Bible: Boring Stuff
- The entire tenth chapter is the first of many boring genealogies
(see Genesis 11:10-32, 1 Chronicles 1-9,
Matthew 1:1-17, Luke.3:23-28 for
other examples) that we are told to avoid in 1 Timothy 1:4
and Titus 3:9
("Avoid foolish questions and genealogies.") 10:1-32
- "These are the generations of Shem....." Another boring genealogy 11:10-32
- Abraham's boring speech to the sons of Heth. 23:3-20
- "I will not eat, until I have told mine errand."
Abraham's slave tells Laban the story that was just told in the first half of this chapter. (Abe sent him to find a wife,
the slave told God the secret code words to use, and Rebekah showed up and said the magic words.) 24:33-48
- "Now these are the generations of Ishmael...." 25:12-18
- "Isaac digged again the wells of water...." 26:18-22
- "These are the generations of Esau...." 36:1-43
- Pharaoh's first dream is repeated. 41:17-21
- The second dream is repeated. 41:22-24
- Judah repeats the boring story that has already been told twice before (42:19-24, 29-34).
- "And these are the names of the children of Israel, which came into Egypt...." 46:8-27
- "Then Joseph came and told Pharaoh, and said...." 47:1-27
- Jacob's deathbed speech 48:1-32
- "Joseph fell upon his father's face, and wept...."
The boring end of Genesis 50:1-26
- "Then the LORD said unto Moses...."
Various conversations are repeated here about God's special relationship with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob; God's plans for the Pharaoh;
the Exodus from Egypt; Moses's uncircumcized lips; etc. 6:1-13
- "These be the heads of their fathers' houses...."
Some genealogical information. 6:14-27
- "And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying......"
God wastes four chapters on divine instructions for making tables, candlesticks, snuffers,
- "Moreover thou shalt make the tabernacle with ten curtains of fine twined linen,
and blue, and purple, and scarlet: with cherubims of cunning work shalt thou make them...." 26:1-37
- "And thou shalt make an altar of shittim wood, five cubits long, and five cubits broad; the altar shall be foursquare:
and the height thereof shall be three cubits...." 27:1-21
- "And take thou unto thee Aaron thy brother, and his sons with him,
from among the children of Israel, that he may minister unto me in the priest's office, even Aaron,
Nadab and Abihu, Eleazar and Ithamar, Aaron's sons...." 28:1-43
- "And this is the thing that thou shalt do unto them to hallow them ...
thou shalt gird them with girdles, Aaron and his sons, and put the bonnets on them: and the priest's office shall
be theirs for a perpetual statute." 29:1-9
- "And thou shalt make an altar to burn incense upon: of shittim wood shalt thou make it.
A cubit shall be the length thereof, and a cubit the breadth thereof; foursquare shall it be...." 30:1-14
- "Moreover the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, Take thou also unto thee principal spices, of pure myrrh five hundred shekels,
and of sweet cinnamon half so much, even two hundred and fifty shekels ... And thou shalt speak unto the children of Israel, saying,
This shall be an holy anointing oil unto me throughout your generations. Upon man's flesh shall it not be poured." 30:22-32
- "And Moses spake unto all the congregation of the children of Israel, saying...." 35:4-35
The same list of silly stuff is listed in Exodus 25.
- "Then wrought Bezaleel and Aholiab, and every wise hearted man, in whom the
LORD put wisdom and understanding to know how to work all manner of work for
the service of the sanctuary, according to all that the LORD had commanded ...
And the five pillars of it with their hooks: and he overlaid their
chapiters and their fillets with gold: but their five sockets were of brass." 36:1-38
- "And Bezaleel made the ark of shittim wood: two cubits and a half was the length of it,
and a cubit and a half the breadth of it, and a cubit and a half the height of it ... And he made the holy anointing oil, and the pure
incense of sweet spices, according to the work of the apothecary." 37:1-29
- "And he made the altar of burnt offering of shittim wood: five cubits was the length thereof,
and five cubits the breadth thereof; it was foursquare; and three cubits the height thereof ... And the sockets of the court round about,
and the sockets of the court gate, and all the pins of the tabernacle, and all the pins of the court round about."
- "And of the blue, and purple, and scarlet, they made cloths of service, to do service in the holy place,
and made the holy garments for Aaron; as the LORD commanded Moses ... And Moses did look upon all the work, and, behold,
they had done it as the LORD had commanded, even so had they done it: and Moses blessed them." 39:1-43
- "And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, On the first day
of the first month shalt thou set up the tabernacle of the tent of the congregation ... For the cloud
of the LORD was upon the tabernacle by day, and fire was on it by night, in the sight of all the house
of Israel, throughout all their journeys." 40:1-38
- "And these are the names of the men that shall stand with you...." 1:5-43
- And the LORD spake unto Moses and unto Aaron, saying...."
