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Absurdity in the The Mormon Scriptures (1599)

Absurdity in The Mormon Scriptures

1 Nephi

"I, Nephi ... born of goodly parents ... highly favored of the Lord ... having ... a great knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God" The first book of the Book of Mormon is the First Book of Nephi. The author is a guy named Nephi who thinks quite a lot of himself. He had "goodly parents" was "highly favored of the Lord" and had "a great knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God." 1:1
"I make a record in the language of my father ... the language of the Egyptians." That's a strange language an Israelite around 600 BCE to write in! 1:2
"I know that the record which I make is true." The book of 1 Nephi is true because Nephi says it is. And if you can't believe a pompous, Egyptian-speaking Hebrew that supposedly lived 2600 years ago, whom can you believe? 1:3
"There came a pillar of fire and dwelt upon a rock." Lehi prayed and pillar of fire appeared out of nowhere on a rock. 1:6
After Lehi saw the burning pillar on a rock, he "he thought he saw" God, lots of angels, Jesus, and the 12 apostles -- which is a strange sight for a Jew that lived 600 years before Jesus was born. 1:8
God, Jesus, the apostles, and the host of angels came down from heaven to earth and God gave Lehi a book to read. 1:11
"He read, saying: Wo, wo, unto Jerusalem, for I have seen thine abominations! ... Great and marvelous are thy works, O Lord God Almighty!" Lehi read from the book that God gave him while he quoted from Revelation -- which wasn't written for another 700 years or so. 1:13
"I make an abridgment of the record of my father, upon plates which I have made with mine own hands." Nephi's (thankfully) going to just give us the abridged version of his father's babblings, which was probably a good idea since he was writing this stuff down on brass plates. 1:17
God speaks to Lehi in a dream and tells him to leave Jerusalem and go "into the wilderness." 2:1
So, with no further instructions, he and his family go into the wild. 2:4
Apparently the 400+ km hike from Jerusalem to the Red Sea took only three days. 2:5
Lehi named the valley after his other worthless son, Lemuel, hoping it would make him more steadfast and immovable. 2:10
"Nephi wanted to know the mysteries of God, so he cried unto the Lord. And the Lord softened his heart (and his brain) so he could believe the shit his dad said. 2:16
And the dumb-as-shit Sam went along with whatever Nephi said. 2:17
But Laman and Lemuel wouldn't listen to Nephi because they suffered from Pharaoh's syndrome: the hardening of the heart. 2:18
God told Nephi that he would lead him to a new land, a land that God had prepared just for him (and the Mormons) that was better than everywhere else on earth. (God made the New World just for Nephi and his family. For though it had been occupied by the Native Americans for 15,000 years or so, God made it for Nephi, not for them.) 2:19
"I, Nephi, returned from speaking with the Lord." 3:1
God commands Lehi in a dream to send his sons back to Jerusalem (800+ km roundtrip) to get Lehi's genealogy that is written on brass plates. 3:2
So the four brothers went back to Jerusalem. Now they just needed to decide how to get the brass plates back from Laban. Luckily, they had all read the Bible so they knew the proper way of deciding such things. They cast lots. 3:10
The lot fell upon Laman, so he went in to talk to Laban about the plates. But Laban refused to give him the plates, accused him of trying to rob him, and threatened to kill him. 3:11
After that, Laman, Lemuel, and Sam wanted to give up on the plates and return "to the wilderness." 3:14
But Nephi talked them out of it in a long, boring speech. 3:15
So Nephi and his brothers go get their father's gold, silver, and precious things (that were left behind on their wilderness trip), brought them to Laban, and offered to trade it all for the plates. 3:22
Laban wanted their gold and whatnot but he also wanted to keep the plates. (He was into genealogy, too.) So he decided to kill them and take their stuff. 3:25
Nephi and his brothers escaped to the wilderness and hid in "the cavity of a rock." 3:26
Laman and Lemuel had had enough. They started to beat Nephi and Sam with a rod. 3:28
Then an angel showed up and told them to stop beating Nephi. 3:29
But Laman and Lemuel weren't convinced by the angel. 3:31
sine the angel didn't impress Laman and Lemeul, Nephi had to make another long, boring, BoM-type speech. 4:1
After the speech, Laman and Lemuel decided to follow Nephi back to Jerusalem, though they "did still continue to murmur." 4:4
When they got to Jerusalem, Nephi's brothers waited outside the gates while Nephi was led by the Lord to Laban's house. 4:6
The Lord lead Nephi to a drunk guy passed out on the ground -- who turned out to be Laban! 4:7
The Spirit of the Lord "constrained" Nephi to murder Laban as he lay passed out on the ground. 4:10
But the Spirit had to tell Nephi again. 4:11
And a third time, reminding Nephi that God kills people too (so it must be OK) and besides, it's better that one person die than a whole nation dwindle in unbelief. 4:12
So Nephi (finally) obeys the Spirit by grabbing Laban by the hair and chopping off his head with his own sword. 4:18
After Nephi smote off his head, he put on Laban's clothes (while the blood gushed from the carotid artery) and "gird on his armor about [his] loins." (Laban always wore armor on his loins when he went out partying.) 4:19
Dressed in Laban's blood-drenched clothes and loin armor, he went to the treasury of Laban and commanded (with the voice of Laban) Laban's servant to follow him. 4:20
And it worked perfectly. Nephi looked and sounded just like Laban, so it completely fooled Laban's servant. 4:21
Nephi chatted with Laban's servant for a while about all the usual things -- the wild party last night, gossip about the elders of the "church" (the Jews had churches back then), etc. Then Nephi told him to take the brass plates to his brothers who were waiting outside the city gates. 4:22
When Nephi's brothers saw Nephi and Laban's servant coming, they were "exceedingly frightened" since they thought Nephi was Laban, too! (It was an exceedingly good disguise.) 4:26
"When Laman saw me he was exceedingly frightened, and also Lemuel and Sam. And they fled from before my presence; for they supposed it was Laban."It must have been an exceedingly good costume! Even Nephi's brothers thought he was Laban (because he was wearing Laban's clothes). 4:28
But then they heard his voice (he wasn't using the voice of Laban anymore) and they knew it was Nephi "wherefore they did cease to flee from [his] presence." 4:29
After brothers settled down, Nephi talked Laban's servant (Zoram) into joining up with them, and they packed up the brass plates and returned (400+ kilometers) to Lehi's tent. 4:38
Nephi and his brothers, along with Laban's servant Zoram, return to the wilderness from Jerusalem. The 400+ kilometer trip must have been routine by now, since Nephi says nothing at all about it. His parents, though, were filled with joy, exceedingly glad even, to see them. 5:1
After the boys got back, the parents just couldn't stop talking about it. After this manner of language did they speak. , , 5:8
After they were done speaking in that manner of language, Lehi took a look at the brass plates. They had all kinds of cool stuff written on them: the five books of Moses, the history of the Jews, and the prophecies of Jeremiah. 5:10
The plates had Lehi's genealogy, which showed that Lehi was a descendant of Joseph. (Joseph is a really important name in the Book of Mormon. I'm not sure why.) 5:14
When Lehi found out that he was a descendant of Joseph, he was filled up with the Spirit and started to prophesy about his seed, saying the plates would never perish or dim with time. (No one has seen them since.) 5:17
"And he prophesied many things concerning his seed." 5:19
Nephi is not going to say anything about the plates that he murdered Laban for, except that he and his family are descendants of Joseph. 6:1
Nephi is trying to use as few words as possible, since he is writing on metal plates. So it mattereth not to him that he give a full account of all the things, etc., etc. 6:3
So he's not going to write pleasing things; he's going to give commandment unto his seed. 6:5
God tells Lehi to send his sons back to Jerusalem to get some women. 7:1
So Lehi's sons went back to Jerusalem one more time. 7:3
It was just another quick, uneventful, 400+ km trip. After they arrived, the Lord softened up Ishmael's heart enough so that he agreed to leave Jerusalem with his family and go into the wilderness so that Lehi's sons could have sex with his daughters. 7:4
But then deja vu came to pass all over again. Laman and Lemuel revolted, along with two of Ishmael's daughters and two of his sons. 7:6
And then Nephi gave a speech that no one should ever have to read or listen to. 7:8
After listening to Nephi's awful speech, Nephi's brothers were exceedingly wroth. So they tied him up and left him for the animals to eat. 7:16
But then Nephi prayed unto the Lord. (His prayers are worse than his speeches.) And, just like magic, the cords were untied. 7:17
Nephi's brothers tried to lay hands on him again but he was saved by a daughter, mother, and brother of Ishmael, who softened the hearts of Nephi's younger brothers. 7:19
Then Nephi's brothers bowed down and begged Nephi to forgive them. 7:20
And it came to pass that Nephi forgave his brothers and they returned to their father's tent in the wilderness, where they killed and sacrificed some animals for God and began to get to know the daughters of Ishmael. 7:21
Lehii's Dream Lehi dreams about a tree with white, sweet-tasting fruit. He wants his family to eat the fruit. Nephi, Sam, and Sariah do; Laman and Lemuel don't. An iron rod leads people to the tree, but some are ashamed to eat its fruit after being taunted by well-dressed people in a building that floats in the sky. Those who don't eat the fruit or who leave after eating it are lost, drowned, or destroyed. (Lehi's dream was nearly identical to 2400 years later, before Joseph Smith, Jr. "translated" the Book of Mormon.) 8:2
Lehi thinks his dream assures the salvation of Nephi, Sam, and "their seed" and the damnation of Laman and Lemuel. (Because the former ate the magic fruit and the latter didn't.) 8:2
Lehi dreamed about tree with fruit that could make you happy if you ate it (or smoked it?). 8:10
Lehi partook of the fruit thereof, and it was the sweetest thing he'd ever tasted, and was whiter than anything he'd ever seen before. (Being white is the best thing a thing can be in the Book of Mormon.) 8:11
And it made him exceedingly happy, happier than he'd ever been before. He was so darned happy he could hardly stand it. So he wanted his family to eat from the happy tree, too. 8:12
So Lehi cast his eyes round about until he discovered his family. 8:13
Lehi told his family to eat the happy fruit, and the good members of his family (Nephi, Sariah, and Sam) ate it. 8:14
After the good guys ate the good fruit, Lehi cast his eyes about again until he saw Laman and Lemuel. He told them to eat the fruit, but they wouldn't do it (because they were bad). 8:17
Lehi saw an iron rod along the side of the river that people clung to as they traveled towards the happy tree. 8:19
In the background there was a mist of darkness that lots of people got lost in. 8:23
But some managed to find the happy-fruit tree by hanging on to the rod of iron. 8:24
But after partaking of the happy fruit, the people cast their eyes about like they were ashamed or something. 8:25
Then Lehi cast his eyes about again and saw a big building floating in the air. 8:26
The building was filled with people that were looking down and pointing and laughing at the people eating the happy fruit. 8:27
Then the people who were ashamed after eating the happy fruit crawled off into the darkness and got lost. 8:28
Some of the ashamed fruit-eaters made it to the big sky building, but others drowned. 8:31
Those that made it into the big building in the sky began pointing the finger of scorn at the happy fruit eaters below. 8:33
Nephi left out a lot of shit his dad said in the valley of Lemuel. He just didn't have room for it on his plates. 9:1
"The plates ... I have given the name of Nephi; wherefore, they are called the plates of Nephi, after mine own name; and these plates also are called the plates of Nephi." Okay, I guess we'll call them the plates of Nephi. 9:2
God told Nephi to make two sets of plates: one for "for the more part of the ministry" and the other set " for the more part of the reign of the kings and the wars and contentions." 9:4
"The Lord hath commanded me to make these plates for a wise purpose in him, which purpose I know not." 9:5
"And thus is is, Amen." 9:6
"I, Nephi, proceed to give an account ... of my proceedings ... wherefore, to proceed with mine account, I must speak somewhat...." 10:1
, but Lehi proves him wrong by prophesying the details of Jesus' life, death, and resurrection 600 years before he was born. Lehi even knew the Elizabethan English words that the King James Version would ascribe to John the Baptist 2200 years before that translation existed! 10:3
A spirit takes Nephi up to the top of an exceedingly high mountain and shows him all the shit his dad saw: Jesus, Mary, John the Baptist, the twelve apostles, Lehi's magic tree and iron rod, the large and spacious building, angels, devils, the condescension of God, and the wisdom of the world. 11:1
The first thing that comes to pass is that Nephi ponders his dad's imaginary tree, gets caught up in the spirit of the Lord, and is transported to an exceedingly high mountain. 11:1
And then he has a conversation with his new-found spirit friend. The spirit asked him what he wanted. 11:2
Nephi said he'd like to see some of the shit his dad saw. 11:3
The spirit asked Nephi if he believed that his dad saw the tree? 11:4
Nephi said that he believed all the crazy shit his dad said. 11:5
When the spirit heard Nephi's words, it started screaming. 11:6
The spirit shouted that because Nephi believes in his dad's cool tree, Jesus would come down from heaven to visit him. (Jesus believes in Lehi's tree, too.) 11:7
And then it came to pass that the spirit showed Nephi his dad's magic fruit tree. It was exceedingly white, too. It was like the whitest thing he'd ever seen. 11:8
Nephi sees an exceedingly white virgin. (Being white is exceedingly good in the Book of Mormon.) But how the hell would Nephi know that the exceedingly white woman was a virgin? I guess Nephi could spot a virgin from 400 kilometers away. 11:13
After the spirit showed Nephi the exceedingly white tree and virgin, it blathered on a bit about "the condescension of God" and whatnot. Then it told Nephi that the white virgin "is the mother of the Son of God, after the manner of the flesh." (Does this mean that God the Father had sex with Mary "after the manner of the flesh?") 11:18
Then the spirit (or its angel sidekick) showed Nephi all the shit his dad saw and more. Jesus, Mary, John the Baptist, the twelve apostles, the crucifixion, a bunch of angels, Lehi's magic tree, fountain of living waters, iron rod, the large and spacious building, angels, devils, the condescension of God, the lamb of God, the Holy Ghost, devils, unclean spirits, the wisdom of the world -- the works. 11:19
In this chapter, the angel shows Nephi his seed. He'll have tons of seed, as many as the sand of the sea. 12:1
Nephi's seed will live in many cities, more cities than can be counted. 12:3
But bad times are coming. Mountains will disintegrate and cities sink and burn. 12:4
Then the heavens will open up and Jesus, the Holy Ghost, and the apostles (with their robes made white from being washed in Jesus' blood) will come down to minster to Nephi's seed. 12:6
But Nephi's seed will fight his brethren's seed. And it will be awful to look at. Seed fighting seed everywhere. I doubt if there has been so much contending seed in a single paragraph since time began. 12:19
Finally, the chapter comes to a thrilling conclusion with the angel showing Nephi what will happen to the seed of his brethren that dwindle in unbelief: they will become a dark, loathsome, filthy, idle, and abominable people. (Which, according to the BoM, is the origin of the Native Americans.) 12:22
Nephi sees the "great and abominable church" and its founder, the devil. 13:6
The angel shows Nephi a Google Earth view of the Atlantic Ocean (the "many waters") that divides the old and new worlds. 13:10
The angel shows Nephi Christopher Columbus crossing the "many waters" in 1492 to visit the native Americans. 13:12
These "other Gentiles" were the Pilgrims arriving at Plymouth Rock in 1620. 13:13
The Nephites were "white and exceedingly fair." 13:15
"The Gentiles ... did humble themselves before the Lord; and the power of the Lord was with them." 13:16
The "mother Gentiles" are the English and the "battle" is the Revolutionary War. 13:17
God helped the American colonists win the Revolutionary War. 13:18
God helped the Americans win all their other wars too. (Except maybe the Vietnam war.) 13:19
The angel shows Nephi a book that "procedeth out of the mouth of a Jew" (the Bible, which was a lot like the brass plates). The good American white people that God liked so much carried this book around with them. 13:20
Good news for "gentiles" in "the promised land." ("Gentiles" are non-Mormons and "the promised land" is the United States in Mormon-speak). All you have to do is become a Mormon and then you will be blessed by God (otherwise you're going to hell). 14:1
The Catholic church was founded by the devil to lead souls to hell. 14:3
f you're a gentile, you've only got two choices: become a Mormon or fall into the Catholic pit that leads to hell. 14:5
The angel tells Nephi that the lamb of God (Jesus) says that the time will come (2423 years later) when a 17 year old treasure digger from New York (Joseph Smith) will find some golden plates and translate them by staring into his hat at some magic rocks and thereby produce the "great and marvelous work" that we now know as the Book of Mormon. This book is, according to the angel, the best and most important book by far that you, me, or anyone else will ever read. And we'll be tortured forever after we die unless we believe it. 14:7
There are only two churches: the church of the Lamb of God, and the church of the devil. You either belong to the good church or the bad church (the mother of abominations, the whore of all the earth, whose founder is the devil). 14:10
The angel showed Nephi the Mormon church (the church of the Lamb of God). There weren't many Mormons, though, because of that fucking whore that sat on many waters (the Catholic Church). 14:12
God hated pretty much everyone on earth (they were all just a bunch of Catholics to him) until the Mormons showed up. 14:15
The angel told Nephi to look over there. You see that guy in the white robe? That's the apostle John who will write the Book of Revelation about 700 years from now. (Which doesn't make a lot of sense since the apostle John didn't write Revelation, but oh well.) 14:18
The white-robed guy will write things that are just and true just like everything else that is written in "the book that proceeded out of the mouth of the Jew." ("The book that prceeded out of the mouth of the Jew" is BoM-speak for the Bible.) 14:23
That's all Nephi is going to say about that. The angel won't let him say any more. So don't ask. But the angel showed Nephi lots of other cool stuff that he can't tell you about right now. 14:28
Finally the angel stopped talking and Nephi quit writing down the things that he saw while he got all carried away. But it's all true. And thus it is. Amen. 10-4 good buddy. Over and out. 14:29
Remember back in chapter 8 when Lehi had a dream about a tree? Yeah, well, it's back again. And this time it's causing trouble for Nephi's brothers. You see, they just couldn't figure it all out. What was it, anyway? And who cares? A crazy old man dreams about a tree and they're supposed to believe it has some cosmic significance, some deep spiritual meaning? Well, yes they are. This is the Book of Mormon after all. 15:1
Of course the main problem with Nephi's brothers was that they didn't inquire of the Lord enough. It's nearly impossible to believe complete and obvious bullshit without God's help. 15:8
Another reason they didn't believe the stuff about the tree is that they were such evil bastards. They didn't follow the commandments and their hearts were way too hard. 15:10
So Nephi explained it all to them again. The grafting of the branches thing is all about Joseph Smith who will (2423 years later) find and translate the golden plates and thereby produce the Book of Mormon that will bring "the fulness of the gospel" to the Gentiles. (And if that isn't perfectly obvious to you, you are an evil bastard that hasn't inquired of the Lord.) 15:13
Nephi says that someday the Native Americans (who centuries later will become a dark, loathsome, filthy, idle, and abominable people for dwindling in unbelief) will all become Mormons and be saved. (I suppose God will then make them fair , white, and delightsome like good Mormons are today.) 15:14
Nephi goes on to explain the tree, iron rod, and river to his hard-hearted evil brothers. 15:20
There's an "awful gulf" that separates the wicked from the saints. 15:28
If your works are filthy, then you are filthy. And if you're filthy, you can't go to heaven because you'd make God's kingdom filthy. 15:33
But, you see, the kingdom of God isn't filthy, so God had to make a filthy place to put filthy people after they die. 15:34
And thus it is and so on and so forth. Amen. 15:36
Nephi, his brothers, and Zoram (Laban's servant) all got married to Ishmael's nameless daughters. It was a group wedding with Lehi serving as the Reverend Moon, saying stuff like, "Do you [Nephi, Laman, Lemuel, Sam, Zoram] take what's her name here to be your lawfully wedded wife?" 16:7
After getting that all taken care of, God showed Lehi something really interesting. A magic brass ball of curious workmanship that was designed and made by God himself! God's magic ball had two spindles on it, one pointing the way to go and the other pointing in some other direction. 16:10
So now that they had their magic ball, they packed up camp, gathered seeds of every kind, crossed the River Laman, and took off in whatever direction God's brass ball pointed. After traveling for four days in a SSE direction, they set up camp at a place they called Shazer. (Notice how Joseph Smith Nephi gives names to pretty much every place they pass by, but didn't bother to tell us the name of his wife.) 16:11
They followed God's magic ball around for "the space of many days" in "the more fertile parts of the wilderness," killing stuff for food with their bows and arrows and slings. 16:15
A round brass ball "of curious workmanship" leads Lehi through the wilderness. A compass, perhaps? But , 16:16
And then it came to pass that Nephi broke his steel bow. Of course steel didn't exist at the time, wouldn't work well for a bow anyway, and would be hard to break. But, oh well. This is the Book of Mormon. 16:18
Nephi breaks his bow, "which was made of fine steel." But the technology for making steel did not exist in 600 BCE. 16:18
Apparently none of the other bows worked either, because after Nephi broke his no one else could kill a thing. 16:19
So everyone "began to murmur exceedingly." Heck even Nephi's dad, Lehi, "began to murmur against the Lord." 16:20
So Nephi made another bow and arrow out of wood and a straight stick. But Nephi didn't know where to hunt with his new bow. So he asked his dad (when he had stopped murmuring). 16:23
Lehi inquired of the Lord (Hey God. Where should Nephi go to kill some animals?) Then voice of the Lord came to Lehi telling him to look on the magic ball where he'd find a text message from God. 16:25
God told Lehi to look at the brass ball and read the words written upon it. And when he read the words "he did fear and tremble exceedingly." 16:26
And it came to pass that when they saw the text message from God they did fear and tremble exceedingly. 16:27
Now the magic brass ball didn't work like a magic 8 ball. Magic 8 balls work all of the time for everyone, whereas the brass ball only works if you believe it will work. And, of course, Nephi believed anything and everything, the crazier the better. So the pointers pointed in just the right directions if you believed that they pointed in just the right directions. (That's the way dousing works too.) 16:28
The pointers on the ball work according to the faith of its user. 16:28
But the coolest thing of all was the text messages. They "changed from time to time" according to the faith of the person reading the message. 16:29
And the words written on the ball change according to the faith of its user. 16:29
The message on the brass ball told Nephi to go to the top of the mountain. 16:30
So Nephi found his way to the top of the mountain by following the instructions that were written on the ball. 16:30
So Nephi went to the mountain top to kill wild beasts. 16:31
After eating the wild beasts, they traveled for the space of many days. 16:33
Then Ishmael dies, his daughters mourn exceedingly, and Nephi's brothers and Ishmael's sons decide to kill Nephi and Lehi. 16:34
But then the voice of God stopped by to talk for a while. He gave them some food so they decided not to kill Nephi and Lehi. 16:39
In the last chapter, God gave Nephi a magic ball that pointed in the direction that God wanted him to go and even told Nephi where to kill wild beasts. All this happened within in single year: 600 BCE. Now it was time for some serious traveling. 17:1
They waded through much affliction and their nameless women bore children in the wilderness. 17:1
God fed them raw meat, their women gave plenty of suck, and the children grew up quickly, becoming as strong as men during the eight year journey. 17:2
After eight years of wading through affliction, eating raw meat, and getting plenty of suck, they arrived at a land they called Bountiful (because of its much fruit and also wild honey). And they saw the sea which they called Irreantum, which, being interpreted, means nothing at all. 17:5
Then it came to pass after a space of many days that he, Nephi, heard the voice of the Lord, saying, "Arise, get thee into the mountain." So Nephi got into the mountain and cried unto the Lord. 17:7
While Nephi was crying on the mountain top, God told him to build a ship. 17:8
Nephi asked God where he would find the ore to make the metal to make the tools to make the ship. 17:9
But it was no big deal. God showed Nephi where to find the ore to make the tools. 17:10
Nephi made a bellows from the skin of beasts so he could blow on a fire, which he made by striking two stones together. 17:11
Up to this time, you see, Nephi et al had no fire as they journeyed through the wilderness. They ate raw meat, which God sweetened for them. 17:12
Lehi and company didn't have to cook their food because God made it taste good raw. 17:12
So Nephi was pretty much all set. God showed Nephi where to mine the ore, from which he made ship-building tools using his trusty beast-skin bellows and striking stones. 17:16
But when Nephi's brothers saw what he was doing they began to murmur against him. 17:17
Whereupon Nephi began a long, boring 1000-word sermon. 17:19
Among many other things, Nephi told his brothers that God straitens murmurers by sending fiery flying serpents to bite and kill them. (See ) 17:41
God "sent fiery flying serpents" to bite people. 17:41
Then Nephi reminded them about stuff they'd already seen on the trip: talking angels from time to time that sometimes whispered and sometimes screamed so loudly that the earth shook. 17:45
But Nephi's brothers were tired of Nephi and his screaming angels. So they tried to throw him into the sea. It didn't work, though, because Nephi he was filled with the power of God even to the consuming of his flesh and whoever touched him would wither like a dried reed. 17:48
Nephi kept talking on and on about many things to his brothers. Finally Nephi's brothers gave up and durst not touch Nephi with their fingers for the space of many days. 17:52
Still, God wasn't completely satisfied. He decided not to wither Nephi's brothers like dried reeds, but to shock the hell out of them instead. Just to show off a bit. 17:53
And it came to pass that Nephi stretched forth his hand to his brethren and they didn't wither, but the Lord did shake them, just like he said that he would. 17:54
And that did the trick. After God shocked Nephi's brothers they knew of a surety that God was with Nephi. They even wanted to worship Nephi, but Nephi told them not to, saying, "Oh My Heck, you guys, I'm just your younger brother." 17:55
God shows Nephi how to work timbers of curious workmanship. 18:1
Nephi explains (several times in the same verse) that he didn't work the timbers after the manner of men, but in the manner that God showed him. 18:2
The ship took less than two verses to build, but by all accounts it turned out exceedingly fine. 18:4
When it was finished, they gathered up their stuff and boarded their unnamed ship, every one according to his age. 18:5
After they all got on board, they sailed off toward the promised land (America in BoM-speak). 18:8
And then, after the space of many days, there was mutiny on the nameless ship. (Nephi didn't keep much of a log. Everything happens "after a space of many days.") Nephi's brothers, Ishmael's sons, and all their wives began to merrily dance, sing, and speak with exceeding rudeness. 18:9
So he, Nephi, began to fear exceedingly that God would smite them for dancing, singing, and carrying on like that. So he spoke to them with much soberness. But they all said unto him in unison, "Fuck off, little brother." 18:10
Finally, Laman and Lemuel got so sick of Nephi's pompous ass that they tied him up again (See ). 18:11
hen the magic compass stopped working. 18:12
So they didn't know which way to steer. And then a great and terrible tempest came up for the space of three days. Everyone was exceedingly frightened. Still, they didn't untie Nephi. 18:13
The tempest became exceedingly sore on the fourth day. 18:14
And just when they were about to be swallowed up in the depths of the sea, they untied Nephi, whose wrists and ankles had swollen exceedingly and great was the soreness thereof. 18:15
Still, Nephi didn't murmur against the Lord but praised him all day long. 18:16
Nephi's dad said many things to the mutineers, but they ignored him. The rude behavior of their children sickened Lehi and his wife Sariah. (They were "stricken in years" and about to die even though they just had a couple of baby boys a few verses ago. See ) 18:17
Poor little Jacob and Joseph were in need of much nourishment (Was Sariah still breastfeeding them?) and Nephi's nameless wife cried and prayed, along with Nephi's nameless children. 18:19
Finally they untied Nephi. The magic compass magically started working again and there was a great calm. 18:21
I guess the calm didn't last forever, though, because the ship began to sail again toward the promised land. 18:22
And after the space of many days, they arrived in the promised land. (And they did call it the promised land.) 18:23
After arriving, they began to plant the seeds that they brought with them. 18:24
Nephi found cows, horses, oxen, and asses when he arrived in the New World in 590 BCE. (None of these domesticated animals existed in North America before the Europeans brought them over 2000 years later.) 18:25
And they found lots of gold, silver, and copper. 18:25
God tells Nephi to make another set of brass plates. (This is his third set, I think -- not counting Lehi's.) I guess you just can't have too many plates. 19:1
On his third set of plates, Nephi only included the "more plain and precious parts," leaving out any unnecessary words, as you'd expect from someone engraving on plates of ore. 19:2
Nephi didn't write anything on the plates unless it was sacred. 19:6
Nephi says that whatever he wrote on the plates was sacred. But he admits that he might make some mistakes, just like they (the guys who wrote the bible) did. Not that he's making any excuses, of course. 19:6
Jesus will be born 600 years after Lehi and his family left Jerusalem (and 592 years after Nephi wrote the prophecy down in his little brass book.) 19:8
Since these prophesies about Christ are not found in Old Testament, Joseph Smith makes a few prophets up: Zeonock, Neum, and Zenos. These three prophets knew all about Jesus. He'd be crucified, buried in a sepulchre, and after his death, there'd be three days of darkness. Three days of darkness? Yeah, that's what Zenos prophesied. The entire earth would be completely dark for three days after Jesus' death (See and for the exciting details), as a sign to Lehi's descendants in "the isles of the sea" (the Lamanites in America and Polynesia). Of course that's not what the Bible says. , , and say it was dark for three hours just before Jesus died. (It's one of the few things those three guys agree on.) But that's because . 19:10
Zenos prophesied further that mountains would be carried away after Jesus died, along with lots of other nutty stuff. (See where cities sunk, mountains were moved and dumped upon cities, etc.) 19:11
And finally, Nephi says he's going to swipe a couple of chapters from the book of Isaiah as a bit of filler for his plates of brass. Joseph Smith Nephi loved the phrase "and it came to pass." So why did he remove it from Isaiah 48:3? 20:3
And kings shall be thy nursing fathers. 21:23
How could Nephi, supposedly writing this around 590 BCE, quote words from the book of Malachi, which ? 22:15
Notice that this verse (which was supposed to have been written around 600 BCE) quotes Peter's paraphrase of , rather than the Old Testament verses themselves. 22:20

