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  1. Introduction
    1. Genesis

    2. The Two Creations (Genesis 1-2)
        The Garden of Eden (Genesis 3)
    3. Cain and Abel (Genesis 4-5)
        The sons of God, daughters of men, and the flood of Noah (Genesis 6-8)
    4. The curse of Canaan and the Tower of Babel (Genesis 9-11)
        Sarah lies for Abraham (Genesis 12-14)
        A few more words about the curse of Canaan. What did Ham do? (Genesis 9:20-27)
    5. Ishmael, Abraham's firstborn son (Genesis 15-16)
        Circumcision: God's everlasting covenant (Genesis 17-18)
    6. Sodom and Gomorrah (Genesis 19)
    7. Abraham repeats the she's my sister lie (Gen 20)
    8. Abraham abandons his son Ishmael (Gen 21)
    9. The sacrifice of Isaac (Gen 22)
    10. Finding a wife for Isaac (Gen 23-24)
    11. A bowl of lentil soup (Gen 25)
    12. Isaac uses his father's she's my sister lie (Gen 26)
    13. Rebekah and Jacob deceive Isaac (Gen 27)
    14. Stairway to heaven (Gen 28 - 29:12)
    15. The Great Baby-Making Contest (Gen 29:13 - 30)
    16. I can't stand up now. Period. (Gen 31)
    17. Jacob wrestles with God - and wins! (Gen 31-33)
    18. Shechem and Dinah (Gen 34)
    19. Joseph, the favorite son (Gen 35-37)
    20. Er, Onan, Judah, and Tamar (Genesis 38)
    21. Potiphar's wife and the interpretation of dreams (Gen 39-41)
    22. All about Joseph (Genesis 42-45)
    23. Even more about Joseph (Gen 46-50)
    24. Exodus

    25. Introducing Moses (Ex 1-2)
    26. A burning bush and some magic tricks (Ex 3-4:17)
    27. God tries to kill Moses (Ex 4:18-31)
    28. Uncircumcised lips (Ex 5-7)
    29. Frogs lice and flies (Ex 8)
    30. Plagues 5 through 9 (Ex 9-10)
    31. God kills all Egyptian firstborn sons and animals (Ex 11-12)
    32. The Lord took off their chariot wheels (Ex 13-15)
    33. Quails from heaven, water from a rock, and war with Amalek (Ex 16-18)
    34. The Ten Commandments (Ex 19-20)
    35. More commandments (Ex 21)
    36. Even more commandments (Ex 22-23)
    37. Stuff God wants (Ex 24-27)
    38. How to make a priest (Ex 28 - 29:21)
    39. Animal sacrifice (Ex 29:22 - 30:10)
    40. Taxes, feet washing, and perfume (Ex 30:11 - 31)
    41. Aaron's golden calf (Ex 32)
    42. God shows Moses his back parts (Ex 33)
    43. The Real Ten Commandments? (Ex 34)
    44. Bezaleel and Aholiab (Ex 35-40)
    45. Leviticus

    46. Animal Sacrifices: All the fat is the Lord's (Lev 1-4)
    47. More animal sacrifices: A statute forever (Lev 5-7)
    48. God burns Aaron's sons to death (Lev 8-10)
    49. All creatures clean and unclean (Lev 11)
    50. Unclean mothers and leprosy (Lev 12-14)
    51. Penile discharge, semen, and menstruation (Lev 15)
    52. The scapegoat, Yom Kippur, and sacrificing to devils (Lev 16-17)
    53. God's sex laws (Lev 18)
    54. Some good rules - and some strange ones (Lev 19)
    55. Who you must kill and who you shouldn't see naked (Lev 20)
    56. What to do with blasphemers (Lev 21-25)
    57. Rewards, punishments, and the value of human life (Lev 26-27)
    58. Numbers

    59. The law of jealousies (Num 1-5)
    60. How to become a Nazarite (Num 6-10)
    61. Quails - until they come out out your nose! (Num 11)
    62. Miriam and Aaron criticize Moses (Num 12)
    63. Twelve spies and a revolt against Moses (Num 13-14)
    64. Korah's Rebellion (Num 15-16)
    65. The red heifer (Num 17-19)
    66. The sin of Moses - and Aaron dies naked (Num 20)
    67. God sends snakes (Num 21)
    68. Balaam's talking donkey (Num 22)
    69. Balaam's speeches (Num 23-24)
    70. The Israelites commit whoredom with the daughters of Moab (Num 25)
    71. The daughters of Zelophehad (Num 26-30)
    72. The Midianite massacre with Seth Andrews (Num 31)
    73. The end of Numbers (Num 32-36)
    74. Deuteronomy

    75. Moses's speech (Dt 1-5)
    76. God, Genocide, and Giants (Dt 6-12)
    77. When to stone to death your whole family (Dt 13-19)
    78. Holy War, disobedient sons, and hated wives (Dt 20-21)
    79. Deuteronomy 22-23 with Objectively Dan
    80. When to cut off a woman's hand without pity (Dt 24-27)
    81. Blessings and curses (Dt 28-30)
    82. The death of Moses (Dt 31-34)
    83. Joshua

