I will not destroy it for ten's sake. 18:32
Trivia: Which two Bible books begin with the words "In the beginning"?
I will not destroy it for ten's sake. 18:32
Trivia: Which two Bible books begin with the words "In the beginning"?
"Let the earth bring forth grass." 1:11
Plants are made on the third day before there was a sun to drive their photosynthetic processes.
Notice that God lets "the earth bring forth" the plants, rather than creating them directly. Maybe Genesis is not so anti-evolution after all.
"Of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it."
Why not? What's wrong with knowing right from wrong? 2:17
"In sorrow thou shalt bring forth children. ... Thy husband ... shall rule over thee."
God punishes Eve, and all women after her, with the pains of childbirth and subjection to men. 3:16
"The LORD had respect unto Abel and to his offering." 4:3-5
God likes Abel's dead animals better than Cain's fruits and vegetables. Why? Well, no reason is given, but it probably has something to do with the amount of pain, blood, and gore involved.
"If Cain shall be avenged sevenfold, truly Lamech seventy and sevenfold." 4:23-24
Lamech kills a man and claims that since Cain's murderer would be punished sevenfold, whoever murders him will be punished seventy-seven fold. That sounds fair.
"I will destroy ... both man and beast." 6:7, 17
God is angry. He decides to destroy all humans, beasts, creeping things, fowls, and "all flesh wherein there is breath of life." He plans to drown them all.
"Every living substance that I have made will I destroy." 7:4
God repeats his intention to kill every living thing. But why does God kill all the innocent animals? What did they do to deserve his wrath? It seems God never gets his fill of tormenting animals.
"All flesh died that moved upon the earth." 7:21-23
God drowns everything that breathes air. From newborn babies to koala bears -- all creatures great and small, the Lord God drowned them all."Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be unto his brethren." 9:20-25
The "just and righteous" Noah (6:9, 7:1) plants a vineyard, gets drunk, and lies around naked in his tent. His son, Ham, happens to see his father in this condition. When Noah sobers up and hears "what his young son had done unto him" (what did he do besides look at him?), he curses not Ham, who "saw the nakedness of his father," but Ham's son, Canaan, and all of his descendants. "A servant of servants shall he [Canaan] be unto his brethren." This is a typical case of biblical justice, and is one of many Bible passages that have been used to justify slavery.
"I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee." 12:3
God will bless you if you bless Abraham and curse you if you curse Abraham. Fuck Abraham.
"He entreated Abram well for her sake" 12:16
To pay Abraham for the use of his "sister", the Pharaoh gave him sheep, oxen and male and female asses and slaves.
"The LORD plagued Pharaoh and his house with great plagues because of Sarai Abram's wife." 12:17
God sends a plague on the Pharaoh and his household because the Pharaoh believed Abram's lie.
"When Abram heard that his brother was taken captive, he armed his trained servants, born in his own house, three hundred and eighteen, and pursued them unto Dan."
To free Lot from captivity, Abraham sends an army of 318 slaves ("servants" in the KJV) to pursue and smite his captors.
"Bessed be the most high God, which hath delivered thine enemies into thy hand. And he gave him tithes of all." 14:20
Melchizedek praises God for delivering Abraham's enemies into his hand, for which he is paid a tenth of all the spoils.
This is the first occurrence of the word "tithe" in the Bible and it is used to justify the idea that believers should give 10% of their money to their church.
"Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the LORD hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid." 16:2
Sarah tells her husband to have sex with her slave girl.
"Abram said unto Sarai, Behold, thy maid is in thine hand; do to her as it pleaseth thee. And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she fled."16:6
Hagar conceives, making Sarai jealous. Abram tells Sarai to do to Hagar whatever she wants. "And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she fled."
"The angel of the LORD said unto her, Return to thy mistress, and submit thyself under her hands." 16:9
The angel tells Hagar to return and submit to her abusive owner, Sarai.