2 Nephi

Chapters 1-2: Second Nephi begins with Lehi rehearsing and rehashing the same old stories from Nephi's first book. Chapters - 2:1
Joseph Smith makes some modest prophecies about himself. He will be a choice seer, esteemed highly, and shall do "a work of great worth." He will be great in God's eyes, like Moses, and will do God's work. He will bring forth God's word, confound false doctrines, establish peace, and bring knowledge in the latter days. All those who seek to destroy him will be confounded. He will be like God and will bring God's people to salvation. He will have exceeding faith, work mighty wonders, and do what is great in the sight of God. 3:6
Joseph Smith got a little carried away with the fruit of various loins. In a single chapter (3) he mentions "fruit of my (his or thy) loins" 21 times. Verse 12 must set an all time record for fruits of loins: 5. , , , (3), (2), (5), , (4), (2), 3:21
Chapter 4 is a total waste of a golden plate. The 1350 or so words can be summed up with just two: Lehi died. 4:12
God will curse you if you put your trust in the arm of flesh or make flesh your arm. 4:34
Chapter 5 begins with Nephi's brothers rebelling against him again. (See , , , , , and for previous rebellions.) Nephi cries to the Lord. After his brothers try to kill him, God tells Nephi to leave and take his brown-nosing family and fiends with him. 5:1
So they took all their stuff and camped out for a while at a place they called Nephi, where they decided to be called the people of Nephi (Nephites). 5:7
Nephi brought along the brass plates and the magic ball (or compass) that God made with his own hands. This was about 1600 years before were used in navigation. 5:12
Nephi teaches his followers to build buildings and work in iron, copper, brass, steel, gold, and silver. But evidence is lacking for such pre-Columbian metallurgy, and it would be well beyond the capabilities of a handful of immigrants from the ancient Near-East around 590 BCE. 5:15
The Nephites built a temple, like Solomon's but with not quite as many precious things. According to the bible (), it took 150,000 men seven years to build the temple, but Nephites crew of a dozen or so men managed just fine. 5:16
Then the people of Nephi who lived in a place called Nephi wanted to make Nephi their king. But Nephi said they should have no king. So Nephi became their ruler instead. 5:18
Everything was exceedingly good with the Nephites. Nephi made priests out of his little brothers, Jacob and Joseph. Everyone was perfectly happy. And Nephi wrote stuff down on his plates. 5:26
God told Nephi to write some other stuff down on some other plates. He told him to only write stuff that was pleasing to God. And that's what he did. 5:30
But Nephi only going to say this about that: 40 years passed and there were wars and whatnot. 5:34
Jacob (Nephi's newly-ordained little brother) gives a long, boring speech about "exceedingly many things." 6:2
"And kings shall be thy nursing fathers." 6:7
God cut (the sea monster) to pieces, wounded the dragon, and dried up the sea. 8:9
Jacob threw in a couple more chapters from Isaiah (see chapters and ) so that 2400 years later the true (LDS) church would know the covenants that God had covenanted with the Jews (who will all have become Mormons by then). 9:1
After the Isaiah break, Jacob returned to his 19th century, frontier American, Protestant sermon, which he delivered to the Nephites circa 550 BCE, warning them that they will all burn in hell unless they repent and believe in someone (Jesus H. Christ) who will not exist for another six centuries or so. 9:3
Jacob takes off all his clothes and shakes them in front of his brethren, exposing himself in all of his glorious blood-free brightness to God's all-searching eye. 9:44
Jacob woke up the next day and started preaching again. He predicted that many Nephite children would "perish in the flesh because of unbelief." But not to worry, God will somehow restore the dead little unbelievers by forcing them to believe -- or something like that. 10:1
The kings of the Gentiles shall be nursing fathers. 10:9
God gave the entire Western Hemisphere to the Mormon Church, but he blesses non-Mormon, non-Catholic, white Christians ("Gentiles" in Mormon-speak) too. 10:10
God will protect and strengthen America (since it's his favorite country). 10:12
Non-Mormon Americans ("Gentiles") are the new Jews and will be both naughty and nice to Mormons, depending on how God feels at the moment. 10:18
America was consecrated by God to the seed of Nephi (Mormons). God likes America better than any other country. All Americans will someday worship God and become Mormons. 10:19
Jacob tells the Nephites that they are on an isle of the sea, and since the Bible mentions "isles of the sea" (see for example ), there must be other isles that are inhabited by the descendants of other ancient seafaring Jews. (As I'm sure you've guessed by now, the other inhabitants of the "isles of the sea" are the .) 10:20
"Jacob spake many more things to my people at that time; nevertheless only these things have I caused to be written, for the things which I have written sufficeth me." Yeah, Nephi, the things you have written suffieth me, too. I don't think I could take any more of Jacob's bullshit. 11:1
Nephi says he's going to include some more words of Isaiah, (He's already included about 5 chapters. See , , ; , , , , , ) because his "soul delighteth in his words." So he throws in another 13 chapters or so. 11:2
Nehi's soul delights in making things up about Jesus. 11:4
God will make sweet smelling things stink and people with hair, bald. 13:24
After God "washed away the filth" from the women and killed the men, he set up "a cloud and smoke by day" and a "flaming fire by night." 14:4
"The Lord shall hiss for the fly ... and for the bee." 17:18
"The Lord [will] shave with a razor ... the head and hair of the feet," where "hair" and "feet" are biblical euphemisms for pubic hair and male sexual organs, respectively. 17:20
Isaiah has sex with a prophetess who conceives and bears a son. (You weren't expecting a daughter, were you?) God then tells Isaiah to call his name Mathershalalhashbaz. (It has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?) 18:3
God will "smite the earth with the rod of his mouth, and with the breath of his lips he shall slay the wicked." God must have some pretty bad breath! 21:4
"The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb...." I wonder what will become of the spiders. Will they be more friendly toward flies? And will the parasitic wasps find another way to feed their larvae? Or will they continue to feed off the living bodies of caterpillars? 21:6
When God gets really angry, he causes earthquakes. 23:13
Dragons will live in Babylonian palaces and satyrs will dance there. 23:21
Notice that Joseph Smith threw in another "and it shall came to pass" into verse 4, even though it was missing from the verse () he was copying from. I guess he just couldn't resist! 24:4
"Out of the serpent's root shall come forth a cockatrice, and his fruit shall be a fiery flying serpent." What ever happened to these fascinating biblical creatures? 24:29
Nephi's "soul delighteth in in the words of Isaiah." That's probably why he included 13 consecutive chapters from Isaiah. (2 Ne.12-24) 25:5
The Lord "will proceed to do a marvelous work and a wonder" (The Book of Mormon). 25:17
Joseph Smith (or Nephi) repeats the bible stories about the fiery serpents () and the water-bearing rock (, ). He figures that if you believe those stories, you'll believe his as well. 25:20
The Book of Mormon prophesies itself! 26:6
God will destroy (in various ways) those who "dwindle in unbelief." 26:15
God won't give good stuff to those who "dwindle in unbelief." 26:17
God will get the Gentiles to kill all those who "dwindle in unbelief." 26:19
The devil is the founder of all those "secret combinations." 26:22
People should work for Zion (the Mormon church) not for money. 26:31
The Book of Mormon will be sealed until God delivers it to a man. (Gosh, could that man be Joseph Smith?) 27:7
"Wo be unto him that rejecteth the word of God!(By "word of God" Joseph Smith means the Book of Mormon.) 27:14
The Book of Mormon is "a marvelous work and an wonder." 27:26
The Book of Mormon refers to itself as "a marvelous work" of God. 29:1
Another marvelous BoM prophecy: many shall say, "A Bible! We have got a Bible." And they certainly have. This is especially amazing since this prophecy was allegedly made around 550 BCE, long before either the canon or the name of the "Bible" existed. 29:3
Fools will say, "A Bible! We have got a Bible, and we need no more (damned) Bible." 29:6
Before many generations pass, Native Americans will convert to Mormonism, their skins will turn white, and they will become a "delightsome" people. 30:6
God will "smite the earth with the rod of his mouth; and with the breath of his mouth he shall slay the wicked." How's that for some bad breath? 30:9
"And the weaned child shall put his hand in the cockatrice' den." A cockatrice is a serpent, hatched from a cock's egg, that can kill with a glance. They are rare nowadays. , 30:14
Those who reject the Book of Mormon are of the devil. 33:5
Those who believe in Christ will also believe in the Book of Mormon. 33:10

Jacob

Those who hope in Christ will obtain riches. 2:19
Polygamy is condemned as "wicked" and "abominable." (Was it wicked for , , and ?) , , 2:27
"I, the Lord God, delight in the chastity of women. And whoredoms are an abomination before me." 2:28
"If I will, saith the Lord of Hosts, raise up seed unto me, I will command my people; otherwise they shall hearken unto these things." Notice that Jacob condemned polygamy, except when the Lord wants his people "to raise up seed unto" him. to justify , along with his . 2:30
"Unless ye shall repent of your sins that their skins will be whiter than yours." 3:8
God made the Lamanites (Native Americans) filthy and dark skinned "because of their fathers." 3:9
Jacob continued his sermon to the Nephites, but he only has space for less than 1% of it (which began to be numerous) in the small plates. See the large plates for the details. 3:12
Jacob's small plates are called the plates of Jacob, and they were made by the (dead?) hand of Nephi. And that's all Jacob has to say about that. 3:14
If writing on metal plates was so tough, then why did Nephi bother copying 22 chapters from Isaiah? 4:1
"We ... engraven these words upon plates ... that they may know that we knew of Christ ... many hundred years before his coming." 4:3
All the prophets in the Hebrew scriptures (Moses, Isaiah, Jeremiah, etc.) believed in Jesus and worshipped God in his name -- hundreds of years before Jesus was born. 4:4
The Nephites could tell trees, mountains, and waves what to do "in the name of Jesus." 4:6
Jacob continues to tell us about Jesus, who will be born 500 or so years in the future. You must believe in him (even centuries before he was born) or you'll burn in hell. This is the umpteenth time Book of Mormon has told us about this. 6:1
"O be wise; what can I say more?" 6:12
Jacob says goodbye, saying he won't see us again until we are beaten with "the pleasing rod of God." But then he shows back up again in the next chapter. You just can't get rid of that guy. 6:12
After God killed Sherem, things got back to normal. The Nephites were righteous and the Lamanites were wicked. So the Nephites built up their military to fight the Lamanites. 7:23
"Adieu" is a French word which did not exist at the time the book of Jacob was supposedly written (ca. 500 BCE). 7:27

Enos

"My father ... taught me in his language." Enos's father (Jacob) taught him in his language -- which, of course, was reformed Egyptian. (All native Americans spoke reformed Egyptian in 500 BCE.) 1:1
One day Enos went out to hunt beasts in the forest when a voice in his head started talking to him. Enos has a long conversation with the voice, which tells him that he is forgiven through his faith in Jesus, who wouldn't be born for another 500 years or so. And whatever he asks "in the name of Christ," he will receive. God also "covenanted" with Enos, saying he'd preserve his plates with the Lamanites. 1:5
It wasn't easy for Enos to prophesy among the Nephites because there were exceedingly many other Nephite prophets. But he did his best, speaking with exceeding harshness. Luckily he had read so he knew how to talk with "exceedingly great plainness of speech," as you've no doubt already noticed. 1:22
Enos ends his little booklet with this: I rejoice in the day when my mortal shall put on immortality, and shall stand before him; then shall I see his face with pleasure, and he will say unto me.... Which reminds me of this verse from "" from my all-time favorite musical. (The Book of Mormon). I've always had the hope, That on the day I go to heaven. Heavenly Father will shake my hand and say, "You've done an awesome job, Kevin!" 1:27

Jarom

The fifteen-verse Book of Jarom was, as you might expect, written by Jarom, who was the son of Enos, who was the son of Jacob, who was the son of Lehi, who was a descendant of Joseph, who was the son of Jacob (aka "Israel" in the Bible). The purpose of Jarom's little book is to tell you about that. Or at least that's what the first verse says. 1:1
But by the second verse, Jarom has changed his mind. He engraved his words on plates for the benefit of the Lamanites. Which was really nice of him. 1:2
Jarom's not going to tell us about his prophesying or his revelations, though. Which was also nice of him. (If you've read any of the previous books of the Book of Mormon, you've heard it all many times over. Jesus will be born centuries in the future and everyone must believe in him--even before he exists--or go to hell.) 1:2
Jarom says that much needs to be done among his people, because of the hardness of their hearts, the deafness of their ears, the blindness of their minds, the stiffness of their necks, and the fullness of their bladders. God has been exceedingly merciful to them by not killing them all by now. 1:3
And yet not all Nephites were hard, deaf, blind, stiff, and full. Many received revelations and had communion with the Holy Spirit -- five or so centuries before the Holy Spirit was supposedly given to Christians at Pentecost. 1:4

