SAB Interpretation

Interpretations
-In the Quran
-In the Book of Mormon

Bible: Interpretation

Genesis

"In the beginning"
When was the universe created?
The Gap Theory 1:1-2
The second day is the only day God didn't call "good".
"St. Jerome held that the reason why God did not pronounce the work of the second day "good" is to be found in the fact that there is something essentially evil in the number two, and this was echoed centuries afterward, afar off in Britain, by Bede." A History of the Warfare of Science with Theology, Chapter 1 by A. D. White 1:8
"Let the earth bring forth grass ... living creatures."
Does the Bible teach evolution? 1:11, 1:24
"Let them be for signs."
Does the Bible condemn astrology? 1:14
"And God made the beast of the earth."
The Christian Identity and Aryan Nations folks say that "beast of the earth" and "beast of the field" refer to all non-human animals and non-white humans. They consider all people of color to be without a soul and on the same level as animals, such as cattle, fish, and birds. 1:25
God gave humans dominion over every other living thing on earth. This couldn't be true, of course, since millions of other species existed for millions of years before humans existed. But this verse is used by fundamentalist Christians to justify their mistreatment of other species and disregard for the environment. After all, they believe that God created the other species just for them, so they can do whatever they please with them. 1:26
"And God said, Let us make man in our image ... male and female"
Is God both male and female? 1:26-27
"God created man."
When was Adam created? 1:27
One way of dealing with the two contradictory creation accounts is to say that the reason there are two different stories is that there were two different creations. This has been a common interpretation historically, and it is still found taday. Pre-Adamites 1:27
"Be fruitful and multiply."
This verse is used to justify Christian opposition to birth control, concern for the environment, and animal rights. The earth was made for humans, and they can do as they damn well please with it. 1:28
"I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth."
Is it okay to smoke marijuana? 1:29
"To dress and keep it"
Some believers claim that this verse requires them to be environmentalists. 2:15
When will Armageddon occur? 2:22
Is polygamy OK? 2:24, 4:19, 16:3, 25:1, 25:6, 26:34, 28:9, 31:17, 32:22
In Christian Identity theology, the serpent is a black male ("beast of the field"), possessed by the devil, who seduced Eve. Cain is the child that is born from this union, the evil son of the devil and the first Jew. All Jews are descended from Cain. 3:1
"I will put enmity ... between thy seed and her seed."
The Two Seed Theory 3:15
"And the LORD set a mark upon Cain, lest any finding him should kill him."
"Whoso sheddeth man's blood, by man shall his blood be shed."
Does God approve of capital punishment? 4:15, 9:6
"And the LORD set a mark upon Cain."
The mark of Cain and Racism 4:15
"And Cain knew his wife." That's nice, but where the hell did she come from? Although the Bible doesn't say, Joseph Smith provided the answer in "The Inspired Version" of the Bible, which was his very own "translation". Here's what it says:
And it came to pass, that Cain took one of his brother's daughters to wife, and they loved Satan more than God. - Gen.5:13
So according to Joseph Smith (and he ought to know!) Cain married one of his nieces. He doesn't say, though, which of Cain's brothers was Mrs. Cain's father. Another answer is provided by the Pre-Adamite theory. 4:17
Do angels have sex? 6:2, 4, 19:1-4
Who were the sons of God? 6:2
The flood story in Genesis is confusing to read. The clean animals go into the ark by twos (6:19-20, 7:8-9) and by sevens (7:2). The flood lasts for forty days (7:17) and for 150 days (7:24, 8:3). Noah sends out a raven (8:7) and a dove (8:8).
Why doesn't Genesis get its story straight? Because there were two separate accounts that were (somewhat clumsily) interwoven. 8:7
"But ... the blood thereof, shall ye not eat."
Blood Transfusions 9:4
Is it OK to eat blood? 9:4
"And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done unto him."
What did Ham do? Did he just look at his naked father or was there something more to it than that? Some commentators have suggested that Ham committed homosexual rape on his drunken father, and that this was why Ham's descendants were eternally punished with slavery. 9:24
Does God approve of slavery? 9:25-27, 16:8-9, 17:12-13, 17:24, 17:27, 24:35-36, 26:13-14
"Nimrod ... a mighty hunter before the Lord"
Who was Nimrod? The king who tried to construct the tower of Babel? The first pope? Elmer Fudd? Here are some links to help you decide. 10:8-10
"Peleg; for in his days was the earth divided."
Some creationists believe that this verse refers to continental drift, which, they say, began to occur during the days of Pelag (which means "division"), about 100 or so years after the flood. But many other creationists disagree. 10:25
"Terah ... begat Abraham."
Who was Abraham's father? Azar or Terah (Quran 6:74)? Which is right, the Bible or the Quran? 11:26
Say, I pray thee, thouart my sister."
In the LDS Book of Abraham the same silly story is told, but it is God, not Abraham, who concocts the lie. 12:13
What was Sodom's sin? 19:4-5
"And Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian, which she had born unto Abraham, mocking."
What did Sarah see that disturbed her so much? Jonathan Kirsch suggests in The Harlot by the Side of the Road that the "play" between Isaac and Ishmael may have been of a sexual nature, noting that the same word is used to describe the behaviour of Ishmael and Isaac as is used in 26:8 to describe Isaac's fondling of Rebekah. 21:9
"God gave thee ... plenty of ... wine."
Is it OK to drink alcohol? 27:28
Jacob's thigh 32:24-30
According to the Apocryphal/Deuterocanonical book of Judith, God not only approved of the violence in Genesis 34, but he gave Simeon the sword that he used to kill all the males in the city. 34:1-31
"Pharaoh's birthday"
What about birthdays? 40:20
Exodus
Is magic OK? 4:2-6, 22:18
Strange Flesh: Moses and God 4:24-26
Does God approve of slavery? 12:44, 20:17, 21:2-6, 21:7, 21:16, 21:20-21, 21:26-27, 21:32, 22:2-3
God spake all these words
These words" are generally considered to be The Ten Commandments. But the text doesn't call this un-numbered list "The Ten Commandments"; it only says that "these words" were spoken by God. (See Exodus 34:28 where the phrase "Ten Commandments" is actually used.) 20:1
"If he take him another wife...."
