The Our Father (or The Lord's Prayer)
And it came to pass, that, as he was praying in a certain place, when he
ceased, one of his disciples said unto him, Lord, teach us to pray, as John
also taught his disciples.
And he said unto them, When ye pray, say, Our Father which art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, as in heaven, so
Give us day by day our daily bread.
And forgive us our sins; for we also forgive every one that is indebted to
us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil.
As Jesus was praying, one of his disciples said to him,
Teach us to pray, like John (the Baptist) taught his disciples.
When you pray, say:
Our Father, who art in heaven, 
hallowed by thy name;
thy kingdom come; thy will be done
on earth, as it is in heaven. 
Give us this day our daily bread;
and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, 
but deliver us from evil.
Just ask God (and he'll give it to you)
And he said unto them, Which of you shall have a friend, and shall go unto
him at midnight, and say unto him, Friend, lend me three loaves;
For a friend of mine in his journey is come to me, and I have nothing to
set before him?
And he from within shall answer and say, Trouble me not: the door is now
shut, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot rise and give thee.
I say unto you, Though he will not rise and give him, because he is his
friend, yet because of his importunity he will rise and give him as many as
And I say unto you, Ask,
and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be
opened unto you.
God will give you whatever your ask him for.
10For every one that
asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it
shall be opened.
If you ask for something, you'll get it.
If you look for something, you'll find it. 
And if you knock on a door, it'll open.
If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him
a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent?
If your son asks for bread, do you give him a stone?
If he asks for a fish, do you give him a serpent?
Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion?
Or if he asks for an egg, do you give him a scorpion?
If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children:
how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that
If an evil person like you gives good things to your children,
then God and the Holy Spirit will give good things to you.
And he was casting
out a devil, and it was dumb. And it came to pass, when the devil was gone
out, the dumb spake; and the people wondered.
One day when Jesus was casting out a dumb devil, the dumb person spoke, and people wondered. 
But some of them said, He casteth out devils through Beelzebub the chief
of the devils.
He casts out devils through the power of Beelzebub, the chief of the devils. 
16And others, tempting him,
sought of him a sign from heaven.
And others wanted Jesus to show them a sign from heaven.
But he, knowing their thoughts, said unto them, Every kingdom divided
against itself is brought to desolation; and a house divided against a house
Jesus knew what they were thinking, and said,
A divided kingdom will be destroyed.
If Satan also be divided against himself, how shall his kingdom stand?
because ye say that I cast out devils through Beelzebub.
Can Satan's kingdom stand if it's divided against itself?
And if I by Beelzebub cast out devils, by whom do your sons cast them out?
therefore shall they be your judges.
If I'm casting out devils by the power of Beelzebub, then by whom do you cast them out? 
But if I with the finger of God cast out devils, no doubt the kingdom of
God is come upon you.
When a strong man armed keepeth his palace, his goods are in peace:
But when a stronger than he shall come upon him, and overcome him, he
taketh from him all his armour wherein he trusted, and divideth his spoils.
But if I'm casting them out with the finger of God, 
then the kingdom of God has come upon you.
23He that is not with me
is against me: and he that gathereth not with me scattereth.
If you're not with me, you're against me. 
The return of the unclean spirit
24When the unclean
spirit is gone out of a man, he walketh through dry places, seeking rest;
and finding none, he saith, I will return unto my house whence I came out.
When an unclean spirit goes out of a person, he looks for another place to stay. If he doesn't find any,
he says to himself, "I'll go back to my old house." 
25And when he cometh, he
findeth it swept and garnished.
26Then goeth he, and
taketh to him seven other spirits more wicked than himself; and they enter
in, and dwell there: and the last state of that man is worse than the first.
If he finds it swept and clean, he takes seven other spirits more wicked than himself and brings them
back with him. And that person is even worse off than before.
Jesus: Don't call my mother blessed
And it came to pass, as he spake these things, a certain woman of the
company lifted up her voice, and said unto him, Blessed is the womb that
bare thee, and the paps which thou hast sucked.
28But he said, Yea rather, blessed are they that hear the word of God, and
While Jesus was speaking, a woman said to him,
Blessed is the womb that bore you
and the breasts that fed you.
Jesus said to her,
Rather, blessed are those that hear
and obey the word of God. 