Omni

The Book of Omni gets off to a great start for a book in the Book of Mormon with the words "Behold, it came to pass" but it goes downhill quickly from there. The purpose of Omni's little book is the same as the purpose of his father's book (the Book of Jarom) -- to preserve their genealogy. Exciting stuff. 1:1
It turns out that Omni's little book wasn't written by Omni, at least most of it wasn't. Omni only wrote the first three verses, from which we learn the following things: Omni fought a lot with Lamanites, he was a wicked man, and he had a son named Amaron, who received the plates from Omni when he died. 1:2
Amaron was a bit more prolific than his father, writing five verses. From them we learn that after 320 years the more wicked part of the Nephites were destroyed, but the Lord saved the righteous ones. Then Amaron passed the plates to his brother Chemish. 1:4
Chemish wrote a few things in a single verse in the same book, from which we learn that his brother Amaron wrote what he wrote with his own hand (not somebody else's) and he wrote his five verses in a single day, after the manner that the Nephites kept there records, according to the commandments of their fathers. And with that, Chemish made an end. 1:9
After Chemish made an end, his son Abinadom took over. Abinadom wrote two verses with three beholds, saying that he killed many Lamanites with his own sword. But he didn't know of any new revelations, "wherefore, that which is sufficient is written." 1:10
After Abinadom's end, his son Amaleki took over. He spoke somewhat concerning Mosiah, the king of Zarahemla, which was a new land that the Nephites discovered while fleeing from the evil Lamanites. 1:12
When the Nephites arrived in Zarahemla, they found the land already inhabited by the people of Zarahemla, who rejoiced exceedingly when they saw the Nephites because they had the plates of brass with the genealogies of the Jews. 1:14
Now you might be wondering where these mysterious people of Zarahemla came from. It turns out that they were also long lost Israelites That's right! They were seafaring Jews that, with God's help, sailed over "the great waters" from Israel after it was attacked by Babylon in 586 BCE. (The people of Zarahemla are called "Mulekites" later in the Book of Mormon. See ) 1:15
After arriving in the New World, the people of Zarahemla (aka the Mulekites) became exceedingly numerous. But from time to time they had wars and whatnot. And because they didn't write stuff on brass plates, they became atheists and their language (Reformed Egyptian) became corrupted since. So the people of Zarahemla and the people of Mosiah couldn't understand one another. 1:17
But these problems were easily solved. Mosiah taught the people of Zarahamla how to speak in Mosiah's language (Reformed Egyptian -- like all indigenous Americans speak), so they Mosiah could write down their genealogies too. (Although they didn't get to write them on the plates of Nephi.) 1:18
After that, it came to pass that the people of Zarhemla and of Mosiah united together and made Mosiah their king. 1:19
Then someone found this big rock with engravings on it. Mosiah, with the help of God, interpreted the engravings and found that they were written by a guy named Coriantumr, who lived with the people of Zarahemla for the space of nine moons. ("Nine moons" is "Indian talk" for nine months.) 1:21
Okay, so where did this Coriantumr fellow come from? Well, Israel, of course, silly! All the indigenous people in the Western Hemisphere came from Israel at one time or another. The Nephites sailed over in 600 BCE, the people of Zarahemla (aka the Mulekites) did likewise in 586 BCE, as did Corantumr's people (aka the Jaredites) at the time of the Tower of Babel. (You can read more all about the Jaredites in the .) 1:22
After Amaleki finished telling stories about the Mulekites and Jaredites, he began to be old and having no seed, he passed the plates to King Benjamin, who succeeded King Mosiah, and who drove the Lamanites out of the land of Zarahemla. 1:23
King Benjamin told everyone to believe in prophesying, revelations, speaking in tongues (which, according to the Bible, no one did until the day of Pentecost), and getting saved though Christ (who wouldn't be born for another couple couple centuries). 1:25
Before Amaleki makes an end of his speaking, he tells us about a certain number of Nephites who leave Zarahelma and to return to the land of Nephi. They were led by a stiffnecked guyt that got all of them killed, save fifty. After that, it came to pass that there was another attempted migration to the land of Nephi, with Amaleki's brother among them, and no one has heard from them since. 1:27
And with that bit of news, Amaleki makes an end of his speaking, and with the plates full, goes down in his grave. 1:30

Words of Mormon

"Words of Mormon" was engraved on golden plates by a Mormon prophet named Mormon . Mormon entrusted the golden plates to his son Moroni, who buried them on a hill in what would later become Wayne County, New York. 1400 years later, after being resurrected as an angel, Moroni delivered the golden plates to Joseph Smith. 1:1
Mormon finds and abridges the plates of Nephi, which were written over a period of about 1000 years. He wrote down less than one percent of all the stuff that was written, for which we should all be grateful. What he wrote he thinks is choice; he wrote it while the spirit of the Lord whispered to him. And he knows it will be preserved because it's such great stuff. 1:3
"My prayer to God is concerning my brethren ... that they may once again be a delightsome people." 1:9
"For behold, king Benjamin was a holy man ... and there were many holy men ... and they did use much sharpness because of the stiffneckedness of the people." 1:17

Mosiah

King Benjamin taught his sons Reformed Egyptian so they could read the brass plates. Good thing, too -- otherwise they'd suffer ignorance and dwindle in unbelief. 1:1
Lehi, a 7th century Israelite, was taught in the language of the Egyptians. 1:4
"And many more things did king Benjamin teach his sons, which are not written in this book." Thanks goodness for that! 1:8
Before he died, King Benjamin selected his son Mosiah to replace him as king and gave him all his special things: the plates of Nephi, the sword of Laban (that ), and that was made by God himself. 1:15
The Nephites multiplied exceedingly. There were so many, in fact, that they couldn't be numbered and a tower had to be erected so that everyone could hear King Benjamin's exceedingly boring speech. , 2:7
"I say unto you that I have caused that ye should assemble yourselves together that I might rid my garments of your blood." King Benjamin assembled everyone in his kingdom to rid his garments of their blood. Good idea. 2:28
Mosiah tells us one more time about Jesus, who will be born in another 120 years or so. This is the umpteenth time Jesus is prophesied in great detail in the Book of Mormon. It's almost as though the whole thing was written using language that mimicked the King James Version of the Bible by someone living in nineteenth century America. 3:1
"The things which I shall tell you are made known unto me by an angel from God. And he said unto me: Awake; and I awoke, and behold he stood before me." 3:2
Devils dwell in the hearts of the children of men. But Jesus will cast them out when he comes. 3:6
When Jesus dies, 150 or so years later, blood will come from every pore. 3:7
Jesus, who wouldn't be born for another 120 years or so, will be both the Son of God and the Father of heaven and earth. 3:8
When King Benjamin quit speaking, everyone in Zarahemla fell on their faces and "they all cried aloud with one voice, saying: O have mercy, and apply the atoning blood of Christ that we may receive forgiveness of our sins, and our hearts may be purified; for we believe in Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who created heaven and earth, and all things; who shall come down among the children of men." 4:1
After King Benjamin's speech, he sent his officials out to ask the people if they believed the stuff he told them. He didn't need Nate Silver to do the analysis. Everyone believed everything he said and cried out together, "Yea, we believe all the words which thou hast spoken to us...." 5:1
And, by golly, those were just the words King Benjamin hoped they'd say! "These are the words which king Benjamin desired of them." 5:6
After King Benjamin finally finished speaking (God, I hope he's really done this time), he decided to make a list of all the born-again Christians. It turned out that everyone had been saved, except for maybe the little children -- 120 years before Jesus was born! 6:1
Benjamin made his son Mosiah king and appointed priests to instruct the people. Mosiah walked in the ways of the Lord and everything was peachy in Zarahemla, just like it was when his dad was king. 6:3
The first three years of King Mosiah's reign were peaceful. But he was getting a little bored, and was wondering about his brethren who had left Zarahemla years ago. So he sent 16 of his finest men to the land of Lehi-Nephi to go looking for them. Ammon (a strong and mighty man) was their leader. 7:1
After 40 days of wandering around, they set up camp on a hill north of Shilom, in the land of Nephi. 7:4
The next morning, Ammon and three of his best men went down into the land of Nephi to explore. They promptly got thrown in jail by the king's guard. 7:6
After two days in jail, the king brought them out for questioning. He told them that he was Limhi (the son of Noah, who was the son of Zeniff, who came up out of the land of Zarahemla) and then asked them to explain why they were there, or else be put to death. Seems fair. 7:8
Ammon bows and thanks King Limhi for not already killing him, and for letting him explain himself. There is so much to be thankful for! 7:12
After Ammon tells his story, Lemhi is pleased. His people are being forced to pay a high tribute to the Lamenites, and he figures that his long-lost brethren in Zarahemla will help him out of the mess. 7:13
So King Lemhi set Ammon and his men free, and allowed them to eat, drink and rest in the city. He even sent a few guards to collect the rest of the men who were still camping on the hill. 7:16
Then King Lemhi sent a proclamation to all his people, telling them to gather together for a speech (oh boy!). Once everyone gathers around, he gives them the good news: "The time is at hand, or is not far distant, when we shall no longer be in subjection to our enemies." 7:17
Lehi then preaches for a little while about how the tribute was their fault in the first place; that it was a punishment sent from the Lord because of their iniquity. Luckily, God is now giving them a second chance. 7:19
After King Limhi is done with his speech, he makes Ammon tell everyone what his people have been up to since the time that Zeniff left the land of Zarahemla. Ammon agrees, and throws in King Benjamin's speech as a bonus. 8:1
Then King Limhi dismisses his people and the "multitude" go home. Lemhi brings out the plates of his people and makes Ammon read them. After Ammon finishes reading the plates, Limhi asks him if he can interpret languages. Ammon says he can't. 8:4
King Limhi explains how he sent a search party to find Zarahemla, but they couldn't find it. They got lost in the wilderness for many days and came upon a land of many waters, which was covered with the bones of men and beasts. Among the ruins they found 24 golden engraved plates, breastplates of brass and copper, and rusty swords. 8:7
King Limhi was happy to have found a seer. Both Ammon and Limhi agreed that seers are far superior to prophets. You see, a seer is both a revelator and a prophet. (Of course, ). Seers are handy to have around, because they reveal stuff, tell secrets, light up hidden things, make things known, and make other things known that couldn't have been known otherwise. It's a hard job. 8:15
Zeniff and his men were sent from Zarahemla to find out the strengths and weaknesses of the Lamanite army. Once Zeniff saw the Lamanites, however, he saw "that which was good among them" and he didn't want them to be destroyed. Zeniff asked his group's leader to make a treaty with them, but this didn't go so well. The leader commanded that Zeniff be killed for even suggesting such a thing. Some sided with Zeniff, and this led to infighting where "father fought against father, and brother fought against brother." Most of the group died in the fighting. The rest of the group returned with Zeniff to Zarahemla to tell the cool story to their wives and children. 9:1
Then they decide to go back. They wander in the wilderness, and it is a pretty tough journey, since they were "slow to remember God." God punishes Zeniff's people with famine and sore afflictions, but they make it there eventually. 9:3
Once they set up camp, Zeniff picks four of his men and goes down to meet the Lamanite king. It goes surprisingly well. The Lamanite king commands his people to clear the land immediately, and he gives the land to Zeniff and his people. They start repairing walls and growing crops and stuff. 9:5
King Laman had a cunning and crafty plan, though. He only gave them the land so that he could put them in bondage later. Twelve years later, King Laman enacts his plan. Zeniff's people are attacked by a host of Lamanites. The people rush to Zeniff for protection. 9:10
Unfortunately for the Lamanites, Zeniff is prepared. He arms his people with all kinds of weapons (they even invent some) and they cried out mightily to the Lord for help in battle. The Lord hears them, and they defeat the Lamanites, 3,043 to 279. 9:16
After the bloodshed in the last chapter, Zeniff tells his people to make every kind of weapon, and he posts guards around the land. It seemed to work pretty well, too. They had 22 years of continual peace, which is pretty good for the Book of Mormon. 10:1
But when King Laman died, his son began to reign, and he lost no time getting ready for battle. 10:6
Then Zeniff saw a host of Lamanites on a hill overlooking his land (Lamanites are easy to identify, since they shave their heads and walk around in leather underwear). Zeniff hid all of the women and children in the woods and armed the men and boys for battle. 10:8
Before the battle, Zeniff rouses his troops with a speech about the Lamanites (Native Americans), explaing why they (the descendants of Laman) are a wild, ferrocious, and blood-thirsty people -- God made them that way to punish Laman for not obeying his brother Nephi. The Lamanites were wroth with the the Nephites from the beginning and teach their children to hate the Nephites with an "eternal hatred." So it's best to kill them when you get the chance. It makes you wonder why Zeniff wanted to defend them so badly in the last chapter. 10:12
Zeniff's reign was at an end, and he conferred the kingdom upon his son, Noah. Noah was a wicked king. Unlike his father, he taxed the people, and spent the tax revenue on concubines, priests, and a newly-constructed palace filled with precious things. 11:1
"And a fifth part of their ziff" Oh no! Noah made the people give up a fifth of the ziff! Now that would be hard to live with. 11:3
"King Noah built many elegant and spacious buildings" ornamented with gold, silver, iron, brass, copper, and ziff. Why is there no evidence for these fancy buildings? There were many of them, decorated with gold and silver. Where are they now? And the metallurgy technology for iron and brass didn't exist prior to European contact. But there was plenty of ziff around at the time so that wouldn't have been a problem. 11:8
King Noah also built a very high tower, so he could see everything in his kingdom. 11:12
King Noah was so evil that he even became a wine-bibber. 11:15
Then the Lamanites started attacking Noah's people. He wasn't very good at protecting them, though. (He was too busy wine-bibbing with his concubines in his exceedingly high tower.) He sends out guards, but it is too little, too late. 11:16
They have a battle, and Noah's people win. They then start boasting, and delighting in the blood of their victory. Everyone joined in, except a man named Abinadi. Abinadi began to prophesy unto them, telling them how wicked they all were, and how they should repent (or else). 11:19
After Abinadi was done with his prophesying, the people were angry with him. They tried to kill him, but God didn't let them. When King Noah found out about it, he ordered that Abinadi be brought to him so he could kill him. 11:26
Abinadi somehow managed to remain hidden from King Noah's guards for 2 years. Then he came back in disguise to prophesy again to the people. He blew his cover awfully quick, though. He quoted the Lord, and unfortunately the Lord used his name directly. 12:1
Abinadi says that the Lord says that "this generation" will be killed and their dead bodies fed to the vultures, dogs, and wild beasts. God will strap loads on their backs like they were a bunch of dumb asses, make them howl all day long, send hail to smite them and insects to pester them, and then he'll kill them all with disease and starvation. When God gets done with them there will be nothing left but the "record they shall leave behind them" (written on brass or golden plates, no doubt). 12:2
They brought Abinabi to King Noah and told him what Abinabi said that the Lord said about him: that he was like a burning garment, a dry stalk that is trampled on by beasts, and (worst of all) like the blossoms of the thistle. 12:9
When King Noah heard about Abinadi's prophesying, he threw Abinadi in prison and called his priests to a meeting to decide what to do with him. 12:17
Book of Mormon characters love to quote Isaiah using the King James Version of the Bible. So it's not surprising that King Noah's priests test Abinabi by quoting Isaiah 52:7-10 and asking him to explain the passage to them. (Nobody knows what the hell Isaiah means!) 12:20
Abinabi refused to interpret the Isaiah passage, saying if they're so great they ought to know what it means. 12:25
Noah's priests try to defend themselves, but Abinadi is too clever for them. He calls them names, claims he is right and perfect, and quotes from the Bible. 12:28
Noah is getting sick of Abinadi's preaching. He orders his men to capture Abinadi and kill him, but they can't. Apparently God will smite them if they lay a hand on him. 13:1
So they are stuck listening to him, and so are we. He lists the 10 commandments and rambles on about all of the usual stuff: stiffnecked people, salvation, the coming of the Lord. etc. As he spoke the Spirit of the Lord was upon him and his face shown with exceeding luster, just like Moses's face did when he talked with God on Mount Sinai. 13:4
The most notable part of his speech is when he talks about the law of Moses. He says that they should keep with the law of Moses for now, but there will come a time when they will need to abandon it. Also, salvation doesn't come simply from following the Law of Moses. There's more to it than that. 13:27
"Yea, even doth not Isaiah say:" Joseph Smith adds another chapter from Isaiah () as filler. 14:1
Abinadi continues his speech. He's done quoting Isaiah, and now he's getting to the important bit about Jesus and God the Father, who are the same guy as it turns out. 15:1
Jesus is both the Father and the Son! 15:2
The seed of Jesus 15:10
Beautiful feet. 15:15
Chapter 16 wraps up Abinadi's speech, and thankfully, it's the last we'll have to hear from him. He continues with the usual threats and rewards based on the belief in Jesus (using language from the KJV) - 150 or so years before Jesus was born. 16:1
King Noah doesn't listen. Instead, it came to pass that he commanded his priests to kill Abinadi. 17:1
But Abinadi's words were not spoken in vain. There was at least one who heard him. He was a descendant of Nephi, and his name was Alma. 17:2
But King Noah's mind was made up. He was going to kill Abinadi, and now he was going to kill Alma, too. 17:3
Alma got away from Noah's priests, and he hid in the woods for a few days. Noah threw Abinadi in prison, and then brought him out to hear his sentence: Death. Abinadi held to his words, and threatens Noah one more time. 17:4
This almost scares King Noah enough to release Abinadi. But then his priests goad him on, and he is forced to burn Abinadi to death. That's how it goes sometimes. 17:11
While he was burning, he cursed them, saying they will be burned, afflicted with disease, hunted by their enemies. 17:16
So Abinadi died, "sealing the truth of his words by his death." 17:20
We met Alma last chapter, when he tried to convince King Noah not to kill Abinadi. It didn't go so well... it ended with King Noah burning Abinadi at the stake, and ordering the death of Alma, too. Alma managed to escape, and after he did he started preaching to the people in private." 18:1
Apparently he was a pretty good speaker, and he created quite the following. He took his followers to a land called Mormon. It's called "Mormon" because it's infested with wild beasts. Makes sense. 18:4
Alma takes his followers to the Waters of Mormon and baptizes them all. Then he ordains priests, one for every 50 followers. 18:14
And he also commanded them that the priests whom he had ordained should labor with their own hands for their support. 18:24
Alma seemed to favor progressive taxation and a welfare system. He demanded little of those with little, and more from those with more to give, "and to him that had not should be given." 18:27
"All this was done in Mormon, yea, by the waters of Mormon, in the forest that was near the waters of Mormon; yea, the place of Mormon, the waters of Mormon, the forest of Mormon." Everything seemed to be going well in the land of Mormon. They didn't even mind the word "Mormon" back then. They actually seem to use it an amazing amount. (Of course, nowadays You could turn this verse into a whole page if you did that!) 18:30
Everything was good until King Noah sends out spies and found out about them. Of course, Noah sent his army out to destroy them, and they fled into the wilderness, as usual. 18:32
Earlier we learned that there were 200 followers of Alma, but 450 people flee from King Noah's army. I guess they must ahve made lots of Mormon babies since then. 18:35
In the last chapter, King Noah sent his army after Alma and his people. They managed to escape the pursuing army. When the king's army returned, there was a division among the people. One strong man, Gideon, sought to slay the king. 19:1
Gideon and the king fought, and just as Gideon was about to slay him, King Noah ran away to his tower. Noah saw that the Lamanites were preparing to attack the city. He told Gideon that he shouldn't kill him now, or else his people will be killed by the Lamanites. His ploy works, and Gideon spares his life. 19:5
Noah commanded his people to flee into the wilderness. They do, but the Lamanites quickly catch up and start killing people. 19:9
Then Noah tells his people to abandon their wives and children, and to run for their lives. Some of them do, and the others choose to stay and try and defend their families by other means: whoring out their daughters. 19:11
So the Lamanites took them captive, and let them live their lives relatively unchanged, except for a 50% tax. 19:15
The Nephites who fled into the wilderness were angry at King Noah for not letting them return to the land of Nephi. So they burned Noah to death and made his righteous son, Limhi, king. Then they returned to the land of Nephi. 19:16
Limhi, the new "King", agreed to the Lamanite king's demands. 19:25
The Lamanite king was clever, though. He knew that Limhi's people might try running away again, so he posted guards around the city. In spite of the crippling tax that was upon them, there was continual peace in the land for two years. 19:28
The daughters of the Lamanites liked to gather and sing and dance in this secret place near Shemlon. One day, when there were only a few of them, the evil priests of King Noah kidnapped them and carried 24 of them into the wilderness. 20:1
The Lamanites suspected that the people of Limhi stole their daughters, so their king sent an army that fought like lions. 20:10
But the people of Limhi fought like dragons. They were outnumbered 2-to-1, but everyone knows that a good dragon is worth at least 3-4 lions. 20:11
In the battle, the Lamanite king was badly wounded. Limhi's soldiers took him captive, and brought him before King Limhi. 20:13
Limhi doesn't kill him, and instead has a chat with him. Limhi: Why are we fighting, anyways? Lamanite King: You stole our daughters! Limhi: Oh! Sorry about that. I'll find and kill whoever took them. Lamanite King: Sounds good. Sorry about the war and everything. Limhi: No problem. It had been a little while since our last war anyways. 20:14
But before the search began, Gideon talked him out of it. He reminded Limhi of Noah's creepy priests, and he explained how they probably stole the Lamanite's daughters. 20:17
So Limhi explained Gideon's theory to the Lamanite King and they agreed to stop fighting. 20:23
Poor Limhi couldn't catch a break. After , he made an agreement with the Lamanite king. Apparently he wasn't specific enough, because soon after the Lamanites were surrounding them on all sides, putting heavy burdens on their backs and treating them like dumb-asses. 21:2
Of course, the Nephites didn't like this at all. They asked Limhi if they could go to war with the Lamanites. Like any good leader, he said, "Okay, sure, yeah, whatever you want to do." 21:6
It didn't go well. 21:8
The battle left many widows, who cried mightily from day to day. Their cries eventually stirred up the Nephites, and made them want to fight again. 21:10
They lost, again. 21:11
The surviving Nephites submitted themselves fully to the Lamanites, and cried to God for help. He was slow to hear their cries, but he heard them. He decided to soften the hearts of the Lamanites a bit, but he didn't see fit to deliver them out of bondage. 21:14
So the Nephites pulled themselves up by their bootstraps, and started prospering again. 21:16
King Limhi set guards around the city to catch the wicked priests. (Lately the priests had been stealing their grain, and Limhi was still angry about .) The guards mistook Ammon and his brethren for the priests, and they bound the group and took them to King Limhi. 21:20
Ammon told Limhi who he was, and about Mosiah, and how he could read plates. Limhi was especially excited about this. He had previously sent a search party to Zarahemla, but they got lost in a ghost-town and they returned with a set of ore plates that Limhi had been wanting to read for years. 21:24
He even wanted to be baptized by Ammon, but Ammon refused. 21:33
So instead of baptism, they focused on how to free themselves from the Lamanites. 21:36
Ammon and Lemhi decide to call a meeting of all the people. There was only one order of business: how to deliver themselves out of bondage. 22:1
After a lengthy discussion, they decided that the only option was to run away. 22:2
But they still needed a plan. Luckily, a man named Gideon had a great idea: get the Lamanites drunk and escape through the back door. 22:3
So that's what they did. King Limhi followed Gideon's plan, and everything went off without a hitch. And after many days of wandering in the wilderness, they arrived at the land of Zarahemla and joined Mosiah's people. 22:9
When the Lamanites woke up from their hangover, they sent out an army after the Nephites. After two days of pursuit, the army gets lost in the wilderness. 22:15
The evil Amulon put guards on Alma and his people, ordering them to kill whoever prays outloud. 24:11
Mosiah translated the Jaredite plates by looking at stones in the bottom of a hat -- just like Joseph Smith did with the Book of Mormon! 28:13
A seer is someone who can translate things by looking at stones in the bottom of a hat. 28:16
The Jaredite sailed to the New World after God confounded human language at the Tower of Babel. 28:17