Is polygamy OK? 21:10
"The rich shall not give more, and the poor shall not give less than half a shekel."
The Christian Right uses this verse to justify an absolute flat tax, where everyone, rich or poor, pays the same dollar amount in taxes. 30:15
Does God approve of capital punishment? 21:15-17, 22:18, 31:14-15, 35:2
Is dancing a sin? 15:21-21, 32:19-21, 31
"Thou shalt have no other gods before me."
Saluting the Flag 20:3-5
Leviticus
Is it OK to eat blood? 3:17, 7:26-27, 17:10-14, 19:26
"No soul of you shall eat blood." Blood Transfusions 17:10-14
Does God approve of slavery? 19:13, 19:18, 19:20, 19:33-34, 22:11, 25:10, 25:17, 25:39, 25:44-46
"Neither shall ye use enchantment."
Is magic OK? 19:26, 31
Ye shall not ... observe times."
Does the bible condemn astrology? 19:26
Does God approve of capital punishment? 20:9-16, 24:16
According to God, babies (or fetuses) less than one month old are worth nothing at all. (So I guess the God approves of abortion.) 27:6
Numbers
When "Moses numbered them according to the word of the Lord" he was told to count "every male from a month old and upward." Women and girls didn't count as persons. Neither did babies (or fetuses) under 1 month old. I guess the unborn just don't count to God. 3:15-16
Is magic OK? 5:27, 21:8-9
"He shall separate himself from wine and strong drink."
Is it OK to drink alcohol? 6:3
Korah, Dathan, and Abiram, the first freethought/democracy martyrs, refused to follow Moses blindly, saying that everyone is holy and should be free to think for him or herself. God killed them and their families for daring to challenge Moses. 16:1-35
Did God kill Aaron on mount Hor? The Bible doesn't say, but it sure looks suspicious. 20:23-28
(Since the Bible isn't clear on this, I didn't include Aaron's death in Drunk With Blood: God's killings in the Bible)
"The Book of the wars of the Lord"
(One of the lost books of the Bible) 21:14
Is it OK to gamble? 26:52-56, 33:54, 34:13
The first women to demand their property rights? 27:1-7
"Whoso killeth any person, the murderer shall be put to death." 35:30
Deuteronomy
Does God approve of slavery? 5:21, 15:12, 20:10-11, 20:14, 23:15-16, 24:7, 24:14-15
Is it OK to eat blood? 12:16, 12:23
The Watchtower (May 15, 2012) uses this passage to force Jehovah's Witnesses to shun (disfellowship) apostates (former J-dubs) in their own family. 13:6-10
Martin Luther used these verses (Deuteronomy 13:12-17)to justify burning the synagogues and homes of the Jews.
On the Jews and Their Lies (Part 11) 13:12-17
Jehovah's Witnesses use this "two witness rule" when dealing with the sexual abuse of children, which makes it pretty much impossible to establish the guilt of witness child molesters. 17:6
Is magic OK? 18:10-11
Does the bible condemn astrology? 18:10-12
Who is the prophesied prophet? 18:18
Jehovah's Witnesses and the Two Witness Rule 19:15
Is polygamy OK? 21:15
When someone commits "a sin worthy of death" that person is "accursed of God" and should be hung on a tree. But should the accursed person be killed first by stoning and then hung on a tree or be killed by hanging on a tree -- that is, by crucifixion? I'll leave that for the Bible scholars to decide. The important thing is to make sure you take the accursed dead body down before nightfall. Leaving dead bodies on trees all night is just nasty. Too nasty even for a very nasty God. 21:22-23
Does God approve of capital punishment? 22:13-24
The JWs believe that Jesus is "a god" who was with Jehovah during the creation. But how could that be if God was speaking truthfully in this verse when he said, "there are no gods with me"? 32:39
"And there arose not a prophet since in Israel like unto Moses."
Who was the greatest prophet? 34:10
Joshua
"Ye are cursed, and there shall none of you be freed."
Does God approve of slavery? 9:23
"Is not this written in the book of Jasher?" 10:13
Does the Bible condemn gambling? 14:2, 18:6, 19:51, 21:8
Judges
Does the bible condemn astrology? 5:20
Is polygamy OK? 8:30
Is it OK to drink alcohol? 9:13
"His daughter came out to meet him with timbrels and with dances."
Is dancing a sin? 11:34
"Drink not wine nor strong drink."
Is it OK to drink alcohol? 13:4
"Samson visited his wife with a kid."
The New Oxford Annotated Bible says that a young goat was "the usual gift for sexual intercourse." (Genesis .38:17)
OK, that may have been true for prostitutes, but did you have to give your wife a goat every time you had sex? 15:1
The LORD is your way wherein ye go." 18:6
"God has given it into your hands." 18:10
"The children of Dan ... came unto Laish, unto a people that were at quiet and secure: and they smote them with the edge of the sword, and burnt the city with fire." Did God approve of the Danite slaughter of the quiet and unsuspecting people of Laish? (See verses 6 and 10.) 18:26-27
Ruth
Ruth loved Naomi as Adam loved Eve. (Or so say the folks at WouldJesusDiscriminate.org) 1:14
1 Samuel
Is polygamy OK? 1:1-2
"He [Eli] fell ... and his neck brake, and he died."
Did God kill Eli and his daughter-in-law to punish him for his sons' sins? 4:18-20
Strange Flesh: Hemorrhoids in their secret parts 5:6-12
Samuel called the Israelites together and selected their king by lot. First the tribe of Benjamin was selected, then the family of Matri, and then Saul. 10:19-21
"Then Samuel told the people the manner of the kingdom, and wrote it in a book." (Another lost book of the Bible.) 10:25
Were David and Jonathan gay? 18:1-4, 19:2, 20:41
Possibly Gay Bible Stories: David and Jonathan
"The soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul ... And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him, and gave it to David, and his garments ... and his girdle." 18:1-4
"Jonathan ... delighted much in David." 19:2
David and Jonathan "kissed one another, and wept with one another" when they parted for the last time. 20:41
"God hath delivered thine enemy into thine hand."
