Job
Introduction

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30
31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42


Absurdities
Boring
Science and History
Injustice
Contradictions
Cruelty and Violence
Good Stuff
Family Values
Women
Language

Second Printing now available!



Revised 2nd Edition

With killings from the Apocrypha

Job: Science and History

  1. "Which shaketh the earth out of her place, and the pillars thereof tremble."
    The earth rests upon pillars and doesn't move (unless God gets angry or something). 9:6

  2. "Which commandeth the sun, and it riseth not."
    The earth is fixed and the sun travels about it. 9:7

  3. "The measure thereof is longer than the earth."
    What is the length of a sphere? 11:9

  4. Heaven is set upon pillars that tremble when God gets mad. 26:11

  5. Job is the brother of dragons. 30:29

  6. "By the breath of God frost is given." 37:10

  7. God spread out the sky, which is a solid structure, hard and strong like a mirror. 37:18

  8. The earth is set on foundations and it does not move. 38:4-6

  9. God could (if he wanted to) pick up the earth by its ends and shake all the wicked people off of it. 38:13

  10. God has snow and hail stored up to use later in time of trouble and war. 38:22

  11. "Out of whose womb came the ice?" Gosh, I don't know. Was it Glinda, the Good Witch of the North? 38:29

  12. "Wilt thou hunt the prey for the lion?"
    God seems pleased to have created prey for lions and ravens to eat. 38:39-41

  13. "Will the unicorn be willing to serve thee?" The unicorn referred to here is probably not the single-horned mythical creature, but rather a wild ox that was mistranslated in the KJV. 39:9-10

  14. Ostriches are not cruel and stupid birds who abandon their eggs to die after laying them, as these verses imply. They are, in fact, careful and attentive parents. The male scoops out a hollow for the eggs, which are incubated by the female during the day and the male at night. After the eggs are hatched, they are cared for by the mother for over a month, at which time the chicks can keep up with running adults. 39:13-16

  15. "The eagle ... seeketh the prey.... Her young ones suck up blood."
    God is pleased with the way that predators kill and devour their prey. 39:27-30

  16. Bible believers have identified the behemoth as a hippopotamus, dinosaur, wildebeest, or crocodile. But my favorite is the way these verses are translated by Stephen Mitchell: "Look now: the Beast that I made: he eats grass like a bull. Look: the power in his thighs, the pulsing sinews of his belly. His penis stiffens like a pine; his testicles bulge with vigor." 40:15-16

  17. "Canst thou draw out leviathan with an hook? or his tongue with a cord?" 41:1

  18. "His [the leviathan's] teeth are terrible round about."
    God has equipped predators with teeth that tear the flesh of their prey. 41:14