Alma

Whosoever did not belong to the church of God began to persecute those that did belong to the church of God." Non-believers persecuted believers because the believers were just so darned humble. 1:19
Those who didn't belong to the right church were lazy, wicked, babbling, idolatrous, proud people who were all a bunch of thieves and murderers. 1:32
The Lord did hear their cries [he had his hearing aid on], ... and the Lamanites and Amlicites did fall before them. 2:18
The Lamanites were naked, and their skins were dark because of a curse from God. 3:5
God darkened the skin of the Lamanites (Native Americans) to keep them separate from the Nephites. 3:8
Whoever "mingles his seed" with the Lamanites will be cursed by God and will "bring the same curse upon his seed." (Their children will have dark skins.) 3:9
Whoever is led away by the Lamanites will have "a mark set upon him." (God will darken his skin?) 3:10
God darkened the skin of the Lamanites (Native Americans) to forever separate them from the Nephites. 3:14
Whoever "mingles his seed" with the Lamanites will be cursed by God. (They and their children will have dark skins.) 3:15
If you are not a sheep of the good shepherd, the devil is your shepherd. 5:39
"For I say unto you that whatsoever is good cometh from God, and whatsoever is evil cometh from the devil." 5:40
I trust you are not in a state of unbelief. 7:6
The bible is wrong about Jesus being born in Bethlehem (see ). He was (according to the Book of Mormon) born in Jerusalem. 7:10
He who is filthy shall remain in his filthiness. 7:21
Now the reckoning is thus -- a senine of gold, a seon of gold, a shum of gold, and a limnah of gold. A senum of silver, an amnor of silver, an ezrom of silver, and an onti of silver. A senum of silver was equal to a senine of gold ... ... Now an antion of gold is equal to three shiblons. 11:5
Jesus is both the "Son of God" and "the very Eternal Father." 11:38
"Alma cried unto the Lord, saying: O Lord our God, have mercy on this man, and heal him according to his faith which is in Christ. And when Alma had said these words, Zeezrom leaped upon his feet, and began to walk." 15:10
The fifth day of the second month of the eleventh year -- this useless (but biblical sounding) information is repeated twice in the same verse. 16:1
The land was covered with many rotting dead bodies. It stunk so bad that the land wasn't occupied for many years. 16:11
Ammon carried the arms that he had cut off to show to the king. 17:39
Wouldn't you just know it? The Lamanites (Native Americans) refer to God as "the Great Spirit." (18:2, 3, 4, 5, 11, 18, 26, 28) 18:2
Ammon, being filled with the Spirit of God, brags a bit about killing people with his sling and chopping off arms. 18:16
"Others say that he is dead and that he stinketh ... but as mor myself, to me he doth not stink." 19:5
"The dark veil of unbelief" 19:6
Wouldn't you just know it? The Lamanites (Native Americans) refer to God as "the Great Spirit." , , , 22:9
The Lamanites that converted were called "Anti-Nephi-Lehies." Now that's a catchy name! 23:17
God's curse of the Lamanites was lifted from the "Anti-Nephi-Lehies." So did their skin became "white and delightsome" again? 23:18
The king named his son "Anti-Nephi-Lehi." 24:3
Joseph Smith used "behold" 27 times in this chapter. This may be the most "beholds" in any chapter in literature. (The most it's ever used in the King James Version is 21 in .) 26:1
Korihor (who spoke the plain and simple truth) was the Anti-Christ. 30:12
Alma refuses, saying that Korihor has signs enough. Others believe in God, so he should too. There is the bible, and the earth and its motions, and the planets. (Of course none of this is evidence for the existence of a God.) 30:44
The Book of Mormon agrees with , who said: "It ain't supposed to make sense; it's faith. Faith is something that you believe that nobody in his right mind would believe." 32:18
The absurd story about the God's fiery serpents and the graven image snakebite cure () is repeated here. 33:19
When it comes to religion, Mormons believe in experimenting. Just believe and see what happens. If it feels good, believe it. , 34:4
The magic ball, director, Liahona, or compass. This was the gadget that God gave Nephi for navigation. It worked "according to their faith in God." 37:38
Alma tries (and fails) to explain how it is just for God to torment perople forever in hell. 42:1
The Nephites were all "Christians", "true believers of Christ" -- 73 or so years before Christ was born, and well over 100 years before the Bible () claims the followers of Christ were first called "Christians". 46:13
The Nephites were called "Christians" 70 years before Jesus was born. 48:10
"God would prosper them in the land, or in other words, ... God ... would prosper them in the land." 48:15
Amalickiah "was wroth" and swore the he would drink Moroni's blood "because Moroni had kept the commandments of God." 49:27

Helaman

"From the west sea [Pacific], even unto the east [Atlantic]; it being a day's journey for a Nephite." (Nephites could walk 5000 kilometers in one day.) 4:7
The only way anyone can be saved is "through the atoning blood of Jesus Christ." This statement was supposedly made in 30 BCE! 5:9
Lehi and Nephi stood in the middle of a raging fire, but were not burned. 5:23
A voice came from out of the sky saying ... 5:29
The earth shook exceedingly. 5:31
"And behold the voice came again, saying: ..."(And the earth shook again.) 5:32
And the voice came for the third time speaking "marvelous words." And (of course) the earth shook again. 5:33
The faces of Nephi and Lehi "did shine exceedingly." (Just like the faces of angels!) 5:36
Nephi and Lehi "converse with the angels of God." 5:39
Everyone shouted to the voice in the clouds and "the cloud of darkness was dispersed." 5:42
Everyone was encircled with a pillar of fire, yet they were not burned. 5:43
The Holy Spirit came down from heaven and entered the peoples' hearts. "And they could speak forth marvelous words." 5:45
And "a pleasant voice" came from out of the sky, saying ... 5:46
And then the sky opened and angels came out "and ministered unto them." 5:48
Those who reject the word of God (the Bible and Book of Mormon?) and "all the preaching and prophesying" are "grossly wicked". 6:2
The absurd story about the God's fiery serpents and the graven image snakebite cure () is repeated here. 8:15
God gives Nephi the power to "smite the earth with famine, and with pestilence, and destruction." 10:6
If Nephi commands a mountain to be "cast down and to become smooth, it shall be done." 10:9
Nephi asks God to send a famine on the land. "And so it was done, according to the words of Nephi. ... And the whole earth was smitten," causing thousands of people to starve to death. 11:4
After a couple years of starving thousands of people to death, God finally makes it rain when asked to by Nephi. 11:14
Nephi and Lehi had many daily revelations from God. 11:23
"Behold, we are surrounded by demons." 13:37
Another amazing prophecy: In five years the Son of God will come. And this was (according to my motel room version of the BoM) in the year 6 BCE! 14:2
Wow! The night before Jesus was born there were great lights in the sky that made the night as bright as day! 14:3
"And behold this is not all, there shall be many signs and wonders in heaven." 14:6
Jesus Christ is both the Son of God and his own Father! (Or something like that.) 14:12
When Jesus dies (Remember this prophecy was made before Jesus had even been born!) it will be absolutely dark for three days and nights. No sun, moon, stars, candles, or campfires. 14:20
When Jesus dies mountains will become valleys and vice versa, cities destroyed, and dead people will come back to life. 14:23
Dwindling in unbelief 15:11
The Spirit of the Lord was with Samuel, so the unbelievers' stones and arrows couldn't hit him. 16:2
"They began to reason ... that it is not reasonable" for Christ to be both the Father and the Son or that such a being would come to earth. And if he does exist, why doesn't he show himself to them? 16:17

3 Nephi

"The unbelievers" set aside a day just to kill believers. (They called it "National kill a believer day.") 1:9
God makes a repetitive and rambling speech announcing his own birth. He says that he'll be born tommorow. And that later that evening "a sign would be given." 1:12
And God's prophecy came true! That night "there was no darkness when night came ... but it was as light as thought it was mid-day." 1:15
God removed his curse from the "good" Lamanites (the ones that "united with the Nephites"), and they "became exceedingly fair, with skins "white like unto the Nephites." 2:14
All of the Nephites believed everything they'd been told by "all of the holy prophets." 5:1
"And thus had the twenty and second year passed away, and the twenty and third year also, and the twenty and fourth, and the twenty and fifth; and thus had twenty and five years passed away." 5:7
In the name of Jesus, Nephi casts out devils and "unclean spirits". He even raises his brother from the dead. 7:19
When Jesus died, the inhabitants of many great cities died with him. Entire cities were sunk into the ocean, or were burned, or destroyed by earthquakes. 8:8
When Jesus died, "the face of the whole earth became deformed." 8:17
For three days after Jesus died, there was absolutely no light -- not from the sun, moon, or stars, or from candles, campfires, or fireflies. 8:20
And it came to pass that a voice (from the sky) was heard by every human on the planet! 9:1
The sky voice makes a long speech decrying the slaughter of his "fair sons and daughters." (That would be the Nephites. The dark skinned folks are the Lamanites.) 9:2
These words ("I am the Alpha and Omega") are taken from the book of Revelation, which was not written at the time (34 CE). And they wouldn't have meant anything anyway to the Nephites since "alpha" and "omega" would have been greek to them. 9:18
All of the people again heard a disembodied voice from the sky. 10:3
The bodyless, repetitive voice said: "How oft have I have gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings.... How oft would I have gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings.... How oft would I have gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens.... How oft will I gather you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings...." 10:4
Damned if everyone doesn't hear a voice from the sky again -- for the third time! (See chapters and for the first two speeches by the sky guy.) But they couldn't understand it this time. 11:3
And they hear the voice again (for the fourth time), but again they couldn't understand it. 11:4
"And behold, the third time" (or the fifth?) they heard the voice. But this time they undersood! 11:5
Then the crowd saw a man coming down from the sky! 11:8
"And the Lord said unto him: I give unto you power that ye shall baptize this people." Jesus gives Nephi the power to baptize, which is kind of weird since Nephi had baptized pretty much everyone already (see , , and ). 11:21
Jesus says that he wants everyone to agree on everything with ragard to religion. He says that whoever argues with anyone about anything is "of the devil." 11:28
Jesus' bowels are filled with compassion and mercy. 17:6
After they were blessed by Jesus, the disciples became whiter than anything else on earth. 19:25
The disciples were white -- as white as Jesus! 19:30
Some folks "dwindle in unbelief" because of their iniquity. 21:5
Note that "Sun" in is changed to "Son" in the BOM. 25:2
The elements will melt, the earth will be rolled up like a scroll, and heaven and earth will pass away. 26:3
Nothing can stop the followers of Jesus. Prisons can't hold them, fire can't burn them, and wild animals can't harm them. 28:19

4 Nephi

"The thirty and fourth year passed away, and also the thirty and fifth." 1:1
In the 36th year everyone became a Christian and everyone behaved perfectly. 1:2
"There were great and marvelous works wrought by the disciples of Jesus." The sick, dead, lame, blind, and deaf were all fixed up as good as new. 1:5
"And thus did the thirty and eighth year pass away, and also the thirty and ninth, and forty and first, and the forty and second, yea, even until forty and nine years had passed away, and also the fifty and first, and the fifty and second; yea, and even until fifty and nine years had passed." 1:6
"The people of Nephi ... became an exceedingly fair and delightsome people." (God especially likes white people.) 1:10
"There was no contention among all the people, in all the land; but there were mighty miracles." 1:13
"And it came to pass that the seventy and first year passed away, and also the seventy and second year, yea, and in fine, till the seventy and ninth year had passed away; yea, even an hundred years had passed away." (The 71 - 100th years passed.) 1:14
"There was no contention in the land, because of the love of God which did dwell in the hearts of the people." (Everyone loved everyone else.) 1:15
Everyone was perfectly happy. No lies were told, no murders committed, not a single envious thought or discouraging word could be found among all the people. 1:16
All was well until a few of the people revolted against the church and began to call themselves Lamanites. So there were Lamanites in the land again. 1:20
The bad guys threw the good guys into furnaces and dens of wild beasts, but the fire didn't burn them and they just played with the beasts. 1:32

Mormon

"I, being fifteen years of age and being somewhat of a sober mind, therefore I was visited of the Lord, and tasted and knew of the goodness of Jesus." 1:15
Mormon wrote a letter to the Lamanite king asking him to fight a war with the Nephites at hill Cumorah (near Manchester, New York). 6:2
Mormon decides to write down a record on the plates of Nephi and bury them on hill Cumorah. 6:6
The Lamanites killed 230,000 Nephite soldiers in one day near hill Cumorah. 6:10
"And now, behold, I would speak somewhat unto the remnant of this people who are spared, if it so be that God may give unto them my words, that they may know of the things of their fathers; yea, I speak unto you, ye remnant of the house of Israel; and these are the words which I speak:" 7:1
"If ye believe that ye will believe this also." [If you believe the Bible, you will believe anything (including the Book of Mormon).] 7:9
"It [the Book of Mormon] shall be brought out of the earth ... by the power of God." 8:16
"If there be faults [in the Book of Mormon] they be the faults of a man [Joseph Smith]." 8:17
True believers (Mormons) can move mountains, cause earthquakes, destroy prisons, be unharmed by fires, wild beasts, or poisonous snakes. 8:24
God showed Mormon some of the "great and marvelous things" that were soon to come. 8:34
Jesus doesn't do miracles any more because everyone has dwindled in unbelief. 9:20
If you believe in Christ, whatever you ask for will be given to you. 9:21
"These signs shall follow them that believe -- in my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; they shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick and they shall recover." 9:24
The book of Mormon was written in "reformed Egyptian". If the plates had of been larger, Moroni would have used Hebrew and there wouldn't have been so many mistakes. (Reformed Egyptian is a really tricky language.) 9:32
Because nobody knows "reformed Egyptian" anymore, God arranged for Joseph Smith to translate them. 9:34

Ether

Moroni translated the 24 plates that the people of Limri had found. And although he seems to remember some stuff about Adam, the tower of Babel, etc., he decided to leave that part out since you can read all about it in the Bible. 1:2
A boring genealogy that we are told to avoid in and . ("Avoid foolish questions and genealogies.") 1:6
"Coriantor was the son of Moron." Yes, there really is a Moron in the Book of Mormon. 1:7
The Jaredites were Israelites who lived at the time of the Tower of Babel. () 1:33
The brother of Jared was a large, mighty (but apparently nameless) man who was "highly favored of the Lord." He cried to the Lord (two times) and the Lord spared the Jaredites from having their language confounded. 1:34
"I will go before thee into a land which is choice above all the lands of the earth." (God likes the New World a lot better than the Old.) 1:42
"There shall be none greater than the nation which I will raise up unto me of thy seed, upon all the face of the earth." (America is the greatest country on earth.) 1:43
"The Lord came down and talked with the brother of Jared; and he was in a cloud, and the brother of Jared saw him not." 2:4
"The Lord did go before them, and did talk with them as he stood in a cloud, and gave directions whither they should travel." 2:5
"A land ... choice above all other lands ... preserved for a righteous people" God likes America best. He made it for a righteous people (the Mormons), and America will face God's wrath if it fails to please him (and them). 2:7
"The Lord came again unto the brother of Jared, and stood in a cloud and talked with him. And for the space of three hours did the Lord talk with the brother of Jared." 2:14
Under God's instructions, the Jaredites build small, light barges to travel to the New World. 2:16
"They were exceedingly tight, even that they would hold water like unto a dish; and the bottom thereof was tight like unto a dish; and the sides thereof were tight like unto a dish ... and the top thereof was tight like unto a dish; and the length thereof was the length of a tree; and the door thereof, when it was shut, was tight like unto a dish." (It was as tall as a tree and as tight as a dish.) 2:17
"And the Lord said unto the brother of Jared: Behold, thou shalt make a hole in the top, and also in the bottom; and when thou shalt suffer for air thou shalt unstop the hole and receive air. And if it be so that the water come in upon thee, behold, ye shall stop the hole, that ye may not perish in the flood." 2:20
"Ye shall be as a whale in the midst of the sea." The Jaredites are plunged into "the depths of the sea", but they survive using a magic light that Jesus gives them. 2:24
The brother of Jared made 16 small stones, as clear as glass, out of molten rock. He then asked God to touch the stones to make them into lights to light up the inside of the barges. God did as the brother of Jared requested. 3:1
"The brother of Jared ... saw the finger of the Lord; and it was as the finger of a man." 3:6
"I [Jared] saw the finger of the Lord, and I feared lest he should smite me; for I knew not that the Lord had flesh and blood." 3:8
"Because of thy faith thou hast seen ... Sawest thou more than this?" God let Jared see his finger. But God isn't sure what else he might have seen, so he asked, "You didn't see anything else, did you?" 3:9
"Behold, the Lord showed himself unto him [the brother of Jared]." 3:13
"Behold, I am Jesus Christ. I am the Father and the Son." Jesus is both the Father and the Son! 3:14
"Never have I showed myself unto man whom I have created, for never has man believed in me as thou hast." 3:15
"Behold, this body, which ye now behold, is the body of my spirit." Shucks! The body of God that the brother of Jared saw was just God's spirit body, not his real body. 3:16
"He [the brother of Jared] saw the finger of Jesus ... and he had faith no longer, for he knew, nothing doubting." 3:19
"Ye shall write them in a language that they cannot be read." God tells the brother of Jared to write his scriptures in a language that no one can read. (Good idea!) 3:22
"These stones shall magnify to the eyes of men these things which ye shall write." God gives the brother of Jared two magic stones that will "magnify the eyes of men" so that they can read what Jared writes. 3:23
Jesus shows the brother of Jared every human that has lived or ever will live. 3:25
"And he commanded me that I should seal them up; and he also hath commanded that I should seal up the interpretation thereof; wherefore I have sealed up the interpreters, according to the commandment of the Lord." (Moroni sealed up the interpreters.) 4:5
Everything good comes from Jesus. 4:12
"For behold, I am the Father." Jesus is both the Father and the Son. (He is his own dad.) 4:12
Those who disbelieve in the Book of Mormon are in an "awful state of wickedness." 4:15
"In the mouth of three witnesses shall these things be established." Who were the three witnesses? The three men that I admire most, the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost? (Didn't they take the last train to the coast?) 5:3
God's magic stones were put into the barges, "and behold, they did give light unto the vessels." 6:2
"I am fair, and I will dance before him, and I will please him.... I will give her if ye will bring unto me the head of my father the king." Gosh, I wonder where this came from? () 8:10
Avoid all those secret, abominable, murderous, wicked oaths and combinations passed down since the time of Cain. If you don't, God will have to kill you. 8:15
More "secret combinations" 9:1
"The Lord warned Omer in a dream." 9:3
"The Lord did pour out his blessings upon this land, which was choice above all other lands." 9:20
"Coriantum took to wife, in his old age, a young maid, and begat sons and daughters; wherefore he lived until he was an hundred and forty and two years old." 9:24
"There came forth poisonous serpents also upon the face of the land, and did poison many people." 9:31
"Lib also did that which was good in the sight of the Lord. And ... the poisonous serpents were destroyed." 10:19
"A land that was choice above all lands, for the Lord had spoken it." 10:28
To punish the people for "their wicked combinations," God sent wars, famines, and pestilences. The resulting destruction was the greatest ever seen on the face of the earth -- greater than the flood of Noah, the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, or World War II. Yet there is no evidence for any of this today. 11:7
Moron did that which was wicked before the Lord." 11:14
"They did reject all the words of the prophets, because of their secret society." 11:22
"And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things..." Don't you just love the way people talk in the Book of Mormon? 12:6
"When God put forth his finger he could not hide it from the sight of the brother of Jared." 12:20
"The Gentiles will mock at these things, because of our weakness in writing." 12:23
The brother of Jared said unto the mountain Zerin, Remove -- and it was removed." 12:30
"The brother of Shared ... received great strength to his army because of secret combinations." 14:8
"One of the secret combinations murdered him in a secret pass." 14:10
"And the scent thereof went forth upon the face of the land, even upon all the face of the land; wherefore the people became troubled by day and by night, because of the scent thereof." (It stank!) 14:23
"There had been slain two millions of mighty men, and also their wives and their children." Millions of people were "slain by the sword", yet no swords have ever been found from pre-Columbian America. 15:2
Millions of Jaredites kill each other in battle, leaving only their two leaders alive: Coriantumr and Shiz. Coriantur cuts of the head of Shiz (with his non-existent sword, of course) and then dies. Don't you just love a happy ending? 15:30