Did God deliver Saul into David's hand? Well, that's what Abishai thought, anyway. And God was involved in the whole thing, since he laid a "deep sleep" upon them so that they wouldn't notice them sneak into Saul's tent (26.12). 26:8
2 Samuel
"Behold, it is written in the book of Jasher." 1:18
David loved Jonathan more than women. (And he loved a lot of women a lot!) 1:26
"And David danced before the LORD."
Is dancing a sin? 6:14
Is polygamy OK? 12:7-8
"He ... put them under saws, and under harrows of iron, and under axes of iron, and made them pass through the brick-kiln."
David tortured or enslaved (depending on translation) all the inhabitants of several cities. 12:31
1 Kings
"He [Solomon] spake three thousand proverbs: and his songs were a thousand and five."
(I think that beats Willie Nelson.) 4:32
Is polygamy OK? 11:2-3
"Are they not written in the book of the acts of Solomon?" 11:14
"Behold, they are written in the chronicles of the kings of Israel" 14:19, 16:20
"Are they not written in the chronicles of the kings of Judah?" 14:29
"When Zimri saw that the city was taken, that he went into the palace of the king's house, and burnt the king's house over him with fire, and died. For his sins which he sinned in doing evil in the sight of the LORD, in walking in the way of Jeroboam, and in his sin which he did, to make Israel to sin."
Did God force Zimri to burn himself to death? 16:18-19
"He laid the foundation thereof in Abiram his firstborn, and set up the gates thereof in his youngest son Segub, according to the word of the LORD."
When Hiel rebuilds Jericho, he lays the foundation with the body of his oldest son and sets up the gates with his youngest son's body "according to the word of the Lord."
Did God want Hiel to sacrifice his sons in this way? Did he make him do it? What does "according to the word of the Lord" mean here? 16:34
How long was Elijah's drought? 17:1
2 Kings
Did God kill king Benhadad?
Benhadad was sick, so he sent Hazael to ask Elisha if he would recover. Elisha said to tell the king that he would recover, though God told him that he would die. Hazael returned and delivered the message to the king and then smothered him.
Seems suspicious, doesn't it? Especially when you consider how much God hated Benhadad. God killed Ahab and his family for not killing Benhadad. Maybe Hazael did the job for God when he smothered him. 8:7-15
Were Jehu and Jehonadab gay? 10:15-17
The Watchtower (Nov 15, 2011) calls Jehu "a champion of pure worship" and a model for disfellowshipping. 10:30
Is magic OK? 18:3-4, 21:6
The only college mentioned in the Bible. 22:14
1 Chronicles
Some creationists believe that this verse (and Gen.10:25) refers to continental drift, which, they say, began to occur during the days of Pelag (which means "division"), about 100 or so years after the flood. 1:19
"Ashur ... had two wives."
Is polygamy OK? 4:5
David tortured or enslaved (depending on translation) all the inhabitants of several cities. 20:3
"They are written in the book of Samuel the seer, and in the book of Nathan the prophet, and in the book of Gad the seer." 29:29
2 Chronicles
Jehovah's Witnesses used to believe that God lives on the planet Alcyone in the Pleiades cluster. The only biblical justification for this was this verse and Job 38:31. 6:21
"If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray ... then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land."
The Christian Right uses this verse to argue for a Christian Nation. But it can also be interpreted to mean that Christians should pray, not vote. 7:14
"Now the acts of Rehoboam, first and last, are they not written in the book of Shemaiah the prophet, and of Iddo the seer concerning genealogies?" 12:15
Is polygamy OK? 11:21, 13:21, 24:3
When Judah came toward the watch tower in the wilderness, they looked unto the multitude, and, behold, they were dead bodies."
Is this where the Jehovah's Witnesses get The WatchTower? 20:24
Ezra
David Barton at Glenn Beck's "University" says that this verse is the basis for the American Founding Fathers' decision not to tax churches. 7:24
Nehemiah
"I was the king's cupbearer. 1:11 Strange Flesh: Nehemiah, the king's cupbearer
Does the bible condemn gambling? 10:34
Esther
"It was written in the book of the chronicles before the king." 2:23
Job
"Who teacheth us more than the beasts of the earth, and maketh us wiser than the fowls of heaven?" 35:11
"Canst thou bind the sweet influences of Pleiades?"
Does God live on the planet Alcyone in the Pleiades cluster? 38:31
Psalms
"At thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore." 16:11
Does Hell exist? 1:4-6, 34:16, 37:1-2, 37:20, 69:28
Is dancing a sin? 30:11, 149:3, 150:4
"Wine that maketh glad the heart of man."
Is it OK to drink alcohol? 104:15
"Pray for the peace of Jerusalem: they shall prosper that love thee."
Jews, Christians, and Muslims all love Jerusalem, and fight each other for the holy city, exclusively given to them by God. None of them prosper. 122:6
Proverbs
"The proverbs of Solomon"
The book of Proverbs was written several centuries after Solomon supposedly lived. So it wasn't written by Solomon. It was forged by someone who claimed to be Solomon. 1:1, 10:1
Does the Bible condemn gambling? 10:4, 20:21, 23:4, 28:22
"Whoso curseth his father or his mother, his lamp shall be put out in obscure darkness."
What the hell does that mean? Is this just a restatement of Exodus 21:17? ("He that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death.") 20:20
Does Hell exist? 10:25, 24:20
Does God approve of slavery? 22:22-23
Is it okay to drink alcohol? 9:5, 20:1, 23:20-21, 23:29-32, 31:6-7
Is it OK to gamble? 28:22
"Add thou not unto his words."
Yet the New World Translation inserts the word "other" four times in Colossian 1:16-17 even though it is not in the original Greek. 30:6
Ecclesiastes
"The words of the Preacher, the son of David, king in Jerusalem ... I the Preacher was king over Israel in Jerusalem ... I am come to great estate, and have gotten more wisdom than all they that have been before me."
The author of Ecclesiastes claims to be the wise, rich son of King David, which is to say, Solomon. He isn't. Ecclesiastes was written (forged) about six hundred years after Solomon died (if he ever lived, that is). 1:1, 12, 16
"I got me servants and maidens, and had servants born in my house."
