1 Samuel
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11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30
31


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Dwindling in Unbelief
-1 Samuel

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"Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass." -- 1 Samuel 15:3

First Samuel for Skeptics

There are a few Bible verses that everyone should know. One of these is 1 Samuel 15:3, where God orders Saul to kill every Amalekite "man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass." Saul fails to kill everyone and everything, so God gives Saul's kingdom to David, who is always happy to kill for God.

But there are other great stories in 1 Samuel. Did you hear the one about how David bought his first wife with 200 Philistine foreskins? Or how God smote the Philistines with hemorrhoids in their secret parts? Or how he asked them to make him five golden hemorrhoids? There's lots of other stuff like that that you just won't find anywhere else.

Here are some of the highlights.

  • God's 58th Killing:
    God kills Eli's sons. 4:11

  • God's 59th Killing:
    God smites the Philistines with hemorrhoids in their secret parts. 5:9

  • God asks the Philistines to make him five golden hemorrhoids. 6:4-5

  • God's 60th Killing:
    God kills 50,070 men for looking into the ark of the Lord. 6:19

  • God's 61st Killing:
    The Lord thundered with great thunder upon the Philistines. 7:10-11

  • "I will make a covenant with you, that I may thrust your eyes out." 11:2

  • The spirit of the Lord comes upon Samuel so he hacks some oxen in pieces and sends the pieces to all the coasts of Israel. 11:7

  • God's 62nd Killing:
    The Ammonite massacre (and another God-inspired body part message) 11:11

  • God's 63rd Killing:
    Jonathan's first slaughter 14:4

  • God's 64th Killing:
    God forces the Philistines to kill each other. 14:20

  • God's 65th Killing:
    God orders Saul to kill every Amalekite "man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass." 15:3

  • God's 67th killing: In the Valley of Ellah 17:17-49

  • God repents of having made Saul king since Saul refused to carry out God's commandments (i.e., Saul refused to commit complete genocide). 15:11, 18

  • God's 66th Killing:
    To please God, Samuel hacks Agag in pieces "before the Lord." 15:32-33

  • Saul is haunted by "an evil spirit from the Lord." 16:14-16, 23, 18:10, 19:9

  • David buys a wife with 200 Philistine foreskins (twice the asking price). 18:25-27

  • God's 67th Killing:
    God said to David, Go and smite the Philistines. 23:2-5

  • God's 68th Killing:
    "The Lord smote Nabal, that he died." David then took his property and his wife, Abigail. 23:38

  • Killing those that "pisseth against the wall." 25:22, 26:34

  • David kills all the Amalekites again (see 15:7-8 where Saul kills them all the first time). 27:8-11

  • Saul has a witch bring back Samuel from the dead. 28:8-15

  • After being completely killed off by Saul (15:7-8) and then David (27:8-11), the Amalekites invade again. 30:1

  • God's 69th Killing:
    God tells David to smite the Amalekites again. 30:17

  • God's 70th Killing:
    God kills Saul, his three sons, and his men because Saul didn't kill the Amalekites (or maybe because he didn't inquire of the Lord). 31:1-4


Dwindling in Unbelief
1 Samuel

Christian Response
Annotated Skeptic's Annotated Bible
And he said, Bring me up Samuel (1 and 2 Samuel Introduction)