0 3 Nephi : Absurdity

Because ... there were none righteous among them, I [Jesus] did send down fire and destroy them. 3 Nephi 9:11 9:11

Trivia: What happened to Jesus's Nephite disciples after he blessed them?

3 Nephi : Absurdity (28)

  1. "The unbelievers" set aside a day just to kill believers. (They called it "National kill a believer day.") 1:9
  2. God makes a repetitive and rambling speech announcing his own birth. He says that he'll be born tommorow. And that later that evening "a sign would be given." 1:12-13
  3. And God's prophecy came true! That night "there was no darkness when night came ... but it was as light as thought it was mid-day." 1:15, 19
  4. God removed his curse from the "good" Lamanites (the ones that "united with the Nephites"), and they "became exceedingly fair, with skins "white like unto the Nephites." 2:14-16
  5. All of the Nephites believed everything they'd been told by "all of the holy prophets." 5:1
  6. "And thus had the twenty and second year passed away, and the twenty and third year also, and the twenty and fourth, and the twenty and fifth; and thus had twenty and five years passed away." 5:7
  7. In the name of Jesus, Nephi casts out devils and "unclean spirits". He even raises his brother from the dead. 7:19
  8. When Jesus died, the inhabitants of many great cities died with him. Entire cities were sunk into the ocean, or were burned, or destroyed by earthquakes. 8:8-10, 14
  9. When Jesus died, "the face of the whole earth became deformed." 8:17-18
  10. For three days after Jesus died, there was absolutely no light -- not from the sun, moon, or stars, or from candles, campfires, or fireflies. 8:20-22
  11. And it came to pass that a voice (from the sky) was heard by every human on the planet! 9:1
  12. The sky voice makes a long speech decrying the slaughter of his "fair sons and daughters." (That would be the Nephites. The dark skinned folks are the Lamanites.) 9:2
  13. These words ("I am the Alpha and Omega") are taken from the book of Revelation, which was not written at the time (34 CE). And they wouldn't have meant anything anyway to the Nephites since "alpha" and "omega" would have been greek to them. 9:18
  14. All of the people again heard a disembodied voice from the sky. 10:3
  15. The bodyless, repetitive voice said:
    "How oft have I have gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings....
    How oft would I have gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings....
    How oft would I have gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens....
    How oft will I gather you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings...." 10:4-6
  16. Damned if everyone doesn't hear a voice from the sky again -- for the third time! (See chapters 9 and 10 for the first two speeches by the sky guy.) But they couldn't understand it this time. 11:3
  17. And they hear the voice again (for the fourth time), but again they couldn't understand it. 11:4
  18. "And behold, the third time" (or the fifth?) they heard the voice. But this time they undersood! 11:5
  19. Then the crowd saw a man coming down from the sky! 11:8
  20. "And the Lord said unto him: I give unto you power that ye shall baptize this people."
    Jesus gives Nephi the power to baptize, which is kind of weird since Nephi had baptized pretty much everyone already (see 3 Nephi 1:23, 7:24-26, and 9:20). 11:21
  21. Jesus says that he wants everyone to agree on everything with ragard to religion. He says that whoever argues with anyone about anything is "of the devil." 11:28-29
  22. Jesus' bowels are filled with compassion and mercy. 17:6-7
  23. After they were blessed by Jesus, the disciples became whiter than anything else on earth. 19:25
  24. The disciples were white -- as white as Jesus! 19:30
  25. Some folks "dwindle in unbelief" because of their iniquity. 21:5
  26. Note that "Sun" in Malachi 4:2 is changed to "Son" in the BOM. 25:2
  27. The elements will melt, the earth will be rolled up like a scroll, and heaven and earth will pass away. 26:3
  28. Nothing can stop the followers of Jesus. Prisons can't hold them, fire can't burn them, and wild animals can't harm them. 28:19-22

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