The author seems to be bragging about owning slaves here, with no indication of any disapproval of slavery. 2:7

"A time to dance"
Is dancing a sin? 3:4
Does the bible condemn gambling? 5:10
Is it OK to drink alcohol? 9:7
Song of Solomon
"The song of songs, which is Solomon's."
The author claims to be Solomon. He isn't. The Song of Solomon (aka "The Song of Songs") was written (forged) several hundred years after Solomon died (if he ever lived, that is). 1:1
"I have drunk my wine ... O friends; drink, yea, drink abundantly."
Is it OK to drink alcohol? 5:1
Isaiah
Is it OK to drink alcohol? 5:11, 22, 28:1, 7
"Lucifer, son of the morning."
This is the only verse in the bible that mentions Lucifer. Although most Christians consider Lucifer to be Satan (the devil), there is little biblical justification for doing so. In this verse "Lucifer" refers to the king of Babylon (Nebuchadrezzar?) and Lucifer (the light bearer) is also called the "son of the morning" or morning star. The only other person that is referred to in that way is Jesus (Rev 22:16). Does this mean that Lucifer is Jesus? 14:12
"Open ye the gates, that the righteous nation which keepeth the truth may enter in."
Donald Rumsfeld sent this verse to inspire the troops during the 2003 invasion of Iraq. 26:2
God performs a "marvelous work and a wonder" by destroying wisdom and understanding. The Mormons believe the "marvelous work and a wonder" is the Book of Mormon 29:14
"Ye are my witnesses, saith the LORD."
This is the verse from which the Jehovah's Witnesses take their name. 43:10, 12
"Thus saith the LORD to his anointed, to Cyrus"
"Anointed one" means Messiah. So was king Cyrus the Messiah?
David Koresh (born Vernon Howell) chose his name after the two men in the Bible who are called Messiah (or anointed one) in the Bible: David and Cyrus. (The name "Koresh" is a transliteration of the Hebrew name Cyrus.) 45:1
"My counsel shall stand, and I will do all my pleasure."
Unlike the god of the process theologians, the God of Isaiah is in full control of his creation; he has pre-ordained everything. 46:10-11
"Does the bible condemn astrology? 47:13-14
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD."
Believers use these verses to justify everything cruel, nasty, and absurd in the Bible. Why did God kill 42 children for making fun of a prophet's bald head? What was God thinking when he inspired Ezekiel 23:20? And what about that talking donkey in Numbers 22? Well God's ways are not our ways. 55:8-9
Does God approve of slavery? 58:6
Jeremiah
Christians often cite this verse as biblical proof that a fetus is a person. Their rationale is if God knows us in the womb, then fetuses are people, too. Of course, they often overlook the verses that illustrate God's willingness to kill both the born and unborn. 1:5
The people of Israel and Judah finally look behind the curtain and see that there is no god and the prophets are liars. 5:12-13
"Ask for the old paths"
To see how to become such "an old kind of Christian" go to Little Geneva. 6:16
"Be not dismayed at the signs of heaven."
Does the Bible condemn astrology? 10:2
"The way of man is not in himself: it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps." (Humans lack free will.) 10:23
Jeremiah's loincloth 13:1-11
"Woe unto him that buildeth his house by unrighteousness, and his chambers by wrong; that useth his neighbour's service without wages, and giveth him not for his work."
Does God approve of slavery? 22:13
What was Sodom's sin? 23:14
Is it OK to drink alcohol? 35:14

Ezekiel
Ezekiel experiences what some say is the first recorded UFO sighting. 1:5-9
Ezekiel 4:9 bread: It's supposed to be made according to the recipe given in this verse and is said to be a complete meal that satisfies all nutritional requirements. It seems like pretty good bread to me, too, but I'll bet it doesn't use the procedure described in Ezekiel 4:12. 4:9
What was Sodom's sin? 16:49
Whoever charges interest on a loan must die. (Or is it their fathers that must die?) 18:13
"For Joseph, the stick of Ephraim...."
Mormons believe "the stick of Ephraim" is a prophecy of the Book of Mormon. (Doctrine and Covenants 27:5) 37:15-17
Daniel
"Daniel ... would not defile himself with ... the king's ... wine."
Is it OK to drink alcohol? 1:8
"Neither shall he regard the God of his fathers, nor the desire of women, nor regard any god: for he shall magnify himself above all."
Some Christians think this refers to the antichrist. (He'll be an atheist homosexual.) 11:37
Many shall be purified, and made white."
So is everyone in heaven white? 12:10
Hosea
"Ye are not my people, and I will not be your God."
Martin Luther interpreted this verse to mean that God had rejected the Jews and that Christians should do likewise. Hosea 1:9
Joel
"They ... parted my land." 3:2
On January 5, 2006, Pat Robertson linked Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's stroke to God's wrath, saying: "In the book of Joel, the prophet Joel makes it very clear that God has 'enmity against those who divide my land.'"
Although he didn't quote chapter and verse, Joel 3:2 is probably what he was referring to, though his interpretation of that verse is a bit less than "very clear" to me.

Obadiah
"They shall be as though they had not been."
Does Hell exist? 16

Micah
"All people will walk every one in the name of his god, and we will walk in the name of the LORD our God ... and the LORD shall reign over them in mount Zion from henceforth, even for ever."
God approves of religious tolerance? 4:5-7

Habakkuk
"Woe unto him that giveth his neighbour drink."
Is it OK to drink alcohol? 2:15
Zephaniah
"I will cut off ... them that worship the host of heaven."
Does the Bible condemn astrology? 1:4-5

Zechariah
"How great is his goodness ... corn shall make the young men cheerful, and new wine for the maids."
Is it OK to drink alcohol? 9:17
Malachi
"I will be a swift witness against ... those that oppress the hireling in his wages."
Does God approve of slavery? 3:5
Matthew
"Where is he that is born King of the Jews? for we have seen his star in the east."
Does the bible condemn astrology? 2:1-2
Did Jesus sin? 3:13, 12:46-50, 21:2
"Thou shalt not commit adultery."
If a man who looks at a woman with lust commits adultery, and the penalty for adultery is death (Lev 20:10), then shouldn't the man (and the woman?) be put to death? 5:27-28

"For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen."
