"And God made the beast of the earth."
The Christian Identity and Aryan Nations folks say that "beast of the earth" and "beast of the
field" refer to all non-human animals and non-white humans. They consider all people of color to be
without a soul and on the same level as animals, such as cattle, fish, and birds. 1:25
God gave humans dominion over every other living thing on earth.
This couldn't be true, of course, since millions of other species existed for
millions of years before humans existed. But this verse is used by
fundamentalist Christians to justify their mistreatment of other species and
disregard for the environment. After all, they believe that God created the
other species just for them, so they can do whatever they please with them. 1:26
One way of dealing with the two contradictory creation
accounts is to say that the reason there are two different stories is that there were two different
creations. This has been a common interpretation historically, and it is still found taday.
Pre-Adamites1:27
"Be fruitful and multiply."
This verse is used to justify Christian
opposition to birth control, concern for the environment, and animal rights. The earth was made for humans, and they
can do as they damn well please with it. 1:28
In Christian Identity theology, the serpent is a black male ("beast of the field"), possessed
by the devil, who seduced Eve. Cain is the child that is born from this union, the evil son of
the devil and the first Jew. All Jews are descended from Cain. 3:1
"And the LORD set a mark upon Cain, lest any finding him should kill him."
"Whoso sheddeth man's blood, by man shall his blood be shed." Does God approve of capital punishment?4:15, 9:6
"And Cain knew his wife." That's
nice, but where the hell did she come from?
Although the Bible doesn't say, Joseph Smith provided the answer
in "The Inspired
Version" of the Bible, which was his very own "translation". Here's what it says:
And it came to pass, that Cain took one of his brother's daughters to wife, and they loved Satan more than
God. – Gen.5:13
So according to Joseph Smith (and he ought to know!) Cain married one
of his nieces. He doesn't say, though, which of Cain's brothers was Mrs. Cain's father.
The flood story in Genesis is confusing to read. The clean animals go into the ark by twos (6:19-20,
7:8-9)
and by sevens (7:2). The flood lasts for forty days (7:17)
and for 150 days (7:24, 8:3). Noah sends out a raven
(8:7) and a dove (8:8).
Why doesn't Genesis get its story straight? Because there were two separate accounts that were (somewhat clumsily)
interwoven. 8:7
"And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger
son had done unto him."
What did Ham do? Did he just look at his naked father or was there something more to it than that?
Some commentators have suggested that Ham committed homosexual rape on his drunken father, and that
this was why Ham's descendants were eternally punished with slavery. 9:24
"Nimrod ... a mighty hunter before the Lord"
Who was Nimrod? The king who tried to construct the tower of Babel? The first pope? Elmer Fudd? Here are some links to help you decide.
10:8-10
"Peleg; for in his days was the earth divided."
Some creationists believe that this verse refers to continental drift, which, they say,
began to occur during the days of Pelag (which means "division"), about 100 or so years after the flood. But many
other creationists disagree. 10:25
"Terah ... begat Abraham."
Who was Abraham's father? Azar or Terah (Quran 6:74)? Which is right, the Bible or
the Quran? 11:26
Say, I pray thee, thouart my sister."
In the LDS Book of Abraham the same silly story is told, but it is God, not Abraham, who concocts the lie.
12:13
"And Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian, which she had born unto Abraham, mocking."
What did Sarah see that disturbed her so much?
Jonathan Kirsch suggests in The
Harlot by the Side of the Road that the "play" between Isaac and Ishmael may have been of a
sexual nature, noting that the same word is used to describe the behaviour of
Ishmael and Isaac as is used in 26:8 to describe Isaac's fondling of Rebekah. 21:9
According to the Apocryphal/Deuterocanonical book of Judith, God not only approved of the violence
in Genesis 34, but he gave Simeon the sword that he used to kill all the males in the city.
34:1-31
"The rich shall not give more, and the poor shall not give less than half a shekel." The Christian Right uses this verse
to justify an absolute flat tax, where everyone, rich or poor, pays the same dollar amount in taxes. 30:15
When "Moses numbered them according to the word of the Lord" he was told to count "every
male from a month old and upward." Women and girls didn't count as persons. Neither did babies
(or fetuses) under 1 month old. I guess the unborn just don't count to God. 3:15-16
Korah, Dathan, and Abiram, the first freethought/democracy martyrs, refused to follow Moses blindly, saying
that everyone is holy and should be free to think for him or herself. God killed them and their
families for daring to challenge Moses. 16:1-35
"The Book of the wars of the Lord" (One of the lost books of the Bible) 21:14
Jehovah's Witnesses use this verse
(along with 1 Timothy 5:19 and Matthew 18:16)
to justify their refusal to report or investigate incidents of child molestation unless two or three
JWs have witnessed the event. If witnesses do not come forward (and they are
discouraged from doing so since it would embarrass the organization), then the
victim is told to be quiet about it -- or risk being disfellowshipped. 19:15
When someone commits "a sin worthy of death" that person is "accursed of God" and should be hung on a tree. But should the accursed person be killed first by stoning and
then hung on a tree or be killed by hanging on a tree -- that is, by crucifixion?
I'll leave that for the Bible scholars to decide.
The important thing is to make sure you take the accursed dead body down before nightfall. Leaving dead bodies on trees all night is just nasty. Too nasty even for a
very nasty God. 21:22-23
The JWs believe that Jesus is "a god" who was with Jehovah
during the creation. But how could that be if God was speaking truthfully in this verse
when he said, "there are no gods with me"? 32:39
"Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid,
neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest." Donald Rumsfeld sent this verse to inspire the troops during the 2003
invasion of Iraq. 1:9
"Samson visited his wife with a kid."
