Episode 311: Oh Fetch! We forgot the fricken women!

1 Nephi 4-7

Better for one man to die than a whole nation dwindle in unbelief

4 ¹ I said to my brothers, "Let's go back to Jerusalem."

⁴ "Okay," they said, though they still murmured a bit.

⁵ When we got to Jerusalem, my brothers hid outside the gates while I was led by the Spirit to Laban's house.

⁷ When I got there I found Laban, who had passed out from drinking too much wine.

⁹ He had a sword of the most precious steel, with a handle of pure gold.

¹⁰ The Spirit tried to force me to kill Laban, but I didn't want to do it.

¹¹ The Spirit said to me,

The Lord has delivered him into your hands.

¹² Kill him.

¹³ It's better for one man to die than a whole nation dwindle in unbelief.

¹⁵ Then I realized why I had to kill Laban. The law of Moses was written on the plates, and we wouldn't know the law if we didn't have them.

¹⁸ So I obeyed the Spirit by grabbing Laban by the hair and chopping off his head with his own sword.

¹⁹ Then I put on his clothes, "gird on his armor about my loins," went to the treasury of Laban and commanded (with the voice of Laban) Laban's servant to follow me.

²¹ And it worked perfectly! I looked and sounded just like Laban, so it completely fooled his servant.

²³ I chatted with him for a while, as though I were Laban. Then I told him to take the brass plates to my brothers who were waiting outside the city gates. And I asked him to follow me.

²⁶ He thought I was a member of his church, so he followed me.

²⁸ When my brothers saw us coming, they were frightened since they thought I was Laban, too!

²⁹ But then they heard my voice and knew it was me.

³⁸ I talked Laban's servant (Zoram) into joining us, and we packed up the brass plates and returned to the wilderness and traveled back to my father's tent.

After this manner of language did they speak

5 ¹ When we got back to my father's tent, my parents were glad to see us.

^7-8 My mother, Sariah, was especially happy. Here's what she said:

Now I know of a surety that the Lord hath commanded my husband to flee into the wilderness; yea, and I also know of a surety that the Lord hath protected my sons, and delivered them out of the hands of Laban, and given them power whereby they could accomplish the thing which the Lord hath commanded them. And after this manner of language did she speak.

¹⁰ My father looked at the plates and saw that they included the five books of Moses, the story of Adam and Eve, the history of the Jews, the prophecies of Jeremiah, and my father's genealogy, which showed that he was a descendant of Joseph.

¹⁷ After seeing the plates, my father was filled with the Spirit and began to prophesy about his seed.

¹⁹ And he said the plates would never perish or be dimmed by time.

²⁰ My father and I have always obeyed the commandments.

It mattereth not to me that I am particular

6 ^1-2 I'm not going to include here my father's entire genealogy or say things that are pleasing to the world. It's enough to say that we are descendants of Joseph. I don't have room for more, since I'm writing this on plates.

³ And it mattereth not to me that I am particular

Oh Fetch! We forgot the fricken women!

7 ¹ After my father finished prophesying, the Lord said to him,

Send your sons back to Jerusalem to fetch Ishmael's daughters for them to marry.

³ So my brothers and I returned to Jerusalem.

⁴ When we arrived at Ishmael's house, we told him what God said to our father.

⁵ God softened his heart so that he agreed to leave Jerusalem with his family and go with us back to my father's tent.

⁶ On our way, Laman, Lemuel, two of Ishmael's daughters, and two of his sons rebelled, saying they wanted to go back to Jerusalem.

⁸ And then I gave a little speech.

¹⁶ When I finished speaking, my brothers tied me up with cords and left me for the animals to eat.

¹⁷ But then I prayed, and the cords were untied.

¹⁹ My brothers tried to grab me again, but I was saved by a daughter, mother, and brother of Ishmael, who softened the hearts of my brothers.

²⁰ Then my brothers bowed down and begged me to forgive them.

²¹ So I forgave them, and we returned to our father's tent in the wilderness, where we killed and sacrificed some animals for God.