If you ever wanted to know how many soldiers Nahshon the son of Amminadab had, this passage is for you. 2:1-34
- "And these were the sons of Levi by their names...."
More exciting names and numbers brought to you by the biblical God. 3:17-37
- "All that were numbered of the Levites, which Moses and Aaron numbered
at the commandment of the LORD...."
Important stuff that you need to know about. 3:39-51
- "And the LORD spake unto Moses and unto Aaron, saying, Take the sum of the sons of Kohath from among the sons of Levi,
after their families, by the house of their fathers...."
God wants Moses to take more sums of the sons. And he wants you to know about it. So listen up. 4:1-49
- "And it came to pass on the day that Moses had fully set up the tabernacle...."
How to sacrfice a bullock, lamb, ram, and a kid when setting up your tabernacle. Repeated 12 times for your reading pleasure.
- "And these were their names: of the tribe of Reuben...." 13:4-15
- "Reuben, the eldest son of Israel: the children of Reuben; Hanoch,
of whom cometh the family of the Hanochites...." 26:5-9
- "The sons of Simeon after their families: of Nemuel, the family of the Nemuelites...." 26:12-37
- "And these are they that were numbered of the Levites after their families:
of Gershon, the family of the Gershonites...." 26:57-60
- "And the children of Israel removed from Rameses, and pitched in Succoth.
And they departed from Succoth, and pitched in Etham...." 33:5-37
- "And they departed from mount Hor, and pitched in Zalmonah.
And they departed from Zalmonah, and pitched in Punon...." 33:41-49
- "And the names of the men are these: Of the tribe of Judah, Caleb the son of Jephunneh.
And of the tribe of the children of Simeon, Shemuel the son of Ammihud...." 34:19-29
- "Now Joshua was old and stricken in years; and the LORD said unto him, Thou art old and stricken in years ...
Now therefore divide this land for an inheritance...." 13:1-33
- "And these are the countries which the children of Israel inherited in the
land of Canaan, which Eleazar the priest, and Joshua the son of Nun, and the
heads of the fathers of the tribes of the children of Israel, distributed
for inheritance to them...." 14:1-15
- "This then was the lot of the tribe of the children of
Judah by their families; even to the border of Edom the wilderness of Zin southward was the uttermost
part of the south coast." 15:1-13
- "This is the inheritance of the tribe of the children of Judah according to their families ...
Ziph, and Telem, and Bealoth, And Hazor, Hadattah, and Kerioth, and Hezron, which is Hazor...." 15:20-64
- "And the lot of the children of Joseph fell from Jordan by Jericho,
unto the water of Jericho on the east, to the wilderness that goeth up from Jericho throughout mount Bethel ...
And the separate cities for the children of Ephraim were among the inheritance of the children of Manasseh,
all the cities with their villages." 16:1-9
- "There was also a lot for the tribe of Manasseh;
for he was the firstborn of Joseph; to wit, for Machir the firstborn of Manasseh, the father of Gilead ...
And Manasseh had in Issachar and in Asher Bethshean and her towns, and Ibleam and her towns, and the inhabitants
of Dor and her towns, and the inhabitants of Endor and her towns, and the inhabitants of Taanach and her towns,
and the inhabitants of Megiddo and her towns, even three countries." 17:1-11
- "And the whole congregation of the children of Israel assembled together at
Shiloh ... And Joshua cast lots for them in Shiloh before the LORD: and there Joshua
divided the land unto the children of Israel according to their divisions...." 18:1-15
- "And was drawn from the north, and went forth to Enshemesh,
and went forth toward Geliloth, which is over against the going up of Adummim, and descended to the stone
of Bohan the son of Reuben ... And Zelah, Eleph, and Jebusi, which is Jerusalem, Gibeath, and Kirjath; fourteen
cities with their villages. This is the inheritance of the children of Benjamin according to their families." 18:17-28
- "And the second lot came forth to Simeon, even for the tribe of the children of Simeon according to their families...."
- "Then came near the heads of the fathers of the Levites unto Eleazar the priest, and unto Joshua the son of Nun,
and unto the heads of the fathers of the tribes of the children of Israel; And they spake unto them at Shiloh in the land of Canaan, saying...."
- "Then Joshua called the Reubenites, and the Gadites, and the half tribe of Manasseh, And said unto them...."
- "Adam, Sheth, Enosh, Kenan, Mahalaleel, Jered, Henoch ...
