Deuteronomy
Highlights

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11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30
31 32 33 34


Injustice
Cruelty and Violence
Intolerance
Contradictions
Absurdities
Family Values
Women
Good Stuff
Sex
Science and History
Interpretation
Prophecy
Language
Homosexuality
Politics


Deuteronomy: Language

  1. Here is some good advice from God: "Circumcise the foreskin of your heart." 10:16

  2. God won't let bastards attend church. Neither can the sons or daughters of bastards "even to the tenth generation." So if you plan to attend church next Sunday be ready to prove that your genitals are intact and don't forget your birth certificate and genealogical records for at least the last ten generations. Don't laugh. This stuff is important to God. 23:2

  3. God gives us instructions for defecating. He says to carefully cover up all feces "for the Lord walketh in the midst of thy camp." (You wouldn't want the divine foot to step in your shit, would you?) 23:12-14

  4. God says not to bring any whore, sodomite, or dog into the house of the Lord. For "these things are an abomination to the Lord." Sodomites and dogs are biblical names for homosexuals. 23:17-18

  5. "The tender and delicate woman" will be forced to eat her own children "that cometh out from between her feet." 28:56-57