The New Oxford Annotated Bible says that a young goat was "the usual gift for sexual intercourse."
(Genesis .38:17)
OK, that may have been true for prostitutes, but did you have to give your wife a goat every time you
had sex? 15:1
"An ephod, and teraphim"
"One may guess that the teraphim is what the ephod covers. At any rate the teraphim may be supposed to have something of a
phallic shape since it serves to substitute more or less convincingly for the body of a man (when covered)." Jennings, T. W., Jr.,
Jacob's Wound: Homoerotic Narrative in the Literature of Ancient Israel, n. 11, p. 46
17:5, 18:14, 18:17, 18:20
"The children of Dan ... came unto Laish, unto a people that were at quiet and secure: and they smote them with the edge of the sword, and burnt the city with fire."
Did God approve of the Danite slaughter of the quiet and unsuspecting people of Laish? (See verses 6 and 10.)
18:26-27
"He [Eli] fell ... and his neck brake, and he died."
Did God kill Eli and his daughter-in-law to punish him for his sons' sins? 4:18-20
Samuel called the Israelites together and selected their king by lot. First the tribe of Benjamin was selected,
then the family of Matri, and then Saul. 10:19-21
"Then Samuel told the people the manner of the kingdom, and wrote it in a
book." (Another lost book of the Bible.) 10:25
"The soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul ... And
Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him, and gave it to David, and his garments ... and his girdle." 18:1-4
David and Jonathan "kissed one another, and wept with one another" when they parted for the last time. 20:41
"God hath delivered thine enemy into thine hand."
Did God deliver Saul into David's hand? Well, that's what Abishai thought, anyway. And God was involved in the whole thing, since he
laid a "deep sleep" upon them so that they wouldn't notice them sneak into Saul's tent (26.12). 26:8
"He ... put them under saws, and under harrows of iron, and under axes of iron, and made them pass through the brick-kiln."
David tortured or enslaved (depending on translation) all the inhabitants of several cities. 12:31
"Are they not written in the book of the acts of Solomon?" 11:14
"Behold, they are written in the chronicles of the kings of Israel" 14:19,
16:20
"Are they not written in the chronicles of the kings of Judah?" 14:29
"When Zimri saw that the city was taken, that he went into the palace of the king's house, and burnt the king's house over him
with fire, and died. For his sins which he sinned in doing evil in the sight of the LORD, in walking in the way of Jeroboam,
and in his sin which he did, to make Israel to sin."
Did God force Zimri to burn himself to death? 16:18-19
"He laid the foundation thereof in Abiram his firstborn, and set up the gates thereof in his
youngest son Segub, according to the word of the LORD."
When Hiel rebuilds Jericho, he lays the foundation with the body of his oldest son and sets up the gates with his
youngest son's body "according to the word of the Lord."
Did God want Hiel to sacrifice his sons in this way? Did he make him do it? What does "according to the word of the Lord" mean here?
16:34
Did God kill king Benhadad?
Benhadad was sick, so he sent Hazael to ask Elisha if he would recover. Elisha said to tell the king that he would recover,
though God told him that he would die. Hazael returned and delivered the message to the king and then smothered him.
Seems suspicious, doesn't it? Especially when you consider how much God hated Benhadad.
God killed Ahab and
his family
for not killing Benhadad. Maybe Hazael did the job for God when he smothered him. 8:7-15
Some creationists believe that this verse (and Gen.10:25) refers to
continental drift, which, they say, began to occur during the days of Pelag (which means "division"),
about 100 or so years after the flood. 1:19
Jehovah's Witnesses used to believe that God lives on the planet Alcyone in the Pleiades
cluster. The only biblical justification for this was this verse and
Job 38:31. 6:21
"If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and
pray ... then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land." The Christian Right uses this verse to argue for a Christian Nation.
But it can also be interpreted to mean that Christians should pray, not vote.7:14
"Now the acts of Rehoboam, first and last, are they not written in the book
of Shemaiah the prophet, and of Iddo the seer concerning genealogies?" 12:15
When Judah came toward the watch tower in the wilderness, they looked unto the multitude, and, behold, they were dead bodies."
Is this where the Jehovah's Witnesses get The WatchTower? 20:24
"Pray for the peace of Jerusalem: they shall prosper that love thee."
Jews, Christians, and Muslims all love Jerusalem, and fight each other for the holy city, exclusively given to them by God. None of them prosper.
122:6
"The proverbs of Solomon"
The book of Proverbs was written several centuries after Solomon supposedly lived. So it wasn't written by Solomon.
It was forged by someone who claimed to be Solomon. 1:1, 10:1
"Whoso curseth his father or his mother, his lamp shall be put out in
obscure darkness."
What the hell does that mean? Is this just a restatement of Exodus 21:17?
("He that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death.") 20:20
"The words of the Preacher, the son of David, king in Jerusalem ... I the Preacher was king over Israel in Jerusalem ... I am come to great
estate, and have gotten more wisdom than all they that have been before me."
The author of Ecclesiastes claims to be the wise, rich son of King David, which is to say, Solomon. He isn't. Ecclesiastes was written
(forged) about six hundred years after Solomon died (if he ever lived, that is). 1:1, 12, 16
"I got me servants and maidens, and had servants born in my house."
The author seems to be bragging about owning slaves here, with no indication of any disapproval of slavery. 2:7
"The song of songs, which is Solomon's."
The author claims to be Solomon. He isn't. The Song of Solomon (aka "The Song of Songs") was written (forged) several hundred
years after Solomon died (if he ever lived, that is). 1:1
"Lucifer, son of the morning."