Duke Aholibamah, duke Elah, duke Pinon, Duke Kenaz, duke Teman, duke Mibzar, Duke Magdiel, duke Iram. These are the dukes of Edom."
- "And the sons of Ethan; Azariah. The sons also of Hezron, that were born unto him; Jerahmeel, and Ram, and Chelubai.
... These are the Kenites that came of Hemath, the father of the house of Rechab." 2:8-55
- "Now these were the sons of David, which were born unto him in Hebron; the firstborn Amnon, of Ahinoam the Jezreelitess;
the second Daniel, of Abigail the Carmelitess ... And the sons of Elioenai were,
Hodaiah, and Eliashib, and Pelaiah, and Akkub, and Johanan, and Dalaiah, and Anani, seven." 3:1-24
- "The sons of Judah; Pharez, Hezron, and Carmi, and Hur, and Shobal. ... And Ziza the son of Shiphi, the son of Allon,
the son of Jedaiah, the son of Shimri, the son of Shemaiah." 4:1-37
- "The sons, I say, of Reuben the firstborn of Israel were, Hanoch, and Pallu, Hezron, and Carmi. ... All these were reckoned by
genealogies in the days of Jotham king of Judah, and in the days of Jeroboam king of Israel." 5:3-17
- "The sons of Levi; Gershon, Kohath, and Merari. ... And out of the tribe of Gad; Ramoth in Gilead with her suburbs,
and Mahanaim with her suburbs, And Heshbon with her suburbs, and Jazer with her suburbs." 6:1-81
- "Now the sons of Issachar were, Tola, and Puah, Jashub, and Shimrom, four. ... All these were the children of Asher,
heads of their father's house, choice and mighty men of valour, chief of the princes. And the number throughout the genealogy
of them that were apt to the war and to battle was twenty and six thousand men." 7:1-40
- "Now Benjamin begat Bela his firstborn, Ashbel the second, and Aharah the third, Nohah the fourth,
and Rapha the fifth. ... And the sons of Ulam were mighty men of valour, archers, and had many sons, and sons'
sons, an hundred and fifty. All these are of the sons of Benjamin." 8:1-40
- "So all Israel were reckoned by genealogies; and, behold, they were written in the book of the kings of Israel
and Judah ... And Azel had six sons, whose names are these, Azrikam, Bocheru, and Ishmael, and Sheariah, and Obadiah,
and Hanan: these were the sons of Azel." 9:1-44
- "Also the valiant men of the armies were, Asahel the brother of Joab,
Elhanan the son of Dodo of Bethlehem ... Eliel, and Obed, and Jasiel the Mesobaite." 11:26-47
- "Now these are they that came to David to Ziklag ...
And Joelah, and Zebadiah, the sons of Jeroham of Gedor." 12:1-7
- "David assembled the children of Aaron, and the Levites: Of the sons of Kohath;
Uriel the chief, and his brethren an hundred and twenty...." 15:4-11
- "Now it came to pass, as David sat in his house, that David said to Nathan
the prophet, Lo, I dwell in an house of cedars...." 17:1-27
- "Now the Levites were numbered from the age of thirty years and upward: and
their number by their polls, man by man, was thirty and eight thousand...." 23:3-32
- "Now these are the divisions of the sons of Aaron.
The sons of Aaron; Nadab, and Abihu, Eleazar, and Ithamar...." 24:1-31
- "Moreover David and the captains of the host separated to the service of the sons of Asaph,
and of Heman, and of Jeduthun, who should prophesy with harps, with psalteries, and with cymbals...." 25:1-31
- "Concerning the divisions of the porters: Of the Korhites was Meshelemiah
the son of Kore, of the sons of Asaph...." 26:1-32
- "Now the children of Israel after their number, to wit,
the chief fathers and captains of thousands and hundreds, and their officers that served the king in any matter
of the courses, which came in and went out month by month throughout all the months of the year, of every course
were twenty and four thousand...." 27:1-34
- "And David assembled all the princes of Israel, the princes of the tribes,
and the captains of the companies that ministered to the king by course, and
the captains over the thousands, and captains over the hundreds, and the
stewards over all the substance and possession of the king, and of his sons,
with the officers, and with the mighty men, and with all the valiant men,
unto Jerusalem...." 28:1-21
- "Then Solomon began to build the house of the LORD at Jerusalem ... And he began to build in the second
day of the second month, in the fourth year of his reign...." 3:1-17
- "He made also ten lavers, and put five on the right hand, and five on the left,
to wash in them...." 4:6-22
- "The whole congregation of
Israel: and all the congregation of Israel stood ... And he [Solomon] said...."
