Episode 6: Woe to the women (4:1-73)

Surah 4: Women (Al-Nisa)

¹ Allah created a man first, then a woman from the man, and all humans descended from them.

² Give to orphans and treat them fairly.

³ It's OK to have two, three, or four wives, slave or free. If you can't afford to care for so many, marry some slave women instead.

¹⁰ Don't steal from orphans (or Allah will burn you forever in the fire).

^11-12 Allah's inheritance rules. The first part is clear: Females get half as much as males. It gets confusing after that.

¹³ Whoever obeys Allah and his messenger (Muhammad) will enter gardens where rivers flow.

¹⁴ If you disobey Allah or his messenger Muhammad, Allah will burn you forever in the Fire.

¹⁵ Confine lewd women to the house until they die.

¹⁸ Allah has prepared a painful doom for those who behaved badly without repenting until nearly dead, or who died while disbelieving.

¹⁹ You can't forcibly take away a woman's possessions unless she has been guilty of flagrant lewdness.

²⁰ If you'd like to exchange one wife for another, you can do that. Just try to be fair about it. ²¹ But it gets complicated when you've already had sex with the other one.

²² Don't marry any of the women that your father married, unless it's already happened. Then it's OK.

²³ Don’t marry your mother, daughter, sister, father’s sister, mother’s sister, brother’s daughter, sister’s daughter, foster-mother, foster-sister, or mother-in-law. And you’re not allowed to marry your step-daughter – if you’ve already had sex with her mother. But if you haven’t had sex with your step-daughter’s mother, then it’s OK to marry your step-daughter. The same rule applies for the wives of your sons. And don’t marry two sisters, unless that's already happened. Then it's OK.

²⁴ Don't marry women that are already married -- unless they're slaves that you obtained in war. Then it's OK.

²⁵ If you can't afford to marry free Muslim women, go ahead and marry slaves, as long as they're Muslims. If your slave wives are guilty of lewdness, punish them half as much as you punish your lewd free wives.

³⁰ Whoever does things through aggression and injustice will be thrown into a fire. That's really easy for Allah.

³⁴ Men are in charge of women, because Allah made men to be better than women. So women must obey men, and if they refuse they must be punished. Refuse to have sex with them and beat them.

Fresh skins for Allah's fire

³⁶ Be kind to parents, relatives, orphans, the needy, neighbors, and travelers.

³⁷ Allah has prepared a shameful doom for disbelievers.

³⁸ Those who don't believe in Allah and spend money to impress others have Satan for a comrade. (And he's a bad comrade.)

⁴³ Don't pray if you are drunk, have just gone to the bathroom, or have touched a woman lately (without washing). But if you do get dirty (by touching a woman or something), and can't find any clean water around, you can clean up by rubbing your face and hands in some clean dirt.

⁴⁶ Allah has cursed some of the Jews for their disbelief. That's why they don't believe (except for a few).

⁴⁷ Christians and Jews must believe what Allah has revealed to Muhammad or Allah will disfigure their faces or turn them into apes, as he did the Sabbath-breakers.

⁴⁸ Those who ascribe a partner to Allah (like Christians do with Jesus and the Holy Spirit) will not be forgiven. They have "invented a tremendous sin."

^50-52 Allah curses those that invent lies about him, believe in idols and false deities, and claim to be more rightly guided than the Muslims. ⁵⁵ They'll burn in Hell.

⁵⁶ Unbelievers will be tormented forever with fire. When their skin is burned off, a fresh skin will be provided "that they may taste the torment."

Pure companions

⁵⁷ Pure companions (and plenteous shade) await those who enter paradise.

⁵⁹ Obey Allah, Muhammad, and those in authority. Refer all disputes to them. ⁶⁴ We (Allah) have sent no other messenger (besides Muhammad) for you to obey. ⁶⁶ The hypocrites refuse to die for Allah and Muhammad. ⁶⁹ Those who obey Allah and Muhammad are favored by Allah. They are the best company.