. Sacrifice all firstling males to God. But don't sacrifice any blind, lame, or blemished animals. After sacrficing your unblemished firstlings, eat them before the Lord. But don't drink the blood. Pour it out like water. 15:19-23
326. Kill everyone who has religious beliefs that are different from your own. 17:2-7
327. Anyone who will not listen to a priest or a judge must be executed. 17:12-13
328. False prophets are to be (you guessed it) executed. How do you know who is a false prophet? By whether or not their predictions come true. (Watch out Jehovah's Witnesses!) 18:20
329. A murderer is to be killed by "the avenger of blood," which is the victim's nearest relative. "And thine eye shall not pity" them. 19:11-13
330. Do unto false witnesses as the criminals intended to do to their victims. 19:18-19
331. "And thine eye shall not pity. Life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot." 19:21
332. God travels with people and fights in their wars. 20:4
333. In the cities that god "delivers into thine hands" you must kill all the males (including old men, boys, and babies) with "the edge of the sword .... But the women ... shalt thou take unto yourself." 20:13
334. "But of the cities ... which the Lord thy God doth give thee for an inheritance, thou shalt save alive nothing that breatheth." Kill the old men and women, the sick and the dying, the blind and the lame, pregnant mothers, nursing mothers, infants, toddlers, and babies. 20:16
335. If you find a dead body and don't know the cause of death, then get all the elders together, cut off the head of a heifer, wash your hands over its body, and say our hands have not shed this blood. (That'll do it!) 21:1-8
336. If you have a "stubborn and rebellious son," then you and the other men in your neighborhood "shall stone him with stones that he die." 21:18-21
337. When someone commits "a sin worthy of death" that person is "accursed of God" and should be hung on a tree. 21:22-23
338. If a man marries, then decides that he hates his wife, he can claim she wasn't a virgin when they were married. If her father can't produce the "tokens of her virginity" (bloody sheets), then the woman is to be stoned to death at her father's doorstep. 22:13-21
339. "If a man be found lying with a woman married to a husband, then they shall both of them die." 22:22
340. If a betrothed virgin is raped in the city and doesn't cry out loud enough, then "the men of the city shall stone her to death." 22:23-24
341. Legal disputes are settled by a judge who determines guilt or innocence. No lawyers or jury are needed. Those found guilty will be beaten with 40 stripes. 25:1-3
342. If two men fight and the wife of one grabs the "secrets" of the other, "then thou shalt cut off her hand" and "thine eye shall not pity her." 25:11-12
343. God commands the Israelites to "blot out the rembrance of Amalek from under heaven." A few hundred years later God orders Saul to kill of the Amalekites "both man and woman, infant and suckling." (1 Samuel 15:2-3) 25:19
344. If you don't obey all of the laws that are given in the Old Testament, God shower you with the curses that are given in the next 52 verses. 28:16-68
345. "Cursed shall be the fruit of thy body." 28:18
346. "The LORD shall send upon thee cursing, vexation, and rebuke, in all that thou settest thine hand unto for to do, until thou be destroyed, and until thou perish quickly." 28:20
347. "The LORD shall make the pestilence cleave unto thee, until he have consumed thee." 28:21
348. "The LORD shall make the rain of thy land powder and dust: from heaven shall it come down upon thee, until thou be destroyed." 28:24
349. "The LORD shall cause thee to be smitten before thine enemies." 28:25
350. "And thy carcass shall be meat to all the fowls of the air, and no man shall fray them away." 28:26
351. "The Lord will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, and the emerods [hemorrhoids], and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst be healed. The Lord will smite thee with madness, and blindness, and astonishment of heart." 28:27-28
352. "The Lord will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, and the emerods [hemorrhoids], and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst be healed." 28:27
353. "The Lord will smite thee with madness, and , and astonishment of heart." 28:28
354. "And thou shalt grope at noonday, as the blind gropeth in darkness, and thou shalt not prosper in thy ways: and thou shalt be only oppressed and spoiled evermore, and no man shall save thee." 28:29
355. "Thine ox shall be slain before thine eyes ... thine ass shall be violently taken away." 28:31
356. "Thy sons and thy daughters shall be given unto another people." 28:32
357. You will be enslaved and driven mad in another country. 28:33-34
358. "The Lord will smite thee in the knees, and in the legs, with a sore botch that cannot be healed, from the sole of thy foot unto the top of thy head." 28:35
359. You will be ruled by other nations, forced to serve other gods, become a laughingstock among your neighbors, have your crops destroyed by locusts, your vines eaten by worms, and have fruitless olive trees. 28:36-40
360. "Thou shalt begat sons and daughters, but thou shall not enjoy them; for they shall go into captivity." 28:41
361. "All these curses shall come upon thee ... and upon thy seed for ever." 28:48-49
362. God will enslave you and destroy you with hunger, thirst, hardship, and all kinds of deprivation. 28:48-52
363. "And thou shalt eat the fruit of thine own body, the flesh of thy sons and of thy daughters." 28:53
364. "So that the man that is tender among you, and very delicate, his eye shall be evil toward his brother, and toward the wife of his bosom, and toward the remnant of his children which he shall leave: So that he will not give to any of them of the flesh of his children whom he shall eat." 28:54-55
365. "The tender and delicate woman" will be forced to eat her own children "that cometh out from between her feet." 28:56-57
366. "If thou wilt not observe to do all the words of this law that are written in this book. Then the LORD will make thy plagues wonderful, and the plagues of thy seed ... Also every sickness, and every plague, which is not written in the book of this law, them will the LORD bring upon thee, until thou be destroyed." 28:58-61
367. If the Jews don't follow God's laws he'll have most of them killed. 28:62
368. "The LORD will rejoice over you to destroy you, and to bring you to nought." 28:63
369. "And the LORD shall scatter thee among all people, from the one end of the earth even unto the other; and there thou shalt serve other gods." 28:64
370. "The LORD shall give thee there a trembling heart, and failing of eyes, and sorrow of mind." 28:65
371. "And thy life shall hang in doubt before thee; and thou shalt fear day and night, and shalt have none assurance of thy life." 28:66
372. "In the morning thou shalt say, Would God it were even! and at even thou shalt say, Would God it were morning! for the fear of thine heart wherewith thou shalt fear, and for the sight of thine eyes which thou shalt see." 28:67
373. God will have you sold to your enemies -- but even they won't buy you. 28:68
374. If you serve the gods of other nations, "all the curses that are in this book" will fall upon you. 29:18-20
375. If you follow your own heart, God will curse you with all the curses in Deuteronomy 28:15-68. 29:19-20
376. "And the Lord will put all these curses upon thine enemies." See Deuteronomy 28:16-64 for some of the curses God has in mind. 30:7
377. Moses tells the people that God will destroy all the inhabitants of the lands that they pass through. 31:3
378. When God gets mad -- watch out! He'll starve you to death, burn you with fire, and send vicious beasts to devour you. He'll "destroy both the young man and the virgin, the suckling also with the man of gray hairs." Not even the helpless and innocent are spared by this psychotic God. 32:21-26
379. "For a fire is kindled in mine anger, and shall burn unto the lowest hell, and shall consume the earth with her increase, and set on fire the foundations of the mountains." 32:22
380. "I will heap mischiefs upon them; I will spend mine arrows upon them." 32:23
381. "They shall be burnt with hunger, and devoured with burning heat, and with bitter destruction: I will also send the teeth of beasts upon them, with the poison of serpents of the dust." 32:24
382. "The sword without, and terror within, shall destroy both the young man and the virgin, the suckling also with the man of gray hairs." 32:25
383. "I said, I would scatter them into corners, I would make the remembrance of them to cease from among men." 32:26
384. God says, "To me belongeth vengeance, and recompense ... for the day of their destruction is at hand." 32:35
385. God says, "I kill ... I wound ... I will make my arrows drunk with blood, and my sword shall devour flesh." Someone should take his sword and arrows away, at least until he's feeling better. 32:39-43
386. He [God] shall thrust out the enemy from before thee; and shall say, Destroy them. 33:27

     Joshua

387. "Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest."
     Donald Rumsfeld sent this verse to inspire the troops during the 2003 invasion of Iraq. 1:9
388. "Whosoever ... will not hearken unto thy words ... shall be put to death."
     Whoever disobeys Joshua must be killed. 1:18
389. God "magnifies" Joshua and promises to "without fail" drive out all the inhabitants of the lands through which they passed. 3:7
390. "And the city shall be accursed ... and all that therein, to the Lord: only Rahab the harlot shall live." God explains that Rahab is to be spared since she hid Joshua's spies and lied to those who were searching for them (2:4-5). But why was everyone else killed? Some of them were probably liars too. 6:17
391. "And they utterly destroyed all that was in the city, both man and woman, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of the sword." 6:21
392. After killing everyone, "they burnt the city with fire, and all that was therein." Only the valuables (silver, gold, brass, and iron) did they keep to "put into the treasury of the house of the Lord." 6:24
393. Joshua says that those who try to rebuild Jericho will be accursed by God, and will have to sacrifice both their oldest and their youngest sons in its construction.

     And according to 1 Kg 16:34 this prophecy was fulfilled, when Hiel rebuilt Jericho, laying the foundation with his oldest son and the gate with his youngest son "according the word of the Lord." 6:26

394. God tells Joshua to kill whoever took "the accursed thing." 7:10-12
395. If you happen to see "the accursed thing," don't touch it. If you do, you, your family, and all of your animals must be burned. 7:15
396. "And Joshua ... took Achan ... and his sons, and his daughters, and his oxen, and his sheep... And all of Israel stoned them with stones, and burned them with fire, after they had stoned them with stones." This is because Achan "took of the accursed thing" -- whatever that means. But why would God require that Achan's sons and daughters (and even his animals) be stoned to death along with him? The Bible doesn't say. But it does tell us that "the Lord turned from the fierceness of his anger" when Achan, his children, and his animals were stoned to death and their dead bodies burned. 7:24-26
397. "When ye have taken the city [Ai] ... ye shall set the city on fire: according to the commandment of the LORD. 8:8
398. "They smote them, so that they let none of them remain or escape." 8:22
399. "When Israel had made an end of slaying all the inhabitants of Ai in the field ... all the Israelites returned unto Ai, and smote it with the edge of the sword." 8:24
400. "All that fell that day, both of men and women, were twelve thousand." 8:25
401. Joshua hangs the king of Ai on a tree until evening. 8:29
402. After Joshua kills all the inhabitants of Ai, burns their city, and hangs their king on a tree, he kills some animals and burns them as a "peace offering" to his warlike God. 8:31
403. God curses the Gibeonites to be slaves of the Jews forever. 9:21-27
404. "And the LORD said unto Joshua, Fear them not: for I have delivered them into thine hand."
     God delivers the Amorites into Joshua's hand (so he can kill them all). 10:8
405. "And the LORD discomfited them before Israel, and slew them with a great slaughter at Gibeon, and chased them along the way."
     God slaughters the Amorites and even chases them along the way. 10:10
406. "The LORD cast down great stones from heaven upon them ... and they died."
     As the Amorites try to escape, God sends down huge hailstones and kills even more of them. 10:11
407. In a divine type of daylight savings time, God makes the sun stand still so that Joshua can get all his killing done before dark. 10:12-13
408. God tells Joshua to "pursue after your enemies and smite the hindmost of them." (Kick their butts.) Don't let any of them escape "for the Lord your God hath delivered them into your hand." 10:19
409. Joshua tells his captains to "put your feet upon the necks of these kings." He says, "thus shall the Lord do to all of your enemies." Then Joshua kills the kings and hangs them on trees. 10:24-26
410. Joshua, at God's command, kills everyone and everything that he can find (including babies and little children)-- or, as the Bible puts it, he "utterly destroyed all that breathed, as the Lord commanded." 10:28-32
411. Then Horam king of Gezer came up to help Lachish; and Joshua smote him and his people, until he had left him none remaining." 10:33
412. "Joshua passed unto Eglon ... and smote it with the edge of the sword, and all the souls that were therein he utterly destroyed." 10:34-35
413. "Joshua went ... unto Hebron ... and smote it with the edge of the sword ... and all the cities ... and all the souls that were therein; he left none remaining." 10:36-37
414. "Joshua returned ... to Debir ... And he took it ... and all the cities ... and they smote them with the edge of the sword, and utterly destroyed all the souls that were therein; he left none remaining."10:38-39
415. "So Joshua ... left none remaining, but utterly destroyed all that breathed, as the LORD God of Israel commanded." 10:40
416. "All these kings and their land did Joshua take at one time, because the LORD God of Israel fought for Israel." 10:42
417. God delivers the Hazorites into Joshua's hand, and he knows just what to do with them: he smites them all with (you guessed it) the edge of the sword until "there was not any left to breathe." 11:6-17
418. "And the LORD delivered them into the hand of Israel, who smote them ... and they smote them, until they left them none remaining." 11:8
419. "And Joshua did unto them as the LORD bade him: he houghed their horses." 11:9
420. "Joshua ... smote the king thereof with the sword." 11:10
421. "And they smote all the souls that were therein with the edge of the sword, utterly destroying them: there was not any left to breathe." 11:11
422. "And all the cities of those kings, and all the kings of them, did Joshua take, and smote them with the edge of the sword, and he utterly destroyed them, as Moses the servant of the LORD commanded." 11:12
423. "Every man they smote with the edge of the sword, until they had destroyed them, neither left they any to breathe." 11:14
424. "As the LORD commanded Moses his servant, so did Moses command Joshua, and so did Joshua; he left nothing undone of all that the LORD commanded Moses." 11:15
425. "So Joshua took ... all their kings ... and smote them, and slew them." 11:16-17
426. "For it was of the Lord to harden their hearts, that they should come against Israel in battle, that he might destroy them utterly." Notice that God hardens their hearts so that he can have an excuse to kill them. 11:20
427. "Joshua destroyed them utterly with their cities." 11:21
428. Caleb offers to give his daughter to whoever conquers the city of Debir. Caleb's nephew wins the contest and is given his cousin for a prize. 15:16-17
429. "Did not Achan son of Zerah commit a trespass in the accursed thing, and wrath fell on all the congregation of Israel?" To find out see Joshua 7:1-26. 22:20
430. "I plagued Egypt." 24:5
431. God brags about drowning the Egyptians. 24:7
432. "I gave them [the Amorites] into your hand, that ye might possess their land; and I destroyed them from before you." 24:8
433. "I delivered them into your hand." 24:11
434. God sent hornets to fight for the Israelites. 24:12
435. God is jealous and will never forgive you for your sins. "He will turn and do you hurt, and consume you." 24:19-20

