Proverbs
Introduction

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30
31


Good Stuff
Absurdities
Injustice
Contradictions
Cruelty and Violence
Women
Interpretation
Family Values
Science and History
Language
Sex
Intolerance
Politics





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Injustice

  1. God will laugh at your misfortunes, mock you when you are afraid, and ignore you when you ask him for help. And if you seek him, you will not find him. 1:26-28

  2. "Whoso hearkeneth unto me shall dwell safely, and shall be quiet from fear of evil."
    Whoever listens to God (or wisdom, or whoever is talking here) will always be safe. 1:33

  3. "A rod is for the back of him that is void of understanding."
    Beat the people who don't understand with a rod. 10:13

  4. The soul of the diligent shall be made fat."
    God makes the diligent fat. (Lazy people are skinny and poor.) 13:4

  5. "Whoso despiseth the word shall be destroyed: but he that feareth the commandment shall be rewarded." 13:13

  6. "A good man leaveth an inheritance to his children's children: and the wealth of the sinner is laid up for the just." 13:22

  7. How to tell the good from the bad: Good people are the ones who get plenty to eat, and wicked are the ones who go hungry. 13:25

  8. God made bad people for the pleasure of punishing them. 16:4

  9. "A divine sentence is in the lips of the king: his mouth transgresseth not in judgment." 16:10

  10. "The throne is established by righteousness." 16:12

  11. "Righteous lips are the delight of kings." 16:13

  12. "In the light of the king's countenance is life; and his favour is as a cloud of the latter rain." 16:15

  13. Fools are meant to be beaten. 18:6

  14. Beat your children and don't stop just because they cry. 19:18

  15. Scorners (skeptics?) should be condemned; fools should be beaten. 19:29

  16. "The fear of a king is as the roaring of a lion: whoso provoketh him to anger sinneth against his own soul."
    It's a sin to make a king angry. 20:2

  17. A king that sitteth in the throne of judgment scattereth away all evil with his eyes." 20:8

  18. "The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will." 21:1

  19. "The wicked shall be a ransom for the righteous." 21:18

  20. Beating your children will make them less foolish. Have you beaten your child today? 22:15

  21. Beat your children hard and often. Don't worry about hurting them. You may break a few bones and cause some brain damage, but it isn't going to kill them. And even if they do die, they'll be better off. They'll thank you in heaven for beating the hell out of them. 23:13-14

  22. Fear ... the king." 24:21

  23. "The heaven for height, and the earth for depth, and the heart of kings is unsearchable." 25:3

  24. "Take away the wicked from before the king, and his throne shall be established in righteousness." 25:5

  25. Whip horses and strike the backs of foolish people with rods. 26:3

  26. If you don't listen to and follow the laws of Moses, then don't even try praying, because your prayer will become an abomination. 28:9

  27. "He that putteth his trust in the LORD shall be made fat."
    So that's why there are so many fat Christians! (And starving non-Christians.) 28:25

  28. Beating your children will make them wise. 29:15

  29. Beat your servants (slaves), as though they were your children. 29:19

  30. If you mock your father or disobey your mother, the ravens will pick out your eyeballs and the eagles will eat them. 30:17