Moroni

"Many of the daughters of the Lamanites have they taken prisoners; and after depriving them of that which was most dear and precious above all things, which is chastity and virtue." Chastity (for women) is "most dear and precious above all things." It is lost if they are raped. This is by the LDS church at the . 0:0
"Whatsoever thing persuadeth men to do evil, and believe not in Christ, and deny him, and serve not God, then ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of the devil." 7:17
"Ask God ... if these things are not true." 10:3
"Nothing that is good denieth the Christ." 10:6
Everything good comes from God and belief in God. Whatever is evil comes from unbelief. 10:24
"Touch not the evil gift, nor the unclean thing." 10:30

The Book of Abraham

I, Abraham, received the priesthood from the beginning of time, before the foundation of the earth. 1:3
The angels said, "Abraham, I'm Jehovah and I've come down to save you and take you away from your father's house and bring you to a strange land. I'm going to kill those who were trying to kill you." 1:16
Egypt was discovered by a woman who was the daughter of Ham and Egyptus (which is Egypt in the Chaldean language, signifying that which is forbidden). 1:23
When this woman discovered Egypt it was under water. Later her sons settled there. So in this way the curse of Ham was preserved in that race. 1:24
Pharaoh ruled wisely, and was blessed by his father Noah with the blessings of the earth, but cursed him when it came to the priesthood. 1:26
But I'll try to provide you with a history that extends back to the beginning of creation, because I have all the records for that. 1:28
But I had the records of the creation of the planets and stars. And I still have them. I'll try to write down some of that for you. 1:31
But I had the records of the creation of the planets and stars. And I still have them. I'll try to write down some of that for you. 1:31
I'm God. I use the wind and fire for a chariot. I move mountains around in an instant. 2:7
My name is Jehovah. I know the end from the beginning. 2:8
I [God] will bless those who receive your [Abraham's] gospel and will consider them to be your seed. 2:10
I [God] will bless them that bless you [Abraham] and curse those who curse you. 2:11
Everyone on earth will be blessed by your seed (that is, your priesthood) and your seed (that is, your literal seed - the seed of your body) . 2:11
As we were traveling, the Lord said to me, "Your wife Sarai is very attractive. When the Egyptians see her, they'll say, 'She's his wife,' and they'll kill you, but keep her alive. So tell her to tell the Egyptians that she's your sister. That way you'll stay alive." 2:22
I, Abraham, had the Urim and Thummim that God had given me. 3:1
And I saw the stars, one of which was nearest to God's throne. 3:2
The Lord said to me, "The bright star is Kolob, because it is near me." 3:3
The Lord said to me by the Urim and Thummim, "On Kolob, a day is 1000 years." 3:4
Abraham talked to God, as one person talks to another. 3:11
God said, "This is Shinehah, the sun; and Olea, the moon. Kolob is a star, and Kokaubeam are the stars." 3:13
I [God] will multiply your [Abraham] seed so it'll be as many as the grains of sand. 3:14
Kolob is the greatest of all the Kokaubeam, because it is the nearest to me. 3:16
The Lord showed Abraham how intelligences were organized before the world existed. 3:22
Among them there stood someone who looked like God, and he said, "We'll take these materials and make an earth where these can live. But first we'll test them here to see if they will do what God commands." 3:24
The Lord said, "Whom should I send?" One of them who looked like the Son of Man said, "Send me." Another one said, "Send me." God said, "I'll send the first one" 3:27
The second one was angry and didn't keep his first estate. Many others followed him. 3:28
The Lord said, "Let us go down." And they, that is the Gods, went down and organized and formed the heavens and the earth. 4:1
I, Abraham, saw that this story uses Kolob time, not earth time. 5:13

The Book of Moses

Moses was on a mountain when God spoke to him. 1:1
He saw God face to face, and talked to him. And God's glory was upon him. 1:2
God said to Moses, "I'm God. Endless is my name. Because I didn't have a beginning and won't have an end. Isn't that endless?" 1:3
You [Moses] look like my Only Begotten, who will be the Savior. 1:6
Thou art in the similitude of mine Only Begotten; and mine Only Begotten. Moses looked a lot like Jesus. (I guess.) 1:6
I [Moses] saw God with my own eyes. But with my spiritual eyes, not my real eyes. If I saw him with my real eyes, I'd be dead. 1:11
When Moses said these words, Satan came to tempt him, saying, "Moses, son of man, worship me." 1:12
Satan cried out with a loud voice, and said, "I'm the Only Begotten, worship me." 1:19
Moses saw hell and was afraid. But he said to Satan, "Go away, Satan." 1:20
Satan trembled, the earth shook, and Moses said to Satan, "In the name of the Only Begotten, go away, Satan." 1:21
Satan cried out with a loud voice, while weeping, and wailing, and gnashing his teeth. Then he went away. 1:22
Then Moses lifted up his eyes and was filled with the Holy Ghost. 1:24
Moses saw God's glory again, and heard a voice saying, "You are blessed, Moses. You'll be stronger than many waters, and will command them like your were God. You'll deliver my chosen people from bondage." 1:25
While the voice was still speaking, Moses saw everyone and everything on earth. 1:27
Moses, I'm going to tell you about heaven and earth. Write it all down. In the beginning I created these things with my only begotten. 2:1
And again... 2:4
I, God, said to my only begotten, who was with me from the beginning, Let us make man look like us. 2:26
I, God, created humans (male and female) to look like me and my only begotten. 2:27