    84. The invasion begins (Joshua 1-4)
    85. The hill of foreskins and the Jericho massacre (Joshua 5-6)
    86. Achan and is family are stoned and burned to death (Joshua 7)
    87. The Ai Massacre (Joshua 8-9)
    88. Joshua stops the sun (Joshua 10)
    89. The Genocide Continues (Joshua 11-24)
    90. Judges

    91. Adonibezek's thumbs and big toes (Judges 1-2)
    92. Ehud delivers a message from God (Judges 3)
    93. Blessed is Jael among women (Judges 4-5)
    94. Gideon tests God three times (Judges 6)
    95. As a dog lappeth: God selects Gideon's army (Judges 7)
    96. The end of Gideon (Judges 8)
    97. Seventy brothers on a single stone (Judges 9-10)
    98. Jephthah's Daughter (Judges 11)
    99. Shibboleth (Judges 12)
    100. Samson's riddle (Judges 13-14)
    101. 300 foxes, 1000 men, and the jawbone of an ass (Judges 15)
    102. Samson, Delilah, and a suicide terrorist attack (Judges 16)
    103. The Massacre of the Peaceful, Unsuspecting People (Judges 17-18)
    104. The Levite's concubine (Judges 19)
    105. A holy civil war (Judges 20)
    106. A genocide and 200 stolen virgins (Judges 21)
    107. Ruth

    108. Spread your skirt over your handmaid (Ruth 1-4)
    109. 1 Samuel

    110. Samuel's miraculous birth and childhood (1 Sam 1-3)
    111. The Philistines steal the ark of the covenant (1 Sam 4)
    112. Five Golden Hemorrhoids (1 Sam 5-7)
    113. King Saul - He was hiding among the stuff (1 Sam 8-10)
    114. Just another God-inspired body part message (1 Sam 11-12)
    115. Jonathan's first slaughter and the honey curse (1 Sam 13-14)
    116. The Amalekite (incomplete) genocide (1 Sam 15)
    117. God chooses David and sends an evil spirit on Saul (1 Sam 16)
    118. David and Goliath (1 Sam 17)
    119. Two hundred Philistine foreskins (1 Samuel 18)
    120. Jonathan loved David (1 Sam 19-20)
    121. David runs away from Saul (1 Sam 21-22)
    122. David cuts off Saul's skirt (1 Sam 23-24)
    123. God kills Nabal and David takes his wife (1 Sam 25)
    124. David commits random acts of genocide for the Philistines (1 Sam 26-28)
    125. The death of Saul (1 Sam 29-31)
    126. 2 Samuel

    127. David kills the messenger (2 Sam 1-2)
    128. Am I a dog's head? The revolt and death of Abner (2 Sam 3)
    129. David becomes king of Israel (2 Sam 4-5)
    130. God kills Uzzah and David dances nearly naked (2 Sam 6-7)
    131. God gave David victory wherever he went (2 Sam 8-10)
    132. David and Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11)
    133. God kills a baby (2 Samuel 12)
    134. Come lie with me, my sister (2 Samuel 13)
    135. David runs away from his son Absalom (2 Sam 14-15)
    136. Absalom rapes his father's concubines (2 Sam 16-17)
    137. Oh Absalom, my son, my son! (2 Sam 18-19)
    138. Amasa and Sheba are murdered (2 Sam 20)
    139. Seven of Saul's sons are hung up before the Lord (2 Sam 21-23)
    140. David's census (2 Samuel 23-24)
    141. 1 Kings

    142. A virgin is found to give David some heat (1 Kings 1)
    143. Solomon murders Joab, Shimei, and his brother Adonijah(1 Kings 2)
    144. Two prostitutes and a baby (1 Kings 3-4)
    145. King Solomon's houses (1 Kings 5-9)
    146. Solomon's strange wives and concubines (1 Kings 10-11)
    147. My little finger will be thicker than my father's loins (1 Kings 12)
    148. A tale of two prophets (1 Kings 13)
    149. God kills Jeroboam's son (1 Kings 14)
    150. He left him not one that pisseth against a wall (1 Kings 15-16)
    151. Elijah and the widow's son (1 Kings 17-18)
    152. Elijah's prayer contest (1 Kings 18)
    153. Elijah is touched by an angel (1 Kings 19)
    154. A lion kills a man for refusing to smite a prophet (1 Kings 20)
    155. God put a lying spirit in the mouths of his prophets (1 Kings 21-22)
    156. 2 Kings

    157. God burns 102 men to death (2 Kings 1)
    158. God sends bears to rip apart 42 boys
    159. Elisha and the dead boy (2 Kings 3-4)
    160. Elisha cures and gives leprosy (2 Kings 5-6)
    161. A skeptic is trampled to death (2 Kings 7-8)
    162. Jehu begins his killings for God (2 Kings 9)
    163. Seventy heads in two heaps (2 Kings 10)
    164. The bones of Elisha (2 Kings 11-13)
    165. God gives leprosy and sends lions (2 Kings 14-17)
    166. An angel kills 185,000 sleeping soldiers (2 Kings 18-20)
    167. The fall of Jerusalem (2 Kings 21-25)
    168. 1 Chronicles