     Judges

436. God appoints Judah to succeed Joshua. The Lord delivers his foes into his hands and another 10,000 are slain. In the process, they capture Adonibezek and "cut off his thumbs and great toes." Nice guys. 1:2-6
437. The LORD delivered the Canaanites and the Perizzites into their hand: and they slew of them in Bezek ten thousand men." 1:4
438. "They slew the Canaanites that inhabited Zephath, and utterly destroyed it ... And the Lord was with Judah." (You can tell by the number of innocent people he killed.) 1:17, 19
439. The Israelite spies killed everyone in Bethel, except for the man (and his family) who showed them how to enter the city. 1:25
440. "The children of Israel did evil again in the sight of the LORD: and the LORD strengthened Eglon the king of Moab against Israel ... So the children of Israel served Eglon the king of Moab eighteen years." 3:12-14
441. Ehud delivers a "message from God" to the king of Moab. God's message consists of a knife thrust so deeply into the king's belly that it could not be extracted, "and the dirt came out." Just another lovely Bible story. 3:15-22
442. God "delivers" more folks into the hands of his chosen people. "And they slew of Moab ... about 10,000 men ... and their escaped not a man." 3:28-29
443. Shamgar kills 600 Philistines with an ox goad. Praise God. 3:31
444. "The Lord shall sell Sisera into the hand of a woman." 4:9
445. "The Lord discomfited Sisera ... with the edge of the sword ... and there was not a man left." 4:15-16
446. Jael (our heroine) offers food and shelter to a traveler (Sisera, Jabin's captain), saying "turn in my Lord ... fear not." Then after giving him a glass of milk and tucking him in, she drives a tent stake through his head. "So God subdued on that day Jabin." 4:17-23
447. For murdering her guest while he slept, Jael is "blessed above women." (Hail Jael, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women....?) 5:24-26
448. "So let all thine enemies perish, O Lord." (Let them all have their temples pierced by blessed women.) 5:31
449. "The children of Israel did evil in the sight of the LORD: and the LORD delivered them into the hand of Midian seven years."
     God forces the Israelites to be slaves to the Midianites for seven years. 6:1
450. "The LORD said unto him, Surely I will be with thee, and thou shalt smite the Midianites as one man." God promises to help Gideon kill all the Midianites. 6:16
451. "The second bullock was offered upon the altar." 6:28
452. When Gideon and his water-lapping companions blow their trumpets, God forces all the enemy soldiers to kill each other, killing 120,000. 7:22, 8:10
453. Two princes are killed and their heads are brought to Gideon. 7:25
454. For refusing to feed him and his army, Gideon swears that he'll tear the flesh off the elders of Succoth. (And he carries out his threat in verse 16.) 8:7
455. "He took the elders of the city, and thorns of the wilderness and briers, and with them he taught the men of Succoth." 8:16
456. "He beat down the tower of Penuel, and slew the men of the city." 8:17
457. Gideon orders his son to kill two kings, but he refuses. So Gideon has to do it himself since his son isn't "man" enough to do it. 8:20-21
458. The curse of Jotham: "Let fire come out from Abimelech, and devour the men of Shechem." (See 9:57) 9:20
459. God sends evil spirits that cause humans to deal treacherously with each other. 9:23-24
460. "And all the evil of the men of Shechem did God render upon their heads: and upon them came the curse of Jotham the son of Jerubbaal."
     God had one thousand men and women burned to death to punish them for supporting Abimelech rather than Jotham. 9:57
461. "God ... delivered Sihon and all his people into the hand of Israel, and they smote them: so Israel possessed all the land of the Amorites." 11:21
462. "Whomsoever the LORD our God shall drive out from before us, them will we [the Israelites] possess." 11:24
463. When "the spirit of the Lord" comes upon Jephthah, he makes a deal with God: If God will help him kill the Ammonites, then he (Jephthah) will offer to God as a burnt offering whatever comes out of his house to greet him. God keeps his end of the deal by providing Jephthah with "a very great slaughter." But when Jephthah returns, his nameless daughter comes out to greet him (who'd he expect, his wife?). Well, a deal's a deal, so he delivers her to God as a burnt offering -- after letting her spend a couple of months going up and down on the mountains bewailing her virginity. 11:29-39
464. "The LORD delivered them into his hands ... And he smote them ... even twenty cities ... with a very great slaughter." 11:32-33
465. "Her father ... did with her according to his vow which he had vowed." 11:39
466. 42,000 Ephraimites fail the "shibboleth" test and are killed by Jephthah's army. 12:6
467. "Manoah took a kid with a meat offering, and offered it upon a rock unto the LORD." 13:19
468. Samson's lust for the Philistine woman was "of the Lord." It was all a part of God's plan for killing Philistines. 14:4
469. Samson rips up a young lion when "the spirit of the Lord came mightily upon him." Later, when going to "take" his Philistine wife he notices a swarm of bees and honey in the lion's carcass (a Divine miracle -- or just rotting flesh, flies, and maggots?). 14:5-8
470. "And the Spirit of the LORD came upon him, and he went down to Ashkelon, and slew thirty men ... and gave change of garments unto them which expounded the riddle."
     When the Spirit of the Lord came upon Samson, he killed 30 men at random and took their clothes and gave it to the guys at the party as a prize for guessing his riddle.
     (Samson might have been a decent person if he could have kept the spirit of the Lord off him.) 14:19
471. Samson catches 300 foxes, ties their tails together, and sets them on fire; the Philistines burn Samson's ex-wife and father-in-law; and Samson smites them "hip and thigh with a great slaughter." 15:4-8
472. "The spirit of the Lord came mightily upon" Samson and "he found a new jawbone of an ass ... and took it, and slew 1000 men therewith." 15:14-15
473. Samson, with God's help, kills himself and 3000 Philistine men and women by causing a roof to collapse, setting an example for Bible-based terrorism. 16:27-30
474. The Massacre of the Peaceful, Unsuspecting People
     The story begins with the tribe of Dan (one of the 12 tribes of Israel) looking for a nice place to live. So they sent out five men to find some land. 18:1-27
475. After taking in a traveling Levite, the host offers his virgin daughter and his guest's concubine to a mob of perverts (who want to have sex with his guest). The mob refuses the daughter, but accepts the concubine and they "abuse her all night." The next morning she crawls back to the doorstep and dies. The Levite puts her dead body on an ass and takes her home. Then he chops her body up into twelve pieces and sends them to each of the twelve tribes of Israel. 19:22-30
476. "I took my concubine, and cut her in pieces, and sent her throughout all the country."
     The Levite tells everyone his story (leaving out the part about how he gave his concubine to the mob to do with as they pleased), explaining the mysterious rotting body part messages that brought everyone in Israel together. 20:4-6
477. After the Benjamites refuse to turn over the men from Gibeah (the town that wanted to have sex with the Levite but settled for his concubine instead), the Israelites asked God which tribe should go to war with them. God said the tribe of Judah should go first. So Judah goes to war, but the Benjamites with their sharp shooting lefties kill 22,000 Israelites. 20:18-21
478. After 22,000 Israelites were killed by the Benjamites, they cry all day before the Lord. Then they ask God (again) if they should go to war against Benjamin. God said yes, so they try it again, and another 18,000 Israelites are killed. 20:23-25
479. Once again all of the Israelites sit and weep before God, and ask again (for the third time) if they should attack the Benjamites. God give them his usual answer: Attack. This time he promises (he was just kidding the last couple times) that he "will deliver them into thine hand." 20:26-28
480. God helps the Israelites kill 25,100 Benjamites. 20:35
481. The Israelites killed everyone in the city with the edge of the sword. 20:37
482. Another 25,000 Benjamites are killed by the God-assisted Israelites. 20:44-46
483. The Israelites finish their massacre of the Benjamites by killing all the men, animals, and everything they could find in every Benjamite city. Then they burned the cities to the ground. (In this way God helped the Israelites make everything better after the rape and dismemberment of the concubine.) 20:48
484. Here's what the Israelites decide to do. They will go and kill everyone in Jabeshgilead except for the virgin women and give them to the 600 surviving Benjamites. 21:11

     1 Samuel

485. "The Lord killeth" -- every chance he gets. 2:6, 25
486. "The adversaries of the Lord shall be broken to pieces; out of heaven shall he thunder upon them." If God doesn't like you, he'll send a thunderstorm your way to break your body into little pieces. 2:10
487. "Because the LORD would slay them." Eli's sons didn't listen to him, because God had already decided to kill them. (Which he does in 4:11.) 2:25
488. "A man of God unto Eli, and said unto him, Thus saith the LORD ... I will cut off thine arm... There shall not be an old man in thine house for ever ... I shall ... consume thine eyes and ... grieve thine heart."
     A "man of God" tells Eli that God will "consume his eyes" and "grieve his heart" and make sure that all of his decendants will die young" because of the stuff his sons did. 2:27-32
489. "And this shall be a sign unto thee, that shall come upon thy two sons, on Hophni and Phinehas; in one day they shall die both of them."
     God says he'll kill his two sons as a sign to him. (Just ot remind him of the nasty things he plans to do to him and his descendants to punish him for what his sons did.) 2:34
490. God will punish Eli's descendants forever for the sins of Eli's sons. 3:12-13
491. "The two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas, were slain."
     God killed Eli's sons as he promised to do. (See 2:25 and 34) 4:11
492. God smites the people of Ashdod with hemorrhoids "in their secret parts." 5:6-12
493. God kills 50,070 men for looking into the ark. "And the people lamented, because the Lord had smitten many of the people with a great slaughter." 6:19
494. "And Samuel took a sucking lamb, and offered it for a burnt offering wholly unto the LORD." 7:9
495. The LORD thundered with a great thunder on that day upon the Philistines, and discomfited them; and they were smitten before Israel." 7:10-11
496. "And the spirit of God came upon Saul ... and he took a yoke of oxen, and hewed them in pieces, and sent them throughout all the coast of Israel." People do the darnedest things when the spirit of God comes upon them! 11:6-7
497. "Saul ... slew the Ammorites unto the heat of the day." Then he took a little break. After all, killing is hard work. 11:11
498. To day the LORD hath wrought salvation in Israel."
     God saved the Israelites by slaughtering the Ammonites. 11:13
499. "Saul said, Bring hither a burnt offering to me, and peace offerings. And he offered the burnt offering." 13:9
500. God delivers the Philistines into Jonathan's hand. And his very "first slaughter ... was about twenty men." Not bad for a first slaughter. 14:12
501. Under God's influence, the Philistines killed each other. 14:20
502. "So the LORD saved Israel that day."
     God saved Israel by forcing Philistines to kill each other. 14:23
503. But later, Saul and his army kill all of those who had not already been killed. 14:36
504. God orders Saul to kill all of the Amalekites: men, women, infants, sucklings, ox, sheep, camels, and asses. Why? Because God remembers what Amalek did hundreds of years ago. 15:2-3
505. Saul killed everyone but Agag (the king) and the best of the animals. But still God was furious with Saul for not killing everything as he had been told to do. He said, "it repenteth me that I have set Saul up to be king." 15:7-26
506. Saul is rebuked by Samuel for "doing evil in the sight of the Lord" by failing to kill all of the Amalekites. 15:18-19
507. Because Saul didn't kill everyone as God commanded, God changes his mind about him being king. 15:23-26
508. To please God, Samuel hacks Agag in pieces "before the Lord" [I bet God enjoyed that!] -- after Agag pleads with him saying, "surely the bitterness of death has past." 15:32-34
509. After God rejects Saul for refusing to kill indiscriminately, he sends Samuel to find another king. David is chosen and anointed by Samuel, and "the spirit of the Lord came upon him from that day forward." 16:13
510. "But the spirit of the Lord departed from Saul [since he was not murderous enough for God], and an evil spirit from the Lord troubled him." But if God is good, then how could he have an evil spirit? 16:14-16, 23
511. David kills Goliath with his sling, beheads him, and carries the head back to Jerusalem. 17:51-57
512. David and Saul have a contest to see who can kill the most people for God, and the women act as cheerleaders saying, "Saul has killed his thousands, and David his tens of thousands." 18:6-7, 21:11, 29:5
513. David kills 200 Philistines and brings their foreskins to Saul to buy his first wife (Saul's daughter Michal). Saul had only asked for 100 foreskins, but David was feeling generous. 18:25-27
514. "David went out, and fought with the Philistines, and slew them with a great slaughter." 19:8
515. God will wipe all of David's enemies off the face of the earth. 20:15-16
516. Saul kills 85 priests of Nob and all men, women, children, and animals in the city of Nob. 22:18-19
517. "David inquired of the Lord, saying, Shall I go and smite these Philistines? And the Lord said unto David, Go, and smite the Philistines." 23:2
518. "Then David enquired of the LORD yet again. And the LORD answered him and said ... I will deliver the Philistines into thine hand." 23:4
519. "So David ... fought with the Philistines ... and smote them with a great slaughter." 23:5
520. "If I leave ... any that pisseth against the wall."
     David vows to will kill Nabal and all his men (or as he put it, "any that pisseth against the wall".) 25:22
521. "Except thou hadst hasted and come to meet me, surely there had not been left unto Nabal by the morning light any that pisseth against the wall."
     If Abigail hadn't come and paid him off, David would have killed Nabal and any of his people "that pisseth against the wall". 25:34
522. "And it came to pass about ten days after, that the Lord smote Nabal, that he died." This was convenient for David who then took his property and his wife, Abigail. 25:38
523. "When David heard that Nabal was dead, he said, Blessed be the LORD ... And David sent and communed with Abigail, to take her to him to wife." 25:39
524. "And David smote the land and left neither man nor woman alive." (No wonder God liked David so much!) 27:8-11
525. Saul visits a woman with a "familiar spirit" and she brings Samuel back from the dead. Samuel once again explains that God is angry at Saul for not killing all of the Amalekites. He says God is going to deliver all of Israel into the hands of the Philistines. (Since Saul refused to slaughter innocent people, God will slaughter the Israelites. Fair is fair.) 28:8-19
526. "Because thou obeyedst not the voice of the LORD, nor executedst his fierce wrath upon Amalek, therefore hath the LORD done this thing unto thee this day." 28:18
527. "The LORD will also deliver Israel with thee into the hand of the Philistines: and to morrow shalt thou and thy sons be with me."
     God sent a message to Saul (through a dead man brought back to life by a witch) was that tomorrow God would make sure that the Philistines kill him and his sons (to punish Saul for not killing all the Amalekites like God told him to in 15:3). 28:19
528. The Philistine leaders didn't trust David, even though David had committed many genocides for them. They had heard about how the Israelite dancing girls used to sing about David's killings, singing, "Saul has killed his thousands, and David his tens of thousands." So they worried that David could not be trusted to kill his own people. But they were wrong about that. David was always willing to kill anyone at anytime for any reason whatsoever. That's why God loved him so much. 29:5
529. "David said unto Achish, But what have I done ... that I may not go fight against the enemies of my lord the king?"
     David was disappointed. He wanted to go kill Israelites with the Philistines. 29:8
530. "David smote them from the twilight even unto the evening of the next day: and there escaped not a man of them, save four hundred young men."
     David spends the day killing more of those pesky Amalekites. He kills all of them except for 400 that escaped on camels. (See 15:7-8 and 27:8-9 for the last two times they were exterminated.) 30:17
531. "Now the Philistines fought against Israel; and the men of Israel fled from before the Philistines, and fell down slain in mount Gilboa."
     God used the Philistines to kill the Israelite soldiers to punish Saul for not killing all the Amalekites. (See 28:19) 31:1
532. "The Philistines slew Jonathan, and Abinadab, and Melchishua, Saul's sons."
     God had the Philistines kill Saul's sons to punish him for not killing all the Amalekites. See 28:19) 31:2
533. "So Saul died, and his three sons, and his armourbearer, and all his men, that same day together." 31:6
534. They cut off his head ... and sent into the land of the Philistines round about ... and they fastened his body to the wall of Bethshan." Was this a part of Saul's punishment for not killing all the Amalekites? 31:9-10