This is the only verse in the bible that mentions Lucifer. Although
most Christians consider Lucifer to be Satan (the devil), there is little biblical justification for
doing so. In this verse "Lucifer" refers to the king of Babylon (Nebuchadrezzar?) and Lucifer
(the light bearer) is also called the "son of the morning" or morning star. The only other person that
is referred to in that way is Jesus (Rev 22:16). Does this mean that Lucifer
is Jesus? 14:12
"Open ye the gates, that the righteous nation which keepeth the truth may
enter in." Donald Rumsfeld sent this verse to inspire the
troops during the 2003 invasion of Iraq. 26:2
God performs a "marvelous work and a
wonder" by destroying wisdom and understanding. The Mormons believe the "marvelous work and
a wonder" is the Book of Mormon29:14
"Ye are my witnesses, saith the LORD."
This is the verse from which the Jehovah's Witnesses take their name. 43:10, 12
"Thus saith the LORD to his anointed, to Cyrus"
"Anointed one" means Messiah. So was king Cyrus the Messiah?
David Koresh (born Vernon Howell) chose his name after the two men in the
Bible who are called Messiah (or anointed
one) in the Bible: David and Cyrus. (The name "Koresh" is a
transliteration of the Hebrew name Cyrus.) 45:1
"My counsel shall stand, and I will do all my pleasure."
Unlike the god of the process theologians, the God of Isaiah is in full control of his creation;
he has pre-ordained everything. 46:10-11
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD."
Believers use these verses to justify everything cruel, nasty, and absurd in the Bible. Why did God kill 42 children
for making fun of a prophet's bald head? What was God thinking when he inspired Ezekiel 23:20? And what about
that talking donkey in Numbers 22? Well God's ways are not our ways. 55:8-9
Christians often cite this verse
as biblical proof that a fetus is a person. Their rationale is if God knows us in the womb, then fetuses are people, too. Of course,
they often overlook the verses that illustrate God's willingness to kill both the born and unborn. 1:5
The people of Israel and Judah finally look behind the curtain and see that there is no god and the prophets are liars.
5:12-13
"Ask for the old paths"
To see how to become such "an old kind of Christian" go to
Little Geneva. 6:16
"The way of man is not in himself:
it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps." (Humans lack free will.) 10:23
"Woe unto him that buildeth his house
by unrighteousness, and his chambers by wrong; that useth his neighbour's service without wages, and giveth him
not for his work." Does God approve of slavery?22:13
Ezekiel experiences what some say is the first recorded UFO sighting. 1:5-9
Ezekiel
4:9 bread: It's supposed to be made according to the recipe given in this verse and is said to
be a complete meal that satisfies all nutritional requirements. It seems like pretty good bread to me, too, but I'll bet it doesn't use the
procedure described in Ezekiel 4:12.
4:9
Whoever charges interest on a loan must die. (Or is it their fathers that must die?) 18:13
"For Joseph, the stick of Ephraim...."
Mormons believe "the stick of Ephraim" is a prophecy of the Book of Mormon.
(Doctrine and Covenants 27:5)
37:15-17
"Neither shall he regard the God of his fathers, nor the desire
of women, nor regard any god: for he shall magnify himself above all." Some Christians think this refers
to the antichrist. (He'll be an atheist homosexual.) 11:37
Many shall be purified, and made white."
So is everyone in heaven white? 12:10
"Ye are not my people, and I will not be your God."
Martin Luther interpreted this verse to mean that God had rejected the Jews and that Christians should do likewise. On the Jews and Their Lies (Part 1)Hosea 1:9
"They ... parted my land." 3:2
On January 5, 2006, Pat Robertson linked Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's stroke to God's wrath, saying:
"In the book of Joel, the prophet Joel makes it very clear that God has 'enmity against those who divide my land.'"
Although he didn't quote chapter and verse, Joel 3:2 is probably what he was referring to, though his interpretation of that
verse is a bit less than "very clear" to me.
"All people will walk every one in the name of his god, and we will walk in the name of the LORD our God ... and the LORD shall
reign over them in mount Zion from henceforth, even for ever."
God approves of religious tolerance? 4:5-7
"Thou shalt not commit adultery."
If a man who looks at a woman with lust commits adultery, and the penalty for adultery is death
(Lev 20:10), then shouldn't the man (and the
woman?) be put to death? 5:27-28
"For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen."
These words (used in the Protestant version of "the Lord's Prayer") were probably not in the original gospel,
since they are not found in Luke's version (Luke 11:2-4) or in the oldest
manuscripts of Matthew's gospel. 6:13
What was the relationship between the centurion and his slave? Were they a gay couple? If so, Jesus didn't seem to mind.
8:5-13
Peter's mother-in-law was sick with a fever. Jesus healed her by touching her hand, so she could get back to serving them.
(Peter's mother-in-law? The first pope was married?) 8:14-15
"But the Pharisees said, He casteth out devils through the prince of the devils."
An interesting hypothesis, if you believe in devils, that is. Help Jesus (a false prophet/Messiah) cast out devils,
so that the people will (mistakenly) believe in him. 9:34, 12:24
"And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul:
but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell."
Notice that Jesus makes a
clear distinction between the soul and the body in this verse. Why would he do that if, as
the Governing Body of the Jehovah's Witnesses teaches, the soul is the body? 10:28
"And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
Jehovah's Witnesses use these verses to justify forcing members to disfellowship (shun)
their own family. 10:34
"When the Pharisees heard it, they said, This fellow doth not cast out devils, but by Beelzebub the prince of the devils."
