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1 Samuel
Highlights
1 2
3 4
5
6 7
8 9
10
11 12
13 14
15
16 17
18 19
20
21 22
23 24
25
26 27
28 29
30
31
 Absurdities
 Cruelty and Violence
 Injustice
 Contradictions
 Intolerance
 Family Values
 Women
 Sex
 Homosexuality
 Interpretation
 Language
 Science and History
 Good Stuff
 Commandments
Dwindling in Unbelief
-1 Samuel
SAB: 1 Samuel
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| 1 Samuel 5
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| | 5:1
And the Philistines took the ark of God, and brought it from Ebenezer unto
Ashdod. |
 God Tortures the Philistines
| | 5:2
When the Philistines took the ark of God, they brought it into the house
of Dagon, and set it by Dagon.
| | 5:3
And when they of Ashdod arose early on the morrow, behold, Dagon was
fallen upon his face to the earth before the ark of the LORD. And they took
Dagon, and set him in his place again. |
(5:2-5)
The Philistines set the ark of God next to the god Dagon, and the next morning Dagon had mysteriously (miraculously?) fallen on his face.
The same thing happened the next night, only this time his head and hands were cut off, too! After that, no one ever entered the house of
Dagon again.
(5:3-4) "Behold, Dagon was fallen upon his face ... before the ark of the LORD; and the head of Dagon and both the palms of his
hands were cut off upon the threshold; only the stump of Dagon was left to him."
| | 5:4
And when they arose early on the morrow morning, behold, Dagon was fallen
upon his face to the ground before the ark of the LORD; and the head of
Dagon and both the palms of his hands were cut off upon the threshold; only
the stump of Dagon was left to him.
| | 5:5
Therefore neither the priests of Dagon, nor any that come into Dagon's
house, tread on the threshold of Dagon in Ashdod unto this day.
| | 5:6
But the hand of the LORD
was heavy upon them of Ashdod, and he destroyed them, and smote them with
emerods, even Ashdod and
the coasts thereof. |
(5:6-12) God smites the people of Ashdod and Ekron with hemorrhoids "in their secret parts."
What the Bible says about hemorrhoids
God's 59th Killing
(5:6) "The hand of the LORD was heavy upon them of Ashdod, and he destroyed them, and smote them with emerods."
| 5:7
And when the men of Ashdod saw that it was so, they said, The ark of the
God of Israel shall not abide with us: for his hand is sore upon us, and
upon Dagon our god.
| | 5:8
They sent therefore and gathered all the lords of the Philistines unto
them, and said, What shall we do with the ark of the God of Israel? And they
answered, Let the ark of the God of Israel be carried about unto Gath. And
they carried the ark of the God of Israel about thither. |
| | 5:9
And it was so, that, after they had carried it about, the hand of the LORD was
against the city with a very great destruction: and he smote the men of the
city, both small and great, and they had emerods in their secret
parts. |
(5:9) "The LORD ... smote the men of the city, both small and great, and they had emerods in their secret
parts."
| | 5:10
Therefore they sent the ark of God to Ekron. And it came to pass, as the
ark of God came to Ekron, that the Ekronites cried out, saying, They have
brought about the ark of the God of Israel to us, to slay us and our people. |
(5:10) "Therefore they sent the ark of God to Ekron."
| | 5:11
So they sent and gathered together all the lords of the Philistines, and
said, Send away the ark of the God of Israel, and let it go again to his own
place, that it slay us not, and our people: for there was a deadly destruction throughout all
the city; the hand of God was very heavy there. |
(5:11-12) "There was a deadly destruction throughout all the city; the hand of God was very heavy there.
And the men that died not were smitten with the emerods."
| | 5:12
And the men that died
not were smitten with the emerods: and
the cry of the city went up to heaven. |
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Previous Chapter| Next Chapter
- Dwindling in Unbelief
- Five Golden Hemorrhoids
(1 Samuel 5:5, 6, 9, 11-12)
- The Bible's Guide to
Torture (5:6)
- Top 50 Bible stories for kids
(5:6-12)
- The Top Ten Biblical Plagues
(5:9)
- God's 59th Killing: The Lord smote them with
hemorrhoids in their secret parts (5:6-12)
- Wacky Bible Stories
- 1 Samuel 5
- The N T Wrong Blog
- Aren Maeir's Philistine Penis in Full
Colour (1 Samuel 5:5, 6, 9, 11-12)
- Slate Blogs the Bible by David Plotz
- A Bizarre Incident With the Ark of the Covenant.
- Christian Response
- Annotated Skeptic's Annotated Bible
- A great sacrifice unto Dagon their God (1 Sam 5)
- SAB Author Answered
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