     2 Samuel

535. David tells one of his "young men" to kill the Amalekite messenger who claimed to have mercifully killed Saul at Saul's own request. 1:15
536. Joab and Abner watch as the young men "play" a cruel game. "And they caught every one his fellow by the head, and thrust his sword in his fellow side, so they fell down together." 2:14
537. Abner smites Asahel "under the fifth rib." (It seems that in 2 Samuel this is the preferred place to get smitten. 3:27, 4:6, 20:10) 2:23
538. When Joab (David's captain) kills Abner (by smiting him under the fifth rib of course), David says that he and his kingdom are not responsible. The blame, he says, lays with Joab. So David curses Joab, his family, and their descendants forever. Let them all be plagued with venereal diseases and leprosy, starve to death, commit suicide, or lean on staves. (The Revised Standard Version translates "leaneth on a staff" as "holds a spindle," apparently meaning effeminate -- real men don't spin or weave.) 3:27-29
539. Some of David's men kill Saul's son (by smiting him under the fifth rib, of course) and bring his head to David, thinking that he'll be pleased. But he wasn't. David has the assassins killed, their hands and feet chopped off, and their bodies hung up (for decorations?) over the pool in Hebron. 4:6-7
540. Whoever kills the lame and the blind will be David's "chief and captain." 5:8
541. "David ... grew great, and the LORD God of hosts was with him." 5:10
542. David asks God if he should kill some more Philistines. God says yes, and he'll even help. So David and God "smote the Philistines" again. 5:19
543. "David smote them there, and said, The LORD hath broken forth upon mine enemies before me."
     God helps David slaughter his enemies. 5:20
544. "When thou hearest the sound of a going in the tops of the mulberry trees ... then shall the LORD go out before thee, to smite the host of the Philistines." 5:24
545. "And David did so, as the LORD had commanded him; and smote the Philistines." 5:25
546. Uzzah tries to keep the ark from falling off the cart, and God kills him for it. I guess it was God's way of saying Thanks. 6:6-7
547. "I was with thee whithersoever thou wentest, and have cut off all thine enemies out of thy sight."
     God was with David wherever he went and killed all of his enemies for him. 7:9
548. David kills two thirds of the Moabites and makes the rest slaves. He also cripples the captured horses. 8:2-4
549. "David slew of the Syrians two and twenty thousand men ... and the Lord preserved David withersoever he went." 8:5-6, 14
550. "David gat him a name when he returned from smiting of the Syrians in the valley of salt, being eighteen thousand men ... And the LORD preserved David whithersoever he went." 8:13-14
551. David tells Joab (his captain) to send Bathsheba's husband (Uriah) to "the forefront of the hottest battle ... that he may be smitten and die." In this way, David gets another wife. 11:15, 11:17-27
552. To punish David for having Uriah killed, God kills Bathsheba's baby boy. 12:14-18
553. "He ... put them under saws, and under harrows of iron, and under axes of iron, and made them pass through the brick-kiln."
     David tortured or enslaved (depending on translation) all the inhabitants of several cities. 12:31
554. Absalom has his servants kill his brother for raping his sister. (This chapter, which includes incest, rape, murder, should be rated NC-17.) 13:28-29
555. "There was there a great slaughter that day of twenty thousand men ... and the wood devoured more people that day than the sword devoured."
     It must have been a really spooky forest to have devoured more than 20,000 men! 18:7-8
556. Poor Absalom gets his head caught in an oak tree, and before he can get free, Joab thrusts three darts through his heart. 18:14
557. "Then said Ahimaaz ... Let me now run, and bear the king tidings, how that the LORD hath avenged him of his enemies." (See 2 Samuel 17:14) 18:19
558. Amasa is viciously slaughtered by Joab, who "shed out his bowels to the ground ... And Amasa wallowed in blood in the midst of the highway." 20:10, 12
559. "Then cried a wise woman out of the city ... Behold, his head shall be thrown to thee over the wall ... And they cut off the head of Sheba ... and cast it out to Joab." 20:16-22
560. A famine is sent on David's kingdom for three years. When David asks God why, God answers: "It is for Saul, and his bloody house, because he slew the Gibeonites. "So God sent a famine to punish a kingdom for something that a former king had done. 21:1
561. To appease God and end the famine that was caused by his predecessor (Saul), David agrees to have two of Saul's sons and five of his grandsons killed and hung up "unto the Lord." 21:6-9
562. "They hanged them in the hill before the LORD." 21:9
563. "They gathered the bones of them that were hanged ... And after that God was intreated for the land."
     God stopped the famine after Saul's two sons and five grandsons were killed and hung up for him. 21:13-14
564. "He teacheth my hands to war."
     Might as well learn from an expert. 22:35
565. "I have pursued mine enemies, and destroyed them; and turned not again until I had consumed them. And I have consumed them, and wounded them, that they could not arise: yea, they are fallen under my feet." 22:38-39
566. "Thou hast also given me the necks of mine enemies, that I might destroy them that hate me." 22:41
567. "They looked, but there was none to save; even unto the LORD, but he answered them not." 22:42
568. "I beat them as small as the dust of the earth, I did stamp them as the mire of the street." 22:43
569. "It is God that avengeth me, and that bringeth down the people under me. And that bringeth me forth from mine enemies: thou also hast lifted me up on high above them that rose up against me." 22:48-49
570. "And the LORD wrought a great victory that day; and the people returned after him only to spoil." 23:10-12
571. The chief of David's captains killed with his own spear 800 guys at one time. 23:8
572. "Eleazar the son of Dodo ... smote the Philistines until his hand was weary, and his hand clave unto the sword: and the LORD wrought a great victory that day." 23:9-10
573. "Shammah the son of Agee ... slew the Philistines: and the LORD wrought a great victory." 23:11-12
574. "Abishai ... lifted up his spear against three hundred, and slew them." 23:18
575. "Benaiah the son of Jehoiada ... slew two lionlike men of Moab: he went down also and slew a lion in the midst of a pit in time of snow. And he slew an Egyptian, a goodly man: and the Egyptian had a spear in his hand." 23:20-21
576. God offers David a choice of punishments for having conducted the census: 1) seven years of famine (1 Chr 21:12 says three years), 2) three months fleeing from enemies, or 3) three days of pestilence. David can't decide, so God chooses for him and sends a pestilence, killing 70,000 men (and probably around 200,000 women and children). 24:13

     1 Kings

577. In David's last words, he commands his son Solomon to murder Joab and Shimei. 2:1-9

578. Solomon has his brother (Adonijah) murdered. 2:24-25

579. Solomon carries out the deathbed instructions of his father David by having Joab murdered. 2:29-34

580. Solomon justifies the murder of Joab by saying that Joab also was a murderer, and that the blood of Joab's victims "shall therefore return upon the head of Joab, and upon the head of his seed for ever." 2:33

581. But Solomon is not done murdering yet. He has Shimei murdered -- or as Solomon put it, "The Lord shall return thy wickedness upon thine own head." 2:44, 46

582. Solomon killed and sacrificed 1000 animals to God at Gibeon. 3:4

583. When the ark of the covenant was brought into the temple, Solomon killed more animals than could be numbered. 8:5

584. When dedicating the temple, Solomon killed 22,000 oxen and 120,000 sheep. 8:63

585. "Joab ... had smitten every male in Edom."
     Joab (David's captain) spent six months killing every male in Edom. Yet a few years later Edom revolted. (2 Kings 8:22) 11:15-16

586. "Solomon sought therefore to kill Jeroboam." 11:40

587. King Josiah is prophesied to sacrifice the priests of the "high places" on their altars. And he does so in 2 Kings 23:20. Note that this is a guy who "did what was right in the eyes of the Lord" (2 Kings 22:2). 13:2

588. "And his hand, which he put forth against him, dried up ... And the man of God besought the LORD, and the king's hand was restored him again."
     Ever the playful spirit, God withers, and then restores, the hand of king Jeroboam. 13:4-6

589. "A lion met him by the way, and slew him."
     So there were these two prophets. The first prophet lied to the second. To the punish the second for believing the first's lie, God sent a lion to kill him. Get it? 13:11-24

590. "When the prophet ... heard thereof, he said, It is the man of God, who was disobedient unto the word of the LORD: therefore the LORD hath delivered him unto the lion, which hath torn him, and slain him, according to the word of the LORD." 13:26

591. God promises to "bring evil upon the house of Jerobaom," saying he will "cut off" anyone "that pisseth against the wall." Then, after he is done with them, their dead bodies will be eaten by dogs (if they are city dwellers) or fowls (if they are country folk). 14:10-11

592. "Him that dieth of Jeroboam in the city shall the dogs eat; and him that dieth in the field shall the fowls of the air eat: for the LORD hath spoken it." 14:11

593. "When thy feet enter into the city, the child shall die." 14:12

594. "For the LORD shall smite Israel ... because they have made their groves, provoking the LORD to anger." 14:15

595. "When she came to the threshold of the door, the child died."
     To punish Jeroboam for making gold calves, God killed his son. 14:17

596. Baasha kills "all of the house of Jeroboam" leaving none "to breath." This slaughter was done "according to the word of the Lord." 15:29

597. "I will ... make thy house like the house of Jeroboam. Him that dieth of Baasha in the city shall the dogs eat; and him that dieth of his in the fields shall the fowls of the air eat."
     God says he's going to kill Baasha's family (like he did Jeroboam's). 16:3-4

598. "He slew all the house of Baasha: he left him not one that pisseth against a wall, neither of his kinsfolks, nor of his friends. Thus did Zimri destroy all the house of Baasha, according to the word of the LORD."
     Zimri kills everyone "that pisseth against a wall ... according to the word of the Lord." 16:11-12

599. "When Zimri saw that the city was taken, that he went into the palace of the king's house, and burnt the king's house over him with fire, and died. For his sins which he sinned in doing evil in the sight of the LORD, in walking in the way of Jeroboam, and in his sin which he did, to make Israel to sin."
     Did God force Zimri to burn himself to death? 16:18-19

600. "Zimri ... died ... doing evil in the sight of the LORD." 16:18-19

601. "He laid the foundation thereof in Abiram his firstborn, and set up the gates thereof in his youngest son Segub, according to the word of the LORD."
     When Hiel rebuilds Jericho, he lays the foundation with the body of his oldest son and sets up the gates with his youngest son's body "according to the word of the Lord."
     Did God want Hiel to sacrifice his sons in this way? Did he make him do it? What does "according to the word of the Lord" mean here? 16:34

602. Elijah kills 450 prophets of Baal. 18:22, 40

603. "There came a prophet unto Ahab king of Israel, saying, Thus saith the LORD, Hast thou seen all this great multitude? behold, I will deliver it into thine hand this day; and thou shalt know that I am the LORD." 20:13

604. "They slew every one his man: and the Syrians fled; and Israel pursued them ... And the king of Israel ... slew the Syrians with a great slaughter."
     The first God assisted "great slaugher" of the Syrians. 20:21

605. God delivers the Syrians into the Israelites' hands, and 100,000 were killed in one day. Of those that escaped, 27,000 were crushed by a falling wall. (It was a really big wall.) 20:28-30

606. "A man of God ... said, Thus saith the LORD, Because the Syrians have said, The LORD is God of the hills, but he is not God of the valleys, therefore will I deliver all this great multitude into thine hand, and ye shall know that I am the LORD."
     God kills 127,000 Syrians because they said he was God of the hills but not God of the valleys. 20:28

607. "The children of Israel slew of the Syrians an hundred thousand footmen in one day." 20:29

608. "There a wall fell upon twenty and seven thousand of the men that were left." 20:30

609. "Ben-hadad said unto him, The cities, which my father took from thy father, I will restore ... Then said Ahab, I will send thee away with this covenant. So he made a covenant with him, and sent him away."
     King Ahab is merciful to king Beh-hada. God will later kill him for it. (See 1 Kings 20:42 and 22:35) 20:34

610. There was this son of a prophet that said to his neighbor, "Smite me." But the neighbor refused. So God sent a lion to devour him. 20:35-36

611. Thus saith the LORD, Because thou hast let go out of thy hand a man whom I appointed to utter destruction, therefore thy life shall go for his life, and thy people for his people."
     The prophet tells king Ahab that he will be killed and his people punished for not killing Ben-hadad: "Your life shall go for his life, and your people for his people." 20:42

612. "Thou didst blaspheme God and the king."
     Although Naboth was set up here by Jezebel to steal his land, the text assumes that the proper punishment for "blaspheming God and the king" is death by stoning. 21:10-13

613. "Thus saith the Lord, in the place where dogs licked the blood of Naboth shall dogs lick thy blood, even thine."
     God says that dogs with lick Ahab's blood. But Jezebel, not Ahab, was repsonsible for Naboth's death. 21:19

614. "Behold, I will bring evil upon thee, and will take away thy posterity, and will cut off from Ahab him that pisseth against the wall."
     God will "bring evil upon" Ahab and kill everyone in his family "that pisseth against the wall." 21:21

615. The dogs shall eat Jezebel."
     Jezebel (Ahab's "strange" wife) "stirred up" Ahab to "work wickedness in the sight of the Lord." To punish her, God will feed her dead body to the dogs. He also plans to feed Ahab's family to the dogs (if they live in the city) and to the birds (if they are country folks). 21:23-25

616. "Seest thou how Ahab humbleth himself before me? because he humbleth himself before me, I will not bring the evil in his days: but in his son's days will I bring the evil upon his house."
     Since Ahab humbles himself before the Lord, God decides not to bring evil on him; he'll he'll bring it on Ahab's son instead. 21:29

617. "And the LORD said, Who shall persuade Ahab?"
     God asks for volunteer among the guys hanging out with him. He wants one of them to lie for him so that he can get Ahab kiiled. 22:19-22

618. Jehoshaphat "did that which was right in the eyes of the Lord" and "took" the homosexuals (sodomites) "out of the land," or as the RSV says, "he exterminated" them. 22:43, 46

     2 Kings

619. Ahaziah was sick and sent messengers to Baalzebub to ask if he would recover. God was jealous of the attention given to his competitor and tells Ahaziah that he will die for asking the wrong god. 1:2-8

620. Elijah shows that he is "a man of God" by burning 102 men to death. He did the job in two shifts of 51 men each. 1:9-12

621. God kills Ahaziah for consulting another God. 1:16-17

622. God sends two bears to rip up 42 little children for making fun of Elisha's bald head. 2:23-24

623. God instructs the Israelites, through the prophet Elisha, to implement a scorched earth policy on the Moabites. "Strike every fortified city and every choice city, and fell every good tree and stop all springs of water, and mar every good piece of land with stones." 3:19-25

624. In a desperate attempt to halt the slaughter of his people by the Israelites, the king of Moab sacrifices his oldest son as a burnt offering. And it seems to have worked! 3:27

625. Elisha not only can cure leprosy, he can also dish it out. Here he makes his servant (Gehazi) and all his descendants lepers forever. 5:27

626. "Elisha prayed unto the LORD, and said, Smite this people, I pray thee, with blindness. And he smote them with blindness according to the word of Elisha. 6:18

627. "So we boiled my son, and did eat him." Women killed, boiled and ate their own children because of a plague that God sent, or as the Bible puts it: "Behold, this evil is of the Lord." 6:28-29, 33

628. Someone questions Elisha's forecast, and Elisha tells him (indirectly) that he'll be killed for it. (And he is. See 7.17-20.) 7:2

629. A man is trampled to death for disbelieving Elisha. 7:17-20

630. God sends a famine on the people that lasts for seven years. 8:1

631. God announces his plan to kill Ahab's family. 9:6-10

632. "Thus saith the LORD God ... thou shalt smite the house of Ahab thy master, that I may avenge the blood of my servants the prophets, and the blood of all the servants of the LORD, at the hand of Jezebel." 9:6-7

633. "For the whole house of Ahab shall perish: and I will cut off from Ahab him that pisseth against the wall." 9:8

634. "I will make the house of Ahab like the house of Jeroboam ... Baasha."
     God will kill Ahab's family just like he did the families of Jeroboam and Baasha. 9:9

635. "And the dogs shall eat Jezebel ... and there shall be none to bury her." 9:10

636. God pays back Ahab by killing his son. 9:24

637. God has Jezebel thrown off a wall. Her blood is sprinkled on the wall and on the horses, by which she is trampled. Her body is eaten by dogs and all that remains of it is her hands, feet, and skull. God says that she "shall be as dung upon the face of the field." 9:33-37

638. All seventy of king Ahab's sons are killed, their heads put in baskets, and sent to Jezreel. He says, "Lay ye them in two heaps ..." 10:7-8

639. Jehu kills all that remained of king Ahab's family. 10:11

640. Jehu meets with 42 brothers of Ahaziah, and then he murders them. 2 Chronicles 22:7 says that his killing was "of God." 10:13-14

641. Jehu shows off his zeal for the Lord by murdering "all that remained unto Ahab in Samaria, till he had destroyed him according to the word of the Lord." 10:16-17

642. Jehu lied to the followers of Baal so that he could trap and kill them. 10:19

643. Jehu warns his guards saying, "If any of the men escape, he that letteth him go, his life shall be for the life of him." 10:24

644. Jehu, when he finishes his animal sacrifices, orders his men to "Go in, and slay them, let none come forth. And they smote them with the edge of the sword." 10:25