Doctrine & Covenants

This is the preface of my [the Lord's] book of commandments. 1:6
The Lord is angry and his sword is bathed (in blood). 1:13
So I (the Lord) spoke to Joseph Smith, Jun. from heaven, giving him my commandments. 1:17
I am God and these are my commandments. 1:24
I [God] gave Joseph Smith, Jun. the power to translate the Book of Mormon. 1:29
I [the Lord] will reveal to you [Joseph Smith] the priesthood, by the hand of Elijah. 2:1
Otherwise, the earth would be destroyed when he came. 2:3
Martin Harris is called a wicked man (for losing the first 116 pages of the "sacred" Book of Mormon). 3:12
A marvelous work (and a wonder) The "marvelous work" is, of course, the Book of Mormon. 4:1
My servant Martin Harris would like to see the plates that you [Joseph Smith] received from me [the Lord]. 5:1
If Martin Harris humbles himself sufficiently and bows down to me, I might let him see them. 5:24
A great and marvelous work is coming. 6:1
You're Oliver [Cowdery]. If you treasure these words in your heart, I'll encircle you in the arms of my love. 6:20
I'm going to let you [Oliver Cowdery] translate, just like my servant Joseph. 6:25
Much of my gospel has been hidden by wicked people. 6:26
You [Oliver Cowdery] and Joseph (but mostly Joseph) are going to reveal these hidden scriptures. 6:27
The Lord said to me, "John, my beloved, what do you want? I'll give you whatever you'd like." I [John] said to him, "I'd like to live forever." Jesus said to me, "Okay, you'll live until I return in all my glory." I'll make you like a flaming fire and an angel. 7:1
Oliver Cowdery, you'll receive knowledge whatever you ask for, including knowledge about the engravings. 8:1
I Jesus] will put things in your [Oliver Cowdery's] mind and heart, by the Holy Ghost. 8:2
Whatever you [Oliver Cowdery] ask me [Jesus] to tell you, I'll tell you. 8:9
You [Oliver Cowdery] will be able to translate the ancient records. 8:11
I [Jesus] say to you [Oliver Cowdery]: Because you didn't translate what you wanted to translate, I'll only allow you to be Joseph Smith's scribe. But someday I'll let you translate some other things. 9:1
Because you didn't continue translating, I've taken away your translating privileges. 9:5
Don't whine. It's wise for me to deal with you this way. 9:6
Here's the way to make a decision: Think about it. Then ask me if it's right. If it's right, I'll make your bosom burn, so you'll feel that it's right. 9:8
But if it's not right, you won't have these good feelings. And you'll forget about it. That way, you'll only write sacred things from me. 9:9
If you had known this, you could have translated. But it's not expedient for you to translate now. 9:10
Now Satan has inspired them to change the words tha you translated. 10:10
They'll say, we'll see if God has given him the power to translate. If so, he should be albe to do it again. But they will have altered the words, so the translations won't match. And they'll say that he lied and has no gift of translation. 10:16
You won't translate again from the same plates that you had before. That way they can't accuse you of lying about your ability to translate, and you won't be caught contradicting yourself. 10:30
you will translate from the plates of Nephi until you come to the reign of King Benjamin, or until you come to that that you previously translated. 10:41
You'll publish this as the record of Nephi. That way I'll confound those who have altered my words. That will show everyone that I [Jesus] am more cunning than the devil. 10:42
I'm Jesus Christ, the Son of God. 10:57
A great and marvelous work is coming soon 11:1
Study my word ... which is now translating. 11:22
You're Hyrum. I'm Jesus. 11:23
A great and marvelous work is coming soon 12:1
John the Baptist who conferred the priesthood on Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdery - under the direction of the apostles Peter, James, and John - on May 15, 1829.13:1
A great and marvelous work is coming soon. 14:1
I'm God. I'm Jesus. And you're David. 14:2
God's arm is all over the earth. 15:2
I [God] tell you [John Whitmer] things that no one knows except for me and you. 15:3
God's arm is all over the earth. 16:2
I [God] tell you [Peter Whitmer] things that no one knows except for me and you. 16:3
You [Oliver Cowdery, David Whitmer, and Martin Harris] must believe what I say. If you do, you'll see the plates, breastplate, the sword of Laban, the Urim and Thummim (which were given to the brother of Jared when he talked to the Lord face to face), and the miraculous directors (which were given to Lehi while in the wilderness on the shore of the Red Sea). 17:1
If you don't know the name that you'll be called by, you'll have no place in my father's kingdom. 18:25
I [Jesus] am endless, so the punishment that I give is endless. Endless is my name. 19:10
Keep the commandments that Joseph Smith, Jun. has given you. 19:13
Repent, or Jesus will smite you with the rod in his mouth. 19:15
The Book of Mormon is Jesus's word to the Gentiles, Jews, and the Lamanites (who are remnants of the Jews) not to look for a Messiah to come who has already come. 19:27
The Church of Christ [1] was founded in the last days, in accordance with the laws of the United States, by the will of God, 1830 years after Jesus was born, on 6 April 1830. 20:1
The commandments were given to Joseph Smith, Jun., an apostle of Jesus and the first elder of the church. And to Oliver Cowdery, another apostle of Jesus, and the second elder of the church. 20:2
God sent an angel to visit Joseph Smith. The angel looked like lightning, with white clothes that were whiter than white. The angel gave him commandments, and the power to translate the Book of Mormon. 20:6
These things are in accordance with the revelations of John, neither adding to, nor diminishing from the prophecies of his book. Of course everything in the Book of Mormon and other Mormon scriptures adds to the things in the Book of Revelation and in the Bible. "If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book." 20:35
You [Joseph Smith] will be a seer, translator, prophet, apostle, and elder. 21:1
Listen his [Joseph Smith's] words like they were coming from my [God's] own mouth. 21:5
God will bless everyone who believes Joseph Smith's words. 21:9
I [God] have done away with all the old covenants. This is a new and everlasting covenant, like it was from the beginning. 22:1
Even if you were baptized a hundred times, it would be worthless. 22:2
It's because of your dead works that I've made this last covenant. So enter at the gate, and don't tell God what to do. 22:3
A few words to Oliver, Hyrum, Samuel, and two Josephs 23:1
"Behold, thou [Joseph Smith] wast called and chosen to write the Book of Mormon." So Joseph Smith wrote the Book of Mormon. God said so himself! 24:1
After you [Joseph Smith] have sowed your fields, go to the churches in Colesville, Fayette, and Manchester. They will support you financially, and I'll bless them for it. 24:3
Thou shalt devote all thy service in Zion. Zion is a goofy catch-all name for Mormonism. 24:7
Your strength is not in physical labor. You [Joseph Smith] are called to preach and lead the church. 24:9
Don't do miracles, except when I command you - except for these: cast out devils, and heal the sick. And you won't be hurt by poisonous snakes or deadly poison. But only do miracles when requested. 24:13
Whoever tries to sue you in court will be cursed by the law. 24:17
Don't take anything with you; the church will immediately provide whatever you need. 24:18
Listen to me [God] when I speak to you, Emma Smith. 25:1
If you are good and faithful, I'll let you live, and you'll get an inheritance in Zion. 25:2
You're an elect lady. 25:3
It'll be your job to select hymns. I like to have hymns in church. 25:11
My soul delights in songs. It's a blessing on their heads. 25:12
Listen to Jesus. It doesn't matter what you eat or drink in the sacrament. But here's a commandment that I give to you: Don't buy wine or strong drink from your enemies. Make your own wine and strong drinks. 27:1
Jesus will drink wine with you, Moroni, Elias, Elijah, Joseph, Michael (aka Adam), and many others, some who were out of this world. 27:5
So gird up your loins so you can withstand the evil day. Amen. 27:15
I [God] say to you, Oliver [Cowdery], that whatever you teach the church is okay with me. But only Joseph Smith, Jun. receives revelations and commandments from me - just like Moses did. 28:1
You [Oliver Cowdery] must obey the commandments and believe the revelations that I give to him. And don't tell Joseph Smith what to do. 28:3
I've given him [Joseph Smith] the keys to the mysteries and revelations, and only he will have them until I appoint someone else to replace him. 28:7
I'm sending you [Oliver Cowdery] to preach to the Lamanites. You'll have some revelations, but no commandments. 28:8
No one knows where the city of Zion will be built, but it'll be somewhere near the Lamanites. 28:9
Tell Hiram Page that I didn't write the tings that were written from that stone. Satan deceived him. 28:11
Keep your mouth open all the time. Amen. 28:16
Listen to the voice of Jesus, the great I am. 29:1
Soon I [Jesus] will burn all the wicked people. Then I'll reveal myself and dwell on earth for a thousand years. 29:9
After that, a trumpet will sound, the earth will quake, and dead bodies will come alive. 29:13
And the sun will darken, the moon will turn into blood, and stars will fall. 29:14
When the thousand years are over, and people begin to deny God, I'll spare the earth for a while. 29:22
Then the end will come, heaven and earth will be destroyed, and there'll be a new heaven and earth. 29:23
But not a hair or a mote will be lost, because I made them. 29:25
Before the earth is destroyed, Michael my archangel will blow his trumpet, and all the dead people will come forth. 29:26
The righteous dead will be on my right side, and the wicked on my left. 29:27
The devil existed before Adam and rebelled against me, along with one-third of the heavenly ghosts. And they were thrust down to hell. 29:36
The devil had to tempt people or they couldn't be free. If you can't taste the bitter things, you can't taste the sweet. 29:39
And that's all I have to say about that. Amen. 29:50
I [God] say to you David [Whitmer] that you haven't paid enough attention to me and those who have been set over you [Joseph Smith]. You shall stay at your father's house until I give you further commandments. Amen. 30:1
Any you, Peter [Whitmer], you will go with Oliver [Cowdery] to preach to the Lamanites [Native Americans]. Amen. 30:5
And you, John [Whitmer], you will stay at your brother Philip Burroughs' house. Amen. 30:9
Thomas [B. Marsh], you're blessed because you have faith in my work. I'll bless you and your family. Someday they'll all belong to my church. 31:1
You're going on a mission to preach the things I revealed to Joseph Smith, Jun. 31:3
These words aren't the words of men, but of me, Jesus. Amen. 31:13
Parley P. Pratt will join Oliver Cowdery and Peter Whitmer, Jun. on their mission to the Lamanites. 32:1
Ziba Peterson will also go along, as will I, Jesus. 32:3
But let none of them pretend to receive any revelations. Anen. 32:4
Ezra [Thayre] and Northrop [Sweet], preach to this crooked and perverse generation. 33:1
This is the last time I'm going to ask anyone to do that. 33:3
No one does anything good anymore, except for a few. Their minds have all been corrupted by priestcrafts. 33:4
Open your mouths and they will be filled. , 33:10
I gave you the Book of Mormon for your instruction. 33:16
Get ready for the coming of the bridegroom. Because I come quickly. Amen. 33:17
This is what Jesus has to say to you, Orson [Pratt]. You are blessed because you believe. And even more blessed because I'm telling you to preach to this perverse and crooked generation. 34:1
I'll soon be coming in a cloud. It'll be a great day. 34:7
But before I come, the sun will darken, the moon will turn into blood, the stars won't shine, and some of them will fall. And the wicked will be destroyed. 34:9
If you are faithful, I'll be with you until I come. And I come quickly. Amen. 34:11
Sidney [Rigdon], I give you a commandment: baptize people. 35:1
I am God and my arm isn't shortened. 35:8
Whoever asks me in my name can cast out devils, heal the sick, blind, deaf, dumb, and lame. 35:9
Those without faith will drink the wine of the wrath of fornication. 35:11
It's time for me [Jesus] to come. 35:15
I [Jesus] have sent my gospel to Joseph [Smith]. 35:17
I [Jesus] give you [Sidney Rigdon] a commandment: write for him [Joseph Smith]. 35:20
I [Jesus] come quickly. Amen. 35:27
Edward [Partridge], preach my gospel with the voice of a trump. 36:1
I'll lay my hand on you with the hand of Sidney Rigdon. 36:2
Preach, saying this: "Come out of the fire, hating your garments that are spotted with the flesh." 36:5
I'm Jesus, so gird up your loins and I'll suddenly come to my temple. Amen. 36:8
Here is wisdom: Choose for yourself until I [Jesus] come. Amen. 37:4
Thus says Jesus, the great I am. 38:1
I've kept dead wicked people chained up in the darkness until the end of the earth. Wo, wo, wo is their doom. 38:5
I see you, but you can't see me. 38:7
Gird up your loins. 38:9
All flesh is corrupted. ... All flesh is mine. 38:11
The earth is my footstool, so I'm going to stand on it. 38:17
Someday I'll be your king. Then you'll have no laws but mine. 38:21
You have a secret enemy who is trying to kill you. 38:28
Here's a commandment for you: Go to Ohio. 38:32
From there, I'll tell the whole world what to do. Israel will be saved. No one can stop me. 38:33
Here's a comandment for the church: Certain men will be appointed by the church. 38:34
Here's another commandment for you: Everyone must do whatever I say. 38:40
Be clean. Amen. 38:42
Listen to Jesus, the great I am. 39:1
I know you, James [Covill]. 39:7
At this moment, your heard is right, and I've blessed your head. But you've rejected me many times before. 39:8
If you listen to me, get baptized, and call on my name, you'll receive a better blessing than you've ever had before. 39:10
You're not called to go east; you're called to go to Ohio. 39:14
If my people go to Ohio, I'll bless them more than I've ever blessed anyone else. 39:15
Go cry with a loud voice, saying: "The kigndom of heaven is here." 39:19
The end is coming, but no one knows when it will come. 39:21
I come quickly. Amen. 39:24
Things were good between me [Jesus] and James Covel. He said he'd obey me. But Satan tempted him and he rejected the word. So he broke our agreement. Now I have to decide what to do to him. Amen. 40:1
I'm God. If you listen to me, I'll give you the greatest blessing. If you don't, I'll give you the greatest cursing. 41:1
Here's a commandment for the chuch: Gather together and agree about my word. 41:2
I'll be your ruler when I come. And I come quickly. 41:4
Build Joseph Smith, Jun. a house. 41:7
Give Sidney Rigdon whatever he needs to live comfortably. 41:8
Here's another commandment for you: Make Edward Partridge a bishop (by the voice of the church). Amen. 41:9
I'm Jesus, listen to me and obey me. 42:1
Here is the first commandment that I'm giving you:. Go forth in my name, except for Joseph Smith, Jun. and Sidney Rigdon. 42:4
Go forth two by two with the sound of a trump. 42:6
The Bible and the Book of Mormon contain the fullness of the gospel. 42:12
Let your clothing be plain - and homemade. 42:40
Sick people that don't have enough faith to be healed should not be fed by the enemy. 42:43
Those that die in me won't taste death. Or maybe they'll taste it, but it'll taste sweet to them. 42:46
Those who have faith in me will be healed and won't die. 42:48
Blind people who have faith will see, deaf people will hear, and lame people will leap. 42:49
If you ask me where the New Jerusalem will be, I'll tell you someday when I feel like it. 42:62
Watch out for those secret combinations. . 42:64
Don't cast out fornicators who have put away their companions. 42:74
I [God] appointed him [Joseph Smith] to receive commandments and revelations from me. No one else will receive them from me. 43:2
Only Joseph Smith can appoint someone to replace himself. 43:4
So this is a law for you: Don't accept teachings, revelations, or commandments from anyone else. 43:5
If you want glory, appoint and uphold Joseph Smith, Jun. 43:12
And it you want the mysteries of the kingdom, give him [Joseph Smith] food, clothes, and whatever else he needs. 43:13
The great day is coming soon. 43:17
On that day, heavens and earth wiill shake, and the trump of God will say: "Get up, you saints. Stay asleep you sinners until I come again." 43:18
So gird up your loins. 43:19
I'll come when I'm ready to come. 43:29
The great millennium is coming. 43:30
Satan will be bound, then he'll be loosed. But he'll only reign for a little while, and then the earth will be destroyed by fire. 43:31
I'm Jesus. Be sober. Obey my commandments. Amen. 43:34
I, the Lord, would like the elders to meet. So send out letters asking them to come. (Or invite them in some other way.) So your enemies won't have power over you. 44:1
I'm Jesus. Listen to me. 45:1
Jesus prophesies as in the days of old 45:1
Enoch had a city that was out of this world. 45:12
Before the day of the Lord comes, there will be smoke and fire. 45:41
The sun will darken, the moon will turn to blood, and the stars will fall from heaven. Then I'll come in the clouds with all my glory. 45:42
Dead people will come to meet me in the cloud. 45:45
The the Lord will put his foot on the mountain and split it two, and the heavens and earth will shake. 45:48
Everyone will hear the Lord's voice. 45:49
The Jews will look at my wounds and say, "What are thowe wounds in your hands and feet?" 45:51
And I'll say to them, "I'm Jesus, the Son of God. These are the wounds of my crucifixion." 45:52
Satan will be tied up. 45:55
Then the parable about the ten virgins will be fulfilled. 45:56
And that's all I'm going to say about that, until the New Testament is translated. Then you'll know all about it. 45:60
So I'm giving it to you so you can translate it. 45:61
Soon there will be wars in your own lands. So go west. 45:63
It'll be called the New Jerusalem. The glory and the terror of the Lord will be there. It'll be called Zion. 45:66
It will be the only place on earth where people won't be fighting with each other. 45:69
Conduct meetings under the direction of the Holy Spirit. 46:2
Allow everyone to attend your meetings, including those who don't belong to the church. 46:3
Don't be seduced by evil spirits or devils. 46:7
Seek the best gifts. 46:8
Some sick people have enough faith to be healed. And others have enough faith to heal them. 46:19
Some can work miracles, others can prophesy. Some understand spirits. 46:21
Some can speak in tongues. Others understand what people who are speaking in tongues are saying. 46:24
Amen. 46:33
I [God] would like John [Whitmer] to write history. 47:1
He can also talk at meetings. 47:2
Oliver Cowdery used to write the history, but I've given him other duties. 47:3
Amen. 47:4
Save your money so you can buy some land in the city. I'll tell you what city later. 48:4
Amen. 48:6
Here is my [God's] commandment to Sidney [Rigdon], Parley [Pratt], and Leman [Copley] [1]: Go preach to the Shakers. 49:1
The Son of Man will come soon to put feet on his enemies. But no one knows when he'll come. 49:6
Everyone sins, except for some men that you don't know about. 49:8
Whoever forbids marriage is not ordained by God. 49:15
Whoever forbids eating meat, is not ordained of God. 49:18
Animals were created by God for human use. 49:19
The Son of Man won't be coming as a woman. 49:22
When the angel blows his trumpet the heavens and earth will shake and mountains will fall. 49:23
But before that happens, Jacob will flourish and the Lamanites will blossom. 49:24
And Zion will be built wherever I decide to put it. 49:25
So go. I'll be in front of you, behind you, and with you all the way. 49:26
I'm Jesus and I come quickly. Amen. 49:28
I, the Lord, have seen abominations in the church. There are hypocrites among you. But they'll be cut off, either in life or death. 50:4
If you see a spirit that you can't understand, ask God about it. If it's not from God, you'll know it isn't from God. 50:31
You'll be given power over the spirit. Then say to it in a loud voice, "It isn't from God." 50:32
Those who hear these words from the mouth of my servant [Joseph Smith] are blessed. 50:36
Edward Partridge isn't justiified in this thing. 50:39
The day is coming when you'll see me and hear my voice. So get ready. Amen. 50:45
I'm God, listen to me while I tell Edward Partridge how to organize the people. 51:1
Edward Parttridge will distribute the wealth to every man and his family according to his needs. 51:3
I'm Jesus, who comes quickly (when your not expecting me). Amen. 51:20
This is what God says to the elders in these last days. 52:1
I, God, will tell you what to do until the next conference, which will be in Missouri (a land I will give to you. 52:2
Let Joseph Smith, Jun. and Sidney Rigdon go to Missouri as soon as possible. I'll tell them what to do (if they are faithful to me.) But if they're not faithful to me, I'll cut them off (if I feel like it). 52:3
Let them go two by two. 52:10
Let Lyman Wight beware, because Satan is out to get him. 52:12
Satan is out an about deceiving nations. 52:13
Since Heman Basset did something wrong, take whatever was given to him and put it on Simonds Rider's head. 52:37
Give Joseph Smith, Jun., Edward Partridge, and Oliver Cowdery a recommend from the church. 52:41
So go to Missouri, a land that I have given to you, but that your enemies now occupy. 52:42
I, the Lord, will hasten the city in its time. 52:43
I'm Jesus. Amen. 52:44
I [God] say to you, Sidney Gilbert, that I heard your prayers in these last days. Become and elder and preach. You'll also be an agent for the church, and go on a journey with Joseph Smith, Jun. and Sidney Rigdon. I'll give you more instructions later. Amen. 53:1
This is what Jesus says: Newell Knight, Leave this land, and go to Missouri to the boundaries of the Lamanites. When you get there, get a job. And patiently wait for me to come again. It won't be long. I come quickly. Amen. 54:1
I'm God. Listen to me. I'm angry at those who rebel. They'll get to know my arm. 56:1
I command and revoke whenever I feel like it. 56:4
So I'm revoking the commandment I gave Thomas B. Marsh and Ezra Thayre. 56:5
I'm also revoking the commandment that I gave to Selah J. Griffin and Newll Knight. 56:6
Instead, Newell Knight will stay with the people in Thompson, Ohio, and lead them to Missouri after they repent. 56:7
Ezra Thayre must repent of his pride and selfishness, and obey the former commandment that I gave him. If he does this, he'll still get to go to Missouri. 56:8
Otherwise, the money he gave to the church will be returned to him and he'll be cut out of my church. Heaven and earth may pass away, but these words won't. 56:10
If Joseph Smith, Jun. returns the money to Ezra Thayre, then I, the Lord, will reimburse Joseph Smith in Missouri. 56:12
This is what I, the Lord, say to my people: You must repent because you have decided for yourselve what to do. 56:14
And that's all I have to say about that. Amen. 56:20
I, the Lord God, have gathered you elders of the church together in Missouri, a land which I have consecrated to you. 57:1
"The land of Missouri, which ... I have appointed and consecrated for the gathering of the saints." God gave and consecrated the state of Missouri to the Mormons. 57:1
This is where the city of Zion will be. 57:2
Here is wisdom: Independence is the center place. Build the temple on the west side, near the courthouse. 57:3
"Here is wisdom ... Independence is the center place." The Temple Lot in Independence, Missouri is the "center place" of the entire universe. It was the location of the Garden of Eden. (Or was is Adam-ondi-Ahman?)
It is also wisdom that the all the land to the west should be purchased by the saints - to the line that divides the Jews from the Gentiles. 57:4
And this also is wisdom: Buy all the land in the prairies for an everlasting inheritance. 57:5
I've appointed Sidney Gilbert as the church's agent to buy land in all the regions round about. 57:6
And I've appointed Edward Partridge to distribute the land. 57:7
Sidney Gilbert will establish a store to get the money to buy land. 57:8
And here is some more wisdom: Sidney Gilbert will get a license (let he who reads this understand) to sell things. 57:9
William W. Phelps will be the church's printer. 57:11
Here is even more wisdom: William W. Phelps will obtain righteousness (for the good of the saints). 57:12
Oliver Cowdery will assist him with the help of the Spirit. 57:13
Plant all of these people, along with their families, in Zion as soon as possible. 57:14
I'll tell everyone else what to do later. Amen. 57:16
Edward Partridge needs to repent of his unbelief. 58:14
Here is wisdom: obey my laws, which are the laws of the church. 58:23
If one of my commandments is disobeyed, I revoke it. Then people say to themselves, "This isn't the work of the Lord." Wo to them. They'll receive their reward from below, not above. 58:32
It's wisdom that Martin Harris is an example to the church by giving his money to the bishop of the church. Every member of the church must do the same. 58:35
It is also wisdom that the church buy land in Independence for the storehouse and a house of printing. 58:37
The Spirit will give Martin Harris more directions later. But he must repent for seeking the praise of the world. 58:38
I, the Lord, am not well pleased with William Phelps, because he isn't suffiently meek before me. 58:41
Let an agent of the church in Ohio buy lands in Zion. 58:49
Here's a commandment for Sidney Rigdon: write a description of the land of Zion and a statement of the will of God, as told to him by the Spirit. 58:50
Put all the money in the hands of the bishop or the agent to buy land. 58:51
The Lord wants to purchase the whole region of the country as soon as possible. Here is wisdom: If they don't do this, they won't receive any inheritance, except by bloodshed. 58:52
God wants the Mormon church in Ohio (v.49) to buy all the the land in that region of the country. ASAP 58:52
Take what was given to Ziba Peterson until he is suffiently chastened. Because he didn't confess his sins and tried to hide them. 58:60
The son of Man comes. Amen. 58:65
Blessed are thos who keep an eye on my glory. 59:1
Blessed are those whose feet stand on Zion. 59:3
They'll get new commandments and revelations from me. 59:4
Don't laugh, because laughing is a sin. (But be cheerful.) 59:15
The beasts of the field, the fowls of the air, things that climb on trees and walk on the earth - they all belong to you. 59:16
The herbs are all to eat, make clothes, barns, orchards, gardens, or vineyards. 59:17
Everything was made just for you. 59:18
Yeah, it was made for you to eat, taste, smell, strengthen your body, or make clothes from. God made it all for you. 59:19
But you must obey the commandments. It's all there in the law and prophets, so don't bother me anymore about it. 59:21
I, the Lord, have said it. Amen. 59:24
This is what the Lord says to the elders of his church: I'm glad you're here. 60:1
But I'm not pleased with some of you. You're afraid to open your mouths. So wo to you, because I'm angry with you. 60:2
If they aren't more faithful to me, I'll take away what little they have. 60:3
Because I, the Lord, rule the heavens above and the armies below. When I make up my jewels, everyone will know how powerful I am. 60:4
Now about your journey. Build a craft (I don't care what kind, whatever seems good to you) and travel to St. Louis. 60:5
From there, Sidney Rigdon, Joseph Smith, Jun., and Oliver Cowdery will travel to Cincinnati. 60:6
In Cincinnati they will shout and lift up holy hands. 60:7
Everyone else will leave St. Louis, two by two, to preach to the wicked. 60:8
Edward Partridge will give some of the money that I gave him to the elders. 60:10
Here's a commandment for you: Don't idle away your time while preaching to the wicked. 60:13
When you get to Zion, preach to the wicked. 60:14
Shake off the dust of from your feet and wash them, as a testimony against those who reject your preaching. (But don't do it while they're watching.) 60:15
Joseph Smith, Jun.'s mouth will tell Sidney Rigdon and Oliver Cowdery what to do. Then he'll tell the rest of you. Amen. 60:17
It's dangerous out there on the water. And it'll be worse from now on. 61:4
I'm angry so I'm destroying things on the water. Especially, on this water [the Missouri River]. 61:5
All flesh is in my hand. If you're faithful to me you won't die on the water. 61:6
In the beginning I blessed the water, but now, in the last days, I (by John's mouth) curse the waters. 61:14
Someday no one will be safe on the water. 61:15
In the beginning I cursed the land, but in the last days I'll bless it. (So the saints can eat its fatness.) 61:17
Now I give you another commanment: Warn the others about the waters. 61:18
I've commanded the destroyer to ride on the water. I'll never tell him not to. 61:19
Gird up your loins, and look for the coming of the Son of Man. He'll come when your least expect it. 61:38
Pray that you'll be ready when he comes, whether you're alive or dead. Amen. 61:39
Go two by two - if that seems good to you. It doesn't matter much to me. Just bear glad tidings to wicked people. 62:5
It's okay with me if you ride on horses, or mules, or in chariots. You'll receive a blessing from the the Lord's hand no matter what you ride on. 62:7
I kill, or keep alive, whoever I want. 63:3
I destroy things for my own pleasure. I can even send souls to hell. 63:4
I'm not pleased with those of you who ask for signs and wonders. 63:12
Now its time for you to go to Zion. But don't hurry, or you'll be confused. And confusion causes disease. 63:24
I, the Lord, hold Zion in my hands. 63:25
I give to Ceasar the things that are Caesar's. 63:26
I, the Lord, and angry with wicked people. I'm witholding my spirit from the people on earth. 63:32
When I get angry I create wars where wicked people kill each other, and everyone is afraid. 63:33
It'll be hard for the saints to escape. But I'll come down from heaven and save them by burning the wicked with unquenchable fire. I'm not going to do this for a while though. I'll do it by and by. 63:34
I'd like every man to have righteous hands and faithful loins. 63:37
Titus Billings should sell the land and go to Zion. I really don't care how much money he gets for the farm, but he should bring the money with him to Zion. 63:39
I've given Joseph Smith, Jun. the job of deciding who will go to Zion and who will stay. 63:41
Let Newel K. Whitney keep his store. Or in other words, keep the store for a while. But all the money he gets must be sent to Zion. 63:42
Oliver Cowdery will receive all the money. 63:45
Dead people that rise from the dead will never die again. 63:49
Those that are alive when the Lord comes, will still die at the age of man. 63:50
The Son of Man is coming soon. 63:53
He'll come to the wise and foolish virgins. His angels will pluck out the wicked and cast them into unquenchable fire. 63:54
I, the Lord, am not pleased with Sidney Rigdon. I don't like his writing, so he'll have to make another. If I don't like that, I'll fire him. 63:55
This is a day of warning, not a day of many words. Don't mock me in these last days. 63:58
I'm from above and my power lies below. I'm over everything - in, out, and through it all. 63:59
I'm Jesus. Be careful when you say my name. 63:60
Let Joseph Smith, Jun. and Sidney Rigdon look for homes. 63:65
Be patient, or you'll be condemned. Amen. 63:66
So when you get there, buy the land. You'll ether get the land by buying it or killing others for it. If you buy it, you'll be blessed. But if you kill for it, you'll be scourged from synagogue to synagogue. 63:76
Joseph Smith, Jun. has the keys to the kingdom, and they will never be taken from him. 64:5
Edward Partridge has sinned, and Satan is trying to destroy his soul. But I'll forgive them. So God is going to forgive Edward Partridge and Satan? 64:17
Sidney Gilbert should return to his business in Zion. 64:18
I command Isaac Morley to sell his farm. 64:20
But I don't want Frederick G. Williams to sell his farm. I want to have a strong hold on Kirtland for the next five years. (I won't destroy the wicked during that time.) 64:21
From now until the Son of Man comes is called "today". Everyone must tithe until the Son of Man comes. Those who tithe won't be burned when he comes. 64:23
After "today" comes the burning (I'm speaking the way the Lord speaks). "Tomorrow" I'll burn all the proud and wicked people. I won't spare anyone in Babylon. 64:24
Wherefore, if ye believe me, ye will labor while it is called today. 64:25
I don't want Newel K. Whitney and Sidney Gilbert to sell their store - until everyone here goes to Zion. 64:26
I forbid any of you to get in debt to your enemies. 64:27
The Lord takes what he wants and pays back whenever he wants. 64:28
You're on the Lord's errand, doing the Lord's business. 64:29
The rebellious aren't of the blood of Epraim, so they'll be plucked out. 64:36
I've made my church in these last days the judge of all nations. 64:37
The nations of the earth will tremble because of the church, and fear her terrible ones. I, the Lord, have said so. Amen. 64:43
William E. McLellin, you are blessed for believing. But you're not quite clean. 66:1
Now I, the Lord, will tell you what I want you to do, or what I want you to do. 66:4
Don't go to Zion yet, but send as much money there as you can. 66:6
Go preach in all of the eastern synagogues. 66:7
Touch sick people with your hands, and they'll recover. 66:9
Don't commit adultery. (Which is something you have a bit of a problem with.) 66:10
That's what I, Jesus, your God, say to you. Amen. 66:13
Behold and hearken, elders of my church. You wanted to receive my blessing, but you were afraid, so you didn't get it. 67:1
You've seen Joseph Smith, Jun. And you've heard his language and his imperfections. So select the least commandment in the Book of Commandments, and let the wisest person among you write a commandment like it. If you can do that, then you can say they aren't true. But if you can't do it, you will be condemned. 67:5
Orson Hyde was called by the Spirit of God to preach to the wicked in their synagogues. 68:1
Whatever anyone says when moved by the Holy Ghost is scripture, and is the will, mind, word, voice, and power of God. 68:4
Literal descendants and firstborn sons of Aaron have a legal right to be bishops. 68:16
I'm not pleased with the inhabitants of Zion. They're lazy and their children are wicked. 68:31
I come quickly. Amen. 68:35
All temporaal things shall be shared equally. 70:14
Confound and shame your enemies. Challenge them to public debates where they can be humiliated. 71:7
No weapon against your will prosper. 71:9
I'll confound them (in my own due time). 71:10
Gird us your loins and be sober. Amen. 73:6
I revoke the commission that I gave to William E. McLellin to go to the eastern countries. I'm giving him a new commandment to chasten him for murmuring. 75:6
Amen 75:36
Gird up your loins. 75:226
Listen, heaven and earth, because the Lord is God and Savior ... Hist years never fail. 76:1
We, Joseph Smith, Jun. and Sidney Rigdon on February 16, 1831 were in the spirit, when we saw things that existed before anything exisited. 76:11
We saw and talked to Jesus. 76:14
The Lord touched the eyes of our understanding, and we saw the glory of the Lord round about. 76:19
We saw angels and people worshiping God and the Lamb. 76:21
And we also saw Lucifer. 76:25
While we were in the spirit, the Lord commanded us to write down the vision of Satan, the old serpent, the devil. 76:28
Everyone will be saved except for the sons of perdition, who will be tormented forever. 76:43
Those who are in the resurrection of the just are gods. 76:50
They have celestial bodies, and have a glory that is like the sun, and is equal to the glory of God. 76:70
We saw the terrestial world. Their glory is like the moon. 76:71
The glory of the telestial world is like the stars - compared to the terrestrial, which is like the moon. 76:81
We saw the glories of the telestial, which no one can understand. 76:89
The occupants of the telestial world say they are of Paul, Apollos, Cephas, Christ, John, Moses, Elias, Esaias, Isaiah, and Enoch. 76:109
That's all we saw and were commanded to write down while we were still in the spirit. 76:113
hen he commanded us not to write anything else while we were in the spirit. It's against the law for anyone to say what we saw. 76:115
There will be more inhabitants of the telestial world than there are stars in the sky or sand on the seashore. 76:119
Amen. 76:119
The earth is the sea of glass in Rev 4:6. 77:1
The four beasts in the same verse are the paradise of God, the happiness of man, creeping things, and fowls. 77:2
The four beasts are four individual beasts, not taxonomic ranks. 77:3
Their eyes are full of knowledge, their wings show they can move, act, etc. 77:4
The 24 elders are dead members of seven churches. They're now in God's paradise. 77:5
The earth will exist for a total of 7000 years. 77:6
Each of the seven seals represents 1000 years of the earth's history. 77:7
The angels in Rev 7:1 are four angels God sent to save and destroy life. 77:8
The angel ascending from the east in Rev 7:2 is sent by God to seal the twelve tribes. They said, "Don't hurt the trees until we've marked their foreheads." This is also Elias, if you can believe it, who was to come gather the tribes of Israel and restore all things. 77:9
The things in this chapter will happen in the sixth thousand year period, when the sixth seal is opened. 77:10
The 144,000 are high priests who were ordained by angels to bring people into the church of the Firstborn. 77:11
The trumpets in Rev 8 prepare and finish God's work, and mark the beginning of the 7000 years - preparing the way of his coming. 77:12
The things in Rev 9 will happen after the seventh seal is opened, before Christ comes. 77:13
The little book that John ate in Rev 10 was a mission to gather the tribes of Israel. It was also Elias, who must come to restore everything. 77:14
The two witnesses in Rev 11 are two prophets that will appear in the last days. They'll prophesy to the Jews after they build the city of Jerusalem. 77:15
If you're not equal in earthly things, you can't be equal in heavenly things. 78:6
If you wan't a place in the celestial world, you have to do what I say. 78:7
You must do everything for my glory. 78:8
Newel K. Whitney, Joseph Smith, Jun., and Sidney Rigdon will sit on the council. Otherwise Satan will try to blind them. 78:9
The church must be independent and above everthying below the celestial world. 78:14
You will rule over many nations, says God, who has established the foundations of Adam-ondi-Ahman. 78:15
And who has appointed Michael your prince, established his feet, and given him the keys to salvation. 78:16
Do what I command you to do, says your Redeemer, the Son Ahaman. 78:20
Because you are the church of the Firstborn, he'll take you up in a cloud. 78:21
Whoever is a faithful and wise steward will inherit everything. Amen. 78:22
Jared Carter should go again into the eastern countries, from place to place. 79:1
The Comforter will tell him where to go. 79:2
If he's faithful, I'll crown him with sheaves. Amen. 79:3
Stephen Burnett: Go preach to every creature on earth. Since you'd like a companion, I'll give you Eden Smith. I don't care whether you go north, south, east, or west. You can't go wrong. Just say what you've heard and believe to be true. 80:1
Frederick G. Williams, this is God. Listen to me 81:1
I've given the keys of the kingdom to Joseph Smith, Jun. They will always belong to the Presidency of the High Priesthood. I'll bless him and you. 81:2
Lift up the hands that hang down, and strenghen the feeble knees. 81:5
Behold, and lo, these are the words of Jesus. Amen. 81:7
You are all equal and have equal claims on the properties. Each man will receive what he wants and needs (if those needs are just). 82:17
This is an everlasting command to you and your successors. 82:20
Whoever disobeys this command will be given to Satan. 82:21
This is wisdom: make friends with the mammon of unrighteousness. 82:22
The Lord's church is established in the last days. And it will gather on Mount Zion in the city of New Jerusalem. 84:2
The city will be built at the temple lot, appointed by the Lord's finger, and dedicated by Joseph Smith, Jun., on the western boundary of the state of Missouri. It will be created in this generation. 84:3