These words (used in the Protestant version of "the Lord's Prayer") were probably not in the original gospel, since they are not found in Luke's version (Luke 11:2-4) or in the oldest manuscripts of Matthew's gospel. 6:13
Does God approve of slavery? 8:5-9, 23:10
What was the relationship between the centurion and his slave? Were they a gay couple? If so, Jesus didn't seem to mind. 8:5-13
Peter's mother-in-law was sick with a fever. Jesus healed her by touching her hand, so she could get back to serving them. (Peter's mother-in-law? The first pope was married?) 8:14-15
Is Jesus God? 9:2-6
What was Sodom's sin? 10:14-15
"But the Pharisees said, He casteth out devils through the prince of the devils." An interesting hypothesis, if you believe in devils, that is. Help Jesus (a false prophet/Messiah) cast out devils, so that the people will (mistakenly) believe in him. 9:34, 12:24
"And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell."
Notice that Jesus makes a clear distinction between the soul and the body in this verse. Why would he do that if, as the Governing Body of the Jehovah's Witnesses teaches, the soul is the body? 10:28
"And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
Jehovah's Witnesses use these verses to justify forcing members to disfellowship (shun) their own family. 10:34
Who was the greatest prophet? 11:11
"When the Pharisees heard it, they said, This fellow doth not cast out devils, but by Beelzebub the prince of the devils."
This would be a good stategy for Beelzebub. Help Jesus (a false prophet/Messiah) cast out devils, so that the people will (mistakenly) believe in him. 12:24
"An enemy hath done this."
Some Christians believe that the natural evil in the world (predators, parasites, pain, death) is due to Satan, not God. 13:28
Does Hell exist? 13:41-42, 18:8-9, 22:13, 25:41, 46
"Thy mother and thy brethren"
The fact that Jesus had brothers shows that Mary, contrary to Catholic teaching, was not always a virgin. 12:47, 13:55-56
"Pearl of great price"
This phrase was adopted by the Mormon (LDS) church as the title of one of its standard works. The Pearl of Great Price is a part of Mormon scripture. 13:46
"But when Herod's birthday was kept, the daughter of Herodias danced before them, and pleased Herod."
Is dancing a sin? 14:6-8
Jesus founds the Catholic church, makes Peter the pope, and gives him the keys to the kingdom of heaven. (Protestants hate these verses.)
Of course, the gates of hell have pretty much had their way with the Catholic church since then, as the crusades, inquisition, reformation, and priestly pedophilia testify. 16:18-19
"Two or three witnesses"
Jehovah's Witnesses use this verse (along with Dt 19:15 and 1 Tim 5:19) to justify their refusal to report or investigate incidents of child molestation unless two or three JWs have witnessed the event. If witnesses do not come forward (and they are discouraged from doing so since it would embarrass the organization), then the victim is told to be quiet about it. 18:16
Is polygamy OK? 19:4-5, 25:1
"There are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb." Is Jesus talking about homosexuals here? 19:12
"Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God." (Jesus is neither good nor God.) Is Jesus God? 19:17
There are no marriages in heaven. (Married people either don't go to heaven or they get divorced after arriving there. Marriages aren't made in heaven; they die there.) 22:23-30
The parable of the unfair, lying employer
The kingdom of heaven is like a business that hires workers, paying each the same wage (one penny). Some work 12 hours for the penny; others 9, 6, or 3 hours; and others for only one hour. If one of the 12-hour workers complains about it, his boss says, "Hey, didn't you agree to work all day for a penny? What are you complaining about? From this parable, David Barton (and the Republicans) claim that Jesus was against the minimum wage.
But the employer didn't say he'd pay each of the workers a penny; he said he'd pay them "whatsoever is right" (vv.4,7). Is it right for one employee to be paid twelve times as much as another when both are doing the same type of work? 20:1-15
Pay your taxes. Keep state and church separate. 22:17-21
The end of the world will be signaled by wars, famines, disease, and earthquakes (6-7). And that's just "the beginning of sorrows" (8). Next believers will be hated and killed by unbelievers (9), believers will hate and betray each other (10), false prophets will fool people (11), iniquity will abound and love wax cold (12). But hey, if you make through all that, you'll be saved (13).
Only one more thing will happen before the end comes: the gospel will be preached throughout the world (14). Well, that and the abomination of desolations will stand in the holy place (15), many false Christs and false prophets will show great signs and wonders (24), the sun and moon will be darkened and the stars will fall (29), the sign of the son of Man will appear in the sky, everyone on earth will mourn, and then, finally, the great and powerful son of Man will come in all his glory (30).
Oh, and all these things will happen within the lifespan of Jesus' contemporaries (34).
Or maybe not. Jesus was talking about things he knew nothing about (36). (See Mark 13:32.) 24:3-51
"They shall see the Son of man coming in the clouds of heaven with power and great glory."
Will Jesus' second coming be visible to all? Well, not according to the Jehovah's Witnesses, anyway. Even though in this verse Jesus says he'll return "on the clouds of heaven with great power and glory" and Rev 1:7 says that "every eye shall see him," The Governing Body claims that Jesus returned invisibly in 1914 without clouds, glory, or being seen by anyone. 24:30
"Learn a parable of the fig tree."
Based on these versese, Hal Linsey's The Late, Great Planet Earth predicted that the end of the world would occur before 1988. The fig tree represents Israel, Israel came back to life in 1948, and Jesus said the end would come within one generation (40 years). 24:32-34
"Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass, till all these things be fulfilled."
The Jehovah's Witnesses used to interpret this verse to mean that some of those who witnessed Jesus' return in 1914 would still be alive when Armageddon happened. Now that those alive in 1914 are now pretty much dead, the JWs have given up on this prediction. 24:34
Jesus was a false prophet, since he predicted that the end of the world will come within the lifetimes of his disciples. The world didn't end then, and according to Ec 1:4 it never will. 24:34
"Not the angels of heaven, but my Father only"
The best and earliest Greek manuscripts say, "not the angels of heaven, neither the son, but the Father only." But apparently it bothered the scribes that there were some things Jesus didn't know, so they fixed it by omitting the phrase, "neither the son." 24:36
"Who then is a faithful and wise servant?"
