1 Nephi: Prophecy

  1. Jesus said that John the Baptist was the greatest prophet, but Lehi proves him wrong by prophesying the details of Jesus' life, death, and resurrection 600 years before he was born. Lehi even knew the Elizabethan English words that the King James Version would ascribe to John the Baptist 2200 years before that translation existed! 10:3-11
  2. Nephi sees the "great and abominable church" and its founder, the devil. 13:6
  3. The angel shows Nephi Christopher Columbus crossing the "many waters" in 1492 to visit the native Americans. 13:12
  4. These "other Gentiles" were the Pilgrims arriving at Plymouth Rock in 1620. 13:13
  5. The "mother Gentiles" are the English and the "battle" is the Revolutionary War. 13:17
  6. God helped the American colonists win the Revolutionary War. 13:18
  7. God helped the Americans win all their other wars too. (Except maybe the Vietnam war.) 13:19
  8. The angel shows Nephi a book that "procedeth out of the mouth of a Jew" (the Bible, which was a lot like the brass plates). The good American white people that God liked so much carried this book around with them. 13:20-24
  9. The angel told Nephi to look over there. You see that guy in the white robe? That's the apostle John who will write the Book of Revelation about 700 years from now. (Which doesn't make a lot of sense since the apostle John didn't write Revelation, but oh well.) 14:18-22, 27
  10. The white-robed guy will write things that are just and true just like everything else that is written in "the book that proceeded out of the mouth of the Jew." ("The book that prceeded out of the mouth of the Jew" is BoM-speak for the Bible.) 14:23
  11. So Nephi explained it all to them again. The grafting of the branches thing is all about Joseph Smith who will (2423 years later) find and translate the golden plates and thereby produce the Book of Mormon that will bring "the fulness of the gospel" to the Gentiles. (And if that isn't perfectly obvious to you, you are an evil bastard that hasn't inquired of the Lord.) 15:13
  12. Nephi says that someday the Native Americans (who centuries later will become a dark, loathsome, filthy, idle, and abominable people for dwindling in unbelief) will all become Mormons and be saved. (I suppose God will then make them fair , white, and delightsome like good Mormons are today.) 15:14
  13. Jesus will be born 600 years after Lehi and his family left Jerusalem (and 592 years after Nephi wrote the prophecy down in his little brass book.) 19:8
  14. Since these prophesies about Christ are not found in Old Testament, Joseph Smith makes a few prophets up: Zeonock, Neum, and Zenos. These three prophets knew all about Jesus. He'd be crucified, buried in a sepulchre, and after his death, there'd be three days of darkness. Three days of darkness? Yeah, that's what Zenos prophesied. The entire earth would be completely dark for three days after Jesus' death (See 3 Nephi 8:20-22 and Helaman 14:27 for the exciting details), as a sign to Lehi's descendants in "the isles of the sea" (the Lamanites in America and Polynesia). Of course that's not what the Bible says. Matthew, Mark, and Luke say it was dark for three hours just before Jesus died. (It's one of the few things those three guys agree on.) But that's because the evil Catholics changed the plain and precious parts of the Bible. 19:10
  15. Zenos prophesied further that mountains would be carried away after Jesus died, along with lots of other nutty stuff. (See 3 Nephi 8 where cities sunk, mountains were moved and dumped upon cities, etc.) 19:11-12
  16. Then Zenos explains how all kinds of bad stuff would happen to the Jews because they "crucify the God of Israel." They'd be hated by all nations, wander in the flesh, etc. 19:13-14
  17. The day is soon coming when God's wrath will be poured out and all proud, wicked people will be burned. 22:16-17
  18. "These things must shortly come; yea, even blood, and fire, and vapor of smoke. 22:18
  19. Soon all the churches of the devil (non-Mormon churches) will be destroyed. 22:23