This generation will still be alive when a cloud will rest on the house, and the glory of the Lord will fill it. 84:5
Esias [Isaiah]received the priesthood from the hand of God - five or so generations before Moses. 84:12
Esais [Isaiah] was a contemporary of Abraham. 84:13
Abraham received the priesthood from Melchizedek, who received it from his fathers, all the way back to Noah. 84:14
Without this priesthood no one can see God and live. 84:22
John the Baptist was filled with the Holy Ghost in his mother's womb. He was baptized when he was a child, and was ordained to the priesthood by an angel when he was eight days old. 84:27
Everyone is condemned until they read and believe the Book of Mormon. 84:57
And these believers will show these things: They will cast out devils, heal the sick, cure blind and deaf people, and make dumb people speak. Poisons won't hurt them, and venomous snakes won't harm them. 84:65
Those who don't believe and aren't baptised will be damned. Condemn them for their evil unbelieving hearts. 84:74
Those who preach the gospel will never be hungry or thirsty. So don't worry about what to eat, drink, or wear for clothing. 84:80
Make no plans for the future. 84:84
Those who you preach to will give your clothes, food, and money. 84:89
If you're not welcomed, wash your feet with pure water, either hot or cold. 84:92
Send money to the bishop in Zion or Ohio. 84:104
Don't let the head say to the feet, "I don't need you." 84:109
Bishop Newell K. Whitney should travel around helping the poor by humbling the rich. 84:112
Bishop Newell K. Whitney should also go to New York, Albany, and Boston to warn them that they and their famlies will all be killed if they reject the teachings of his church. 84:114
If he trusts me, I'll know whenever a hair falls from his head. 84:116
All the rest of you should do the same: Go preach everywhere telling everyone that they will be killed if they don't believe what you say. 84:117
I will destroy their kingdoms and shake the earth and stars. 84:118
You can't see it now, but in soon I'll come and you'll see it. Amen. 84:119
Your prayers come up into the ears of the Lord, and are recorded in the celestial world book. 88:1
I forgive your sins, because I heard (with my ears) the prayers of your friends 90:1
So you are blessed forever, and I'm giving you the keys to the last kingdom. 90:2
The keys will never be taken from you, while you're alive or after you're dead. 90:3
I've also forgiven Sidney Rigdon and Frederick G. Williams. They will also have the keys of this last kingdom. 90:6
I've also forgiven Sidney Rigdon and Frederick G. Williams. They will also have the keys of this last kingdom. 90:6
From time to time, the Comforter will deliver revelations to you. 90:14
Find a home for Frederick G. Williams and his family. 90:19
Let Joseph Smth, Sen. continue to like with his family in their current residence. 90:20
Let Sidney Rigdon live where he is currently living (until the mouth of the Lord names another place). 90:21
Have small families. 90:25
Have small families. 90:25
Give Vienna Jaques money so she can go to Zion. 90:28
Give Vienna Jaques money so she can go to Zion. 90:28
Vienna Jaques will pay her expenses for the trip to Zion. 90:28
And give me [the Lord] whatever money is left over. She'll be rewarded in my own time. 90:29
And give me [the Lord] whatever money is left over. She'll be rewarded in my own time. 90:29
And give me [the Lord] whatever money is left over. She'll be rewarded in my own time. 90:29
And she will give me [the Lord] whatever money is left over. She'll be rewarded in my own time. 90:29
Let her live in peace, so long as she isn't idle. 90:31
Don't bother me about this anymore. 90:33
I'm not pleased with William E. McLellin, Sidney Gilbert, the bishop, and many others. 90:35
But I will contend with Zion until she is clean. 90:36
In the meantime, she'll stay where she is. I, the Lord, have spoken it. Amen. 90:37
This is what the Lord says about the Apocrypha. There are many true things in it, if it's translated correctly. 91:1
But there are many things in it that are false. 91:2
So it's not necessary to translate it. 91:3
I, the Lord, give you the united order. Here's a revelation and commandment for you: Receive Frederick G. Williams into the united order. What I say to one I say to all. 92:1
I, the Lord, give you the united order. Here's a revelation and commandment about Frederick G. Williams: Receive him into the order. What I say to one person, I say to everyone else. 92:1
You, Frederick G. Williams will be a lively member of this order. If you're faithful in keeping all the former commandments, you'll be blessed forever. Amen. 92:2
Frederick G. Williams, you will be a lively member of this order. If you are faithful in keeping all former commandments, you'll be blessed forever. Amen. 92:2
Everyone who stops sinning, calls my name, obeys my voice, and keeps my commandments will see my face and know that I exist. 93:1
In the beginning I was with the Father. I'm the firstborn. 93:21
You were also there in the beginning with Father. 93:23
Humans were with God from the beginning.. 93:29
You are God's temple. If you defile that temple, God will destroy you. 93:35
But you, Frederick G. Williams, continued under this condemnation. 93:41
You didn't teach your children light and truth. 93:42
Here's a commandment for you: Clean up your house. 93:43
Sidney Rigdon hasn't kept the commandments about his children. 93:44
Joseph Smith, Jun., you haven't kept the commandments, and need to be rebuked before the Lord. 93:47
Your family needs to repent, and pay more attention to your sayings, or they'll be removed from their place. 93:48
I say the same thing to everyone. 93:49
Newel K. Whitney needed to be chastened. If his family isn't set in order, they'll be removed. 93:50
Let Sidney Rigdon go on his journey to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord. 93:51
Joseph Smith, Jun., and Frederick G. Williams won't be confounded in this world, or the next. 93:52
Hurry and translate my scriptures. Amen. 93:53
I give you a commandment: Start building the stake of Zion, here in Kirtland, beginning with my house in Kirtland. 94:1
Build it according to the plan that I gave you. 94:2
Make it 55 by 65 feet. 94:4
I'll give you more instructions later. 94:5
Don't let any unclean thing come into it. My glory and presence will be there. 94:8
Don't let any unclean thing come into it. My glory and presence will be there. 94:8
If any unclean thing comes into it, my glory won't be there. 94:9
Build a house on the second lot on the south side for printing the translation of my scriptures. 94:10
It will also be 55 by 65 feet. 94:11
Hyrum Smith will receive his inheritance on the third lot. 94:13
Reynolds Cahoon and Jared Carter will receive their inheritances on the first and second lot. 94:14
Don't build them, though, until I tell you. 94:16
And that's all I have to say about that. Amen. 94:17
You must be chastened for not building my house. It is a very grievous sin. 95:2
I've asked my apostles to prune my vineyard for the last time, so I can do my strange act, and pour out my spirit on all flesh. 95:4
I gave you a commandment that you should have a solemn assembly, where the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth (which being interpreted is the creator, the beginning and the end). 95:7
I gave you a commandment that you should build a house. 95:8
Contentions arose in the school of the prophets. 95:10
Here is wisdom and the mind of the Lord: Build the house like I showed three of you. 95:13
Make it 55 by 65 feet. 95:15
So says Son Ahman; or, in other words, Alphus; or, in in othe words, Omegus. [3] Or Jesus. Amen. 95:17
Here is wisdom: This stake should be strong. 96:1
I, the Lord, am well pleased with the a school in Zion, and that Parley P. Pratt presides over it, until I give him other commandments. 97:3
Build me a house in Zion, with the plans I've given you. 97:10
Build it quickly by tithing the people. 97:11
As long as there's no unclean things in it, my glory will rest upon it. 97:15
I'll come into it, and the pure of heart will see me there. 97:16
But if there's an unclean thing in there, I won't come into it and my glory won't be there. 97:17
If Zion does these things, it will become very great and very terrible. 97:18
And all the nations will honor her and say, "Zon is the city of God." 97:19
But Zion will escape, if she does what I tell her to do. 97:25
But Zion will escape, if she does what I tell her to do. Otherwise, I'll send plagues, wars, and fire on her. 97:25
Renounce war and proclaim peace. Or I will smite the whole earth with a curse and everything livng thing will die. 98:16
Renounce war and proclaim peace. Or I will smite the whole earth with a curse and everything livng thing will die. 98:16
I'm not well pleased with many members of the Kirtland church. They do detestable things. 98:19
I will chasten them and do whatever I list, if they don't obey me. 98:21
If you are attacked once, bear it patiently and don't seek revenge. 98:23
If you're attacked again, don't revile your enemy. 98:25
If you're attacked a third time, bear it patiently. 98:26
If that enemy escapes my vengeance, warn them in my name. 98:28
If your enemy attacks you again (for the fourth time in your life or your 3rd or 4th generation descendants), I'll deliver them into your hands. 98:29
I'll reward you (and your descendants to the third or fourth generation) if you don't kill them all. 98:30
But if your enemy is in your hands, go ahead and kill them. 98:31
That's what Nephi, Joseph, Jacob, Isaac, and Abraham did - as did all of my ancient prophets and apostles. 98:32
But don't go to war unless I command you. 98:33
If someone proclaims war against you, first wage a peace flag. 98:34
If they don't accept your flag the first, second, or third time, come talk to me about it. 98:35
I'll give you a commandment to go to war with them. 98:36
I'll fight your battles, and your children's battles, and your children's children's battles, until you are avenged of your enemies (for three or four generations). 98:37
But like I was saying, if your enemy attacks you the first time, and they repent, forgive them. 98:39
And so on to through the second and third time, even 490 times. 98:40
So forgive them the first time, even it they don't repent. 98:41
And the second time. 98:42
And the third time. 98:43
But if they do it a fourth time, don't forgive them. Come tell me about it. They won't be forgiven until they reward you with four times whatever they took from you. 98:44
If they pay you back four times, forgive them. If they don't, I'll make them pay 100 times as much. 98:45
And their descendants to the third and fourth generation. 98:46
But if their children or grand children repent, and give you back four times what they took, don't be angry with them anymore. 98:47
Vengeance won't come on them anymore. Amen. 98:48
This is what the Lord says about John Murdock. He will go preach in the eastern countries. 99:1
My father will reject whoever rejects you. When this happens, wash your feet in the secret places. 99:4
Behold, I come quickly to pay them back for all their ungodly deeds against me (as is written in the book). 99:5
If after a few years, you may go to the goodly land to possess your inheritance. 99:7
Otherwise, just keep preaching until you die. Amen. 99:8
Joseph and Sidney, your families are well. They're in my hands. I'll do to them whatever seems good to me. I have all the power. 100:1
There's a lot of people around here. And a door will be opened in the eastern land. 100:3
Here's a commandment for you: Say whatever you say in my name. 100:7
If you do this, the Holy Ghost will be shed forth. 100:8
Those in the church who have been afflicted, were afflicted by me to punish them for their transgressions. I'll own them on the day that I make up my jewels. 101:1
But my bowels are filled with compassion for them. 101:9
My anger will soon be poured out on all nations. I"ll do it when the cup of their iniquity is full. 101:11
Everyone on the watch-tower, or in other words, everyone in Israel will be saved. 101:12
All flesh is in my hands. 101:16
I have other places that will be called stakes, for the curtains or the strength of Zion. 101:21
When the veil of my temple is removed, all flesh will see me. 101:23
Everything else will melt and will become new. 101:25
The parable of the watchtower 101:43
Buy land with money in the land of Zion. 101:70
Buy everything you can in Jackson County, Missouri and the counties round about, leaving the rest in my hand. 101:71
We'll do all this in accordance with the constitution. 101:77
For this purpose, I established the Constitution. 101:80
The parable of the woman and the unjust judge (and God's strange act) 101:81
So I can do my strange act and my strange work. 101:95
It's contrary to my commandment for Sidney Gilbert to sell my storehouse. 101:96
The president of the church is appointed by revelation. 102:9
If the council can't decide a matter of doctrine or principle, the president will ask and receive a revelation from the mind of the Lord. 102:23
I'll begin to defeat my enemies starting right now. 103:6
If the saints obey me, they will prevail until I defeat all of the kingdoms of the world and give the earth to them to possess forever. 103:7
But if they don't obey me, the kingdoms of the world will defeat them. 103:8
I'll send a man like Moses to lead them. 103:16
Joseph Smith, Jun. is the man whom I likened to Moses. 103:21
So let him say to the young and middle-aged men, Go to the land of Zion, which I have bought with money. 103:22
Let all the churches send money to buy land there, as I have commanded them. 103:23
Parley Pratt and Lyman Wight should gather soldiers in groups of 10s, 20s, or 100 until they have a total of 500.
If you can't find 500, maybe your can find 300.
And if you can't find 300, try for 100. 103:30-33
Pray that Joseph Smith, Jun. will be with you. 103:35
Orson Hyde and Orson Pratt will go wherever Joseph Smith, Jun. goes. Leave the rest to me. Amen. 103:40
You can't escape Satan either. 104:9
Anyone member of the order who transgresses will be delivered to Satan. 104:10
I've given Joseph Smith, Jun. the lot for my house, which is 660 feet long and 198 feet long. This is also where his father lives. 104:43
You are dissolved as a united order. 104:53
All of the properties are mine. 104:55
It will be called the sacred treasury of the Lord. 104:66
Money will go into the Lord's treasury by hundreds, fifties, twenties, tens, or by fives. 104:68
If you humble yourselves before me, I'll soften th hearts of those who loaned you the money. 104:80
So write to New York [10] that will be dictated by my Spirit. I'll soften the hearts of those to whom you owe money. 104:81
You'll obtain loans of hundreds or thousands - it's your priviledge. 104:84
Members of my churches abroad say, "Where is their God? We'll keep our money." 105:8
Now I give you a commandment: let as many who have come here, stay. 105:20
The the people around here must humble themselves before me, and not reveal what I've revealed to them, until it is wisdom in me that they should be revealed. 105:23
I've sent wise men to buy all the lands they can in Jackson County, and in the surrounding counties. 105:28
The kingdoms of the world will acknowledge that the kingdom of Zion is God's kingdom, and they will become subject to her laws 105:32
The first elders of my church will receive their endowments in my house, which will be built in the land of Kirtland. 105:33
Appoint Warren A. Cowdery as high priest over my church in the land of Freedom. 106:1
The Lord is coming soon. So gird your loins. 106:4
Everyone in heaven rejoiced when Warren bowed to my scepter. 106:6
I will have mercy on him; and, notwithstanding the vanity of his heart. 106:7
I've made a crown for him in my Father's mansions. Amen. 106:9
There are two priesthoods in the church: Melchizedek and Aaronic, including the Levitical priesthood. 107:1
Seth ordained by Adam when he was 69 years old, and was blessed by Adam three years before Adam died. 107:2
Before Melchizedek, it was called the holy priesthood, after the order of the Son of God. 107:3
But to avoid using God's name too much, the ancient church called it the priesthood of Melchizedek. 107:4
The priesthood is handed down from father to son, and belongs to the literal descendants of the chosen seed. 107:40
The order began in the days of Adam. 107:41
Cainan was 87 years old when he was ordained. 107:45
Mahalaleel was 496 years and seven days old when he was ordained by Adam. 107:46
Jared was 200 years old when Adam ordained him. 107:47
Enoch was 25 years old when Adam ordained him, and 65 when Adam blessed him. 107:48
Enoch walked with God for 365 years, making him 430 years old when he was translated. 107:49
Methuselah was 100 years old when Adam ordained him. 107:50
Lamech was 32 years old when he was ordained by Seth. 107:51
Noah was ten years old when he was ordained by Methuselah. 107:52
Three years before Adam died, he blessed Seth, Enos, Cainan, Mahalaleel, Jared, Enoch, and Methuselah, who were all high priests in the valley of Adam-ondi-Ahman. 107:53
The Lord appeared to him, and they blessed Adam, and called him Michael the archangel. 107:54
These things are written in the book of Enoch, which you'll hear more about someday. 107:57
The President of the office of the High Priesthood rules the whole church like Moses. 107:91
Here is wisdom: He is to be a seer, revelator, translator, and prophet,. 107:92
The seventh president presides over the six. 107:94
And the seven presidents choose another seventy besides the first seventy, and they preside over them. 107:95
And so on, with another seventy, until seven times seventy, as required. 107:96
These seventy are traveling preachers to Gentiles first, and also the Jews. 107:97
We know you've said terrible things about the wicked in the last days. 109:45
Bare your arm, O Lord. 109:51
May those who you have cursed and smitten be converted from their wild and savage ways. 109:65
When the trump sounds for the dead, let us go up in a cloud to meet you. 109:75
Let our garments be pure. 109:76
Amen and amen. 109:80
We saw the Lord standing on a pavement of amber-colored pure gold. 110:2
His eyes were like flames of fire; his hair was as white as snow; he was a bright as the sun; and his voice sounded like a river or like Jehovah. 110:3
After Jesus left, Moses appeared and gave us the keys to the gathering of Israel from the four parts of the earh, and the leading of the ten tribes from the land of the north. 110:11
Then Elias appeared, saying that all generations would be blessed by our seed. 110:12
Next up was Elijah, who said: "The time has come that Malachi mentioned, that I would be sent before the great and terrible day of the Lord." 110:13
I'm here to make fathers and sons like each other, so that God doesn't smite the whole earth with a curse. 110:15
You have the keys of this dispensation. The great and dreadful day of the Lord is near. 110:16
I, the Lord and your God, am okay with you going on this journey, even though you've made some mistakes. 111:1
I'll give you a lot of treasure from this city [Salem, Massachusetts]. 111:3
So get to know the men who live here, since I'll soon be giving it to you. 111:3
Someday I'll give the city to you, and you'll have power over it. They'll never discover your secret parts, and all its wealth, gold, and silver will be yours. 111:4
Don't worry about your debts, I'll help you pay them. 111:5
My spirit will signalize you with a power that will flow into you. 111:8
You can buy this place. Find out about its ancient founders and inhabitants. 111:9
So be wise as serpents but without sin. I'll make everything happen as soon as you're ready. Amen. 111:11
Don't rebel against Joseph Smith. I'm with him, and he'll have my keys until I come. 112:15
You [Thomas B. Marsh] will be the one to unlock the kingdom's doors, where not even Joseph [Smith], Sidney [Rigdon], and Hyrum [Smith] can come. 112:17
The earth is covered in darkness and all flesh looks corrupt to me. 112:23
I come quickly. Amen. 112:34
Ask me anything 113:1
My church will be called the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 115:3
Because thats' what it'll be called in the last days, even The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 115:4
Far West is a holy city on holy land. 115:7
I command you to build me a house in Far West. 115:8
Start to work this summer, on the fourth of July. 115:9
Work on it until it's finished. 115:12
Don't let Joseph [Smith], Sidney [Rigdon], or Hyrum [Smith] get into debt building my house. 115:13
I'll show them later how to build the house. 115:14
If you don't build it the way I tell you to build it, I won't accept it. 115:15
But if you build it the way I tell you, I'll accept it. 115:16
Hurry and build the city of Far West. 115:17
I'll tell Joseph [Smith] where to build stakes around here from time to time. 115:18
I'l be with him, because I've given him the keys of this kingdom to him. Amen. 115:19
The Lord named Spring Hill "Adam-ondi-Ahman" because it's the place Adam will visit his people - or, as Daniel called him, the Ancient of Days. 116:1
Isn't there room enough on the mountains of Adam-ondi-Ahman? And on the plains of Olaha Shinehah where Adam lived? 117:8
Newel K. Whitney should be ashamed of the Nicolaitane band with all their secret abominations. 117:11
Everyone will remember Oliver Granger forever and ever. 117:12
I'm telling everyone in Kirtland again to overthrow the moneychanges in my own time, says the Lord. Amen. 117:16
Replacing four or the Twelve who have been excommunicated 118:1
I, the Lord, require that all surplus property be given to the bishop. 119:1
For the building of my house, the foundation of Zion, the priesthood, and to pay the debts of my church. 119:2
Everyone must pay one-tenth of their income each year for my holy priesthood. This is a law that is forever binding. 119:3
The money from tithes belongs to the Church and will be disposed of by a council - and by my own voice. Amen. 120:1
Where are you hiding, God? 121:1
How long will your pure eye watch what's going on without doing anything? 121:2
When will your bowels be moved with compassion? 121:3
And in a few years, not one of them or their posterity will be left to stand by the wall. 121:15
Their baskets won't be full, and they'll be despised by those that used to flatter them. 121:20
It will be revealed whether there is one God or many gods. 121:28
According the the Council of the Eternal God of all the other gods. 121:32
Let your bowels be full of charity. 121:45
Everyone on earth will know about you [Joseph Smith]. Fools will deride you, and hell will rage against you. 122:1
Pure, wise, noble, and virtuous people will ask you for your advice and blessing. 122:2
Traitors will never turn your people away from you. 122:3
Though you will get into trouble and jail, you will be a fierce lion to your enemies. And God will be with you forever. 122:4
Make an account of all of the damages the saints have suffered from the people of Missouri. 123:1
And also make a list of the prople who have oppressed them. 123:3
Gather all the libelous magazines, encyclopedias, and histories, and make a list of their authors. Present the whole diabolical rascality, nefarious, murderous list of things that have been produced against us. 123:4
Present them to to government in all their dark and hellish hue. Use this list to call our Heavenly Father from his hiding place. So that the whole nation will be without excuse when he sends forth the power of his mighty arm. 123:6
These dark and black deeds are enough to make hell shudder, and make the devil's hands tremble. 123:10
Many sects and denominations are blinded by the subtle craftiness of men, who seek to deceive others, and are blind to the truth because they don't know where to find it. 123:12
I, the Lord, am well pleased with you, Joseph Smith. 124:1
I like your prayers, and I'd like you to make a proclamation to all the kings of this world, to the president elect, governors, and to all nations. 124:2
It will be written by the Holy Ghost. 124:4
And the Holy Ghost will give the proclamation to you. 124:5
When I come to visit, I'll reveal my face. 124:8
Oh you kings of the earth, give your gold and silver to the people of Zion. 124:11
Robert B. Thompson will help you write the proclamation. I'll bless him with lots of blessings and he'll be great in my eyes. 124:12
I, the Lord, love Hyrum Smith. 124:15
Let John C. Bennett stand by Joseph Smith while sending my word to the kings and people of the earth. If he does this, he'll be mine, and I'll crown him with blessings and glory. 124:16
Lyman Wight will keep preaching in Zion. He'll begat glory and honor to himself and my name. 124:18
I'll receive him like I did David Patten, who is here with me at this time, along with Edward Partridge and Joseph Smith, Sen., who is sitting at Abraham's right hand. He is holy and he is mine. 124:19
George Miller is without guile. He loves my testimony and I, the Lord, love him. 124:20
I am making him a bishop. Don't let any man despise him. 124:21
Let George [Miller], Lyman [Wight], John Snider, and others build a house for me. Joseph [Smith] will show them how and where to build it. 124:22
Send swift messengers to tell everyone to bring their gold, silver, precious stones, and antiques, along with box, fir, and pine trees, and all the other precious trees of the earth. 124:26
Have them bring iron, copper, brass, zinc, and other precious things to build a house for me to live in. 124:27
And build a baptismal font to baptize dead people. 124:29
I command all you saints to build me a house. 124:31
If you don't, your baptisms for dead people won't be acceptable to me. 124:32
I originated the law of baptism for the dead before the world began. 124:33
But after this time, your baptism of the dead won't be acceptable to me. 124:35
You can only baptize dead people in Zion, Jerusalem, and other places I've appointed for refuge. 124:36
Your anointings, washings, baptisms for the dead, assemblies, memorials, sacrifices, oracles, conversations, statutes, judgments, revelations, glory, honor, and endowment must be in my holy house. 124:39
I'll reveal to my church things that have never been revealed. 124:41
I'll show Joseph [Smith] things about this house. 124:42
Build it on the spot I tell you to build it on. 124:43
If you work hard, I'll make the spot holy. 124:44
I accepted the offerings of those whom I commanded to build me a house in Jackston County, Missouri. But they were hindered by their enemies. 124:51
I'll save all the pure of heart who were slain in Missouri. 124:54
I command you again to build me a house in this place. 124:55
Let Joseph [Smith] and his family live there forever. 124:56
I've put a blessing on Joseph [Smith]'s head and on the head of his posterity. 124:57
Everyone on earth is blessed by Joseph [Smith]'s seed. 124:58
So let Joseph [Smith] and his seed live in that house forever. 124:59
It'll be called the Nauvoo House. 124:60
Each man may buy $50 to $15,000 of stock in the house. 124:64
I'm not pleased with Almon Babbitt. He set up a golden calf for my people to worship 124:84
He [William Law] should obey Joseph [Smith] and publish the new translation of the Bible. 124:89
If he does this, his seed won't have to beg for bread. 124:89
Whoever he [Hyrum Smith] blesses will be blessed and whoever he curses will be cursed. Whatever he binds on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever he looses on earth will be bound in heaven. 124:93
From now on he [Hyrum Smith] is a prophet, seer, revelator to my church, along with Joseph [Smith]. 124:94
He [Hyrum Smith] will have the same gifts and honor that Oliver Cowdery once had. 124:95
William Law will heal the sick, cast out devils, and be immune to deadly poison. 124:98
He'll also go places where poisonous serpents can't bite his heel, and his thoughts will be like eagles' wings. 124:99
And he'll raise the dead. 124:100
Robert D. Foster must build a house for Joseph [Smith]. If he does that, the door will be opened to him from time to time. 124:115
But he must repent of his folly and quit doing evil things. 124:116
And obey Joseph [Smith], Hyrum [Smith], and William Law. Everything will go well for him forever. Amen. 124:118
God told me [Joseph Smith] that my enemies in Missouri and Illinois are after me. So I'm leaving for a while. I'll come back when it's a bit safer. 127:1
God said that I'll triumph over my enemies. 127:2
I had planned to tell you more about baptizing dead people next Sunday. But since I won't be here, I'll write you more about it later. 127:10
The enemy is on the alert and the devil is coming, so I must end this letter. 127:11
I'm the prophet and seer of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 127:12
I [Joseph Smith] told you in my letter before leaving that I'd write you from time to time. So now I'll tell you some more about baptizing dead people. 128:1
Sometime before the world began, the Lord decided to save people who didn't hear the gospel while they were alive by baptizing them after they were dead. 128:5
When Jesus said, "Whatever you bind on earth shall be bound int heaven, etc." what he really meant was (if translated properly), "Whatever you record on earth shall be recorded in heaven, etc." 128:8
The baptismal font was made to look like a grave, as Paul declared in 1 Corinthians 15:46-47. 128:13
If you are to be saved, dead people must also be saved. As Paul said, "Dead people can't be made perfect without us, and we can't be made perfect without dead people." 128:15
I could make a better translation of this verse [Malachi 4:5-6] , but you get the idea. It's enough to know that God plans to smite the earth with a curse - unless there's a link of some kind between fathers and children. And that something is the baptism of dead people. Because we can't be made perfect without dead people, and dead people can't be made perfect without us. Also the end times won't come unless we baptize dead people. 128:18
What do we hear from the gospel? Glad tidings for dead people. How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring glad tidings. 128:19
So what do we hear? Glad tidings from Cumorah! The angel Moroni revealing a new book to be published. The voice of the Lord in Fayette, Seneca County with three men who saw the book. Michael on the banks of the Susquehanna with a devil detector. Peter, James and John somewhere between Harmony, Susquehanna county, and Colesville, Broome county, on the Susquehanna River with the keys to the kingdom. 128:20
And again, the voice of God in old Father Whitmer's room in Fayette, Seneca County. The voices of Michael, Gabriel, and Rphael the Archangels and other angels. 128:21
Go forward, not backward. On to victory! Let the earth start singing and dead people start talking. 128:22
Shout for joy, you mountains, valleys, seas, dry lands, rivers, woods, and trees. And you rocks, weep for joy. Sun, moon, and start - start singing. 128:23
The Lord's great day is nearly here. He's like fuller's soap. Let's finish this temple an put the records of the dead people that we've baptized in it. 128:24
I have a lot more to say, but I'll save it for later. I'm your humble servant, Joseph Smith. 128:25
There are two kinds of beings in heaven: Angels, who are resurrected men, having flesh and bones. 129:1
Secondly, there are the spirits of just men made perfect. They're not resurrected, but have the same glory. 129:3
When a messenger comes to you saying he has a message from God, ask to shake his hand. 129:4
If he's an angel, he will shake your hand, and you'll feel his hand. 129:5
If he is the spirit of a just man made perfect, he will come in all his glory. 129:6
Ask him to shake hands. He will refuse to shake your hand, because it's against the law in heaven to deceive. But he'll still deliver his message. 129:7
If it's the devil pretending to be an angel of light, ask him to shake hands. He will shake hands with you, but you won't feel anything, and you'll detect him. 129:8
These are the three grand keys whereby you can tell if a messenger is from God. 129:9
When the savior arrives, we'll see him as he is: a man, like ourselves. 130:1
God lives on a great Urim and Thummim. 130:8
The earth will be made into a crystal Urim and Thummim. 130:9
Each person who receives a white stone will that turns into a Urim and Thummim. 130:10
A white stone is given to each person who comes to the celestial kingdom, where they receive a new name that no one else knows. The new name is the key word. 130:11
I prophesy that there will be difficulties and bloodshed before the Son of Man comes in South Carolina. 130:12
It might probably be associated with the slavery question. A voice told me so on December 25, 1832. 130:13
Once while I was praying, I asked when the Son of Man would come. A voice said to me: "If you live to be 85 years old, you'll see the face of the Son of Man. This should satisfy you. Don't bother me any more about this." 130:14
I believe the Son of Man won't be coming any time before then. 130:17
The Father has a body of flesh and bones just like ours. And so does the Son. But not the Holy Ghost. It is a spirit, otherwise it couldn't live in us. 130:22
There are three heavens or degrees in the celestial glory. 131:1
To get to the highest level of glory, a man must be married in the new and evelasting covenant. 131:2
He can still get into the other, but that's the end of his kingdom, because he can't have any more children. 131:4
Ignorant me can't be saved. 131:6
All spirit is matter, but you can olnly detect it with pure eyes. 131:7
We can't see it now, but when our bodies are purified, we'll see that everything is matter. 131:8
Since you asked me how I, God, justified the many wives and concubines of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, David and Solomon, here is my answer. 132:1
This law was instituted before the foundation of the world. 132:5
The law was instituted for the fulness of my glory. Abide by it or be damned, says the Lord God. 132:6
I've appointed Joseph Smith in the last days to hold power on earth. No one else has this power. 132:7
My Father and I appointed you [Joseph Smith] before the world began. 132:11
Whatever remains is mine; whatever isn't mine will be destroyed. 132:14
So if a man marries a wife in the world and not by me, their marriage no longer exists when they are dead. When they are dead, they are no longer bound by any law. 132:15
Those who are out of the world don't get married, but are appointed to be angels in heaven to serve those who have more glory. 132:16
These angels didn't obey my law, so they can't be enlarged. They are angels, not gods. 132:17
And again, I say to you: If a man marries a wife in the world and not by me and isn't sealed, their marriage no longer exists when they are out of the world. 132:18
But if a man marries a wife by my word and law, and it is sealed by the Holy Spirit, they and their seeds will have a fulness of glory forever. 132:19
Then they will be gods, with everything subject to them. They will hall all power and the angels will be subject to them. 132:20
Those who commit blasphemy against the Holy Ghost or commit murder will be damned. 132:27
God commanded Abraham and Sarah gave him Hagar for a wife. 132:34
Should Abraham be condemned for this? No, I commanded him to do it. 132:35
Abraham had concubines, who bore him children. And he was righteous for that too. 132:37
Isaac and Jacob only did what I told them to do. They are now gods, not angels. 132:37
I gave David his wives and concubines. And he never sinned - except for once, in the matter of Uriah and his wife. But David won't get Uriah's wife when he's out of the world; I'll give her to another man. 132:39
You [Joseph Smith] asked me [God] about adultery. Here is my answer: If a man receives a wife in the new and everlasting covenant, and if she has sex with another man that I haven't appointed to her, then she has committed adultery and must be killed. 132:41
Because I've given you [Joseph Smith] the keys and power of the priesthood, by which I someday will reveal and restore everything. 132:45
Whatever you [Joseph Smith] seal on earth will be eternally sealed in heaven, and whatever sins you remit or retain will be remitted and retained in heaven. 132:46
Whoever you [Joseph Smith] bless I will bless, and whoever you curse I will curse. 132:47
Whatever you, Joseph [Smith], give on earth, and whoever you give it to, will be blessed by me and condemned by no one in heaven or on earth. 132:48
You [Joseph Smith] will be exalted by me. I've prepared a throne for you in the kingdom of my Father, with Abraham your father. 132:49
I'll forgive you [Joseph Smith] of all your sins. So go, I'll find a way for you to escape, like I accepted Abraham's offering of Isaac. 132:50
If ten virgins are given to him, he can't commit adultery, because they belong to him. So he is justified. 132:62
But if any of these ten virgins after they are married to one man, has sex with another man, she has committed adultery and shall be destroyed. Wives are given to a man to produce children. 132:63
I'll reveal more on this later. But this should satisfy you for now. Amen. 132:66
I'm God. Listen to me. 133:1
I'm going to come down and curse the world. 133:2
I'll show everyone my holy arm. 133:3
The bridegroom is coming. 133:10
Don't hurry, but don't look back or you'll be destroyed. 133:15
The Lamb will stand on Mount Zion with 144,000 people, with his Father's name written on their foreheads. 133:18
So go meet the bridegroom. 133:19
He'll speak from Jerusalem, but everyone on earth will hear him. 133:21
His voice will be like many waters, and the voice of thunder. It will break mountains and fill valleys. 133:22
The ocean will be driven back to the north countries, and the islands will merge to become one land. 133:23
The earth will be like it was before it was divided. 133:24
The prophets will break rocks and melt ice. 133:26
There will be a highway over the ocean. 133:27
The deserts will become less dry. 133:29
I've sent my angel flying through heaven, who has appeared to some people. 133:36
The moon will not shine and the stars will be trhown. 133:49
And he'll say: "I've troddent the wine-press alone." 133:50
I've trample them in my fury. I've tread on them in my anger. I've sprinkle their blood on my garments. 133:51
The graves of the saints shall be opened, and they'll sing the song of the Lamb. 133:56
I killed all the fish in the rivers and sea and made them stink. 133:68
Joseph Smith did more for the salvation of men than any other man who has ever lived, except for Jesus. 135:3
Don't be afraid of your enemies. They won't be able to stop my work. 136:17
Stop getting drunk. 136:24
I called on Joseph Smith with my angels, and my own voice from the sky, to do my work for me. 136:37
His [Joseph Smith's] death was necessary to seal his testimony with his blood, so he could be honored and the wicked condemned. 136:39
That's all for now. Amen and Amen. 136:42
The heavens opened and I [Joseph Smith] saw the celestial kingdom. I couldn't tell if I was in the body or out of the body. 137:1
The gate looked like it was on fire. 137:2
Both the Father and the Son were sitting on the same throne, which was blazing with fire. 137:3
The streets were paved with gold. 137:4
I was surprised to see Alvin, since he wasn't baptized, and died before the Lord gathered Israel for the second time. 137:6
Then the Lord said to me, "Those who died without knowing the gospel, but would have believed it if they had lived longer, will enter the celestial kingdom." 137:7
As I pondered on these things, the spirit of the Lord rested on me, and I saw many dead people. 138:11
They were all happily waiting for the Son of God to enter the spirit world. 138:15
Their spirits and bodies were to be reunited. 138:17
Then, while the dead people were talking and waiting around, the Son of God appeared. 138:18
And he preached to them. 138:19
But he stayed away from the wicked, ungodly, and unrepentant, wo had deviled themselves in the flesh. 138:20
The dead saints rejoiced and sang. 138:23
This is the way the gospel was preached to dead people. 138:32
Joseph Smith and my father, Hyrum Smith, Brigham Young, John Taylor, Wilford Woodruff, and others built temples where dead people can be baptized. 138:53
They were also among the dead people that I saw. 138:55
They learned things even before they were born in the spirit world. 138:56
And I saw elders preach to the spirits of the dead. 138:57
After the dead people are washed clean, they'll be rewarded for their works. 138:59

