Family values in Leviticus

1. God kills Aaron's sons for offering strange fire before the Lord 10:1-2

2. "And Aaron held his peace." Aaron just watched as his sons were burned to death by God. 10:1-3

3. Women are dirty and sinful after childbirth, so God prescribes rituals for their purification. If a boy is born, the mother is unclean for 7 days and must be purified for 33 days; but if a girl is born, the mother is unclean for 14 days and be purified for 66 days. This is because, in the eyes of God, girls are twice as dirty as boys. 12:1-5

4. After a woman gives birth, a priest must kill a lamb, pigeon, or dove as a sin offering. This is because having children is sinful and God likes it when things are killed for him. 12:6-8

5. "For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall surely be put to death." Couldn't we try spanking first? 20:9

6. If a man has sex with his father's wife, kill them both. 20:11

7. If a man has sex with his daughter in law, kill them both. 20:12

8. If you "lie" with your wife and your mother-in-law (now that sounds fun!), then all three of your must be burned to death. 20:14

9. Don't have sex with your sister, uncle's wife, or your brother's wife -- and tell them to wear clothes whenever you're around. 20:17, 19-21

10. A priest's daughter who "plays the whore" is to be burned to death. 21:9

11. God tells the Israelites to make slaves out of their neighbors and their families. The "heathens" and "strangers" are to be their possessions forever. 25:44-46

12. God describes the torments that he has planned for those who displease him. The usual stuff: plagues, burning fevers that will consume the eyes, etc. but he reserves the worst for the little children. He says "ye shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it," "I will send wild beasts among you, which shall rob you of your children," and "ye shall eat the flesh of your sons and daughters." 26:16-39