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Let thy words be few. Ecclesiastes 5:2

The Bible in fewer words

Episode 15: I can't stand up now. Period.

(Genesis 31)

Jacob runs away from Laban

31 1 Jacob heard Laban's sons say,

Jacob has taken away everything our father owns.

2 And Jacob noticed that Laban seemed angry toward him.

3 So God said to Jacob, "Return to your home in Canaan. I'll be with you."

4 Jacob called Rachel and Leah, and said to them,

5 Your father is mad at me.

6-7 But my father's God is with me.

I served your father with all my power, but he deceived me, changing my wages ten times.

9 God took away your father's cattle and gave them to me.

14 Rachel and Leah responded in unison,

Don't we get to inherit anything from our father?

15 He sold us and has devoured our money.

16 All the riches God took from our father and gave to you is now ours and our children's.

17-18 So Jacob set his wives on camels and left for Canaan, with all of the things that he took from Laban.

19 But Rachel stole her father's images. 20 And they all ran away, without telling him or saying goodbye.

Laban catches up to Jacob (but doesn't find the stolen images)

22-23 Three days after Jacob and his family had left, Laban found out about it. He chased after them and caught up with them seven days later.

24 During the chase, God came to Laban in a dream, saying, "Don't say anything, good or bad, to Jacob."

25 When Laban overtook Jacob, he said to him,

29 I could punish you for what you've done, but I won't since your father's God visited me in a dream last night, and said, "Don't say anything good or bad to Jacob."

30 But why did you steal my gods?

33 Laban searched for the stolen images, looking in Jacob's, Leah's, Bilhah's, and Zilpah's tents.

34 Finally he looked in Rachel's tent.

35 When Laban entered her tent, Rachel, who was sitting on a box containing the images, said,

I can't stand up because I'm menstruating.

So Laban didn't find the images.

Laban Searches for his Stolen Gods, Bartolome Esteban Murillo, 1665-70

This heap is a witness

44 Laban suggested that they come to an agreement and set up a heap of stones as a witness.

45 So Jacob took a stone and made a pillar, and all the people gathered stones to make a heap.

48 Laban said,

50 If you mistreat my daughters, or if you take any other wives, God is a witness between me and you.

51 Behold this heap. This heap is a witness.

52 I won't pass over this heap to you, and you won't pass over this heap to me.

53 Jacob swore by the fear of his father Isaac and offered a sacrifice.

55 The next morning, Laban kissed his daughters and grandkids, and left for home.

A few more words about this episode

I can't stand up period.
Okay. This title was Carole's idea. When you see a quirky title like this, you'll know where it came from.
I am menstruating (31:35)
Rachel knew that her father wouldn't look under her seat when she is having her period. (See Commandment 708)