    169. From Adam to David (1 Chronicles 1-29)
    170. 2 Chronicles

    171. From Solomon to Asa (2 Chr 1-16)
    172. From Jehoshaphat to Zedekiah (2 Chronicles 17-36)
    173. Ezra

    174. I plucked out my beard and sat down astonished (Ezra 1-10)
    175. Nehemiah

    176. I cursed them, and smote them, and plucked off their hair (Nehemiah 1-13)
    177. Esther

    178. Vashti and Esther (Esther 1-2)
    179. A kingdom-wide kill-the-Jews day (Esther 3-6)
    180. A kill-the-people-who-wanted-to-kill-the-Jews day
    181. Job

    182. Have you considered my servant Job? (Job 1-2)
    183. Job's friends come to visit (Job 3-25)
    184. Job's parable (Job 26-37)
    185. I am God the great and powerful (Job 38-41)
    186. Job's new family (Job 42)
    187. Psalms

    188. Kiss the son or he might kill you (Psalms 1-41)
    189. God will shoot them with an arrow (Psalms 42-72)
    190. God sent his evil angels (Psalms 73-89)
    191. Like the horn of a unicorn (Psalms 90-106)
    192. Smashing babies against rocks (Psalms 107-150)
    193. Proverbs

    194. Inherit the Wind (Proverbs 1-11)
    195. Spare the rod (Proverbs 12-21)
    196. The eye that mocks his father (Proverbs 22-31)
    197. Ecclesiastes

    198. The best book in the Bible (Ecclesiastes 1-6)
    199. The dead know nothing (Ecclesiastes 7-12)
    200. The Song of Solomon

    201. The Song of Solomon 1-8
    202. Isaiah

    203. The Lord will discover their secret parts (Isaiah 1-5)
    204. God will shave the hair of their feet (Isaiah 6-12)
    205. Isaiah walks naked and barefoot for three years (Isaiah 13-23)
    206. The Apocalypse of Isaiah (Isaiah 24-27)
    207. The sword of the Lord is filled with blood (Isaiah 28-39)
    208. I create evil (Isaiah 40-48)
    209. God's tattoo (Isaiah 49-55)
    210. Where the worm never dies (Isaiah 56-66)
    211. Jeremiah

    212. Circumcise the foreskin of your heart (Jeremiah 1-4)
    213. The Jeremiad continues (Jeremiah 5-8)
    214. Jeremiah's underwear (Jeremiah 9-13)
    215. I wish I'd never been born (Jeremiah 14-18)
    216. I'll cause them to eat the flesh of their family and friends (Jeremiah 19-23)
    217. Get drunk, vomit, and fall down (Jeremiah 24-26)
    218. God kills Hananiah (Jeremiah 27-31)
    219. Setting the slaves free (Jeremiah 32-36)
    220. An Ethiopian eunuch saves Jeremiah (Jeremiah 37-43)
    221. The End of Jeremiah (Jeremiah 44-52)
    222. Lamentations

    223. Jerusalem, you ignorant slut (Lamentations 1-5)
    224. Ezekiel

    225. Ezekiel's UFO (Ezekiel 1-3)
    226. Lie on your side for 430 days (Ezekiel 4-6)
    227. A mark on the forehead (Ezekiel 7-10)
    228. Woe to the women who sew pillows (Ezekiel 11-13)
    229. God and Jerusalem | A marriage made in heaven (Ezekiel 14-16)
    230. I gave them laws that were not good (Ezekiel 17-21)
    231. God's wives: A tale of two sisters (Ezekiel 22-23)
    232. God kills Ezekiel's wife (Ezekiel 24-30)
    233. Dem Bones (Ezekiel 31-37)
    234. Gog and Magog (Ezekiel 38-48)
    235. Daniel

    236. Was Daniel a eunuch? (Daniel 1)
    237. Nebuchadnezzar's first dream (Daniel 2)
    238. The fiery furnace (Daniel 3)
    239. Nebuchadnezzar's second dream (Daniel 4)
    240. The handwriting on the wall (Daniel 5)
    241. Daniel in the lions' den (Daniel 6)
    242. Daniel's first vision (Daniel 7)
    243. Daniel's second vision (Daniel 8)
    244. The end of the world (Dan 9-12)
    245. Hosea

    246. Go marry a whore (Hosea 1-5)
    247. Miscarrying wombs and dry breasts (Hoesa 6-14)
    248. Joel

    249. Beat your plowshares into swords (Joel 1-3)
    250. Amos

    251. Like a mighty stream (Amos 1-5)
    252. With a plumbline in his hand (Amos 6-9)
    253. Obadiah

    254. A rumor from God (Obadiah)
    255. Jonah

    256. The sign of Jonah (Jonah 1-4)
    257. Micah

    258. Another naket prophet (Micah 1-7)
    259. Nahum

    260. Woe to the bloody city! (Nahum 1-3)
    261. Habakkuk

    262. Let your foreskin be uncovered (Habakkuk 1-3)
    263. Zephaniah

    264. Dies Irae (Zephaniah 1-3)

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