This would be a good stategy for Beelzebub. Help Jesus (a false prophet/Messiah) cast out devils, so that the people will (mistakenly) believe in him. 12:24
"An enemy hath done this." Some Christians believe that the natural
evil in the world (predators, parasites, pain, death) is due to Satan, not God. 13:28
"Thy mother and thy brethren"
The fact that Jesus had brothers shows that Mary, contrary to Catholic teaching, was not always a virgin. 12:47, 13:55-56
"Pearl of great price"
This phrase was adopted by the Mormon (LDS) church as the title of one of its standard
works. The Pearl of Great Price is a part of Mormon scripture. 13:46
"But when Herod's birthday was kept, the daughter of Herodias danced before
them, and pleased Herod." Is dancing a sin?14:6-8
Jesus founds the Catholic church, makes Peter the pope, and gives him the keys to the kingdom of heaven. (Protestants hate these verses.)
Of course, the gates of hell have pretty much had their way with the Catholic church since then, as the crusades, inquisition, reformation,
and priestly pedophilia testify. 16:18-19
"Two or three witnesses"
Jehovah's Witnesses use this verse
(along with Dt 19:15 and 1 Tim 5:19)
to justify their refusal to report or investigate incidents of child molestation unless two or three
JWs have witnessed the event. If witnesses do not come forward (and they are discouraged from doing
so since it would embarrass the organization), then the victim is told to be quiet about it. 18:16
"There are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb."
Is Jesus talking about homosexuals here? 19:12
"Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God." (Jesus is neither good nor God.)
Is Jesus God?19:17
There are no marriages in heaven. (Married people either don't go to heaven or they get divorced
after arriving there. Marriages aren't made in heaven; they die there.) 22:23-30
The parable of the unfair, lying employer
The kingdom of heaven is like a business that hires workers, paying each the same wage (one penny). Some work 12 hours for the penny;
others 9, 6, or 3 hours; and others for only one hour. If one of the 12-hour workers complains about it, his boss says,
"Hey, didn't you agree to work all day for a penny? What are you complaining about? From this parable, David Barton (and the Republicans)
claim that Jesus was against the minimum wage.
But the employer didn't say he'd pay each of the workers a penny; he said he'd pay them "whatsoever is right" (vv.4,7).
Is it right for one employee to be paid twelve times as much as another when both are doing the same type of work? 20:1-15
Pay your taxes. Keep state and church separate. 22:17-21
The end of the world will be signaled by wars, famines, disease, and earthquakes (6-7). And that's just
"the beginning of sorrows" (8). Next believers will be hated and killed by unbelievers (9), believers will hate and betray each other (10), false
prophets will fool people (11), iniquity will abound and love wax cold (12). But hey, if you make through all that, you'll be saved (13).
Only one more thing will happen before the end comes: the gospel will be preached throughout the world (14). Well, that and the abomination
of desolations will stand in the holy place (15), many false Christs and false prophets will show great signs and wonders (24), the sun and moon
will be darkened and the stars will fall (29), the sign of the son of Man will appear in the sky, everyone on earth will mourn, and then,
finally, the great and powerful son of Man will come in all his glory (30).
Oh, and all these things will happen within the lifespan of Jesus' contemporaries (34).
Or maybe not. Jesus was talking about things he knew nothing about (36). (See Mark 13:32.)
24:3-51
"They shall see the Son of man coming in the clouds of heaven with power and great glory." Will Jesus' second coming be visible to all? Well, not according to the Jehovah's
Witnesses, anyway. Even though in this verse Jesus says he'll return "on the clouds of heaven with great power
and glory" and Rev 1:7 says that "every eye shall see him," The
Governing Body claims that Jesus returned invisibly in 1914 without clouds, glory, or being seen by
anyone. 24:30
"Learn a parable of the fig tree."
Based on these versese, Hal Linsey's The Late,
Great Planet Earth predicted that the end of the world would occur before 1988. The fig tree represents
Israel, Israel came back to life in 1948, and Jesus said the end would come within one generation (40 years).
24:32-34
"Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass, till all these things be fulfilled."
The Jehovah's Witnesses used to interpret this verse to mean that some of those who witnessed
Jesus' return in 1914 would still be alive when Armageddon happened. Now that those alive in 1914 are now pretty much dead, the
JWs have given up on this prediction. 24:34
Jesus was a false prophet, since he predicted that the end of the world will come within the lifetimes of his disciples. The world didn't end then, and
according to Ec 1:4 it never will. 24:34
"Not the angels of heaven, but my Father only"
The best and earliest Greek manuscripts say, "not the angels of heaven, neither the son, but the Father only." But apparently
it bothered the scribes that there were some things Jesus didn't know, so they fixed it by omitting the phrase, "neither the son."
24:36
"Who then is a faithful and wise servant?" For JWs,
this is the most important verse in the Bible. It is the basis of their central dogma,
that the governing body of the Jehovah's Witnesses is the "faithful and wise servant,"
or as the NWT puts it "the faithful and discrete slave." As such, the governing body
must be obeyed in all matters and all of their teachings must be accepted. Those who do
so will survive Armageddon; those who do not, will not. 24:45
"Eat; this is my body."
Jesus tells his disciples to eat his body and drink his blood. Did he mean this literally or
figuratively? The question has divided Christians since the Reformation, but it's impossible to
tell from the passage itself. If God inspired the Bible, shouldn't he have made its interpretation
clear? 26:26-28
"I will not drink henceforth of this fruit of the vine,
until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father's kingdom."