For JWs, this is the most important verse in the Bible. It is the basis of their central dogma, that the governing body of the Jehovah's Witnesses is the "faithful and wise servant," or as the NWT puts it "the faithful and discrete slave." As such, the governing body must be obeyed in all matters and all of their teachings must be accepted. Those who do so will survive Armageddon; those who do not, will not. 24:45
Jesus judges the nations. 25:31-46
"Eat; this is my body."
Jesus tells his disciples to eat his body and drink his blood. Did he mean this literally or figuratively? The question has divided Christians since the Reformation, but it's impossible to tell from the passage itself. If God inspired the Bible, shouldn't he have made its interpretation clear? 26:26-28
"I will not drink henceforth of this fruit of the vine, until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father's kingdom."
WooHoo! There will be wine to drink in heaven. 26:29
Mark
Did Jesus sin? 1:4, 11:2
The phrase "as it is written in the prophets" is not found in the oldest and best Greek manuscripts which say, rather, "as it is written in Isaiah." Scribes made the change to correct the mistake of attributing the quotation to Isaiah, since the first part of the quote (v.2) is not from Isaiah, but from Ex 23:20 and Mal 3:1. 1:2
The first pope was married. 1:30
"Jesus, moved with compassion"
Some of the earliest manuscripts of Mark say that Jesus was moved with anger, not compassion. Bart Ehrman in Misquoting Jesus (p.133-138) argues that the original text probably said that Jesus reacted with wrath rather than compassion, and was later changed by scribes to make the verse less problematic. 1:41
Is Jesus God? 2:3-12, 10:18, 15:34, 16:19
"Is not this the carpenter, the son of Mary?"
This is the only verse in the New Testament where Jesus is referred to as a carpenter. And in the earliest manuscript of Mark, the verse says, "Is not this the son of the carpenter?" Apparently it wasn't in any of the Gospels at the time of Origen, who said that "in none of the Gospels current in the Churches is Jesus himself ever described as being a carpenter." 6:3
"Is not this the carpenter, the son of Mary, the brother of James, and Joses, and of Juda, and Simon? and are not his sisters here with us?"
Jesus had at least six siblings, four brothers and at least two sisters. Yet it is a doctine of the Catholic church that Mary was always a virgin. 6:3
Jehovah's Witnesses and birthdays 6:21
Does Hell exist? 9:43-48
Is polygamy OK? 10:11
"Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery."
If divorced people are adulterers, and the punishment for adultery is death (Lev 20:10), should we kill those who get a divorce? 10:11-12
Strange Flesh: The nearly loveless Jesus 10:21
Does God approve of slavery? 10:42-43
Pay your taxes. Keep state and church separate. 12:14-17
Do angels have sex? 12:25
"Beware of the scribes, which ... make long prayers: these shall receive greater damnation." 12:38-40
Jesus believed in progressive taxation. 12:41-44
Will Jesus's second coming be visible to all? 13:26
One of the followers of Jesus was a young, nearly naked man who dropped his linen cloth and "fled from them naked" when the priests came to arrest Jesus. 14:51-52
The mysterious naked follower of Jesus 14:51-52
"And Pilate marveled if he were already dead." Maybe he wasn't! 15:44
Verses 9-20 were are not found in the earlier manuscripts and are therefore considered later additions. So the gospel of Mark ended without anyone seeing the resurrected Jesus or any of the cool stuff about snake handling, drinking poison, or damned non-believers. 16:9-20
Luke
Is it OK to drink alcohol? 1:15
"Joseph and his mother"
Many manuscripts say "his father and his mother," but scribes later changed this to "Joseph and his mother" to avoid calling Joseph Jesus' father. 2:33
How long was Elijah's drought? 4:25
Peter (he was called Simon back then), whom Catholics consider the first pope, was married. [Though he later abandoned his wife and family to follow Jesus(5:11) who gave him a big reward for doing so (18:29-30).] 4:38
Who was the greatest prophet? 7:28
Does God approve of slavery? 7:2-10, 12:46-47, 17:7-9
What was Sodom's sin? 10:10-12
The earliest manuscripts show a much different version of the "Lord's Prayer." Since the prayer found in Matthew (6:9-13) had become so important liturgically, scribes simply changed the Luke's version to match. 11:2-5
Jesus insults his mother (the Most Holy Blessed Virgin Mary). 11:27-28
Did Jesus sin? 11:27-28, 19:30
Is dancing a sin? 15:25
Does Hell exist? 16:22-24
"The kingdom of God is within you." That has a nice sound to it, but I don't know what it means. 17:21
"Why callest thou me good? none is good, save one, that is, God."
Apparently Jesus thought he was neither good nor God. 18:19
"Render therefore unto Caesar the things which be Caesar's, and unto God the things which be God's."
Pay your taxes. Keep state and church separate. 20:25
Does the bible condemn astrology? 21:25
Will Jesus' second coming be visible to all? 21:27
These verses are found in some (but not all) of the oldest and best manuscripts. Were they added to (or deleted from) the Biblical text by a scribe? 22:43-44
The phrase "truly I say unto you" is used by Jesus more than 50 times in the NT. In all verses except this one, the Watchtower places the comma after the word "you". But the NWT translates this verse as follows: "Truly I tell you today, You will be with me in paradise." 23:43
Strange Flesh: The road to Emmaus 24:31-32
Why would they do that? Well, the Governing Body doesn't believe in a soul, so they say the good thief died like everyone else. Only later, nearly 2000 years later, after Armageddon, would he be resurrected. So they couldn't let Jesus tell him that he'd be with him that very day in paradise. Instead, they have Jesus say that he is telling the truth today (Not yesterday or tomorrow, but today. Or maybe "today" here is emphasizing that he's telling the truth today, but he was lying yesterday or something) -- and that sometime in the far distant future they'd be together in paradise. 23:43
"And carried up into heaven"
This phrase appears to be a later addition, since it is not present in some early manuscripts. 24:51
John
Is Jesus God? 1:1, 1:14, 5:16-18, 8:40, 8:58, 10:30-31, 10:38-39, 14:9, 14:28, 20:17, 20:28
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."
