Sex in Leviticus

1. Long, tiresome, and disgusting instructions regarding the treatment of men who have a "running issue" out of their "flesh." Very enlightening. "And if he that hath the issue spit upon him that is clean ..." 15:2-15

2. This passage tells you what to do if you get your "seed of copulation" on yourself, your clothes, or your partner. Thank God this is in the Bible. 15:16-18, 32

3. Don't "uncover the nakedness" of any of your relatives or neighbors. Just ask them to keep their clothes on while you are around. 18:6-18, 20

4. "Also thou shalt not approach unto a woman to uncover her nakedness, as long as she is apart for her uncleanness," Don't even look at a menstruating woman. 18:19

5. Don't "lie with any beast." You probably weren't planning on doing this, but now you know just in case you get the urge sometime. 18:23

6. Don't "go a whoring" after Molech or "commit adultery with him." (Don't you love it when God talks dirty?) 20:5

7. Stay away from people with familiar spirits and don't "go a whoring" after them either. 20:6

8. If a man has sex with his father's wife, kill them both. 20:11

9. If a man has sex with his daughter in law, kill them both. 20:12

10. If a man has sex with another man, kill them both. 20:13

11. If you "lie" with your wife and your mother-in-law (now that sounds fun!), then all three of your must be burned to death. 20:14

12. If a man or woman "lie with a beast" both the person and the poor animal are to be killed. 20:15-16

13. Don't have sex with your sister, uncle's wife, or your brother's wife -- and tell them to wear clothes whenever you're around. 20:17, 19-21

14. If a man has sex with a menstruating woman, they both "shall be cut off from among their people." 20:18

15. "Neither shall he [the priest] profane his seed among his people." (His seed is holy.) 21:15

16. A man with damaged testicles must not "come nigh to offer the bread of his God." 21:20

17. A man who has a "running issue" or "whose seed goeth from him" ... "shall not eat of the holy things, until he be clean." 22:3-5