WooHoo! There will be wine to drink in heaven. 26:29
The phrase "as it is written in the prophets" is not found in the oldest and best Greek manuscripts which say, rather,
"as it is written in Isaiah." Scribes made the change to correct the mistake of attributing the quotation to Isaiah, since
the first part of the quote (v.2) is not from Isaiah, but from Ex 23:20 and
Mal 3:1. 1:2
"Jesus, moved with compassion"
Some of the earliest manuscripts of Mark say that Jesus was moved with anger, not compassion. Bart Ehrman in
Misquoting Jesus (p.133-138) argues that
the original text probably said that Jesus reacted with wrath rather than compassion, and was later changed by scribes to
make the verse less problematic. 1:41
"Is not this the carpenter, the son of Mary?"
This is the only verse in the New Testament where Jesus is referred to as a carpenter. And in the earliest manuscript of Mark,
the verse says, "Is not this the son of the carpenter?" Apparently it wasn't in any of the Gospels at the time of Origen,
who said that "in none of the Gospels current in the
Churches is Jesus himself ever described as being a carpenter." 6:3
"Is not this the carpenter, the son of Mary, the brother of James, and Joses, and of Juda, and Simon? and are not his sisters here with us?"
Jesus had at least six siblings, four brothers and at least two sisters. Yet it is a doctine of the Catholic church that Mary was always a virgin. 6:3
"Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery."
If divorced people are adulterers, and the punishment for adultery is death
(Lev 20:10), should we kill those who get a divorce? 10:11-12
One of the followers of Jesus was a young, nearly naked man who dropped his linen cloth and "fled from them
naked" when the priests came to arrest Jesus. 14:51-52
"And Pilate marveled if he were already dead." Maybe he wasn't! 15:44
Verses 9-20 were are not found in the earlier manuscripts and are therefore considered later
additions. So the gospel of Mark ended without anyone seeing the resurrected Jesus or any of the cool stuff about snake
handling, drinking poison, or damned non-believers. 16:9-20
"Joseph and his mother"
Many manuscripts say "his father and his mother," but scribes later changed this to "Joseph and his mother" to avoid calling
Joseph Jesus' father. 2:33
Peter (he was called Simon back then), whom Catholics consider the first pope, was married. [Though he later abandoned his wife and
family to follow Jesus(5:11) who gave him a big reward for doing so (18:29-30).]
4:38
The earliest manuscripts show a much different version of the "Lord's Prayer." Since the prayer found in Matthew
(6:9-13) had become so important liturgically, scribes simply changed the Luke's version
to match. 11:2-5
Jesus insults his mother (the Most Holy Blessed Virgin Mary). 11:27-28
"The kingdom of God is within you." That has a nice sound to it, but I don't know what it means. 17:21
"Why callest thou me good? none is good, save one, that is, God."
Apparently Jesus thought he was neither good nor God. 18:19
"Render therefore unto Caesar the things which be Caesar's, and unto God the things which be God's."
Pay your taxes. Keep state and church separate. 20:25
These verses are found in some (but not all) of the oldest and best manuscripts. Were they added to (or deleted from) the
Biblical text by a scribe? 22:43-44
The phrase "truly I say unto you" is used by Jesus more than 50 times in the NT. In all verses
except this one, the Watchtower places the comma after the word "you". But the NWT translates this verse as follows: "Truly I tell you today,
You will be with me in paradise."
Why would they do that? Well, the Governing Body doesn't believe in a soul, so they say the good thief died
like everyone else. Only later, nearly 2000 years later, after Armageddon, would he be resurrected. So they
couldn't let Jesus tell him that he'd be with him that very day in paradise. Instead, they have Jesus say
that he is telling the truth today (Not yesterday or tomorrow, but today. Or
maybe "today" here is emphasizing that he's telling the truth today, but he was lying yesterday or
something) -- and that sometime in the far distant future they'd be together in paradise. 23:43
"And carried up into heaven"
This phrase appears to be a later addition, since it is not present in some early manuscripts. 24:51
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."
But how could Jesus be with God in the beginning as this
verse says, if, as the Watchtower teaches, Jesus was created by God? And how could Jesus be "a god" and
yet be with God during the creation, if God was speaking truthfully in Dt 32:39 when he said,
"there are no gods with me"? 1:1
"Woman, what have I to do with thee?"
And his most blessed mother said unto him, "I'm your fucking
mother, you jerk." (Or words to that effect.) 2:4
Jehovah's Witnesses deny the bodily resurrection of Jesus, saying instead that
he was raised as a "spirit creature." If so, then how could John say that "he
spake of the temple of his body?" 2:19-21
Troubled Waters
The earliest and best manuscripts lack the explanation for the "troubled waters" given in verses 3-4, which was later added by
scribes. 5:3-4
Jesus says we must eat his flesh and drink his blood if we want to have eternal life. This idea was just too gross for "many of his disciples" and "walked no more
with him." (They are called Protestants nowadays.) 6:53-66
The woman caught in adultery
This is one of the best-known and most-loved of all Bible stories, but it shouldn't be in the Bible.
For although some manuscripts put it
here, others after John 7:36 or 21:35, or Luke 21:38, it is not
found anywhere in the oldest and best manuscripts. 7:53 - 8:11
The Watchtower tries to change the meaning of Jesus'
words ("Before Abraham was, I am.") by having him say, "Before Abraham came into existence I have been." I suppose this is
supposed to mean that he was around as the Archangel Michael back then or something.
(The NWT translates "ego eimi" as "I am" everywhere it occurs except in this verse.) 8:58
The Book of Mormon identifies the "other sheep" to be the Nephites who would be visited by Jesus in the New World
after his resurrection. 10:16
"I lay down my life ... No man taketh it from me, but I lay it down of myself."
Did Jesus commit suicide? 10:17-18
Jesus takes off all his clothes, wraps a towel around himself, and then washes the feet of his disciples using the same towel.
13:3-5
"There was leaning on Jesus' bosom one of his disciples, whom Jesus loved." Was Jesus gay?
