0 Amos : Absurdity

Thus saith the LORD; For three transgressions of Judah, and for four ... I will send a fire upon Judah. 2:4

Trivia: What did Amos 9:5 say would happen when God touched the land?

Amos : Absurdity (25)

  1. God says there are three or four reasons for him to punish Moab. But he only mentions one: "because he burned the bones of the king of Edom." So God burned Moab because they burned some bones. 2:12
  2. God says there are three or four reasons for him to punish various people, he just can't remember which it is. 1:3, 6, 9, 11, 13, 2:1, 4, 6
  3. The divine pyromaniac threatens to "send fire unto" Hazael, Gaza, Tyrus, Teman, Rabbah, Moab, and Judah. 1:4, 7, 10, 12, 14, 2:2, 5
  4. God destroyed the Amorites who were a race of giants as tall as cedars and as strong as oaks. 2:9
  5. On the day of God's wrath, brave men "shall flee away naked." 2:16
  6. God's creative ways of kiilling people and breaking things. 3:12-15
  7. God afflicted the Israelites with "cleanness of teeth" (famine,) drought, blasting, and mildew. He killed them with pestilence, slaughtered them with the sword, and "made the stink of their camps come up into their noses." Destroyed them like they were from Sodom and Gomorrah. And yet they still didn't return to him. What is wrong with people? 4:6-11
  8. Many Christians look forward to the "day of the Lord," but according to these verses, they shouldn't. 5:18-20
  9. God hates your feast days, won't smell your assmeblies, or hear your songs. 5:21-23
  10. Woe is everyone. 6:1-6
  11. Woe to them ... that chant to the sound of the viol, and invent to themselves instruments of musick. 6:5
  12. "Woe to them ... that drink wine in bowls." 6:6
  13. "The Lord GOD hath sworn by himself ... I abhor the excellency of Jacob, and hate his palaces: therefore will I deliver up the city." God swears to himself that he hates Jacob's palaces, so he will deliver up the city (and kill everyone in it). 6:8
  14. "Hold thy tongue: for we may not make mention of the name of the LORD."
    (If God hears you, he'll probably kill you, too.) 6:10
  15. Amos' first vision: God makes grass-eating grasshoppers, then repents. 7:1-3
  16. Amos' second vision: God burned up the earth and sea, then repents. 7:4-6
  17. God stands on a wall holding a plumb line while he talks to Amos. 7:7-8
  18. God shows Amos a basket of summer fruit and tells him that the end has come. 8:1-2
  19. God swears "by the excellency of Jacob." 8:7
  20. "Shall not the land tremble for this?"
    (Earthquakes are a punishment from God.) 8:8
  21. "I will cause the sun to go down at noon, and I will darken the earth in the clear day." 8:9
  22. "I will bring up sackcloth upon all loins, and baldness upon every head." 8:10
  23. Someday people will actually want to read the Bible. 8:11-12
  24. Amos sees God standing on the altar. 9:1
  25. God will "cut them in the head" and "slay the last of them with the sword." Any that try to escape by diving to the bottom of the sea will be bitten, at God's command, by a sea-serpent. God will set his "eyes upon them for evil, not for good." 9:1-4

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