2 Samuel
Introduction

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24

Contradictions
Cruelty and Violence
Injustice
Absurdities
Family Values
Women
Sex
Intolerance
Science and History
Interpretation
Homosexuality
Prophecy
Language
Good Stuff
SAB: 2 Samuel

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Injustice in 2 Samuel

  1. David tells one of his "young men" to kill the Amalekite messenger who claimed to have mercifully killed Saul at Saul's own request. 1:15

  2. Michal was bought by David with 200 Philistine foreskins (1 Sam.18:25-27), then she was "given" to Phatiel (1 Sam.25:44), and then "taken back" by David. Poor Phatiel must have loved her dearly since he "went along weeping behind her." 3:15-16

  3. When Joab (David's captain) kills Abner (by smiting him under the fifth rib of course), David says that he and his kingdom are not responsible. The blame, he says, lays with Joab. So David curses Joab, his family, and their descendants forever. Let them all be plagued with venereal diseases and leprosy, starve to death, commit suicide, or lean on staves. (The Revised Standard Version translates "leaneth on a staff" as "holds a spindle," apparently meaning effeminate -- real men don't spin or weave.) 3:27-29

  4. Some of David's men kill Saul's son (by smiting him under the fifth rib, of course) and bring his head to David, thinking that he'll be pleased. But he wasn't. David has the assassins killed, their hands and feet chopped off, and their bodies hung up (for decorations?) over the pool in Hebron. 4:6-7

  5. Whoever kills the lame and the blind will be David's "chief and captain." 5:8

  6. "David ... grew great, and the LORD God of hosts was with him." 5:10

  7. David asks God if he should kill some more Philistines. God says yes, and he'll even help. So David and God "smote the Philistines" again. 5:19, 25

  8. "David smote them there, and said, The LORD hath broken forth upon mine enemies before me."
    God helps David slaughter his enemies. 5:20

  9. "When thou hearest the sound of a going in the tops of the mulberry trees ... then shall the LORD go out before thee, to smite the host of the Philistines." 5:24

  10. Uzzah tries to keep the ark from falling off the cart, and God kills him for it. I guess it was God's way of saying Thanks. 6:6-7

  11. David kills two thirds of the Moabites and makes the rest slaves. He also cripples the captured horses. 8:2-4

  12. "David slew of the Syrians two and twenty thousand men ... and the Lord preserved David withersoever he went." 8:5-6, 14

  13. David tells Joab (his captain) to send Bathseba's husband (Uriah) to "the forefront of the hottest battle ... that he may be smitten and die." In this way, David gets another wife. 11:15, 11:17, 11:27

  14. God is angry at David for having Uriah killed. As a punishment, he will have David's wives raped by his neighbor while everyone else watches. It turns out that the "neighbor" that God sends to do his dirty work is David's own son, Absalom (16:22). 12:11-12

  15. To punish David for having Uriah killed, God kills Bathsheba's baby boy. 12:14-18

  16. David saws, hacks, and burns to death all the inhabitants of several cities. Maybe this is what is meant by "the tender mercies of David" (Acts 13:34). 12:31

  17. To punish his ten concubines for being raped by his son, Absalom (See 16:21-22), David refuses to ever again have sex with them and forces them to "keep house" for the rest of their lives. 20:3

  18. A famine is sent on David's kingdom for three years. When David asks God why, God answers: "It is for Saul, and his bloody house, because he slew the Gibeonites. "So God sent a famine to punish a kingdom for something that a former king had done. 21:1

  19. "And the LORD wrought a great victory that day; and the people returned after him only to spoil." 23:10-12

  20. "He teacheth my hands to war." Might as well learn from an expert. 22:35

  21. "Thou hast also given me the necks of mine enemies." 22:41

  22. David was thirsty, so he asked someone to get him some water from the Bethlehem well, which was controlled by the Philistines. Three of his men broke through the enemy lines, got the water from the well, and brought it back to David. But he refused to drink it and poured it on the ground. 23:15-17

  23. God tempts David to take a survey. 24:1

  24. God offers David a choice of punishments for having conducted the census: 1) seven years of famine ( 1 Chr.21:1 says three years), 2) three months fleeing from enemies, or 3) three days of pestilence. David can't decide, so God chooses for him and sends a pestilence, killing 70,000 men (and probably around 200,000 women and children). 24:13

  25. Even David can see the injustice of God's punishment (killing hundreds of thousands of people because David took a census). He pleads with God saying, "I have sinned ... but these sheep, what have they done?" 24:17