13:23-25
He that hateth me hateth my Father also."
Oh, that's a good one. If you don't like Jesus, then you don't like God. (You're a damned God hater.)
On the Jews and Their Lies (Part 12)15:23
Jehovah's Witnesses, like Jesus, are hated by the world and are not
of the world. Thus they don't vote or take part in any human organizations outside the
Watchtower Society. 15:18-19, 17:14
If Jesus (like the Jehovah's Witnesses) didn't believe himself
to be God, then why didn't he correct Thomas when he said, "My Lord and my God"?
20:28
"These are written, that ye might believe."
The gospel of John seems to come to an end with verses 20:30-31, with the next chapter tacked on as a later
addition. This is, in fact, what most scholars believe today. 20:30-31
If the name Jehovah [or YHWH] is so important, why isn't it found in the NT? And why does it say in
Acts 4:12 that
there is only one name (Jesus Christ, v. 10) "whereby we must be saved"? 4:12
"Peter and John ... were unlearned and ignorant men."
Then they didn't write the New Testament books that are attributed to them. The gospel of John and Peter and John's epistles
are all forgeries. 4:13
Imagine no possessions: The early Christians were communists. (See 5:1-11 for the dark side of
Christian communism.) 4:32-35
Stephen, as he is dying, asks Jesus (not Jehovah) to receive his spirit. But how could Jesus receive his spirit if,
as the Governing Body teaches, Jesus is not God and if the soul dies along with the body.
7:59
Although in verse 59, Stephen was clearly praying to Jesus, the NWT tries to give the (false) impression that he
was really praying to Jehovah by translating "Lord" (kyrios) as "Jehovah". [Then, bending his knees, he cried out with
a strong voice: "Jehovah, do not charge this sin against them." NWT] 7:60
"The Holy Ghost said ... I have called them." Jehovah's Witnesses deny that the Holy Spirit is
a person. Why then does he talk and refer to himself in the first person in this verse?
13:2
Many Jehovah's Witnesses have needlessly died because the
WatchTower Society teaches that abstaining from blood, as required by these verses,
prohibits blood transfusions. 15:20, 29
The jailer was so impressed with the holy jailbreak that he converted on the spot. He and his entire family were baptized that night.
It didn't matter to Paul (or God) what the jailer's wife and kids thought about it. They were "his" so he
could do whatever the hell he wanted with (or to) them.
(This stupid story supports the idea of infant baptism, which has divided Christians for centuries.) 16:33
"The whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now."
Some Christians use this verse to show that we live in a
sin cursed world. (But
others disagree.) 8:22
"Phebe our sister, which is a servant of the church."
The Revised Standard Version calls Phoebe a
"deaconess", which would make would make her a church leader. If the
RSV translation is correct, this verse contradicts
the requirement that women not be permitted to teach and that they must be
silent in church. (1 Cor 14:34-35, 1 Tim 2:11-12). 16:1
"Junia ... of note among the apostles"
Was there a woman apostle? That is how some interpret this verse and use it to justify a more active
role for women in the church. 16:7
"Mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the
doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them."
Jehovah's Witnesses use these verses to justify disfellowshipping
those who disagree with the Governing Body. 16:17-18
The Governing Body uses this verse to control the thoughts and beliefs of Jehovah’s
Witnesses. They are instructed not to accept or read the religious literature of others, not to
listen to criticism of the Watchtower Society's teachings, and to fight against independent thinking.
1:10
The oldest Christian denominations were partisans of Paul, Apollos, Cephas, and Christ. 1:12
"I wrote unto you in an epistle"
Despite its title, First Corinthians wasn't the first epistle that Paul wrote the Corinthians. There was another
(Zeroth Corinthians?) that was either lost or considered not worthy of including in the Bible. 5:9
Jehovah's Witnesses use these verses to justify disfellowshipping those who fail to follow
the teachings of the Governing Body. JWs are told to
shun disfellowshipped family and friends. They are not to speak to them or share a
meal with them. If a witness is caught doing so, they will be disfellowshipped as well.
5:9-13
Jehovah's
Witnesses believe that they should not take another member of their
church to court. Consequently, JWs who report incidents of sex abuse are often disfellowshipped.
6:1-7
"As concerning therefore the eating of those things that are offered in
sacrifice unto idols...." The short answer (that you'll find scattered around in this chapter) is this: Go ahead and eat animals that
were sacrificed to other gods. Try not to do it, though, when weaker
Christians are watching. You don't want to scandalize the weaklings, do you? 8:4
"The cup of blessing which we bless, is it not the communion of the blood of Christ? The bread which we break, is it not the communion of the body of Christ?"
Depends on whether you're a Catholic or a Protestant. To me it's just bread and wine. 10:16
"For as often as you eat this loaf and drink this cup, you keep
proclaiming the death of the Lord, until he arrives." (NWT). If Christ arrived in 1914, as the governing body
teaches, then why do Jehovah's Witnesses continue to partake of the bread and wine? Shouldn't they have
stopped in 1914? 11:26
"Faith, hope, and charity ... but the greatest of these is charity.
Love is more important than faith. 13:13
In some manuscripts, verses 34-35 are found at the end of chapter 14, leading some scholars to think that they were not
written by Paul but originated from a misogynistic scribe's marginal note.14:34-36
"In Adam all die. In Christ shall all be made alive."
Nothing died before Adam sinned. In Christ all will have eternal life. (Christ died for the animals.)15:21-22
"For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive." Does hell exist?15:22
"If the dead rise not at all? why are they then baptized for the dead?" This is the verse
that the Mormons use to justify their belief in the baptism of the dead. 15:29
"All flesh is not the same flesh: but there is one kind of flesh of men, another of beasts."