"And I will give unto thee, and to thy seed after thee, the land wherein thou art a stranger, all the land of Canaan, for an everlasting possession." 17:8
God gives Abraham and his descendants all of the land of Canaan forever. This promise is still used to justify the unending battles over the land in the Middle East. 13:14-15
"He that is ... bought with money." 17:12-13, 23-27
God tells Abram that all males must be circumcised, even those whom Abram had bought with money. There isn't the slightest evidence in this passage, or in any other in the Bible, that the biblical God disapproves of slavery.
"The uncircumcised man child whose flesh of his foreskin is not circumcised, that soul shall be cut off from his people." 17:14
An uncircumcised boy is to be abandoned by his parents and community.
"All the men of his house, born in the house, and bought with money" 17:27
Abraham circumcised all of the slaves in his household. (Without their permission, of course.)
"Wilt thou destroy the righteous with the wicked? ... Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?" 18:23-25
Abraham begs God not to kill everyone in Sodom and Gomorrah. [Which is odd, since later (Genesis 22:2-10) Abraham doesn't even question God's request that he kill his ow son.] He asks God two good questions: "Wilt thou destroy the righteous with the wicked?" and "Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?"
"I will not destroy it for ten's sake." 18:32
I guess God couldn't find even ten good Sodomites because he decides to kill them all in Genesis 19. Too bad Abraham didn't ask God about the children. Why not save them? If Abraham could find 10 good children, toddlers, infants, or babies, would God spare the city? Apparently not. God doesn't give a damn about children."I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes." 19:7-8
Lot refuses to give up his angels to the perverted mob, offering his two "virgin daughters" instead. He tells the bunch of angel rapers to "do unto them [his daughters] as is good in your eyes." This is the same man that is called "just" and "righteous" in 2 Peter 2:7-8
"The LORD rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the LORD out of heaven." 19:24
God kills everyone (men, women, children, infants, newborns) in Sodom and Gomorrah by raining "fire and brimstone from the Lord out of heaven." Well, almost everyone -- he spares the "just and righteous" Lot and his family.
"But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt." 19:26
Lot's nameless wife looks back, and God turns her into a pillar of salt.
"God came to Abimelech in a dream by night, and said to him, Behold, thou art but a dead man" 20:3
God gets angry with king Abimelech, though the king hasn't even touched Sarah. He threatens to kill him and all of his people. To compensate for the crime he never committed, Abimelech gives Abraham sheep, oxen, slaves, silver, and land. Finally, after Abraham "prayed unto God," God lifts his punishment to Abimelech, "for the Lord had fast closed up all the wombs of the house of Abimelech, because of Sarah."
"The LORD had fast closed up all the wombs of the house of Abimelech, because of Sarah Abraham's wife." 20:18
God "closed all the wombs" because Abimelech believed Abe's lie.
"Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian, which she had born unto Abraham, mocking. Wherefore she said unto Abraham, Cast out this bondwoman and her son." 21:10-14
Sarah, after giving birth to Isaac, gets angry again at Hagar (see 16:5-6) and tells Abraham to 'cast out this bondwoman and her son." God commands Abraham to "hearken unto her voice." So Abraham abandons Hagar and Ishmael, casting them out into the wilderness to die.
"Let me not see the death of the child." 21:14-20
After the water ran out, Hagar left Ishmael alone to die. But God heard the infant crying, so he had an angel cry to Hagar from heaven, telling her not to worry. God heard the child's cry and opened Hagar's eyes so she could see a well, filled with water. God said he'd make Ishmael a great nation, and the child became an archer.
"Take now thy son ... and offer him there for a burnt offering." 22:2-13
God orders Abraham to kill Isaac as a burnt offering. Abraham shows his love for God by his willingness to murder his son. But finally, just before Isaac's throat is slit, God provides a goat to kill instead.
"Abraham stretchedforth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son." 22:10
Abraham shows his willingness to kill his son for God. Only an evil God would ask a father to do that; only a bad father would be willing to do it.
