Absurdities in Luke

1. "He shall be filled with the Holy Ghost, even from his mother's womb."
   John the Baptist was "filled with the Holy Ghost" even as a fetus! 1:15

2. God strikes Zacharias dumb for doubting the angel Gabriel's words. 1:20

3. John the Baptist, while still a fetus, leaped for joy when he heard the voice of Mary. 1:44

4. How could an omniscient being "increase in wisdom"? And how could God increase "in favour with God."? 2:52

5. In Luke's gospel, God addresses Jesus directly saying, "Thou art my beloved son." But Matthew (3:17) has God speak to those witnessing Jesus' baptism, by saying: "This is my beloved son." Whatever the exact wording, it is strange that after witnessing this even, John the Baptist is still unsure about Jesus (Mt.11:2-3, Lk.7:19). 3:22

6. The devil takes Jesus to the top of a mountain and shows him "all the kingdoms of the world." I guess the world was flat in those days. 4:5

7. Devils crawl out of people proclaiming that Jesus is "Christ the Son of God." According to 1 Jn.4:2, 15, these devils were "of God." 4:41

8. Jesus heals people that are "vexed with unclean spirits." 6:18

9. Invite someone that has hit you to do it again, and if someone steals from you offer them something additional. Don't turn down any borrowers (Do Christian bankers follow this one?), and when you loan something don't ask for it back. 6:29-30

10. "And he that was dead sat up, and began to speak." 7:12-15

11. John the Baptist, who is about to die, is still unsure about Jesus. He sends his disciples to Jesus asking: "Art thou he that should come? or look we for another?" Well, if he's not sure, how can anyone else be? 7:19

12. Jesus cures those with "evil spirits." 7:21

13. Jesus removes seven devils from the body of Mary Magdalene. 8:2

14. "Thy faith hath made thee whole."
    If you have enough faith, you will never get sick.
    (Illness is caused by sin and lack of faith. Medical science is unnecessary.) 8:48

15. Jesus gives his disciples "power and authority over all devils." 9:1

16. There were various opinions about the identity of Jesus. Some thought he was Elijah or one of the prophets; others that he was the risen John the Baptist. With such a credulous populace, is it surprising that some people would later claim, and probably even believe, that they had seen the risen Christ? 9:7-8

17. Jesus falsely predicts that some of his listeners would live to see him return and establish the kingdom of God. 9:27

18. Jesus raises Moses and Elijah from the dead and has a conversation with them. 9:30

19. Epilepsy is caused by devils. 9:39-42

20. James and John ask Jesus if they can call down fire from heaven to consume the Samaritans who didn't much care for Jesus' teaching. They'd like to kill people the way Elijah did. But shucks, Jesus won't let them. 9:54

21. The disciples are thrilled that "even the devils are subject" to them. 10:17-18

22. "I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions ... and nothing shall by any means hurt you." 10:19

23. Jesus thanks God that only the ignorant and foolish will listen to him. 10:21

24. People who cannot speak are possessed with devils. 11:14

25. Jesus says it is impossible to get rid of unclean spirits. If you manage to evict one, he'll soon return with seven others "more wicked than himself" and you'll be worse off than you were before. So just learn to live with whatever unclean spirits that are currently possessing you. 11:24-26

26. Jesus thinks that eyes can be evil. 11:34

27. Jesus calls his critics fools, thus making himself, by his own standards (Mt.5:22), worthy of "hell fire." 11:40

28. Jesus tells his followers to sell everything they own and give the money to the poor. 12:33

29. "That which is highly esteemed among men [love, wisdom, honesty, courage, truth, beauty, etc.] is an abomination in the sight of God." 16:15

30. Those with little faith can pluck trees up by their roots and cast them into the sea. 17:6

31. Jesus believes the story of Noah's ark. I guess you should too. 17:27

32. Jesus also believes the story about Noah's flood and Sodom's destruction. He says, "even thus shall it be in the day the son of man is revealed ... Remember Lot's wife." This tells us about Jesus' knowledge of science and history. 17:29-32

33. "Thou knowest the commandments." But apparently Jesus didn't, since he only named five of the Ten Commandments. (Notice that the five on Jesus' list are the secular ones that make no mention of God.) 18:20

34. Rich people cannot go to heaven. "For it is easier for a camel to go through a needle's eye, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God." 18:25

35. Dead people have no God. 20:38

36. Jesus says that everyone will hate Christians, and some Christians will be killed, yet no Christian will be harmed in any way. 21:16-18

37. "And there shall be signs in the sun, and in the moon, and in the stars." 21:25

38. "That ye may ... sit on thrones judging the twelve tribes of Israel."
    Which tribe will Judas judge? 22:30

39. "He that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one." (Have you bought your Jesus sword yet?) 22:36

40. Jesus tells the "good thief" that they will both be in heaven "today." But how can that be since it's only Friday and, according to the gospels, Jesus lay dead in the tomb Friday night and all day Saturday. 23:43

41. "He ... is risen."
    Jesus came back to life after being dead for a while. 24:6

42. When Mary Magdalene and the other women gave their account of the resurrection to the apostles "their words seemed to them as idle tales, and they believed them not." 24:11

43. Two of Jesus' disciples failed to recognize him after his supposed resurrection. Maybe that was because the person they saw wasn't really Jesus. 24:16