He that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. - John 3:18

John for Skeptics

The best known verse in the Bible, by far, is John 3:16.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

And it sounds nice, too, until you think about it. God had his own son tortured to death to prevent himself from torturing us all forever after we die. Believe and you have everlasting life. Disbelieve and you are damned to hell. That is the message of the gospel of John.

Here are the highlights:

  • Jesus told Nathaniel that he would see heaven open and angels descend upon Jesus. Nathaniel never saw it; neither has anyone else. 1:51
  • He believed the stupid and vicious story from Numbers 21. (God sent snakes to bite the people for complaining about the lack of food and water. Then God told Moses to make a brass snake to cure them from the bites.) 3:14
  • Those who, for whatever reason, do not believe in Jesus are tormented forever in hell. 3:18, 8:24, 15:6
  • The wrath of God is on all unbelievers. 3:36
  • Jesus magically perceived that a Samaritan woman had been married and divorced five times previously. (He could spot a divorced woman a mile away.) 4:7-18
  • He believed people are crippled by God as a punishment for sin. He told a crippled man, after healing him, to "sin no more, lest a worse thing come unto thee." 5:14
  • The people of Nazareth, who knew Jesus well, (his family, friends, and neighbors) didn't believe in him. 6:42, 7:5
  • Jesus says we must eat his flesh and drink his blood if we want to have eternal life. 6:53
  • A man was born blind so that Jesus could show off his powers by curing him of his blindness. 9:1-3
  • Jesus spits on the ground, mixes his spit with the dirt, and rubs the muddy spit on (or in?) a blind man's eyes. 9:6
  • Everyone that ever lived before Jesus was a thief and a robber. 10:8
  • Many of those who saw Jesus firsthand thought he was mad and possessed by a devil. 10:10
  • Lazarus suffered and died (or pretend to die) so that Jesus could be "be glorified" by raising him from the dead. 11:4
  • Mary wastes expensive ointment on Jesus' feet, rather than selling the ointment and giving the money to the poor. But Jesus thinks his feet are more important, saying that poor people will always be around, but he and his precious feet won't be. 12:3-8
  • Jesus was wrong about seeds. If a seed dies, it dies. It only produces a new plant if it stays alive (in a dormant stage) until it germinates. Dead seeds bring forth no fruit. 12:24
  • You must hate your life in order to keep it. (If you love your life, you'll go to hell after you die.) 12:25
  • God hardened the hearts of the Jews to prevent them from believing in Jesus. 12:40
  • Those who believe in Jesus will be able to perform even greater miracles than he did! 14:12
  • If you don't like Jesus, then you don't like God. (You're a damned God hater.) 15:23
  • Christians always get whatever they ask for in prayer. 15:7, 16; 16:23
  • The Jews are blamed for the death of Jesus. 19:7-15
  • After his resurrection, Jesus could walk through walls. 20:19, 26
  • Jesus implies that he will return to earth during the lifetime of John. 21:22