Another long, boring speech from Solomon that every man in Israel had to listen to while standing up. 6:3-41
- "And all the kings of
Arabia and governors of the country brought gold and silver to Solomon...." 9:14-24
- "Manasseh was twelve years old when he began to reign,
and he reigned fifty and five years in Jerusalem: But did that which was evil in the sight of the LORD...." 33:1-25
- Cyrus' boring proclamation 1:1-11
- Burnt offerings, priestly apparel, loud shouts, crying, weeping, and prasing the Lord 3:1-13
- A boring letter from Rehum to King Araxerxes and the king's boring response 4:1-24
- Another god-awful boring letter 5:1-17
- A boring decree from King Cyrus on the construction plans for the house of God 6:3-22
- The genealogy of Ezra and another boring letter 7:1-23
- The number of sons of Bebai, Azgad, Bigvai, Hakkatan, et al 8:1-36
- The exciting finish to the Book of Ezra: A list of men who had taken strange wives 10:13-44
- "The words of Nehemiah the son of Hachaliah ... And it came to pass in the
month Chisleu, in the twentieth year, as I was in Shushan the palace,And it came to pass, when I heard these words,
that I sat down and wept, and mourned certain days, and fasted, and prayed before the God of heaven.
And said, I beseech thee, O LORD God of heaven...."
Nehemiah begins his boring book with a boring prayer. 1:11
- Repairing the dung gate and other important matters 3:1-32
- Building a wall 4:1-23
- Nehemiah consults with himself, shakes his lap, and gets back to work on the wall. 5:1-19
- Nehemiah finishes the wall "in the twenty and fifth day of the month Elul, in fifty and two days." 6:1-19
- For seven days, Ezra reads the Torah to the people while they gather branches. 8:1-18
- The people endure another day of Bible reading and long boring prayers. 9:1-38
- A long list of men who promise not to allow their kids to intermarry 10:1-39
- A long list of men who were selected by lottery to live in Jerusalem 11:1-36
- A long list of priests that "went up with Zerubbabel" 12:1-47
- Nehemiah gets God's house in order by throwing out all of Tobiah's household stuff. 13:1-24
- "Then Eliphaz the Temanite answered and said....." 4:1-22
- "Call now, if there be any that will answer thee....." 5:1-27
- "Then Job answered and said....." 9:1-35
- "Then answered Zophar the Naamathite, and said....." 11:1-20
- "And Job answered and said....." 12:1-25
- "Lo, mine eye hath seen all this, mine ear hath heard and understood it....." 13:1-28
- "Then answered Eliphaz the Temanite, and said....." 15:1-35
- "My breath is corrupt, my days are extinct, the graves are ready for me....." 17:1-16
- "Then answered Bildad the Shuhite, and said....." 18:1-21
- "Then Job answered and said....." 19:1-29
- "Then Eliphaz the Temanite answered and said....." 22:1-30
- "Then Job answered and said....." 23:1-17
- "Why, seeing times are not hidden from the Almighty....." 24:1-25
- "Then answered Bildad the Shuhite, and said....." 25:1-6
- "But Job answered and said....." 26:1-14
- "Moreover Job continued his parable, and said....." 27:1-23
- "Surely there is a vein for the silver, and a place for gold where they fine it....." 28:1-28
- "Moreover Job continued his parable, and said....." 29:1-25
- "I made a covenant with mine eyes....." 31:1-14
- "So these three men ceased to answer Job....." 32:1-22
- "Wherefore, Job, I pray thee, hear my speeches....." 33:1-33
- "Furthermore Elihu answered and said....." 34:1-37
- "Elihu spake moreover, and said....." 35:1-16
- "Elihu also proceeded, and said....." 36:1-33
- "Hear me when I call, O God....." 4:1-8
- "How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? for ever?....." 13:1-6
- "Lord, who shall abide in thy tabernacle?....." 15:1-5
- "The LORD hear thee in the day of trouble; the name of the God of Jacob defend thee....." 20:1-9
- "The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want....." 23:1-6
- "The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?....." 27:1-14
- "Unto thee will I cry, O LORD my rock; be not silent to me....." 28:1-9
- "Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven....." 32:1-11
- "The transgression of the wicked saith within my heart....." 36:1-12
- "I said, I will take heed to my ways, that I sin not....." 39:1-13
- "As the hart panteth after the water brooks....." 42:1-11
- "Judge me, O God, and plead my cause against an ungodly nation:....." 43:1-5
- "Great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised ....." 48:1-14