But how could Jesus be with God in the beginning as this verse says, if, as the Watchtower teaches, Jesus was created by God? And how could Jesus be "a god" and yet be with God during the creation, if God was speaking truthfully in Dt 32:39 when he said, "there are no gods with me"? 1:1
Is it OK to drink alcohol? 2:3-10
"Woman, what have I to do with thee?"
And his most blessed mother said unto him, "I'm your fucking mother, you jerk." (Or words to that effect.) 2:4
Jehovah's Witnesses deny the bodily resurrection of Jesus, saying instead that he was raised as a "spirit creature." If so, then how could John say that "he spake of the temple of his body?" 2:19-21
Troubled Waters
The earliest and best manuscripts lack the explanation for the "troubled waters" given in verses 3-4, which was later added by scribes. 5:3-4
Does Hell exist? 5:28-29
Jesus says we must eat his flesh and drink his blood if we want to have eternal life. This idea was just too gross for "many of his disciples" and "walked no more with him." (They are called Protestants nowadays.) 6:53-66
The woman caught in adultery
This is one of the best-known and most-loved of all Bible stories, but it shouldn't be in the Bible. For although some manuscripts put it here, others after John 7:36 or 21:35, or Luke 21:38, it is not found anywhere in the oldest and best manuscripts. 7:53 - 8:11
Does God approve of capital punishment? 8:3-7
"Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life."
This verse is was inscribed on US military rifle sights. 8:12
The Watchtower tries to change the meaning of Jesus' words ("Before Abraham was, I am.") by having him say, "Before Abraham came into existence I have been." I suppose this is supposed to mean that he was around as the Archangel Michael back then or something. (The NWT translates "ego eimi" as "I am" everywhere it occurs except in this verse.) 8:58
Who was the greatest prophet? 10:8
The Book of Mormon identifies the "other sheep" to be the Nephites who would be visited by Jesus in the New World after his resurrection. 10:16
"I lay down my life ... No man taketh it from me, but I lay it down of myself."
Did Jesus commit suicide? 10:17-18
Strange Flesh: Lazarus, whom Jesus loved
Jesus takes off all his clothes, wraps a towel around himself, and then washes the feet of his disciples using the same towel. 13:3-5
"There was leaning on Jesus' bosom one of his disciples, whom Jesus loved." 13:23-25 Strange Flesh: The disciple whom Jesus loved - at the last supper
Will Jesus' second coming be visible to all? 14:19
He that hateth me hateth my Father also." Oh, that's a good one. If you don't like Jesus, then you don't like God. (You're a damned God hater.) On the Jews and Their Lies (Part 12) 15:23
Jehovah's Witnesses, like Jesus, are hated by the world and are not of the world. Thus they don't vote or take part in any human organizations outside the Watchtower Society. 15:18-19, 17:14
Is it OK to gamble? 19:23-24
Strange Flesh: The disciple whom Jesus loved - at the cruxifixion 19:26
"The disciple standing by, whom he loved" Was Jesus gay? 19:26, 21:20
The disciple whom Jesus loved - the race to the tomb 20:2
Did Jesus die on a torture stake or a cross? 20:25
If Jesus (like the Jehovah's Witnesses) didn't believe himself to be God, then why didn't he correct Thomas when he said, "My Lord and my God"? 20:28
"These are written, that ye might believe."
The gospel of John seems to come to an end with verses 20:30-31, with the next chapter tacked on as a later addition. This is, in fact, what most scholars believe today. 20:30-31
Was Jesus Gay? - Fishing naked 21:7
Acts
Does the bible condemn gambling? 1:26
Who is the prophesied prophet? Jesus or Muhammad? 3:22-24
If the name Jehovah [or YHWH] is so important, why isn't it found in the NT? And why does it say in Acts 4:12 that there is only one name (Jesus Christ, v. 10) "whereby we must be saved"? 4:12
"Peter and John ... were unlearned and ignorant men."
Then they didn't write the New Testament books that are attributed to them. The gospel of John and Peter and John's epistles are all forgeries. 4:13
Imagine no possessions: The early Christians were communists. (See 5:1-11 for the dark side of Christian communism.) 4:32-35
Stephen, as he is dying, asks Jesus (not Jehovah) to receive his spirit. But how could Jesus receive his spirit if, as the Governing Body teaches, Jesus is not God and if the soul dies along with the body. 7:59
Although in verse 59, Stephen was clearly praying to Jesus, the NWT tries to give the (false) impression that he was really praying to Jehovah by translating "Lord" (kyrios) as "Jehovah". [Then, bending his knees, he cried out with a strong voice: "Jehovah, do not charge this sin against them." NWT] 7:60
Is magic OK? 8:9-11, 13:8-11
Was the eunuch that Philip baptized gay? 8:26-38
"The Holy Ghost said ... I have called them." Jehovah's Witnesses deny that the Holy Spirit is a person. Why then does he talk and refer to himself in the first person in this verse? 13:2
Many Jehovah's Witnesses have needlessly died because the WatchTower Society teaches that abstaining from blood, as required by these verses, prohibits blood transfusions. 15:20, 29
The jailer was so impressed with the holy jailbreak that he converted on the spot. He and his entire family were baptized that night. It didn't matter to Paul (or God) what the jailer's wife and kids thought about it. They were "his" so he could do whatever the hell he wanted with (or to) them. (This stupid story supports the idea of infant baptism, which has divided Christians for centuries.) 16:33
Is Jesus God? 17:31, 20:28
Romans
Have Christians been raised with Christ? 6:4-5
Does Hell exist? 6:21, 23
"The whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now."
Some Christians use this verse to show that we live in a sin cursed world. (But others disagree.) 8:22
Is it OK to drink alcohol? 13:13, 14:21
"Phebe our sister, which is a servant of the church."