645. God is greatly pleased with all of Jehu's killings, saying "because thou hast done well in executing that which is right in mine eyes, and hast done unto the house of Ahab according to all that was in mine heart [Jehu murdered them all], thy children of the fourth generation shall sit on the throne of Israel." 10:30

646. Jehoida has Athaliah killed. 11:15-16

647. The "Lord's people" destroyed the "house of Baal" and killed "the priest of Baal before the altars." 11:17-18

648. Amaziah "did that which was right in the sight of the Lord" and killed ten thousand Edomites. 14:3, 7

649. God strikes king Azariah with leprosy "unto the day of his death" for not removing the high places. 15:5

650. God sent lions to devour the foreigners in Samaria because "they feared not the Lord," and even worse "they knew not the manner of the God of the land." 17:25-26

651. I will send a blast upon him, and he shall hear a rumour, and shall return to his own land; and I will cause him to fall by the sword in his own land."
     God will cause Sennacherib to be killed by the sword. (See verse 37 where Sennacherib is killed by his own sons while praying.) 19:7

652. An "angel of the Lord" kills 185,000 men while they sleep. "And when they arose early in the morning, behold, they were all dead corpses." I guess they all woke up and said, "Shucks, I'm dead." 19:35

653. "Sennacherib ... departed ... And ... as he was worshipping in the house of Nisroch his god, that Adrammelech and Sharezer his sons smote him with the sword."
     God made the sons murder their father. (See verse 7.) 19:36-37

654. Josiah, apparently with God's approval, kills "all the priests of the high places" and sacrifices them to God on their altars. Note that this is a guy who "did what was right in the eyes of the Lord" (2 Kings 22:2). 23:20

655. Even though Josiah did all that God asked of him, God still punished him and all Jerusalem for the acts of his grandfather. 23:26

     1 Chronicles

656. God killed Er for being "evil in the sight of the Lord." 2:3

657. The sons of Reuben made war with the Hagarites and "there fell down many slain, because the war was from God." They did pretty well for themselves, too, in God's war, taking 250,000 sheep and 100,000 slaves. 5:18-22

658. But the Israelites "transgressed against the God of their fathers, and went a whoring after the gods of the people of the land, whom God destroyed before them." So God inspired the Assyrians to enslave the Israelites. 5:25-26

659. "Phinehas ... the LORD was with him."
     See Numbers 25:7-8 to see what he did when the Lord was with him. 9:20

660. "Now the Philistines fought against Israel; and the men of Israel fled from before the Philistines, and fell down slain in mount Gilboa."
     God used the Philistines to kill the Israelite soldiers to punish Saul for not killing all the Amalekites. (See 1 Samuel 28:19) 10:1

661. Saul died for refusing God's order to kill all of the Amalekites (1 Sam 15:2-3, 18-19) and for consulting a witch (1 Sam 28:8-19). 10:13-14

662. "David said, Whosoever smiteth the Jebusites first shall be chief and captain." 11:6

663. The chief of David's captains killed with his own spear 300 guys at one time. 11:11

664. Eleazar the son of Dodo ... one of the three mighties ... slew the Philistines; and the LORD saved them by a great deliverance." 11:12-14

665. Abishai killed 300 men with his spear. 11:20

666. "Benaiah ... slew two lionlike men of Moab: also he went down and slew a lion." 11:22

667. God kills Uzza for trying to keep the ark from falling. 13:9-10

668. "The LORD said unto him, Go up; for I will deliver them into thine hand."
     God tells David to go to war with the Philistines, promising to deliver them into his hand. 14:10

669. "God hath broken in upon mine enemies by mine hand."
     God helps David slaughter his enemies. 14:11

670. "David therefore did as God commanded him: and they smote the host of the Philistines." 14:16

671. "David also houghed all the chariot horses." 18:4

672. "David slew of the Syrians two and twenty thousand men." 18:5

673. "The LORD preserved David whithersoever he went." 18:6

674. "Abishai ... slew of the Edomites in the valley of salt eighteen thousand ... and all the Edomites became David's servants. Thus the LORD preserved David whithersoever he went." 18:12-13

675. David kills 7000 men in chariots and 40,000 footmen. 19:18

676. David's army "wastes the children of Ammon ... besieged Rabbah ... and destroyed it." 20:1

677. David tortured or enslaved (depending on translation) all the inhabitants of several cities. 20:3

678. God killed 70,000 mean (and their families) in a plague to punish David for having a census that God (or Satan) inspired. 21:14

     2 Chronicles

679. "Solomon ... offered a thousand burnt offerings upon it." 1:6

680. "Solomon ... sacrificed sheep and oxen, which could not be told nor numbered for multitude." 5:6

681. "When Solomon had made an end of praying, the fire came down from heaven, and consumed the burnt offering and the sacrifices." 7:1

682. Solomon, when dedicating the temple, killed 22,000 oxen and 120,000 sheep. 7:5

683. God sent Shishak, the king of Egypt, to attack Jerusalem because Rehoboam "and all Israel transgressed against the Lord." Shishak had 1200 chariots, 60,000 horsemen and "people without number" and he attacked Judah and "took the fenced cities which pertained to Judah." When Shishak's army came to Jerusalem, "the princes of Israel and the king humbled themselves" and said, "The Lord is righteous." So God decided not to destroy Jerusalem, but just make them Shishak's slaves instead. 12:2-12

684. God kills the king of Israel and helps Abijah kill 500,000 Israelites. "The children of Judah prevailed, because they relied upon the Lord God of their fathers." (That is, they had God on their side.) 13:15-20

685. In the largest single God-assisted massacre in the Bible, Asa, with God's help, kills one million Ethiopians. 14:8-14

686. "Nation was destroyed of nation, and city of city: for God did vex them with all adversity." 15:6

687. "And they offered unto the LORD ... seven hundred oxen and seven thousand sheep." 15:9

688. "Whosoever would not seek the LORD God of Israel should be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman." 15:13

689. Executing non-believers brings peace. 15:15

690. "A certain man drew a bow ... and smote the king of Israel ... and about the time of the sun going down he died."
     God killed Ahab for showing mercy to king Benhadad. (See 1 Kings 20:42) 18:33-34

691. The spirit of the Lord came upon Jahaziel (the son of Zechariah, the son of Benaiah, the son of Jeiel, the son of Mattanaiah) and told the people of Judah that they didn't have to fight against the Moabites, Ammonites, and Edomites. God would fight for them. And he did. God fought for them by forcing the members of the opposing army to kill each other. Then the people of Judah spent three days stripping the jewels and other valuables from the dead bodies. 20:14-25

692. Elijah tells Jehoram that God will smite his children, wives, and the people of Judah with a great plague (for things that Jehoram did) and God will smite him with a disease of his bowels until his bowels fall out. 21:14-15

693. The LORD stirred up against Jehoram the spirit of the Philistines, and of the Arabians ... And they came up into Judah, and ... and carried away ... his sons also, and his wives; so that there was never a son left him, save Jehoahaz, the youngest of his sons." 21:16-17

694. "And after all this the LORD smote him in his bowels with an incurable disease. And it came to pass, that in process of time, after the end of two years, his bowels fell out by reason of his sickness: so he died of sore diseases." 21:18-19

695. God told Jehu to kill everyone in the house of Ahab and then later condemned him for it (Hosea 1:4). 22:7-9

696. Only Levites can enter "the house of the Lord". "Whosoever else cometh into the house, he shall be put to death." 23:6-7

697. The priest (Jehoiada) tells the people to kill Athaliah and her followers. So they find her and kill her. "And all the people of the land rejoiced: and the city was quiet, after that they had slain Athaliah with the sword." (Don't you just love happy endings?) 23:14-15, 21

698. "Then all the people went to the house of Baal" and broke its altar into pieces and killed Mattan the priest of Baal. 23:17

699. The spirit of God came upon Zechariah and he condemned everyone for disobeying God, so the people stoned him to death. As he was dying, Zechariah asked God to avenge his death. So God sent the Syrians to kill all the princes and God delivered the army of Judah into their hand. In the process, Joash was wounded and then killed in his bed. 24:20-25

700. Amaziah (who "did that which was right in the sight of the Lord") killed 10,000 people; another 10,000 he left alive to throw off a cliff "that they all were broken in pieces." 25:1-2, 11-12

701. God was pleased with Amaziah when he was slaughtering Edomites and throwing people off cliffs, but not when he decided to worship other gods. So God decided to kill Amaziah and cause his army to be defeated by the Israelites. 25:16-27

702. "Uzziah ... did that which was right in the sight of the LORD, according to all that his father Amaziah did."
     LIke throwing 10,000 men off a cliff? (See 25:12) 26:3-4

703. "He went forth and warred against the Philistines ... And God helped him against the Philistines, and against the Arabians that dwelt in Gurbaal, and the Mehunims." 26:6-7

704. "Jothan ... did that which was right in the sight of the LORD ... He fought ... with the king of the Ammonites." 27:1-5

705. God makes Uzziah a leper for burning incense without a license. 26:19-21

706. Pekah killed 120,000 people in one day and enslaves 200,000 women and children "because they had forsaken the Lord God of their fathers." 28:6-8

707. Hezekiah's priests kill 70 bullocks, 100 rams, 200 lambs, 600 oxen, and 3000 sheep for God. The blood of the dead animals is then sprinkled on the altars. 29:22-35

708. The priests killed the passover and sprinkled the blood around to sanctify all the unclean people for the Lord. 30:15-17

709. "With us is the LORD our God to help us, and to fight our battles." 32:8

710. God sent an angel to kill the Assyrian army. (According to 2 Kings 19:35 the angel killed 185,000 sleeping soldiers who woke the next morning to discover that they were dead.) 32:21

711. God vows to "bring evil upon this place ... even all the curses that are written in the book." He says his "wrath shall be poured out upon this place, and shall not be quenched." 34:24-25

712. God gets angry with his people, so he sends the king of the Chaldees to kill all the "young men with the sword." He has compassion for no one, not even old men that are "stooped for age." In his tender mercy and loving kindness he has them all slaughtered. 36:16-17

     Esther

713. With nothing more than suspicion and hearsay, Esther has two men hanged (after a brief inquisition). 2:21-23

714. Without a trial, Esther has another man (Haman) hung. 7:6-10

715. After hanging Haman at Esther's request, the king gave Esther (and her buddy Mordecai) Haman's ring and house. 8:1-7

716. At Esther's request, the king orders a preemptive strike on all 127 provinces from Egypt to Ethiopia. Everyone who planned to kill Jews shall be killed by Jews, along with their wives and children. And all this killing is to take place on a single day.
     (How are the Jews to figure out who planned to kill them and who didn't? Were they supposed to just kill them all and let God sort it out? And why did they need to kill the women and children?) 8:9-11

717. On the day when all Jew-haters (and their families) were killed by Jews, "the Jews had light, and gladness, and joy, and honour ... a feast and a good day." 8:16-17

718. "Many of the people of the land became Jews; for the fear of the Jews fell upon them."
     God's favorite way of making converts: Convert or be killed! 8:17

719. The Jews kill everyone who ever had a bad thought toward them, along with their Jew-hating families. 9:1-16

720. "The Jews smote all their enemies with the stroke of the sword, and slaughter, and destruction, and did what they would unto those that hated them." 9:5

721. "In Shushan the palace the Jews slew and destroyed five hundred men." 9:6

722. "The ten sons of Haman the son of Hammedatha, the enemy of the Jews, slew they." 9:10

723. Esther asks the king to kill all those who planned to kill the Jews and hang the already dead bodies of Haman's ten sons on trees. 9:12-14

724. "The Jews ... slew three hundred men at Shushan." 9:15

725. "The other Jews ... slew of their foes seventy and five thousand." 9:16

     Job

726. To start off God and Satan's gruesome game, Job's slaves and animals are burned to death or killed with swords. Then Job's children are killed in a windstorm while partying. 1:13-19

727. God (or Satan -- it's hard to tell them apart) sends a wind that kills Job's sons and daughters. 1:18-19

728. God and Satan play a little game with Job. God allows Satan to torment Job, just to see how he will react. 2:3-7

729. "So went Satan forth from the presence of the LORD, and smote Job with sore boils from the sole of his foot unto his crown." 2:7

730. Because of God's cruel wager with Satan, Job curses the day he was born. 3:2-3, 11

731. "The arrows of the Almighty are within me ... the terrors of God do set themselves in array against me." 6:4

732. "Thou scarest me with dreams, and terrifiest me through visions" 7:14

733. God multiplies wounds without cause, destroys the perfect along with the wicked, laughs at the trial of the innocent, and hides the truth from judges. 9:17, 22-24

734. Speaking of God, Job says: "He teareth me in his wrath, who hateth me: he gnasheth upon me with his teeth." 16:9

735. "God hath ... taken me by my neck, and shaken me to pieces." 16:11-12
736. "He cleaveth my reins asunder, and doth not spare; he poureth out my gall upon the ground." 16:13
737. "Wilt thou hunt the prey for the lion?"
     God seems pleased to have created prey for lions and ravens to eat. 38:39-41

738. "The eagle ... seeketh the prey.... Her young ones suck up blood."
     God is pleased with the way that predators kill and devour their prey. 39:27-30

     Psalms

739. If you ask God, he'll force heathens to be your slaves and help you "dash them in pieces." 2:8-9

740. Kiss the Son or God will get angry and might have to kill you. 2:12

741. God has smitten his "enemies upon the cheek bone" and has "broken the teeth of the ungodly." 3:7

742. Christians often say that one should love the sinner but hate the sin. Perhaps, but God hates sinners and plans to destroy them. 5:5-6

743. God has prepared deadly weapons (swords, bows, etc.) and plans to use them. 7:11-13

744. If you pray to God, he will kill your enemies for you. 9:3-6

745. God will rain fire and brimstone on "wicked" folks. 11:6

746. The God of peace teaches us how to kill our neighbors in war. 18:34

747. God helps believers kill and enslave their enemies. 18:40-43

748. If you make God angry, he'll burn you and your children to death. 21:9-10

749. God will shoot his adversaries in the back with his arrows. 21:12

750. A sweet prayer for the destruction of one's enemies: Let their way be dark and slippery: and let the angel of the LORD persecute them.... Let destruction come upon him at unawares." 35:6,8

751. God laughs at those that he will later torment. 37:13

752. If you forget God, God will tear you into pieces. 50:22

753. If you don't trust in God, he'll kill you and while you're dying the "righteous" will laugh at you. 52:5-7

754. Referring to his enemies, the psalmist says: "Let death seize upon them, and let them go down quick into hell." 55:15

755. The psalmist devoutly prays: "Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth ... let them be cut in pieces." 58:6-7

756. "Let every one of them pass away: like the untimely birth of a woman, that they may not see the sun."
     A prayer that your enemies will die like an aborted fetus. 58:8

757. "The righteous" will rejoice when he sees "the wicked" being dismembered by God. He'll even get a chance to wash his feet in their blood. Now that's entertainment! 58:10

758. The psalmist asks God to kill all "the heathen" and not show them any mercy. 59:5

759. God will laugh at the heathen as he kills them. 59:8

760. "The God of mercy" will let the psalmist see his enemies tormented. 59:10

761. "Consume them in thy wrath, consume them." -- more sweet prayers to a savage god. 59:13

762. Joab returned, and smote of Edom in the valley of salt twelve thousand. 60:1

763. God will shoot people with his arrows and make their tongues fall upon themselves. 64:7-10

764. God will "wound the head of his enemies" so that the righteous can wash their feet "in the blood of thine enemies, and the tongue of thy dogs in the same." 68:21, 23

765. The psalmist prays that his enemies be tormented and blinded by God. He asks God to "make their loins continually to shake." 69:23-28

766. "They that are far from thee shall perish: thou hast destroyed all them that go a whoring from thee." 73:27

767. "The LORD heard this" (he had his hearing aid on) and became angry, and burned people "because they believed not in God." 78:21-22

768. "The wrath of God came upon them" and God killed many of the Israelites for not believing in "his wondrous works." 78:31-34