This is an evil generation (for seeking a sign)
And when the people were gathered thick together, he began to say, This is an evil generation:
they seek a sign; and there shall no sign be given it, but the sign of Jonah
When the people were gathered together, Jesus said,
This is an evil generation. They ask for a sign.
The only sign they'll get is the sign of Jonah. 
For as Jonah was a sign unto the Ninevites, so shall also the Son of man
be to this generation.
I'll be a sign to this generation,
like Jonah was a sign to the Ninevites.
31The queen of the south shall rise up in the judgment with the men of this
generation, and condemn them: for she came from the utmost parts of the
earth to hear the wisdom of Solomon; and,
behold, a greater than Solomon is here.
The queen of the south will condemn this generation.
She came to listen to Solomon.
And someone greater than Solomon is here. 
32The men of Nineveh shall rise up in the judgment with this generation, and
shall condemn it: for they repented at the preaching of Jonah; and, behold,
a greater than Jonah is here.
The people of Nineveh will condemn this generation.
Because they repented at the preaching of Jonah.
And someone greater than Jonah is here.
No man, when he hath lighted a candle, putteth it in a secret place,
neither under a bushel, but on a candlestick, that they which come in may
see the light.
The light of the body is the eye: therefore when thine eye is single, thy
whole body also is full of light; but when thine eye is evil, thy body
also is full of darkness.
Take heed therefore that the light which is in thee be not darkness.
If thy whole body therefore be full of light, having no part dark, the
whole shall be full of light, as when the bright shining of a candle doth
give thee light.
Jesus continued, saying,
If your eye is good, your whole body is full of light.
But if your eye is evil, your whole body is full of darkness. 
Jesus doesn't wash his hands before eating (and then calls people names for noticing)
And as he spake, a certain Pharisee besought him to dine with him: and he
went in, and sat down to meat.
As Jesus was speaking, a Pharisee invited him to dinner.
So Jesus went in and sat down to eat.
And when the Pharisee saw it, he marvelled that he had not first washed
The Pharisee was surprised to see that Jesus didn't wash his hands before dinner. 
And the Lord said unto him, Now do ye Pharisees make clean the outside of
the cup and the platter; but your inward part is full of ravening and
Jesus said to him,
The outside of your body is clean,
but you're filled with wickedness on the inside.
40Ye fools, did not he that
made that which is without make that which is within also?
But rather give alms of such things as ye have; and, behold, all things
are clean unto you.
Woe to scribes and Pharisees!
42But woe unto you,
Pharisees! for ye tithe mint and rue and all manner of herbs, and pass
over judgment and the love of God: these ought ye to have done, and not to
leave the other undone.
43Woe unto you,
Pharisees! for ye love the uppermost seats in the synagogues, and
greetings in the markets.
44Woe unto you, scribes
and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are as graves which appear not, and
the men that walk over them are not aware of them.
Then answered one of the lawyers, and said unto him, Master, thus saying
thou reproachest us also.
Woe to you scribes and Pharisees!
And he said, Woe unto
you also, ye lawyers! for ye lade men with burdens grievous to be borne,
and ye yourselves touch not the burdens with one of your fingers.
47Woe unto you! for ye
build the sepulchres of the prophets, and your fathers killed them.
Woe to you!
Your fathers killed the prophets.
48Truly ye bear witness
that ye allow the deeds of your fathers: for they indeed killed them, and ye
build their sepulchres.
Therefore also said the wisdom of God, I will send them prophets and
apostles, and some of them they shall slay and persecute:
You built their sepulchres.
50That the blood of all
the prophets, which was shed from the foundation of the world, may be
required of this generation;
This generation killed all of the prophets from the beginning of the world.
51From the blood of Abel
unto the blood of Zachariah which perished between the altar and the
temple: verily I say unto you, It shall be required of this generation.
From the blood of Abel to Zechariah.
This generation is responsible for it all. 
52Woe unto you, lawyers!
for ye have taken away the key of knowledge: ye entered not in yourselves,
and them that were entering in ye hindered.
And as he said these things unto them, the scribes and the Pharisees began
to urge him vehemently, and to provoke him to speak of many things:
Laying wait for him, and seeking to catch something out of his mouth, that
they might accuse him.