1 Kings
Highlights

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22

Absurdities
Injustice
Cruelty and Violence
Contradictions
Family Values
Intolerance
Language
Interpretation
Women
Homosexuality
Science and History
Sex
Prophecy
Good Stuff
Dwindling in Unbelief
-1 Kings


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Drunk With Blood:
God's killings in the Bible
By Steve Wells
SAB: 1 Kings

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"He slew all the house of Baasha: he left him not one that pisseth against a wall ... according to the word of the LORD." -- 1 Kings 16:11-12

First Kings for Skeptics

God, I love the way First Kings starts!

Old king David could get no heat (and David was used to getting a lot of heat), so they searched through the kingdom for a young virgin that could do the trick for him. They found one, too, (Abishag) and "the damsel was very fair, and cherished the king, and ministered to him: but the king knew her not." Shucks! 1:1-4

It gets boring toward the middle with the construction of the temple, but it picks up toward the end. See chapter 20 for five of God's killings, more than any other chapter in the Bible.

Here are some highlights.

  • Old King David tries to get some heat by having a beautiful virgin minister unto him. 1:1-4

  • In David's last words, he commands his son Solomon to murder Joab and Shimei. 2:1-9

  • Solomon kills his brother. 2:13-25

  • Solomon carries out the deathbed wish of his father David by having Joab and Shimei murdered. 2:29-34, 44-46

  • Solomon killed and sacrificed 1000 animals to God at Gibeon. 3:4 

  • Solomon kills 22,000 oxen and 120,000 sheep when dedicating the temple to his bloodthirsty God. 8:63

  • Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines. 11:3

  • Ever the playful spirit, God withers, and then restores, the hand of king Jeroboam. 13:4-6

  • God's 73rd Killing:
    So there were these two prophets. The first prophet lied to the second. To punish the second for believing the first's lie, God sent a lion to kill him. 13:11-24

  • Killing everyone "that pisseth against the wall." 14:10, 16:11, 21:21

  • God's 74th Killing:
    To punish Jeroboam, God killed his son. 14:17

  • God's 75th Killing:
    Baasha kills Jeroboam's entire family, leaving none "to breath." This slaughter was done "according to the saying of the Lord." 15:29

  • God's 76th Killing:
    Zimri kills all of Baasha's family and friends "that pisseth against a wall ... according to the word of the Lord." 16:11-12

  • Elijah kills 450 prophets of Baal after beating them in a prayer contest. 18:22-40

  • God's 77th Killing:
    The first God assisted "great slaughter" of the Syrians 20:20-21

  • God's 78th Killing:
    God kills 100,000 Syrians because they said he was God of the hills. 20:28-29

  • God's 79th Killing:
    God killed 27,000 men with a falling wall. 20:30

  • God's 80th Killing:
    A son of a prophet said to his neighbor, "Smite me." But the neighbor refused. So God sent a lion to devour him. 20:35-36

  • If you grovel before God, then he won't punish you; He'll punish your children instead. 21:29

  • God puts a lying spirit into the mouth of prophets. 22:22-23

  • God's 81st Killing:
    God killed Ahab for showing mercy to king Benhadad. 22:35