769. The psalmist asks God to " do unto them as unto the Midianites ... which became as dung for the earth." 83:9-18

770. If you don't follow God's commandments, he will beat you with a rod. 89:31-32

771. "A fire goeth before him, and burneth up his enemies round about." 97:3

772. "I will ... destroy all the wicked of the land." 101:8

773. God gives the lions their meat. The cruelty and brutality of nature are all part of God's plan. 104:21

774. "He [God] called for a famine upon the land: he brake the whole staff of bread." 105:16

775. The psalmist recounts God's treatment of the Egyptians: "He smote the firstborn in their land." See Exodus 12:29-30 for the gory details. 105:29-36

776. God is praised for the creative ways that he kills people: drowning, earth-swallowing, burning, etc. 106:11-19

777. God sent a plague on the Israelites for "committing whoredom with the daughters of Moab." But "then stood up Phinehas, and executed judgment [by throwing a spear through a newly married couple]: and so the plague was stayed." But not before 24,000 (1 Corinthians 10:8 says 23,000) had died. (See Numbers 25:6-9 for all the gory details.) 106:29-30

778. The psalmist asks God to do all sorts of unpleasant things to his enemies. "Set thou a wicked man over him; and let Satan stand at his right hand .... Let his prayer become sin." He asks God to take away his possessions, kill him, and have his children suffer for the sins of their fathers. 109:6-14

779. "Let his children be fatherless, and his wife a widow." 109:9

780. "Let his children be continually vagabonds, and beg." 109:10

781. God will "fill the places with dead bodies" of heathens. 110:6

782. God is praised for slaughtering kings, nations, and little babies. 135:8, 10

783. "To him that smote Egypt in their first born: for his mercy endures forever." 136:10

784. God "overthrew Pharaoh and his host in the Red sea: for his mercy endureth for ever." 136:15

785. God "smote great kings: for his mercy endureth for ever." 136:17-18

786. God will send people to smash little Babylonian children against stones to punish the Babylonians for enslaving the Israelites during the Babylonian captivity. These happy ("blessed" in the ESV) children smashers are God's instruments for carrying out his vengeance. 137:8-9

787. "Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones." 137:9

788. The psalmist excels at hating. He hates people with a "perfect hatred" and asks God to kill them. 139:19-22

789. A prayer that God will burn people to death. 140:10

790. The God of Peace teaches us to kill each other in war. 144:1

791. The saints praise God while they kill and enslave "the heathen." 149:5-8

     Proverbs

792. God will laugh at your misfortunes, mock you when you are afraid, and ignore you when you ask him for help. And if you seek him, you will not find him. 1:26-28

793. "A rod is for the back of him that is void of understanding."
     Beat the people who don't understand with a rod. 10:13

794. "Whoso despiseth the word shall be destroyed." 13:13

795. Beating your children with a rod is a sure sign of parental love. 13:24

796. God made bad people for the pleasure of punishing them. 16:4

797. "The wrath of a king is as messengers of death." 16:14

798. Fools are meant to be beaten. 18:6

799. Beat your children and don't stop just because they cry. 19:18

800. Scorners (skeptics?) should be condemned; fools should be beaten. 19:29

801. "A wise king scattereth the wicked, and bringeth the wheel over them." A wise king will crush those that he considers "wicked." 20:26

802. "The blueness of a wound cleanseth away evil: so do stripes the inward parts of the belly." 20:30

803. "The wicked shall be a ransom for the righteous." 21:18

804. Beating your children will make them less foolish. Have you beaten your child today? 22:15

805. Beat your children hard and often. Don't worry about hurting them. You may break a few bones and cause some brain damage, but it isn't going to kill them. And even if they do die, they'll be better off. They'll thank you in heaven for beating the hell out of them. 23:13-14

806. Whip horses and strike the backs of foolish people with rods. 26:3

807. Beating your children will make them wise. 29:15

808. Beat your servants (slaves), as though they were your children. 29:19

809. If you mock your father or disobey your mother, the ravens will pick out your eyeballs and the eagles will eat them. 30:17

810. "The wringing of the nose bringeth forth blood." 30:33

     Isaiah

811. "If ye refuse and rebel, ye shall be devoured with the sword." 1:20

812. I will ease me of mine adversaries, and avenge me of mine enemies." 1:24

813. "The destruction of the transgressors and of the sinners shall be together, and they that forsake the LORD shall be consumed." 1:28

814. "The LORD of hosts, doth take away from Jerusalem and from Judah ... bread, and ... water." 3:1

815. "Thy men shall fall by the sword." 3:24-25

816. After God "washed away the filth" from the women and killed the men, he set up "a cloud and smoke by day" and a "flaming fire by night." 4:4-5

817. God will kill those who despise his word and fail to follow his laws. Their carcasses will be "torn in the midst of the streets." 5:24-25

818. If you associate or gird yourself, God will break you in pieces. 8:9

819. God will have no mercy on the widows and children of hypocrites. 9:17

820. God will make every man kill his brother and then force him to eat "the flesh of his own arm." 9:19-20

821. God will "smite the earth with the rod of his mouth, and with the breath of his lips he shall slay the wicked." God must have some pretty bad breath! 11:4

822. Some day God will have his "mighty ones ... destroy the whole land." 13:3-5

823. On God's day he will kill sinners with great anger, wrath, and cruelty. Those who die will have their faces consumed by flames. 13:6-9

824. If God can find you, he will "thrust you through," smash your children "to pieces" before your eyes, and rape your wife. He will have no mercy, but will even kill your little children. 13:15-18

825. God will slaughter children "for the iniquity of their fathers." 14:21

826. After God destroys Moab, the rivers will be red with blood. He will send lions to eat any survivors. 15:9

827. The God of Peace will set brother against brother and kingdom against kingdom. Then he'll make the survivors seed the counsel of "wizards," and subject them to a "cruel lord." 19:2-4

828. The Apocalypse of Isaiah: God will destroy the earth, burning everyone and every living thing alive (except maybe a few men). 24:1-6

829. "And the people shall ... be burned in the fire." 33:12

830. "Who among us shall dwell with the devouring fire? who among us shall dwell with everlasting burnings?" 33:14

831. God is furious at everyone and is ready to kill them all. Or as Isaiah so delicately puts it: "Their stink shall come up out of their carcasses, and the mountains shall be melted with their blood." 34:2-3

832. "My sword shall be bathed in heaven ... it shall come down ... upon the people of my curse." 34:5

833. "The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness ... and a great slaughter." 34:6

834. "Their land shall be soaked with blood." 34:7

835. "For it is the day of the LORD's vengeance." 34:8

836. "The streams thereof shall be turned into pitch, and the dust thereof into brimstone, and the land thereof shall become burning pitch." 34:9

837. "It shall not be quenched night nor day; the smoke thereof shall go up for ever: from generation to generation it shall lie waste ... for ever and ever." 34:10

838. "The LORD said unto me, Go up against this land, and destroy it." 36:10

839. I will send a blast upon him, and he shall hear a rumour, and shall return to his own land; and I will cause him to fall by the sword in his own land."
     God will cause Sennacherib to be killed by the sword. (See verse 38 where Sennacherib is killed by his own sons while praying.) 37:7

840. "Sennacherib ... departed, and ... as he was worshipping in the house of Nisroch his god, that Adrammelech and Sharezer his sons smote him with the sword."
     God made the sons murder their father. (See verse 7.) 37:37-38

841. An angel of God kills 185,000 men. "And when they [those killed by the angel?] arose early in the morning, behold, they were all dead men." 37:36

842. God will "go forth as a mighty man" who cries and roars, and "will cry like a travailing woman." After he tires of roaring and crying he'll "destroy and devour." What a guy. 42:13

843. God makes Egypt, Ethiopia, and Seba pay for Israel's sins. He says that he likes Israel better than any other country so he's willing to sacrifice other countries for the Israel's sake. 43:3-4

844. No astrologer, stargazer, or prognosticator will be able to save those that God plans to burn to death. 47:13-14

845. "The Lord ... will do his pleasure on Babylon, and his arm shall be on the Chaldeans." 48:14

846. "I will feed them that oppress thee with their own flesh; and they shall be drunken with their own blood, as with sweet wine." 49:26

847. "I dry up the sea, I make the rivers a wilderness: their fish stinketh, because there is no water, and dieth for thirst."
     God brags about the strangest things. 50:2

848. "The heavens shall vanish away like smoke, and the earth shall wax old like a garment, and they that dwell therein shall die in like manner." (God plans to destroy the universe.) 51:6

849. "I will ... trample them in my fury; and their blood ... will stain all my raiment." (God's clothes will get stained with the blood of humans.) 63:2-6

850. "God's servants" will eat, drink, and be merry; everyone else will be hungry, thirsty, and ashamed -- until God kills them, that is. 65:13-15

851. "Ye are they that forsake the LORD ... Therefore will I number you to the sword, and ye shall all bow down to the slaughter." 65:11-12

852. God will "plead with all flesh" with fire and sword, "and the slain of the Lord shall be many." 66:15-16

853. Don't worship incorrectly or eat swine flesh (like ham or bacon) or God will have to kill you. 66:17

854. "They shall ... look upon the carcases of the men that have transgressed against me: for their worm shall not die, neither shall t heir fire be quenched; and they shall be an abhorring unto all flesh." 66:24

     Jeremiah

855. God tries to "correct"  people by killing their children. 2:30

856. "Circumcise the foreskin of your heart" or God will burn you to death. 4:4

857. "I will bring evil from the north, and a great destruction." 4:6

858. "The lion is come up from his thicket ... and thy cities shall be laid waste, without an inhabitant." 4:7

859. Lament and howl: for the fierce anger of the LORD is not turned back from us." 4:8

860. What was once fruitful is now barren. Birds have fled, people are gone, towns are in ruins. All "by his (God's) fierce anger." 4:25-26

861. God tries to reform people by tormenting them and then wonders why it doesn't work. 5:3

862. God will send lions, wolves, and leopards to tear people to pieces.5:6

863. God will burn the people to death for discovering his non-existence. 5:14

864. God again talks of bringing a foreign nation to destroy his chosen ones and their lands. 5:15-17

865. God just can't hold in his fury any longer. He will kill everyone: husbands and wives, children and old people. 6:11

866. God will punish the men by taking away their property, including their wives, and giving it to others. 6:12

867. God plans to kill pretty much everyone: fathers and sons, family, friends, and neighbors. God plans to kill them all after laying a stumbling block before them. 6:21

868. God will send soldiers from the north that will kill everyone and have no mercy. 6:22-23

869. God will pour out his anger on both man and beast. Not even the trees will be spared from his wrath. And the ground itself will burn forever. 7:20

870. God will feed the people to the birds and the beasts, "and none shall fray them away."  7:33

871. God will cover the earth with dead bodies that will not be buried. "They shall be for dung upon the face of the earth." 8:2

872. People will choose to kill themselves, rather than be killed by their vicious God. 8:3

873. God will give the people bad food and water, and then kill them with a sword. 9:15-16

874. God will kill children and young men, and the dead bodies "shall fall as dung .... and none shall gather them." 9:21-22

875. "Behold, the days come, saith the LORD, that I will punish all them which are circumcised with the uncircumcised." I guess that'd include just about everyone -- well, all the men anyway. 9:25-26

876. Jeremiah prays for the destruction of people and families that don't call on God's name. 10:25

877. God "will bring evil upon" people from which they will not be able to escape. And if they cry out to him for help, he will not help them. 11:11

878. God forbids others from praying for his victims. Such prayers would go unanswered anyway, he says, because he "will not hear them in their time of trouble." 11:14

879. God will punish the people by killing their young men in war and starving their children to death. 11:22

880. Jeremiah asks God to drag away his enemies like "sheep for the slaughter."  12:3

881. God delivered his people "into the hand of her enemies." He "hates" his "dearly beloved" people and plans to feed them to the birds. 12:7-9

882. God's sword will "devour" everyone until "no flesh shall have peace." 12:12

883. If any nation does not listen to God, he "will utterly pluck up and destroy that nation." 12:17

884. God plans to make everyone in the kingdom drunk and then "dash the fathers and the sons together." The merciful God of peace vows to "not pity, nor spare, nor have mercy, but destroy them." 13:12-14

885. God tells Jeremiah not to pray for the people. God has decided to kill them all and he doesn't want to be talked out of it. 14:11

886. God will ignore the peoples' prayers, and kill them all with war, starvation, and disease. 14:12

887. God will destroy by famine and sword those who are misled by the prophets, as well as the prophets themselves. 14:15-16

888. God tells Jeremiah not to bother praying for the people. Even if Moses and Samuel (and Jesus?) were to ask him to reconsider, he wouldn't. He's going to kill everybody and nobody can stop him! 15:1

889. God has it all planned out. He'll kill some with the sword, some with famine, and he'll feed the rest to the dogs and birds. Why will he do these terrible things? Because of something a former king did. 15:2-4

890. God again threatens Jerusalem with mass destruction. Here are some of the highlights: He will kill children, make more widows than there are grains of sand, terrorize cities, and then kill the survivors. 15:7-9

891. "A fire is kindled in mine anger, which shall burn upon you." 15:14

892. God tells Jeremiah not to get married or have children, because he's going to kill everyone (mothers and daughters, fathers and sons). They all "shall die of grievous deaths," and that shall neither "be lamented" nor buried, but "shall be as dung upon the face of the earth." For he has removed peace, "lovingkindness," and mercy from the people. 16:1-7

893. God will kill children if their parents worship other gods. 16:10-11

894. If you don't honor the Sabbath, God will burn you to death unquenchable fire. 17:27

895. God admits that he does evil things to people. 18:11

896. Jeremiah asks God to kill the young men in war and the children by starvation. 18:21

897. God will do so much evil to the people that whoever hears of it will have their ears tingle. 19:3

898. God will make parents eat their own children, and friends eat each other. 19:7-9

899. God will break those who worship other gods as though they were made of clay, killing so many that there will not be enough room to bury them all. 19:11-13

900. "Thus saith the LORD ... I will bring upon this city and upon all her towns all the evil that I have pronounced against it, because they have hardened their necks, that they might not hear my words." 19:15

901. Jeremiah prophesies his rival's death (along with his famly and friends). 20:4-6

902. God himself will fight and kill everyone in fury "with an outstretched hand and with a strong arm." 21:5

903. "I will smite the inhabitants of this city, both man and beast: they shall die of a great pestilence." 21:6

904. God will deliver Zedekiah and those that survive the famine, disease, and war into Nebuchadrezzar's hand, and "he shall smite them with the edge of the sword; he shall not spare them, neither have pity, nor have mercy. 21:7

905. God tells the Judeans to either surrender to the Babylonians and become their slaves or die. "Behold, I am against thee." No kidding. 21:9-13

906. God will have Jeconiah's enemies kill him and his mother and then ensure that he die without leaving any sons. 22:25-30

907. God promises to kill everyone by war, starvation, and disease. 24:10

908. Because the people of Judah were unfaithful to him, God will send the king of Babylon (Nebuchadrezzar) to destroy Jerusalem and enslave Judah. 25:6-11

909. God will force "all the kingdoms of the world" to drink "and be drunken." Then he'll kill "all the inhabitants of the earth" with a sword. 25:15-29

910. God is really getting into all of this killing. He roars, he mightily roars, and shouts. He "pleads with all flesh" while an whirlwind roars and a noise can be heard everywhere on earth. 25:30-32

911. God will kill so many people that the entire earth will be covered with their dead bodies. No one is to mourn them or even bury them; "they shall be dung upon the ground." 25:33-39

912. God will destroy "the peaceable habitations" and make the land desolate "because of his fierce anger." 25:37-38

913. Anyone who disobeys King Nebuchadnezzar will be punished "with the sword, and with the famine, and with the pestilence, until I have consumed them by his hand." 27:8

914. God kills Hananiah for disagreeing with Jeremiah. 28:16-17

915. God will send his usual blessings upon his people: "the sword, the famine, and the pestilence." He "will make them like vile figs, that cannot be eaten, they are so evil." 29:17-18