Joseph Smith - Matthew

The end of the world will be especially bad for nursing mothers. 1:16
All these things will happen within the lifetime of this generation. 1:34
Heaven and earth won't last forever, but my words will. 1:35
Like I said before, my sign will appear in the sky, everyone will be sad, and they'll see me come down from the clouds with great power and glory. 1:36
But no one knows when that will happen (not even me). Only my father knows for sure. 1:40
It be just like it was in the days of Noah. Everyone ate and drank and got married. Then the flood came and drowned them all. That's how it'll be when I come. 1:41
Watch out. You never know when I [Jesus] will come. 1:48
Evil servants say, "He's late in coming." Then they'll get drunk and smite their fellow servants. I'll come when they're not looking. 1:51

Joseph Smith - History

In the second year after we moved to Manchester, there was much excitement among the Methodists, Presbyterians, and Baptists, who said, "Lo, here!" and "Lo, there!" 1:5
But they were all arguing with each other, and only pretended to feel good about their religion. 1:6
But they were all arguing with each other, and only pretended to feel good about their religion. 1:6
On a beautiful, clear spring day, I went to the woods to ask God. It was the first time in my life that I prayed out loud. 1:14
When I got there, I kneeled down and began to pray. Suddenly some power overcame me and I couldn't speak. It became dark and I thought I was going to die. 1:15
Then I saw two people standing in the air above me, who were brighter than I can describe. One of them pointed at the other and said, "This is my beloved son. Hear him." 1:17
One of them said that I shouldn't join any of them; that their beliefs were an abomination; and that their leaders were all corrupt. 1:19
The man commanded me not to join any of them. He also did many things that I can't tell you about at this time. When I came to, I was lying on my back looking up at the sky. The light went away and I went home. My mother asked me what was wrong, and I said, "I'm okay." Then I said to her, "Presbyterianism is not true." 1:20
A few days after my vision, I told a Methodist preacher about it. He said it was from the devil, and that all visions and revelations ended with the apostles. 1:21
Everyone else persecuted me, too. 1:22
I was like Paul, who was also ridiculed for his vision. 1:24
I continued my regular life until 21 September 1823. During this time, I sometimes did things I shouldn't have done, like laugh. 1:27
I prayed before I went to bed on September 21. While I was praying, a light appeared in my room that made the room brighter than at noon. I saw someone standing in the air by my bedside. 1:29
He wore a white robe, whiter than anything I'd ever seen - whiter than anything on earth. His hands, arms, feet, legs, head, and neck were naked. He was completely naked except for his robe, which was open so I could see his bosom. 1:31
His robe was exceedingly white and his person was glorious beyond description - like lightning. 1:32
He called my by my name, and said his name was Moroni. He said God had a work for me to do. 1:33
He said there was a book written on golden plates that gave an account of the former inhabitants of this continent. And that the fulness of the Gospel was contained within it. 1:34
He also said there were two stones in silver bows fastened to a breastplate - which made up the Urim and Thummim. These were the "seers" that God prepared to translate the book. 1:35
He said that when I got the plates, I shouldn't show them or the breastplate with the Urim and Thummim to anyone, except for those to whom I was commanded. And that if I did, God would kill me. 1:42
Then I saw the light gather around Mononi, and he ascended into heaven. 1:43
But before I knew it, the room lighted up again and he was again by my bedside. 1:44
He repeated again the very same things he said before, using the same words. He told me about famine, wars, pestilence, and judgment that will come to the earth in this generation. Then he left again, the same way he left before. 1:45
I couldn't sleep after Moroni's second visit, where he repeated everything he had said exactly as he said it before. Then he visited a third time, repeating word-for-word what he had said in his first two visits. He also said the devil was going to tempt me to use the golden plates to get rich. 1:46
Then Moroni ascended again and the cock crowed, so his visits must have occupied the whole night. 1:47
That morning I began my chores as usual, working with my father, but I was entirely unable to do anything. So my father sent me home. On the way back to the house, I fell down unconscious. 1:48
When I woke up, Moroni was there again, surrounded by light as before. He repeated everything he said on the previous night's three visits, and commanded me to tell my father about them. 1:49
I told my father about the visions, and he said they were from God and told me to do whatever Moroni said. So I went to the place where Moroni said the plates were buried, and I knew the place as soon as I saw it. 1:50
The plates were under a rock on the west side of a hill in Manchester, Ontario county, New York. 1:51
Within the box I found the plates, the Urim and Thummim, the breastplate, and two stones. 1:52
I tried to remove them, but Moroni forbade me, saying that it wasn't time yet to bring them out - and wouldn't be for another four years. But he said that I should return to the place each year at the same time until then. 1:53
So I came back each year and met Moroni there. 1:54
In October, 1825, I met Josiah Stoal, who had been digging for Spanish silver. I went to live with him in Harmony, Pennsylvania and dug with him. But, after a month of trying, we never found the silver. This is where the story arose that I was a money-digger. 1:56
Finally, on 22 September 1827, the time arrived to get the plates, the Urim and Thummim, and the breastplate. On that day, Moroni was there and gave me the plates, with the warning that if I lost them, I would be cut off. 1:59
Although everyone tried to get them from me, but I kept them to myself until 2 May 1838, when I gave them back to Moroni. 1:60
I continued to be persecuted, so my wife and I left Manchester and went to Susquehanna county, Pennsylvania. But then we met Martin Harris, a successful farmer who lived in Palmyra, New York. He gave us $50 to help with our journey. 1:61
After we arrived in Pennsylvania, I began to copy characters off the plates, with the help of the Urim and Thummim. 1:62
Sometime in February, 1828, Martin Harris visited and took some of the characters that I had copied from the plates, and brought them to New York City. Here is what he told me about his trip. 1:63
I went to New York City and presented the translated characters to Professor Charles Anthon. He said the translation was correct, more correct than any he had ever seen translated from Egyptian. I then showed him those which were not yet translated. He said they were Egyptian, Chaldaic, Assyriac, and Arabic. He gave me a receipt to show the people of Palmyra that the characters were real and the translation was correct. He asked how the young man found them, and I told him God revealed it to him. 1:64
Then he said to me, "Let me see that certificate." I gave it to him and he tore it up, saying there was no such thing as angels, but if I brought the plates to hin, he would translate them. I told him that the plates were sealed, and he said, "I can't read a sealed book." 1:65
On 5 April 1829, Oliver Cowdery came to my house. I had never met him before. Two days later (On April 7), I began to translate the Book of Mormon, and he was my scribe. 1:66
We continued translating through May. One day we went into the woods to pray, and a messenger from heaven descended in a cloud of light, put his hands on us, and said: 1:68
He said this priesthood didn't have the power of laying on hands, and this would be given to us later. In the meantime, we should get baptized, and told me to baptize Oliver Cowdery - who would then baptize me. 1:70
So we were baptized. I baptized him first, then he baptized me. Then I ordained him to the same priesthood. 1:71
The messenger identified himself as John the Baptist. He was sent to us by Peter, James, and John. They had the keys to the priesthood of Melchizedek. And soon they'd confer that upon us. He said that I would be called the first elder of the church, and Oliver Cowdery would be the second. All of this happened on 15 May 1829. 1:72
After I baptized Oliver Cowdery, the Holy Ghost fell on him. 1:73
We were forced to keep all these things secret, because the neighbors were persecuting us. 1:74
We were threatened with being mobbed, but we were protected by my wife's father's family who were opposed to mobs. 1:75

Articles of Faith

We believe in speaking in tongues, interpreting tongues, prophecy, revelation, visions, healing, etc. 1:7
We believe in the literal gathering of the ten tribes of Israel; that Zion will be built somewhere in North America; that Jesus will reign on earth; and the earth will be renewed to its previous glory. 1:10

Absurdity in the The Mormon Scriptures (1599)

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Jacob

Enos

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3 Nephi

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Doctrine & Covenants

Joseph Smith - Matthew

Joseph Smith - History

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