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Skeptic's Annotated Bible / Quran / Book of Mormon
Boring stuff in the The Mormon Scriptures (117)
1 Nephi It mattereth not to me that I am particular
6:0 Sealing Isaiah: No peace for the wicked
20:0 2 Nephi Lehi spake many things.
1:0 I have spoken these few words.
2:0 Lehi dies.
4:0 Isaiah 50: Where is the bill of your mother's divorcement?
7:0 Isaiah 51: Wake up, arm of God!
8:0 Nephi's soul delights in the words of Isaiah.
11:0 Nephi copies Isaiah 2
12:0 Isaiah 5: A vineyard song
15:0 Isaiah 6: Isaiah sees God
16:0 Isaiah 7: The Lord will shave the hair of the feet
17:0 Isaiah 10: Woe to those who won't help the poor
20:0 Isaiah 12: Sing, cry, and shout
22:0 Nephi makes an end of his prophesying
31:0 The spirit stops Nephi's utterance
32:0 I, Nephi, have written what I have written
33:0 Jacob Jacob's parable about the tame and wild olive trees.
This is the longest and most boring chapter in the most boring book ever written (The Book of Mormon). Thirty-one times it came to pass
that the trees were cumbered, grafted, pruned, plucked, dunged, and digged about for no apparent purpose, except to waste
3733 words.
5:1 Mosiah The king's speech (Part 1)
2:0 The king's speech (Part 2)
3:0 The king's speech (Part 3)
4:0 The king's speech (Part 4)
5:0 The king's speech (Part 5)
6:0 King Limhi's speech
7:0 Abinadi reads Isaiah 53
14:0 King Mosiah reads the records of Zeniff and Alma
25:0 Alma Alma Appoints Nephihah as chief judge
4:0 Alma preaches to the Nephites
5:0 Alma went to the city of Gideon in the valley of Gideon (which was named after Gideon)
6:0 Alma's misssions to Melek, Ammonihah, and Aaron
8:0 Alma Speaks Again to the People of Ammonihah
9:0 O that I were an angel!
29:0 The most precious, sweet, white, pure fruit
32:0 The Wisdom of Zenos and Zenock
33:0 The Zoramite connversion
35:0 Alma's message to Helaman (Part 1)
36:0 Alma explains the restoration to Corianton
41:0 Ammoron becomes king of the Lamanites
52:0 Helaman's letter to Moroni (part 1)
56:0 Helaman's letter to Moroni (part 3)
58:0 Maroni reads Helaman's letter
59:0 Maroni's first leter to Pahoran
59:0 The Lamanites attack the people of Nephihah
59:0 Pahoran's letter to Maroni
61:0 Ether The genealogy of Ether
1:6 Ether prophesies great and marvelous things
12:0 The Jaredites reject Ether's preaching
13:0 Ether lives in a hole in a rock
13:0 Moroni "Many of the daughters of the Lamanites have they
taken prisoners; and after depriving them of that which was most dear and precious above all things,
which is chastity and virtue."
Chastity (for women) is "most dear and precious above all things." It is lost
if they are raped.
This is by the LDS church at the
.
0:0 "Whatsoever thing persuadeth men to do evil, and believe not in Christ, and
deny him, and serve not God, then ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of the devil."
7:17
"Ask God ... if these things are not true."
10:3 "Nothing that is good denieth the Christ."
10:6 Everything good comes from God and belief in God. Whatever is evil comes from unbelief.
10:24 "Touch not the evil gift, nor the unclean thing."
10:30 The Book of Moses God reads Genesis 1 to Moses 2:1 Doctrine & Covenants A marvelous work (and a wonder)
4:1 A great and marvelous work is coming
6:1 I am Jesus Christ, the Son of God.
10:1 A great and marvelous work is coming soon
11:1 You're Hyrum. I'm Jesus.
11:1 A great and marvelous work is coming soon
12:1 I'm God. I'm Jesus. And you're David.
14:1 An angel with white clothes visits Joseph Smith 20:1 Those who reject the Book of Mormon are condemned
20:1 We're not adding anything to the Bible
20:1 A few words to Oliver, Hyrum, Samuel, and two Josephs 23:1 Listen to the voice of Jesus, the great I am
29:1 David [Whitmer], pay more attention to God and Joseph Smith
30:1 Peter [Whitmer], go with Oliver [Cowdery] to preach to the Lamanites
30:5 John [Whitmer], go live in Philip Burroughs' house
30:9 Thomas [B. Marsh], you're going on a misson!
31:1 Parley Pratt, Ziba Peterson, and Jesus will join the mission to the Lamanites
32:1 Ezra and Northrop, open you mouths (and they shall be filled)
33:1 Behold, I come quickly
33:1 Jesus: I come quickly, Orson
34:1 Edward Partridge - preach my gospel (with the voice of a trump)
36:1 Choose for yourself until Jesus comes
37:1 Let's have a meeting
44:1 I'm Jesus. Listen to me.
45:1 Jesus prophesies as in the days of old
45:1 How to have a meeting
46:1 Seek the best gifts
46:1 I'd like John Whitmer to write history
47:1 Save your money to buy some land in the city (I'll tell you what city later)
48:1 I've seen abominations in the church
50:1 Two by two (missionary style)
52:1 A message from God to Sidney Gilbert
53:1 Newell Knight, to go Missouri and wait for me to come
54:1 To William [Phelps] from the Lord
55:1 Hearken, give ear, and learn of me
58:1 Commandments and revelations in their time
59:1 Go two by two - on horses, mules, or chariots
62:1 Hearken and lo....
65:1 John Whitmer will go with Oliver Cowdery to Zion
69:1 Make Newel K. Whitney a bishop
72:1 It's time to translate again
73:1 The meaning of 1 Corinthians 7:14
74:1 A list of missionary pairs
75:1 Another list of missionary pairs
75:1 His years never fail
76:1 Jared Carter should go to the eastern countries
79:1 Behold, and lo: Jesus speaks to Frederick G. Williams
81:1 Verily, thus saith the Lord 93:1 God's construction plans 94:1 Here is wisdom: This stake should be strong 96:1 Sidney and Joseph: Say whatever you say in my name 100:1 The parable of the watchtower 101:43 The minutes of a general council 102:1 Ask me anything 113:1 David W. Patton, you're going on a mission 114:1 Remove unfaithful bishops 114:2 God will be with you [Joseph Smith] forever. 122:1 Build a new city in Iowa and call it Zarahemla 125:1 Dear Brigham Young 126:1 Joseph Smith did more for the salvation of men than any other man (except Jesus) 135:3 This is God's will concerning the Camp of Israel's westward journey. 136:0 On October 3, 1918, I [Joseph F. Smith] sat in my room pondering the scriptures. 138:1