916. God will kill those who refuse listen to his prophets. 29:19

917. God will deliver Ahab and Zedekiah into the hands of Nebuchadrezzar "and he shall slay them before your eyes" and Ahab will be "roasted in the fire." 29:21-22

918. "Thus saith the LORD ... concerning this city [Jerusalem]...It shall be delivered into the hand of the king of Babylon by the sword, and by the famine, and by the pestilence." 32:36

919. God litters the ground "with the dead bodies of men" that he has killed in his anger and fury. 33:5

920. To punish the people for refusing to free their slaves, God over-reacts (just a tad) by threatening to send the sword, pestilence, and famine, saying he'll feed their dead bodies to the fowls and beasts of the earth. 34:17-20

921. All those who move to Egypt will die by the sword, famine, or pestilence. None "shall escape from the evil" that comes directly from God. But many, including Jews, have moved to Egypt and most seem to have escaped from God's promised evil. 42:15-18, 22

922. God's not finished with Judah. He'll bring more evil upon them. Even those Jews that flee to Egypt will not be spared. God will hunt them down and kill them all with war, famine, and disease. 44:11-13

923. "I will watch over them for evil, and not for good." So begins another pronouncement of death and destruction on his chosen people. 44:27-29

924. God says he will bring evil upon all flesh. 45:5

925. "I ... will cover the earth; I will destroy the city and the inhabitants thereof." 46:8

926. The day of the Lord will be "a day of vengeance" On that day God's sword will become drunk with blood. 46:10

927. "The sword shall devour round about thee." 46:14

928. "Why are thy valiant men swept away? ... because the Lord ... made many to fall, yea, one fell upon another." 46:15-16

929. God plans to drown the Philistines in a flood, and "all the men shall cry, and all the inhabitants of the land shall howl." 47:2

930. God plans to kill just about everybody. "No city shall escape." 48:8

931. "Cursed by he that keepeth back his sword from blood." 48:10

932. God will destroy everyone in Moab. Fire will burn their heads, and their sons and daughters will be taken captive. 48:42-46

933. God will cause the daughters of the Ammonites to be burned with fire. 49:2

934. God will expose Esau's "secret places" and spoil his seed (kill his children). 49:10

935. God will send such marvelous plagues on Edom that everyone will hiss in astonishment. 49:17

936. God will kill the young men of Damascus and set the city on fire. (Some Christians believe this prophecy is being fulfulled today in Syrian civil war.) 49:26-27

937. God plans to "bring evil upon" the people of Elam. He says he'll kill them all with a sword. 49:37

938. "Every one that goeth by Babylon shall be astonished, and hiss at all her plagues." 50:13

939. "Put yourselves in array against Babylon round about: all ye that bend the bow, shoot at her, spare no arrows: for she hath sinned against the LORD." 50:14

940. "It is the vengeance of the LORD: take vengeance upon her." 50:15

941. God says to do the usual thing to the inhabitants of "the land of Merathaim": kill them all. 50:21

942. "I have laid a snare for thee ... O Babylon, and thou wast not aware ... because thou hast striven against the LORD." 50:24

943. "The LORD hath opened his armoury, and hath brought forth the weapons of his indignation: for this is the work of the Lord." 50:25

944. "Destroy her utterly: let nothing of her be left." 50:26

945. "Slay all her bullocks; let them go down to the slaughter: woe unto them!" 50:27

946. Call together the archers against Babylon ... let none thereof escape." 50:29

947. Therefore shall her young men fall in the streets, and all her men of war shall be cut off in that day, saith the LORD." 50:30

948. God, the pyromaniac, will personally set the fires that will burn to death the inhabitants of entire cities. 50:32

949. "Let the archer bend his bow ...and spare ye not her young men; destroy ye utterly all her host." 51:3

950. "The slain shall fall in the land of the Chaldeans, and they that are thrust through in her streets." 51:4

951. "This is the time of the LORD's vengeance; he will render unto her a recompence." 51:6

952. "Babylon hath been a golden cup in the LORD's hand, that made all the earth drunken: the nations have drunken of her wine; therefore the nations are mad." 51:7

953. "Make bright the arrows ... it is the vengeance of the LORD, the vengeance of his temple." 51:11

954. "The LORD hath both devised and done that which he spake against the inhabitants of Babylon." 51:12

955. God plans to kill all the Babylonian horses, and to make the Babylonian men "become like women." (A fate worse than death to a misogynous god.). 50:37

956. God wants us to be his "battle axe and weapons of war" to "break in pieces the nations" and "destroy kingdoms." 51:20

957. God will "break in pieces" pretty much everyone and everything he can think of. 51:21

958. God will get the Babylonians drunk and then kill them all, leading them "like lambs to the slaughter." 51:39-40

     Lamentations

959. God tramples "as in a winepress" mighty men, young men, and virgins. 1:15-16

960. "The Lord Was an enemy." 2:4-8

961. God mercilessly kills everyone, young and old. He even causes women to eat their children. 2:20-22

962. God is like a bear or a lion who secretly pursues you and then tears you apart. 3:10-11

963. God shoots people with his bow and his arrows pierce their kidneys ("reins"). 3:13
964. "He hath also broken my teeth with gravel stones." 3:16

965. "Thou hast slain, thou hast not pitied." 3:43

966. "Give them sorrow of heart, thy curse unto them. Persecute and destroy them in anger." 3:63-64

967. God punishes the Israelites by starving their children to death. 4:4-9

968. God "accomplishes his fury" by making women eat their children. 4:10-11

     Ezekiel

969. God's killing rules:
     If Ezekiel doesn't warn the wicked that God's going to kill them for being wicked, God will kill the wicked people and Ezekiel, too.
     If Ezekiel warns the wicked, then God will kill the wicked people (if they don't change their wicked ways), but not Ezekiel.
     If a good person does something wrong after God "lays a stumbling block before him," then God will kill him. "He shall die in his sin" and whatever good he has done will be forgotten. And Ezekiel will be killed, too, if he didn't warn the good guy beforehand. 3:18-20

970. God will force fathers to eat their sons and the to eat their fathers. 5:10

971. God will slaughter everyone by killing one third with plagues, one third with famines, and one third with wars. If any somehow survive, he'll send "evil beasts" to devour them. Finally, after he's done killing, he "will be comforted." 5:11-17

972. God will decorate the land with the bones and dead bodies of those who worship a different god. 6:4-5

973. God makes his presence known by killing people with famine, disease, and war. 6:7-14

974. God tells Ezekiel to clap his hands and stamp his feet while saying, "they shall fall by the sword, by the famine, and by the pestilence." 6:11

975. God will pour out his fury on everyone, with pity toward none. By so doing he says that "ye shall know that I am the Lord that smiteth." 7:3-11

976. God's is mad at everyone and no one will escape his wrath. He'll kill them all with war, disease, and starvation. "Horror shall cover them" and "they shall know that I am the Lord." 7:14-27

977. God promises again to slaughter everyone. He says that he will ignore them when they plead with him for mercy. 8:18

978. God screams in Ezekiel's ears, telling him to round up the six angels ("men") that are going to do God's dirty work. 9:1-2

979. God sends a "man clothed with linen" to mark the foreheads of the men who will be saved. Apparently only men are considered good enough to keep, the others (unmarked men, "maids", little children, and women) are to be slaughtered. God says he'll "fill the courts with the slain" and will have pity on no one. 9:4-11

980. "Go ye after him through the city, and smite: let not your eye spare, neither have ye pity." 9:5

981. "Slay utterly old and young, both maids, and little children, and women." 9:6

982. "Fill the courts with the slain: go ye forth. And they went forth, and slew in the city." 9:7

983. "Mine eye shall not spare, neither will I have pity." 9:10

984. Ezekiel tells the 25 men that God is going to kill them. That way they'll know that God is the Lord. 11:8-12

985. "And it came to pass, when I prophesied, that Pelatiah ... died." 11:13

986. God will kill nearly everyone in one way or another (sword, famine, pestilence), but he’ll leave a few men standing “to declare their abominations among the heathen.” 12:15-16, 20

987. God has Ezekiel do another clever demonstration: eat and drink carefully while shaking. That way, when the people see him doing that, they will know that God is going to starve them to death, which will teach them that God is the Lord. 12:18-20

988. God again vows to destroy those that dare worship something or someone other than him. 14:6-8

989. God deceives some of his prophets and then kills them for believing his lies. 14:9

990. When really bad things happen (like you or your children get eaten by wild beasts, get killed in war, get sick and die, etc.), then you'll know that it was God that did it to you. And he won't spare children just because there are a few righteous people around. 14:13-21

991. God will burn the inhabitants of Jerusalem to show everyone that he is the Lord. 15:6-7

992. For being such a whore, God punished Jerusalem by starving the Israelites and handing them over to the Philistines. 16:17

993. After exposing her nakedness, God will give her "blood in fury and jealousy" and strip her naked once more. Then he'll have her stoned "with stones and thrust through with swords." 16:38-41

994. "The soul that sinneth, it shall die." 18:4

995. A son who misbehaves by robbing, killing, eating on mountains, defiling his neighbor's wife, oppressing the poor, looking at idols, loaning money with interest, or committing abomination (Lev 18:22 type or otherwise) then that son must be killed. 18:10-13

996. God will kill you for making a single mistake; all your good deeds he will ignore. 18:24-26

997. God will set a fire in the southern kingdom that will devour everything and burn everyone. "And all flesh shall see that I the LORD have kindled it." 20:47-48

998. God gave the Israelites "statutes that were not good and judgments whereby they should not live." He "polluted" them so that he "might make them desolate" and force them to kill and sacrifice their children "that they might know" that he is the Lord. 20:25-26

999. God will kill everyone -- good and bad, just and unjust. 21:3-5

1000. God is sharpening a sword for the slaughter of his people. 21:8-32

1001. "Thou shalt be for fuel to the fire; thy blood shall be in the midst of the land ... for I the LORD have spoken it." 21:32

1002. God will gather all of Israel and consume them in the fires of his anger. 22:20-22

1003. God couldn't find anyone to stand up to him, so he's going to destroy everyone. 22:30-31

1004. Two sisters were guilty of "committing whoredoms" by pressing their breasts and bruising "the teats of their virginity." As a punishment, one sister's nakedness was discovered, her children were taken from her, and she was killed by the sword. And the fate of the surviving sister was even worse: Her nose and ears were cut off, she was made to "pluck off" her own breasts, and then after being raped and mutilated, she is stoned to death. 23:1-49

1005. "These discovered her nakedness: they took her sons and her daughters, and slew her with the sword." 23:10

1006. "They shall take away thy nose and thine ears; and thy remnant shall fall by the sword: they shall take thy sons and thy daughters; and thy residue shall be devoured by the fire." 23:25

1007. "I will deliver thee into the hand of them whom thou hatest ... And they shall deal with thee hatefully." 23:28-29

1008. "Thou shalt ... pluck off thine own breasts: for I have spoken it, saith the Lord GOD." 23:34

1009. "The company shall stone them with stones, and dispatch them with their swords; they shall slay their sons and their daughters, and burn up their houses with fire." 23:47

1010. God gets all excited about cooking with "scum" and human flesh, saying "kindle the fire, consume the flesh, and spice it well, and let the bones be burned. Her scum shall be in the fire." 24:3-14

1011. God kills Ezekiel's wife and then tells him not to mourn her. 24:16-18

1012. God killed Ezekiel's wife to demonstrate his intention to kill the Israelites' children. And just as God told Ezekiel not to mourn his wife's death, God forbids the parents to mourn the death of their children. 24:21-24

1013. God will kill everyone that claps his hands or stamps his feet "against the land of Israel." When he's done with the killing everyone will know that he is the Lord. 25:6-7

1014. "I will execute judgments upon Moab; and they shall know that I am the LORD." 25:11

1015. God will send Israelites to slaughter the people of Edom. 25:13-14

1016. God will "stretch out his hand" to the Philistines (to kill them all). 25:16-17

1017. God says he will destroy Tyrus. He plans to kill everyone, but he is especially looking forward to killing all of the women. "And her daughters which are in the field shall be slain by the sword; and they shall know that I am the LORD." 26:1-21

1018. Now God has singled out the king of Tyre for his tirades. 28:7-10, 18-19

1019. Watch out or God will make you "die the deaths of the uncircumcised," which is, no doubt, a most unpleasant death. 28:10

1020. God says that Zidon will know that he is the Lord when he sends "pestilence and blood into her streets." 28:22-23

1021. God tells Ezekiel to prophesy against the pharaoh and against all Egypt. God says he will feed the Egyptians to the birds and beasts. 29:2-9

1022. God will punish Egypt and her allies by sending Nebuchadrezzar to "fill the land with the slain." Then he will make "the rivers dry," sell the land to "the wicked," make "the land waste," light fires, and kill all their young men with the sword. 30:4-26

1023. "And they shall know that I am the LORD, when I have set a fire in Egypt." (The Divine Pyromaniac) 30:8, 30:14, 30:16

1024. "Thou shalt lie in the midst of the uncircumcised with them that be slain by the sword. This is Pharaoh and all his multitude, saith the Lord GOD." 31:18

1025. God will treat Pharaoh like a whale fished out of the sea. Every bird and beast in the world will feed upon him. 32:3-6

1026. God will vex the hearts of many people, destroy entire nations, brandish his sword, kill animals, and cause floods. In this way people will come to know him (just before he kills them?). 32:9-15

1027. God takes a break from killing people while he kills all the animals in Egypt. 32:13

1028. Pharaoh and all his multitude, along with the uncircumcised, will be killed with the sword. 32:20-32

1029. When God is getting ready to kill people with the sword, it's the watchman's duty to warn them about it by blowing a trumpet. If the people hear the trumpet but don't "take warning," then God will kill the people but not the watchman. But if the watchman doesn't blow the trumpet when he sees God coming, then God will kill the people and the watchman. 33:2-6

1030. God tells Ezekiel that he is the watchman. So the usual watchman rules apply to him. 33:7-9

1031. If a "righteous" person does something wrong, God will forget every good thing that that person has ever done. Then God will kill him for the single mistake. 33:12-13

1032. God plans some more killing by the sword, beasts, and the pestilence. 33:27-29

1033. God tells Ezekiel about his plans for the Edomites (Seir). He's going to kill them all. That way they'll know for sure that he is the Lord. 35:2-15

1034. "Thou shalt come up against my people of Israel ... in the latter days, and I will bring thee against my land, that the heathen may know me ... O Gog." 38:16

1035. God will cause each man's sword to be against his brother; he will send disease and make it rain fire and brimstone. He says that by doing this he'll magnify and sanctify himself and let everyone know that he is the Lord. 38:21-23

1036. God will have birds and beasts eat human flesh and drink human blood until they are full and drunken. 39:4, 17-20, 28

1037. God sets a fire on Magog and feeds Gog and all of his people to the birds and beasts. He did all this to let them know that he is the Lord. 39:4-7

1038. After the Israelites spend seven years burying Gog's soldiers, God (somehow) feed their bodies to the birds and beasts and gets t hem drunk on their blood. 39:17-28

1039. "They have even defiled my holy name by their abominations that they have committed: wherefore I have consumed them in mine anger." 43:8

1040. God's instructions for ritualistic animal sacrifices 43:18-25

1041. Don't bring any strangers or people with uncircumcised hearts or flesh to God's sanctuary when offering him fat and blood. 44:7-9

1042. Stay away from idols or you'll bear your iniquity (i.e., God will kill you). But be sure to offer God lots of fat and blood and burnt offerings. 44:10-15

1043. How to kill animals for God 45:15-25

1044. More important instructions from God on how to kill and sacrifice animals to him. 46:2-7

1045. How to prepare your daily meat, peace, and burnt offerings 46:11-15

1046. How to boil your sin and trespass offerings and bake your meat offerings. 46:20

1047. The holy court dimensions 46:22

      Daniel

1048. After Daniel gave Belshazzar the bad news, Belshazzar rewarded him by making him the "third ruler in the kindgdom." Later that night Belshazzar died. (Did God kill him?) 5:29-30