This verse is used by Creationists to argue against both evolution and any attempt to create "human-animal hybrids" or
"chimeras." 15:39
"The first man Adam"
Young Earth Creationists use this verse to support
a literal reading of Genesis. "If we cannot believe in the First Adam, why believe in the Last [Christ]?"
15:45
"And afterword that which is spiritual."
Asa Gray, the foremost American botanist in the 19th century and close friend of Charles Darwin,
used this verse to support the idea that the Bible is not inconsistent with human evolution.
15:46
To Jehovah's Witnesses, everything outside of the Watchtower Organization
is controlled by Satan. The Governing Body uses theses verses to
condemn all holidays, civic activities, and association with non-JWs. 6:14-17
"For your liberal distribution unto them, and unto all men ... Thanks be to God."
God loves liberals! 9:13-15
Jehovah's Witnesses use this verse
(along with Dt 19:15, 1 Tim 5:19,
and Mt 18:16)
to justify their refusal to report or investigate incidents of child molestation unless two or three
JWs have witnessed the event. If witnesses do not come forward (and they are
discouraged from doing so since it would embarrass the organization), then the
victim is told to be quiet about it -- or risk being disfellowshipped. 13:1
"Paul ... to the saints to the saints which are at Ephesus"
Although Ephesians claims to have been written by Paul, most scholars think it was written
after his death by one of his followers. Also, the words "to the saints which are in Ephesus" does not occur in the best
manuscripts. 1:1
"As I wrote afore in few words"
There was another epistle to the Ephesians that has since been lost. 3:3-4
After he died, Jesus "descended into the lower parts of the earth."
Catholics interpret this verse to mean that Jesus descended into hell (or the traditionalists say "limbo") after his death to preach to those who
died before Jesus came. (Protestants just ignore this verse entirely.) 4:9
"Have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness."
To JWs, everything outside of the Watchtower Organization
is controlled by Satan. This is one of the verses that the the Governing Body uses to
condemn all holidays, civic activities, and association with non-JWs.
5:11
"To me to live is Christ, and to die is gain ... what I shall choose I wot not.
For I am in a strait betwixt two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ; which is far better."
Is Paul contemplating suicide here? 1:21-23
"Paul ... to the saints and faithful brethren in Christ which are at Colosse"
Although Colossians claims to have been written by Paul, most scholars think it was written
after his death by one of his followers. 1:1-2
The New World Translation inserts the word 'other' four times in these two verses (although it
is not included in the Greek) to support the GB's denial of the divinity of Christ. But adding words
to scripture is condemned in Pr 30:6. 1:16-17
"Rejoice in my sufferings for you, and fill up that which is behind of the afflictions of Christ in my flesh."
The suffering Jesus was not sufficient to satisfy God's wrath, so the Paul (or whoever wrote Colossians) had to make up for
what as lacking with his own sufferings. 1:24
"Read the epistle from Laodicea."
Apparently God intended to include the epistle from Laodicea in the Bible, but it was lost somewhere along the way. There were
several letters that claimed to be the lost epistle (and one of these was often included in
Latin medieval bibles), but they are considered forgeries today. 4:16
"We which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep."
1 Thessalonians was one of the first Christian writings, yet already (ca.50 CE) believers were getting impatient
about Jesus' supposed return. Their fellow believers were dying and yet Jesus still hadn't come. What the hell is
taking him? And what happens to dead believers? Will they get to see Jesus return? Paul had a lot of 'splainin to do. 4:15
"For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the
voice of the archangel...." From this verse and Jude 9, the Jehovah's Witnesses figure
that Jesus is really the archangel Michael. 4:16
"Be not soon shaken in mind ... by letter as from us."
What letter is being referred to here? Is it 1 Thessalonians? If so, then should Christians not read it to avoid being "skaken
in mind?" 2:2
If Paul wrote this letter (and many scholars think he didn't), then he is changing his mind (since writing 1 Thessalonians)
about the timing of the Christ's return. The day of the Lord is no longer at hand. In fact it's nowhere near. Many things must happen
first: there will be a great "falling away", a "man of sin" will be reveled, and Satan will show off his power by doing all kinds of
signs and wonders. 2:2-9
Although 2 Thessalonians claims to have been written by Paul, many scholars think it was a forgery.
1:1, 3:17
Jehovah's Witnesses use these verses to justify disfellowshipping anyone who disagrees with the
Watchtower's teachings. 3:6, 14
"God was manifest in the flesh." This verse has been used to support the idea that Jesus is God, but the best and earliest manuscripts say Christ "who was
made manifest in the flesh," not "God was made manifest in the flesh." 3:16
"The living God" is the saviour of "all men" -- especially (but not exclusively) of those that believe. So
even nonbelievers will be saved. 4:10
Jehovah's Witnesses use this verse (along with Dt 19:15) to justify their refusal to report or investigate incidents
of child molestation unless two or three JWs have witnessed the event. If witnesses do not come forward (and they
are discouraged from doing so since it would embarrass the organization), then the victim is told to be quiet about it.
5:19
Although Second Timothy claims to have been written by Paul,
some scholars believe that it was written after his death. 1:1
"The Lord knoweth them that are his." This verse was used by the Catholic Church during the inquisition to justify
killing those suspected of heresy. (Kill them all, for `the Lord knows them that are His'." ) 2:19
"A man that is an heretick after the first and second admonition reject."