"By myself have I sworn, saith the LORD, for because thou hast done this thing, and hast not withheld thy son, thine only son ... I will bless thee." 22:16-17
Why did God love Abraham so much? Because he was willing to murder his son for him. (Greater evil hath no man than this, that he is willing to kill his own son for God.)
And why does God call Isaac Abraham's only son? Abraham's first son was Ishmael, whom Abraham abandoned with God's blessing. Then God commanded him to murder his second son. Christ! What a monster God!
"the LORD hath blessed my master greatly; and he is become great: and he hath given him ... menservants, and maidservants." 24:35
God blessed Abraham by giving him lots of slaves.
"Abraham gave all that he had unto Isaac." 25:5
Abraham gave everything he had to Isaac, ignoring his other sons (Ishmael, Zimran, Jokshan, Medan, Midian,Ishbak, and Shuah), as well as all of his nameless and unmentioned daughters, along with God knows how many other children he had with his other concubines.
"Isaac loved Esau, because he did eat of his venison: but Rebekah loved Jacob." 25:28
Isaac loved Esau because Esau was a hunter and Isaac loved venison. Rebekah loved Jacob, but God hated Esau (see Romans 9:13). No reason is given for why one son is loved while the other is hated. But since God chose to act this way, it must have been as an example for parents to follow. Have you decided which of your children to hate?
"The LORD blessed him ... For he had possession of ... great store of servants" 26:12-14
God blessed Isaac (like his father Abraham before him) with many slaves ("servants" in the KJV).
"Jacob said unto his father, I am Esau thy first born." 27:19
Jacob, with coaching from his mother, obtains Isaac's blessing by lying. God seems to have been fooled as well.
"And Laban gave unto his daughter Leah Zilpah his maid for an handmaid. ... And Laban gave to Rachel his daughter Bilhah his handmaid to be her maid." 29:24, 29
As part of the deal with Jacob, Zilpah and Bilhah (Laban's slaves) are handed over to Leah and Rachel.
"God hath taken away the cattle of your father, and given them to me.." 31:9
God inspired Jacob's science experiment (on speckled cattle breeding) so that Jacob could take all of Laban's cattle.
"And his soul clave unto Dinah the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the damsel, and spake kindly unto the damsel." 34:1-31
Dinah, the daughter of Jacob, is "defiled" by a man who seems to love her dearly. Her brothers trick all of the men of the town and kill them (after first having them all circumcised), and then take their wives and children captive.
"The terror of God was upon the cities that were round about them." 35:5
"And Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the Lord; and the Lord slew him. 38:7"
What did Er do to elicit God's wrath? The Bible doesn't say. Maybe he picked up some sticks on Saturday.
"Onan ...spilled it on the ground ... And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also.38:8-10
After God killed Er, Judah tells Onan to "go in unto thy brother's wife." But "Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and ... when he went in unto his brother's wife ... he spilled it on the ground.... And the thing which he did displeased the Lord; wherefore he slew him also." This lovely Bible story is seldom read in Sunday School, but it is the basis of many Christian doctrines, including the condemnation of both masturbation and birth control.
"Bring her forth, and let her be burnt."38:24
After Judah pays Tamar for her services, he is told that she "played the harlot" and "is with child by whoredom." When Judah hears this, he says, "Bring her forth, and let her be burnt."
"The famine was over all the face of the earth." 41:54-57
God brought a seven year, "very grievous" famine on the whole earth for no apparent reason (except maybe to make Joseph wealthy).
"Put my cup, the silver cup, in the sack's mouth of the youngest, and his corn money." 44:2
Joseph (the hero of the story) falsely accuses his brothers of stealing his magic devining cup.
Joseph collects all the money in Egypt. 47:13-27
When he had taken all their money, he took their animals. When he had taken all their animals, he took their land. When the people had no money, animals, or land, Joseph made them plant crops and give 20% of their produce to the Pharaoh.