1049. King Darius, after trying to feed Daniel to the lions, orders those who accused Daniel (and their wives and children) to be cast into the lion den. "And the lions ... brake all their bones in pieces." 6:24

      Hosea

1050. "I will no more have mercy upon the house of Israel." 1:6

1051. God (or Hosea?) tells his children that their mother is a whore who is not his wife. He asks them to tell their mother to "put away her whoredoms" and "her adulteries from between her breasts" or he'll "strip her naked ... and slay her with thirst." 2:2-3

1052. Because of the Israelites' disobedience, the land mourns, and all the animals are dying. 4:3

1053. "Ephraim shall be desolate in the day of rebuke." 5:9

1054. "The princes of Judah were like them that remove the bound: therefore I will pour out my wrath upon them like water." 5:10

1055. God will tear up Ephraim like a lion so that "in their affliction they will seek me." 5:14

1056. "I hewed them by the prophets; I have slain them by the words of my mouth." 6:5

1057. "I will spread my net upon them; I will bring them down as the fowls of the heaven." 7:12

1058. "Woe unto them! for they have fled from me: destruction unto them!" 7:13

1059. "They return, but not to the most High ... their princes shall fall by the sword for the rage of their tongue." 7:16

1060. "I will send a fire upon his cities." 8:14

1061. God will induce miscarriages and kill the children of Ephraim. 9:11-12

1062. "O Lord: what wilt thou give? give them a miscarrying womb and dry breasts." 9:14

1063. "I will slay even the beloved fruit of their womb." 9:16

1064. God will punish Israel by "dashing" together mothers and their children. 10:14

1065. "The sword shall abide on his cities ... and devour them." 11:6

1066. God will rip humans apart and then eat them like a lion.13:7-8

1067. "I will be thy plagues ... I will be thy destruction: repentance shall be hid from mine eyes." 13:14

1068. Because the Samaritans chose to worship another deity, God will dash their infants to pieces and their "women with child shall be ripped up." 13:16

      Joel

1069. "A fire devoureth before them ... nothing shall escape."
      On "the day of the Lord", everything and everyone will be burned to death. 2:3

1070. "The people shall be much pained: all faces shall gather blackness." 2:6

1071. People will try to commit suicide but will not be able to. 2:8

1072. "Beat your plowshares into swords and your pruninghooks into spears." 3:10

1073. "Egypt shall be a desolation, and Edom shall be a desolate wilderness." 3:19

      Amos

1074. The divine pyromaniac threatens to "send fire unto" Hazael, Gaza, Tyrus, Teman, Rabbah, Moab, and Judah. 1:4, 7, 10, 12, 14; 2:2, 5

1075. "I will ... cut off the inhabitant from the plain of Aven ... and the people of Syria shall go into captivity." 1:5

1076. "I will cut off the inhabitant from Ashdod, and him that holdeth the sceptre from Ashkelon, and I will turn mine hand against Ekron: and the remnant of the Philistines shall perish, saith the Lord GOD." 1:8

1077. God will "slay all the princes" of Moab.2:3

1078. God destroyed the Amorites who were a race of giants as tall as cedars and as strong as oaks. 2:9

1079. God's creative ways of kiilling people and breaking things. 3:12-15

1080. God afflicted the Israelites with "cleanness of teeth" (famine,) drought, blasting, and mildew. He killed them with pestilence, slaughtered them with the sword, and "made the stink of their camps come up into their noses." Destroyed them like they were from Sodom and Gomorrah. And yet they still didn't return to him. What is wrong with people? 4:6-11

1081. "Therefore thus will I do unto thee .... Prepare to meet thy God, O Israel." 4:12

1082. "For thus saith the Lord GOD; The city that went out by a thousand shall leave an hundred, and that which went forth by an hundred shall leave ten." 5:3

1083. "Seek the LORD, and ye shall live; lest he break out like fire in the house of Joseph, and devour it." 5:6

1084. When there is wailing and mourning, you'll know God's been there. 5:16-17

1085. God says, "If there remain ten men in one house, that they shall die." 6:9

1086. "The LORD commandeth, and he will smite the great house with breaches, and the little house with clefts."
      (God will destroy people's houses.) 6:11

1087. Next God sends a fire that consumes both land and sea. 7:4

1088. God will kill the house of Jeroboam with the sword. 7:9-11

1089. Amos tells Amaziah that his wife will become a whore, his children will be killed, and he'll die in a pagan country. 7:17

1090. "The songs of the temple shall be howlings in that day, saith the Lord GOD: there shall be many dead bodies in every place." 8:3

1091. God will kill so many people that dead bodies will lay everywhere. 8:3

1092. "I will turn your feasts into mourning, and all your songs into lamentation; and I will bring up sackcloth upon all loins, and baldness upon every head; and I will make it as the mourning of an only son, and the end thereof as a bitter day." 8:10

1093. "In that day shall the fair virgins and young men faint for thirst." 8:13

1094. They shall fall, and never rise up again." 8:14

1095. God will "cut them in the head" and "slay the last of them with the sword." Any that try to escape by diving to the bottom of the sea will be bitten, at God's command, by a sea-serpent. God will set his "eyes upon them for evil, not for good." 9:1-4

1096. God will melt the land with his touch and then drown it in a flood. 9:5

1097. God will destroy the "the sinful kingdom" and "all the sinners" among his people. 9:8-10

      Obadiah

1098. The Israelites hear "a rumor from the Lord" telling them to start a war with the Edomites. 1, 8

1099. God tells Israelites to "destroy the wise men out of Edom" and to slaughter "everyone of the mount of Esau." 8-9

1100. God will burn all the heathen to death, "for the LORD hath spoken it." 16-18

      Micah

1101. God will destroy Samaria with stones. 1:6

1102. God accuses the Israelite leaders of plucking off skin, flesh from bones, eating human flesh, flaying off skin, breaking bones, chopping bodies in pieces, making human stew. To punish them he will ignore them when they call on him. 3:1-4

1103. God will strengthen the Israelites so they can "beat in pieces many peoples" and give the booty to God. 4:13

1104. "They shall waste the land of Assyria with the sword." 5:6

1105. Like a young lion "the remnant of Jacob" will tear the Gentiles to pieces. 5:8

1106. "Thine hand shall be lifted up upon thine adversaries, and all thine enemies shall be cut off." 5:9

1107. "I will cut off thy horses." 5:10

1108. God will "cut off" the witches and soothsayers. 5:11-12

1109. God will destroy entire cities, and "execute vengeance in anger and fury upon the heathen such as they have not heard." 5:14-15

1110. God will make his people sick, hungry, and desolate. Those who survive he will "give up to the sword." 6:13-16

1111. The Gentiles will be made deaf, shall lick dust and be forced to crawl like worms from fear of God and his people. 7:16-17

      Nahum

1112. God doesn't just get even. He drowns or burns to death his enemies. 1:8-10
1113. "Behold, I am against thee, saith the LORD of hosts, and I will burn her chariots." 2:13
1114. "There is a multitude of slain, and a great number of carcasses; and there is none end of their corpses; they stumble upon their corpses." Now that's a lot of dead people. 3:3
1115. God punished Nineveh by enslaving the people and smashing the little children in the streets. 3:10
1116. God says that "the fire shall devour thee, the sword shall cut thee off, it shall eat thee up like the cankerworm." 3:15

      Habakkuk

1117. "O LORD, thou hast ordained them for judgment; and, O mighty God, thou hast established them for correction." 1:12

1118. "God ... had horns coming out of his hand. ... Before him went the pestilence, and burning coals went forth at his feet." 3:3-5

1119. Habakkuk praises God for slaughtering "the heathen." 3:12-14

      Zephaniah

1120. God plans to kill every living thing. 1:2-3

1121. God will "cut off" all those who "have not sought the Lord" or who worship another god. 1:4-6

1122. God will "bring distress upon men" so that they "walk like blind men." He will pour out their blood like dust and "their flesh as dung." 1:17-18

1123. Hide from God and hope he doesn't find you. 2:1-3

1124. God's hit list: Gaza, Ashkelon, Ekron, the sea coast, Canaan, the Philistines, Moab, the children of Ammon, Ethiopians, Assyrians, and Nineveh. 2:4-13

1125. God destroyed entire cities, killing all the inhabitants. 3:6

1126. "All of the earth shall be devoured with the fire of my jealousy." 3:8

      Haggai

1127. God will make the horses and their riders be killed by "the sword of his brother." 2:22

      Zechariah

1128. "For I set all men every one against his neighbor." 8:10

1129. God will cast out Tyrus and devour it with fire. 9:4

1130. "The LORD of hosts shall defend them; and they shall devour ...they shall drink, and make a noise as through wine." 9:15

1131. "They shall be as mighty men, which tread down their enemies in the mire of the streets in the battle: and they shall fight, because the LORD is with them." 10:5

1132. "He shall pass through the sea with affliction, and shall smite the waves in the sea, and all the deeps of the river shall dry up." 10:11

1133. God will mercilessly "feed the flock of slaughter" by making every one kill his neighbor. 11:4-7

1134. "Let the rest eat every one the flesh of another." 11:9

1135. "Woe to the idle shepherd." He will be mutilated and blinded. 11:17

1136. God will open his eyes and smite "every rider with madness ... and every horse ... with blindness." 12:4

1137. "I [God] make the governors of Judah like an hearth of fire ... and they shall devour all the people round about." 12:6

1138. "I will seek to destroy all the nations that come against Jerusalem." 12:9

1139. Someday prophets will be killed by their own parents by "thrusting him through when he prophesieth." 13:3

1140. God will make "all nations" fight against Jerusalem. The women will be "ravished" and half its people enslaved. 14:1-2

1141. God will smite the people with plagues that will cause their flesh, eyes, and tongues to rot away. 14:12

1142. God will make everyone fight and kill his neighbor. 14:13

1143. God sends his plagues on animals too. 14:15

1144. Whoever survives all these plagues and slaughters must worship God. 14:16

1145. God will "smite the heathen" with a plague. 14:18

      Malachi

1146. God continues to demand animal sacrifices. And not just any animals will do. He is insulted when blind, lame, or sick animals are killed for him. 1:7-14

1147. God will burn "the wicked" and the "righteous" will walk around on their ashes. 4:1-3

1148. The Old Testament ends fittingly with these words: "lest I come and smite the earth with a curse." 4:6

      Matthew

1149. Those who bear bad fruit will be cut down and burned "with unquenchable fire." 3:10, 12

1150. Jesus strongly approves of the law and the prophets. He hasn't the slightest objection to the cruelties of the Old Testament. 5:17

1151. Jesus recommends that to avoid sin we cut off our hands and pluck out our eyes. This advice is given immediately after he says that anyone who looks with lust at any women commits adultery. 5:29-30

1152. Jesus says that most people will go to hell. 7:13-14

1153. Those who fail to bear "good fruit" will be "hewn down, and cast into the fire." 7:19

1154. "The children of the kingdom [the Jews] shall be cast out into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth." 8:12

1155. Jesus tells a man who had just lost his father: "Let the dead bury the dead." 8:21

1156. Jesus sends some devils into a herd of pigs, causing them to run off a cliff and drown in the waters below. 8:32

1157. Cities that neither "receive" the disciples nor "hear" their words will be destroyed by God. It will be worse for them than for Sodom and Gomorrah. And you know what God supposedly did to those poor folks (see Gen 19:24). 10:14-15

1158. Families will be torn apart because of Jesus (this is one of the few "prophecies" in the Bible that has actually come true). "Brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death." 10:21

1159. Jesus says that we should fear God who is willing and "able to destroy both soul and body in hell." 10:28

1160. Jesus says that he has come to destroy families by making family members hate each other. He has "come not to send peace, but a sword." 10:34-36

1161. Jesus condemns entire cities to dreadful deaths and to the eternal torment of hell because they didn't care for his preaching. 11:20-24

1162. Jesus will send his angels to gather up "all that offend" and they "shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth." 13:41-42, 50

1163. Jesus is criticized by the Pharisees for not washing his hands before eating. He defends himself by attacking them for not killing disobedient children according to the commandment: "He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death." (See Ex 21:15, Lev 20:9, Dt 21:18-21) So, does Jesus think that children who curse their parents should be killed? It sure sounds like it. 15:4-7

1164. "Every plant, which my heavenly Father hath not planted, shall be rooted up." 15:13

1165. Jesus advises his followers to mutilate themselves by cutting off their hands and plucking out their eyes. He says it's better to be "maimed" than to suffer "everlasting fire." 18:8-9

1166. In the parable of the unforgiving servant, the king threatens to enslave a man and his entire family to pay for a debt. This practice, which was common at the time, seems not to have bothered Jesus very much. The parable ends with this: "So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you." If you are cruel to others, God will be cruel to you. 18:23-35

1167. "And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors." 18:34

1168. God is like a rich man who owns a vineyard and rents it to poor farmers. When he sends servants to collect the rent, the tenants beat or kill them. So he sent his son to collect the rent, and they kill him too. Then the owner comes and kills the farmers and rents the vineyard to others. 21:33-41

1169. "Whosoever shall fall on this stone shall be broken: but on whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind him to powder." Whoever falls on "this stone" (Jesus) will be broken, and whomever the stone falls on will be ground into powder. 21:44

1170. In the parable of the marriage feast, the king sends his servants to gather everyone they can find, both bad and good, to come to the wedding feast. One guest didn't have on his wedding garment, so the king tied him up and "cast him into the outer darkness" where "there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth." 22:1-14

1171. The end of the world will be signaled by wars, famines, disease, and earthquakes (6-7). And that's just "the beginning of sorrows" (8). Next believers will be hated and killed by unbelievers (9), believers will hate and betray each other (10), false prophets will fool people (11), iniquity will abound and love wax cold (12). But hey, if you make through all that, you'll be saved (13).

      Only one more thing will happen before the end comes: the gospel will be preached throughout the world (14). Well, that and the abomination of desolations will stand in the holy place (15), many false Christs and false prophets will show great signs and wonders (24), the sun and moon will be darkened and the stars will fall (29), the sign of the son of Man will appear in the sky, everyone on earth will mourn, and then, finally, the great and powerful son of Man will come in all his glory (30).

      Oh, and all these things will happen within the lifespan of Jesus' contemporaries (34).