- "Hear this, all ye people....." 49:1-20
- "Be merciful unto me, O God....." 56:1-13
- "Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful unto me....." 57:1-11
- "Hear my cry, O God....." 61:1-8
- "Hear my voice, O God, in my prayer....." 64:1-10
- "Praise waiteth for thee, O God....." 65:1-13
- "Make a joyful noise unto God....." 66:1-20
- "God be merciful unto us....." 67:1-7
- "Make Haste, O God, to deliver me....." 70:1-5
- "In thee, O LORD, do I put my trust....." 71:1-24
- "Give the king thy judgments, O God....." 72:1-20
- "Give ear, O Shepherd of Israel....." 80:1-19
- "Sing aloud unto God....." 81:1-16
- "Lord, thou hast been favourable unto thy land....." 85:1-13
- "O Lord God, to whom vengeance belongeth....." 94:1-23
- "O come, let us sing unto the LORD....." 95:1-11
- "O sing unto the LORD a new song....." 98:1-9
- "O god, my heart is fixed; I will sing and give praise, ....." 108:1-13
- "Praise ye the LORD. Praise, O ye servants of the LORD....." 113:1-9
- "When Israel went out of Egypt....." 114:1-8
- "O praise the LORD, all ye nations....." 117:1-2
- "If it had not been the LORD who was on our side....." 124:1-8
- "They that trust in the LORD shall be as mount Zion....." 125:1-5
- "When the LORD turned again the captivity of Zion....." 126:1-6
- "Many a time have they afflicted me....." 129:1-8
- "Out of the depths have I cried unto thee, O LORD....." 130:1-8
- "Lord, my heart is not haughty, nor mine eyes lofty....." 131:1-3
- "Lord, remember David, and all his afflictions....." 132:1-18
- "Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!....." 133:1-3
- "Behold, bless ye the LORD, all ye servants of the LORD....." 134:1-3
- "Lord, I cry unto thee: make haste unto me....." 141:1-10
- "I cried unto the LORD with my voice....." 142:1-7
- "Praise ye the LORD. Praise the LORD....." 146:1-10
- "And in that day thou shalt say, O LORD, I will praise thee....." 12:1-6
- "Woe to the land shadowing with wings...." 18:1-7
- "At that time Merodachbaladan, the son of Baladan, king of Babylon, sent
letters and a present to Hezekiah....." 39:1-8
- "Keep silence before me, O islands....." 41:1-29
- "Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear....." 54:1-17
- "For Zion's sake will I not hold my peace....." 62:1-12
- And king Zedekiah the son of Josiah reigned instead of Coniah the son of Jehoiakim....." 37:1-21
- "Now it came to pass in the seventh month, that Ishmael the son of Nethaniah
the son of Elishama, of the seed royal, and the princes of the king, even ten men with him, came unto Gedaliah the son
of Ahikam....." 41:1-18
- "And it came to pass, that when Jeremiah had made an end of
speaking unto all the people all the words of the LORD their God, for which the LORD their God had sent him to
them, even all these words...." 43:1-13
- "Remember, O LORD, what is come upon us: consider, and behold our reproach....." 5:1-22
- The hand of the Lord takes Ezekiel on a trip to Israel and sets him on a mountain top, where a brass man measures a building with a rod.
(I'd skip this chapter unless you are interested in the dimensions of the brass man's imaginary building.) 40:1-49
- The brass man provides more exciting measurements of Ezekiel's imaginary temple. (I'd skip it, if I were you.) 41:1-22
- The brass man takes even more measurements of Ezekiel's imaginary buildings. 42:2-20
- But the dimension break is over. God himself (in all this glory) takes over the measurements from the bronze man, telling us all about the fashion,
form, law, and the dimensions of the house. 43:10-17
- More of God's holy dimensions 45:1-6
- In the exciting conclusion of the book of Ezekiel, we learn who is going to get what and what the city is
going to be named. I'm not going to spoil it for you, though. You have to read it yourself. 48:8-35
- The gospel of Matthew begins with a boring
genealogy like that we are told to avoid in 1 Timothy 1:4
("Neither give heed to fables and endless genealogies") and Titus 3:9 ("Avoid foolish questions and
- The genealogy of Jesus 3:23-38
- "Now when Festus was come into the province, after three days he ascended from Caesarea to Jerusalem....." 25:1-27
- "Moreover, brethren, we do you to wit of the grace of God bestowed on the churches of Macedonia....." 11:8
- "Let us therefore fear, lest, a promise
being left us of entering into his rest, any of you should seem to come short of it....." 4:1-16
- "For every high priest taken from among men is ordained for men in things
pertaining to God....." 5:1-14