The Jehovah's Witnesses follow this by disfellowshipping those who refuse to accept the
Governing Bodies teachings. (The NWT translates 3:10 in this way: "As for a man that promotes a
sect...." But don't all JWs belong to and promote a sect?) 3:10-11
The JWs deny the divinity of Christ so they just changed the words in
the New World Translation to read:
"But with reference to the Son: 'God is your throne forever and ever.'" 1:8
Did Jesus die "by the grace of God" or "apart from God"? "There are good reasons for thinking that the latter ... was the
original reading of the Epistle to the Hebrews." [Bart Ehrman,
Misquoting Jesus, (2005), p.145] 2:9
"Our brother Timothy is set at liberty; with whom, if he come shortly, I will see you."
The author of Hebrews never claims to be (and wasn't) Paul, but he wants people to think that he was. And it worked. That's why Hebrews is in the Bible. 13:23
"If any of you lack wisdom ... ask of God ... and it shall be given him."
This is the verse that set the 14-year-old Joseph Smith off to found
the Mormon Church. That is just an example of the type of wisdom God can give you. 1:5
"Peter, an apostle of Jesus Christ"
The author of 1 Peter claims to be the apostle Peter. Most Bible scholars, however, believe it was forged.
(According to Acts 4.13, Peter was illiterate.) 1:1
"Submit yourselves ... to the king ... for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well."
Monarchy is the Biblically-approved form of government whose purpose is to punish evildoers and praise do-gooders.
2:13-14
The Watchtower Society teaches that there is no consciousness after death. But if that is so, then how could
Jesus have preached to the "spirits in prison?" 3:19, 4:6
Although this epistle claims to have been written by Peter, he
was almost certainly not its author. It is thought to have been written around 90-100 CE, long after Peter's death. The late date is
suspected because: 1) verses 3:3-4 make excuses for the failure of the expected second coming of Christ,
2) the author refers to "all of the letters of Paul" in a way that indicates that Paul's epistles were already considered
equal to "the other scriptures", and 3) the epistle depends upon the letter of Jude, which is thought to have been written around
80-100 CE. 1:1, 3:1
"No prophecy of the scripture is of any private interpretation."
That's just your interpretation. 1:20
"Submit yourselves ... to the king ... for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well."
Monachy is the Biblically-approved form of government whose purpose is to punish evildoers and praise do-gooders. 2:13-14
"He is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also
for the sins of the whole world." Does Hell exist?2:2
They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would no doubt have continued with us."
Many Christians interpret this verse to mean that it is impossible for a true believer to become an unbeliever. (They become
antichrists instead.) 2:19
"There are three that bear record in heaven, the Father, the Word, and the Holy Ghost."
This is the clearest, and pretty much the only, expression of the Trinitarian concept in
the Bible. It is not, however, found in the earliest Greek manuscripts and is omitted from most
modern translations. Here, for example, are verses 5:7-8 in the New Revised
Standard Version:
"There are three that testify: the
Spirit and the water and the blood, and these three agree."
Not all Christians agree about how these verses (often called
the Johannine comma) should be treated. See here for a KJV-only defense.
5:7-8
Don't associate with non-Christians. Don't receive them into your house or even exchange greeting
with them. This is the biblical justification for "Disfellowshipping" among the Jehovah's Witnesses.
10
"Jude, the ... brother of James"
The author claims to be "Jude, the brother or James," which means he is also claiming to be the brother of Jesus,
since that was the most famous James among believers at the time (Gal 1:19). He was lying, of course. 1
Michael the Archangel (Jesus according to the Watchtower)
argued with the devil about the body of Moses. 9
Enoch, "the seventh from Adam", prophesied that God would come
with 10,000 of his saints "to execute judgment upon all." But this
prophecy is from the Book of Enoch, not from
the Bible. 14-15
"Remember ye the words which were spoken before of the apostles."
Jude was written in post-apostolic times, so it's author could not have been the apostle Jude (Luke 6:16;
Acts 1:13; cf John 14:22) as believers sometimes claim.
17
Will Jesus' second coming be visible to all? Well, not according to the Jehovah's
Witnesses, anyway. Even though Jesus (Mt 24:30) says he'll return "on the clouds of heaven with
great power and glory" and this verse says that "every eye shall see him," The Governing Body claims that Jesus returned invisibly
in 1914 without clouds, glory, or being seen by anyone. 1:7
JWs believe that there are two distinct classes of believers: the 144,000 "Anointed" that are going to heaven and
the "Great Crowd" that will remain here on earth. The WatchTower teaches that heaven closed in 1935, and that everyone else will
either be killed at Armageddon (if they are not JWs) or live forever on earth. 7:4
The "great multitude" is the WatchTower's "great crowd" that it claims will remain on earth
rather than going to heaven. Yet in this verse the "great crowd" stands "before the throne" and "before the lamb". Where else
would the thrown and lamb be besides heaven? 7:9
"And the name of the star is called Wormwood."
Some believers say that the 1986 nuclear disaster at Chernobyl was the fulfillment of the
third trumpet in 8:10-11. 8:10-11
Catholics say the "woman clothed with the sun" is Mary; Protestants say it is Israel, the church, or Eve.
But whoever she is, she's pregnant and the dragon wants to eat her newborn baby. He's worked up an
appetite by knocking
down 1/3 of the stars with his tail. But when the woman delivered, God beamed her baby boy up to heaven. Then the
woman went into the wilderness to feed for 1260 days. Whatever. 12:1-6
Are the 144,000 men that are "not defiled by women" homosexuals? Are only gay men to be saved? 14:1-4
"I am thy fellowservant, and of thy brethren the prophets"
Mormon apologists use this verse to explain the plagiarism of the Bible in the Book of Mormon. (Prophets sometimes send
angelic visitors to other prophets to help with the proper wording of scripture.) 22:9
, n. 11, p. 46