      Or maybe not. Jesus was talking about things he knew nothing about (36). (See Mark 13:32.) 24:3-51

1172. Jesus had no problem with the idea of drowning everyone on earth in the flood. It'll be just like that when he returns. 24:37

1173. God will come when people least expect him and then he'll "cut them asunder." And "there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth." 24:50-51

1174. The parable of the cruel and unjust master
      The kingdom of heaven is like a rich man who distributed his wealth to his servants while he traveled. He gave five talents (a talent was a unit of money, worth about 20 years of a worker's wages) to one servant, two to another, and one to a third. When he returned, the servant with five talents had made five more, the servant with two made two more, but the servant with one talent only had the talent his master entrusted to him. The master rewarded the servants that invested his money (without his permission -- what would have happened if the stock market went down during their master's travels?) and took the talent from the single-talent servant and gave it to the one with ten talents. "For unto every one that hath shall be given .. but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath." Then the cruel and unjust master cast the servant who carefully protected his master's talent into the "outer darkness: [where] there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth." 25:14-30

1175. The servant who kept and returned his master's talent was cast into the "outer darkness" where there will be "weeping and gnashing of teeth." 25:30

1176. Jesus judges the nations. 25:31-46

1177. Jesus tells us what he has planned for those that he dislikes. They will be cast into an "everlasting fire." 25:41

1178. Jesus says the damned will be tormented forever. 25:46

      Mark

1179. Jesus explains why he speaks in parables: to confuse people so they will go to hell. 4:11-12

1180. Jesus sends devils into 2000 pigs, causing them to jump off a cliff and be drowned in the sea. When the people hear about it, they beg Jesus to leave. 5:12-13

1181. Any city that doesn't "receive" the followers of Jesus will be destroyed in a manner even more savage than that of Sodom and Gomorrah. 6:11

1182. Jesus criticizes the Jews for not killing their disobedient children as required by Old Testament law. (See Ex 21:15, Lev 20:9, Dt 21:18-21) 7:9-10

1183. Jesus tells us to cut off our hands and feet, and pluck out our eyes to avoid going to hell. 9:43-49

1184. God is like a rich man who owns a vineyard and rents it to poor farmers. When he sends servants to collect the rent, the tenants beat or kill them. So he sent his son to collect the rent, and they kill him too. Then the owner comes and kills the farmers and gives the vineyard to others. 12:1-9

1185. Jesus tells his disciples to eat his body and drink his blood. 14:22-24

1186. Jesus says that those that believe and are baptized will be saved, while those who don't will be damned. 16:16

      Luke

1187. Zechariah asks the angel Gabriel how his wife Elizabeth could become pregnant, since she is "stricken with years." Gabriel makes him "dumb" just for asking. 1:20

1188. Those who fail to bear "good fruit" will be "hewn down, and cast into the fire." 3:9

1189. John the Baptist says that Christ will burn the damned "with fire unquenchable." 3:17

1190. Jesus heals a naked man who was possessed by many devils by sending the devils into a herd of pigs, causing them to run off a cliff and drown in the sea. This messy, cruel, and expensive (for the owners of the pigs) treatment did not favorably impress the local residents, and Jesus was asked to leave. 8:27-37

1191. Jesus says that entire cities will be violently destroyed and the inhabitants "thrust down to hell" for not "receiving" his disciples. 10:10-15

1192. Jesus says that we should fear God since he has the power to kill us and then torture us forever in hell. 12:5

1193. Jesus says that God is like a slave-owner who beats his slaves "with many stripes." 12:46-47

1194. "Except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish." 13:3, 5

1195. According to Jesus, only a few will be saved; the vast majority will suffer eternally in hell where "there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth." 13:23-30

1196. In the parable of the rich man and Lazarus, the rich man goes to hell, because as Abraham explains, he had a good life on earth and so now he will be tormented. Whereas Lazarus, who was miserable on earth, is now in heaven. This seems fair to Jesus. 16:19-31

1197. Jesus believed the story of Noah's ark. He thought it really happened and had no problem with the idea of God drowning everything and everybody. 17:26-27

1198. Jesus also believes the story about Sodom's destruction. He says, "even thus shall it be in the day the son of man is revealed ... Remember Lot's wife." This tells us about Jesus' knowledge of science and history, and his sense of justice. 17:29-32

1199. In the parable of the talents, Jesus says that God takes what is not rightly his, and reaps what he didn't sow. The parable ends with the words: "bring them [those who preferred not to be ruled by him] hither, and slay them before me." 19:22-27

1200. Jesus tells his disciples to eat his body and drink his blood. 22:19-20

      John

1201. Jesus believed the stupid and vicious story from Numbers 21. (God sent snakes to bite the people for complaining about the lack of food and water. Then God told Moses to make a brass snake to cure them from the bites.) 3:14

1202. "God so loved the world, that he gave his His only begotten Son."
      As an example to parents everywhere and to save the world (from himself), God had his own son tortured and killed. 3:16

1203. People are damned or saved depending only on what they believe. 3:18, 36

1204. The "wrath of God" is on all unbelievers. 3:36

1205. Jesus believes people are crippled by God as a punishment for sin. He tells a crippled man, after healing him, to "sin no more, lest a worse thing come unto thee." 5:14

1206. Those who do not believe in Jesus will be cast into a fire to be burned. 15:6

1207. Jesus says we must eat his flesh and drink his blood if we want to have eternal life. This idea was just too gross for "many of his disciples" and "walked no more with him." (They are called Protestants nowadays.) 6:53-66

      Acts

1208. Peter claims that Dt 18:18-19 refers to Jesus, saying that those who refuse to follow him (all non-Christians) must be killed. 3:23

1209. Peter and God scare Ananias and his wife to death for not forking over all of the money that they made when selling their land. 5:1-10

1210. Peter has a dream in which God show him "wild beasts, and creeping things, and fowls." The voice (God's?) says, "Rise, Peter: kill and eat." 10:10-13

1211. Peter describes the vision that he had in the last chapter (10:10-13). All kinds of beasts, creeping things, and fowls drop down from the sky in a big sheet, and a voice (God's, Satan's?) tells him to "Arise, Peter; slay and eat." 11:5-10

1212. The "angel of the Lord" killed Herod by having him "eaten of worms" because "he gave not God the glory." 12:23

1213. David was "a man after [God's] own heart." 13:22

1214. The author of Acts talks about the "sure mercies of David." But David was anything but merciful. For an example of his behavior see 2 Sam 12:31 and 1 Chr 20:3, where he saws, hacks, and burns to death the inhabitants of several cities. 13:34

1215. Paul and the Holy Ghost conspire together to make Elymas (the sorcerer) blind. 13:8-11

      Romans

1216. Homosexuals (those "without natural affection") and their supporters (those "that have pleasure in them") are "worthy of death" - - along with gossips, boasters, and disobedient children. 1:31-32

1217. The guilty are "justified" and "saved from wrath" by the blood of an innocent victim. 5:9

1218. God punishes everyone for someone else's sin; then he saves them by killing an innocent victim. 5:12

1219. "If ... we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son", then God is truly a monster. 5:10

      1 Corinthians

1220. If you defile the temple of God, God will destroy you.   3:17

1221. Paul claims that God killed 23,000 in a plague for "committing whoredom with the daughters of Moab 10:8

1222. If you tempt Christ (How could you tempt Christ?), you'll will die from snake bites. 10:9

1223. If you murmur, you'll be destroyed by the destroyer (God). 10:10

      2 Corinthians

1224. The terror of the Lord 5:11

      Galatians

1225. If anyone dares to disagree with Paul on religious matters, "let him be accursed." 1:8-9

      Ephesians

1226. We are predestined by God to go to either heaven or hell. None of our thoughts, words, or actions can affect the final outcome. 1:4-5, 11

1227. God had his son murdered to keep himself from hurting others for things they didn't do. 1:7

1228. The bloody death of Jesus smelled good to God. 5:2

1229. Those who refuse to obey will face the wrath of God. 5:6

      Colossians

1230. God bought us with someone else's blood. 1:14

1231. God makes peace through blood. 1:19-20

      1 Thessalonians

1232. God is planning a messy, mass murder in "the wrath to come" and only Jesus can save you from it. 1:10

1233. Christians shouldn't mourn the death of their fellow believers. They'll be OK and you'll see them later in heaven. The people you should mourn are dead nonbelievers. They have no hope (because they're going to hell). 4:13

      2 Thessalonians

1234. Jesus will take "vengeance on them that know not God" by burning them forever "in flaming fire." 1:7-9

1235. Jesus will "consume" the wicked "with the spirit of his mouth." 2:8

1236. God will cause us to believe lies so that he can damn our souls to hell. 2:11-12

      Hebrews

1237. "That which beareth thorns and briers is rejected, and is nigh unto cursing; whose end is to be burned."
      Apostates will burn in hell with the other non-believers. 6:8

1238. "Melchisedec ... met Abraham returning from the slaughter of the kings, and blessed him."
      God showed his approval of "the slaughter of the kings" with Melchisedec's blessing of Abraham. (Genesis 14:17-18) 7:1

1239. God will not forgive anyone unless something is killed for him in a bloody manner. 9:13-22

1240. "A certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries."
      God will soon destroy non-believers in a fiery hell. 10:27

1241. Those who disobeyed the Old Testament law were killed without mercy. It will be much worse for those who displease Jesus. 10:28-29

1242. "Vengeance belongeth unto me, I will recompense, saith the Lord." 10:30

1243. "It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God." 10:31

1244. "Abraham ... offered up Isaac ... his only begotten son." (And this was a good thing? How fucked up is that?) 11:17

1245. The Israelites kept the passover and sprinkled blood on doorposts so that God wouldn't kill their firstborn children (like he did the Egyptians in Exodus 12:29). 11:28

1246. God saved Rahab because she believed. (He killed all the non-believers in Jericho.) 11:31

1247. "Time would fail me to tell of Gideon, and of Barak, and of Samson, and of Jephthah; of David also, and Samuel, and of the prophets."
      The heroes of faith: Gideon, Samson, Jephthah, David, and Samuel. It would be hard to find a more monstrous group than these guys. 11:32

1248. "Others were tortured ... that they might obtain a better resurrection." 11:35

1249. God ordered animals to be "stoned, or thrust through with a dart" if they "so much as ... touch the mountain." 12:20

1250. "Ye are come ... to the blood of sprinkling, that speaketh better things that that of Abel." 12:22-24

      James

1251. James says Abraham was justified by works (for being willing to kill his son for God); Paul (Romans 4:2-3) says he was justified by faith (for believing that God would order him to do such an evil act). 2:21

      1 Peter

1252. We are all, according to Peter, predestined to be saved or damned. We have no say in the matter. It was all determined by "the sprinkling of the blood of Jesus Christ."1:2

1253. "The precious blood of Christ ... was foreordained before the foundation of the world."
      God planned to kill Jesus from the get-go. 1:19-20

1254. God drowned everyone on earth except for Noah and his family. 3:20

      2 Peter

1255. God drowned everyone else on earth except for Noah and his family. 2:5, 3:6

1256. "Turning the cities of Sodom and Gomorrha into ashes" 2:6

1257. God will set the entire earth on fire so that he can burn non-believers to death. 3:7

1258. When Jesus returns, he'll burn up the whole earth and everything on it. 3:10

      1 John

1259. Christians are washed in the blood of Jesus. 1:7

      Jude

1260. "The Lord destroyed them that believed not." 5

1261. God sent "eternal fire" on the people of Sodom and Gomorrah for "going after strange flesh." 7-8

      Revelation

1262. Jesus "washed us ... with his own blood." 1:5

1263. Everyone on earth will wail because of Jesus. 1:7

1264. Jesus has "the keys of hell and death." 1:18

1265. Repent -- or else Jesus will fight you with the sword that sticks out of his mouth. (Like the limbless knight in Monty Python's "Holy Grail.") 2:16

1266. "I [Jesus] will kill her children with death." 2:23

1267. "Thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created." God created parasites, pathogens, and predators for his very own pleasure. One of his favorite species is guinea worms. 4:11

1268. "Thou art worthy ... for thou wast slain, and hast redeemed us to God by thy blood." 5:9

1269. God gives someone on a white horse a bow and sends him out to conquer people. 6:2

1270. God gave power to someone on a red horse "to take from the earth ... that they should kill one another." 6:4

1271. God tells Death and Hell to kill one quarter of the earth's population with the sword, starvation, and "with the beasts of the earth." 6:8

1272. The martyrs just can't wait until everyone else is slaughtered. God gives them a white robe and tells them to wait until he's done with his killing spree. 6:10-11

1273. God tells his murderous angels to "hurt not the earth, neither the sea, nor the trees, till we have sealed the servants of your God on their foreheads." This verse is one that Christians like to use to show God's loving concern for the environment. But the previous verse (7:2) makes it clear that it was their God-given job to "hurt the earth and the sea" just as soon as they finished their forehead marking job. 7:3

1274. 144,000 Jews will be going to heaven; everyone else is going to hell. 7:4

1275. Those that survive the great tribulation will get to wash their clothes in the blood of the lamb. 7:14

1276. God sends his angels to destroy a third part of all the trees, grass, sea creature, mountains, sun, moon, starts, and water. 8:7-13

1277. "Many men died of the waters, because they were made bitter." 8:11

1278. The angels are instructed not to "hurt the grass [how could they? He already had all the grass killed in 8:7] ... but only those men which have not the seal of God on their foreheads." God tells his angels not to kill them, but rather torment them with scorpions for five months. Those tormented will want to die, but God won't let them. 9:4-6

1279. God makes some horse-like locusts with human heads, women's hair, lion's teeth, and scorpion's tails. They sting people and hurt them for five months. 9:7-10

1280. Four angels, with an army of 200 million, killed a third of the earth's population. 9:15-19

1281. Anyone that messes with God's two olive trees and two candlesticks (God's witnesses) will be burned to death by fire that comes out of their mouths. 11:3-5

1282. God's witnesses have special powers. They can shut up heaven so that it cannot rain, turn rivers into blood, and smite the earth with plagues "as often as they will." 11:6

1283. After God's witnesses "have finished their testimony," they are  killed in a war with a beast from a bottomless pit. 11:7

1284. The bodies of God's witnesses will lie unburied for three and a half days. People will "rejoice over them and make merry, and shall send gifts to one another." After another three and half days God brings his witnesses back to life and they ascend into heaven. 11:8-12

1285. When the witnesses ascend into heaven, an earthquake kills 7000 men. This was the second woe. "The third woe cometh quickly." 11:13-14

1286. "The Lamb slain from the foundation of the world"
      God planned to kill Jesus before he created the world. 13:8

1287. Those who receive the mark of the beast will "drink of the wine of the wrath of God ... and shall be tormented with fire and brimstone ... and the smoke of their torment ascendeth up for ever and ever." 14:10-11

1288. Jesus sits on a white cloud with a sharp sickle in his hand. When the angel tells him to reap, he kills all the people with his sickle. 14:14-18

1289. "The great winepress of the wrath of God ... was trodden ... and the blood cam out of the winepress, even unto the horses bridles." 14:19-20

1290. Seven angels with seven plagues are filled with the wrath of God. 15:1, 7

1291. The seven vials of wrath: 1) sores, 2) sea turned to blood, 3) rivers turned to blood, 4) people scorched with fire, 5) people gnaw their tongues in pain, 6) Euphrates dries up, 7) thunder, lightning, earthquake, and hail. 16:1

1292. "There fell a noisome and grievous sore upon the men which had the mark of the beast." 16:2

1293. "The second angel poured out his vial upon the sea; and it became as the blood of a dead man: and every living soul died in the sea." 16:3

1294. "The third angel poured out his vial upon the rivers and fountains of waters; and they became blood." 16:4

1295. God gave the saints and prophets blood to drink. 16:6

1296. Another angel tells God how righteous he is because he gives saints blood to drink. 16:7

1297. "Power was given unto him [the fourth angel] to scorch men with fire." 16:8

1298. Those who were being burned to death by God didn't repent "to give him glory." 16:9

1299. "The fifth angel poured out his vial ... and they gnawed their tongues for pain." 16:10

1300. Even after being burned alive, those nasty people wouldn't repent! 16:11

1301. Christians will fight in the war between Jesus and those allied with the beast. 17:14

1302. "They shall eat her flesh and burn her with fire." (Are they going to eat her first and then burn her?) 17:16-17

1303. To punish her God will send plagues and famine, and "she will be utterly burned with fire." 18:8

1304. God will send plagues, death, and famine on Babylon, and the kings "who have committed fornication with her" will be sad to see her burn. 18:8-9

1305. Jesus makes war. 19:11

1306. Jesus' clothes are dipped in blood and his secret name ("that no man knew") is "The Word of God". (I bet you thought it was Jesus!) 19:13

1307. With eyes aflame, many crowns on his head, clothes dripping with blood, a sword sticking out of his mouth, and a secret name, Jesus leads the faithful in heaven into holy war on earth. 19:14-15

1308. "Come ... unto the supper of the great God." An angel calls all the fowls to feast upon the flesh of dead horses and human bodies, "both free and bond, both small and great." 19:17-18

1309. The beast and the false prophet are cast alive into a lake of fire. The rest were killed with the sword of Jesus. "And all the fowls were filled with their flesh." 19:20-21

1310. God will send fire from heaven to devour people. And the devil will be tormented "day and night for ever and ever." 20:9-10

1311. Whoever isn't found listed in the book of life will be cast into the lake of fire. 20:15

1312. All liars, as well as those who are fearful or unbelieving, will be cast into "the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone." 21:8