The Revised Standard Version calls Phoebe a "deaconess", which would make would make her a church leader. If the RSV translation is correct, this verse contradicts the requirement that women not be permitted to teach and that they must be silent in church. (1 Cor 14:34-35, 1 Tim 2:11-12). 16:1
"Junia ... of note among the apostles"
Was there a woman apostle? That is how some interpret this verse and use it to justify a more active role for women in the church. 16:7
"Mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them." Jehovah's Witnesses use these verses to justify disfellowshipping those who disagree with the Governing Body. 16:17-18
1 Corinthians
The Governing Body uses this verse to control the thoughts and beliefs of Jehovah's Witnesses. They are instructed not to accept or read the religious literature of others, not to listen to criticism of the Watchtower Society's teachings, and to fight against independent thinking. 1:10
The oldest Christian denominations were partisans of Paul, Apollos, Cephas, and Christ. 1:12
Does Hell exist? 3:17, 15:22
"I wrote unto you in an epistle"
Despite its title, First Corinthians wasn't the first epistle that Paul wrote the Corinthians. There was another (Zeroth Corinthians?) that was either lost or considered not worthy of including in the Bible. 5:9
Jehovah's Witnesses use these verses to justify disfellowshipping those who fail to follow the teachings of the Governing Body. JWs are told to shun disfellowshipped family and friends. They are not to speak to them or share a meal with them. If a witness is caught doing so, they will be disfellowshipped as well. 5:9-13
Jehovah's Witnesses believe that they should not take another member of their church to court. Consequently, JWs who report incidents of sex abuse are often disfellowshipped. 6:1-7
Is polygamy OK? 7:2
Does God approve of slavery? 7:21-22, 23
"As concerning therefore the eating of those things that are offered in sacrifice unto idols...."
The short answer (that you'll find scattered around in this chapter) is this: Go ahead and eat animals that were sacrificed to other gods. Try not to do it, though, when weaker Christians are watching. You don't want to scandalize the weaklings, do you? 8:4
"The cup of blessing which we bless, is it not the communion of the blood of Christ? The bread which we break, is it not the communion of the body of Christ?" Depends on whether you're a Catholic or a Protestant. To me it's just bread and wine. 10:16
Is Jesus God? 11:3, 15:28
Should women have the same rights as men? 11:3, 14:34-36
May a woman speak in church? 11:4-5, 14:34-35 The LDS church uses this verse to prove that marriage is required to become gods and goddesses in the celestial kingdom. 11:11
"For as often as you eat this loaf and drink this cup, you keep proclaiming the death of the Lord, until he arrives." (NWT). If Christ arrived in 1914, as the governing body teaches, then why do Jehovah's Witnesses continue to partake of the bread and wine? Shouldn't they have stopped in 1914? 11:26
"Faith, hope, and charity ... but the greatest of these is charity.
Love is more important than faith. 13:13
In some manuscripts, verses 34-35 are found at the end of chapter 14, leading some scholars to think that they were not written by Paul but originated from a misogynistic scribe's marginal note.14:34-36
"In Adam all die. In Christ shall all be made alive."
Nothing died before Adam sinned. In Christ all will have eternal life. (Christ died for the animals.)15:21-22
"For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive."
Does hell exist? 15:22
"If the dead rise not at all? why are they then baptized for the dead?" This is the verse that the Mormons use to justify their belief in the baptism of the dead. 15:29
"All flesh is not the same flesh: but there is one kind of flesh of men, another of beasts."
This verse is used by Creationists to argue against both evolution and any attempt to create "human-animal hybrids" or "chimeras." 15:39
"The first man Adam"
Young Earth Creationists use this verse to support a literal reading of Genesis. "If we cannot believe in the First Adam, why believe in the Last [Christ]?" 15:45
"And afterword that which is spiritual."
Asa Gray, the foremost American botanist in the 19th century and close friend of Charles Darwin, used this verse to support the idea that the Bible is not inconsistent with human evolution. 15:46
Have Christians been raised with Christ? 15:51-52
2 Corinthians
Does Hell exist? 2:15
"For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ."
This verse is was inscribed on US military rifle sights. 4:6
Did Jesus sin? 5:21
To Jehovah's Witnesses, everything outside of the Watchtower Organization is controlled by Satan. The Governing Body uses theses verses to condemn all holidays, civic activities, and association with non-JWs. 6:14-17
"For your liberal distribution unto them, and unto all men ... Thanks be to God."
God loves liberals! 9:13-15
Jehovah's Witnesses use this verse (along with Dt 19:15, 1 Tim 5:19, and Mt 18:16) to justify their refusal to report or investigate incidents of child molestation unless two or three JWs have witnessed the event. If witnesses do not come forward (and they are discouraged from doing so since it would embarrass the organization), then the victim is told to be quiet about it -- or risk being disfellowshipped. 13:1
Galatians
Is slavery OK? 3:28
Should women have the same rights as men? 3:28
Is dancing a sin? 5:19-21
Is it OK to drink alcohol? 5:20-21
Does Hell exist 6:8
Ephesians
"Paul ... to the saints to the saints which are at Ephesus"
Although Ephesians claims to have been written by Paul, most scholars think it was written after his death by one of his followers. Also, the words "to the saints which are in Ephesus" does not occur in the best manuscripts. 1:1
"As I wrote afore in few words"
There was another epistle to the Ephesians that has since been lost. 3:3-4
After he died, Jesus "descended into the lower parts of the earth."
Catholics interpret this verse to mean that Jesus descended into hell (or the traditionalists say "limbo") after his death to preach to those who died before Jesus came. (Protestants just ignore this verse entirely.) 4:9

"Have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness."
To JWs, everything outside of the Watchtower Organization is controlled by Satan. This is one of the verses that the the Governing Body uses to condemn all holidays, civic activities, and association with non-JWs. 5:11
Is is OK to drink alcohol? 5:18
Should women have the same rights as men? 5:22-24
Is polygamy OK? 5:33
Does God approve of slavery? 6:5
Philippians
"To me to live is Christ, and to die is gain ... what I shall choose I wot not. For I am in a strait betwixt two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ; which is far better."
Is Paul contemplating suicide here? 1:21-23
Does God approve of slavery? 2:3
Is Jesus God? 2:6
Does Hell exist? 3:18-19
Colossians
"Paul ... to the saints and faithful brethren in Christ which are at Colosse"
Although Colossians claims to have been written by Paul, most scholars think it was written after his death by one of his followers. 1:1-2
The New World Translation inserts the word 'other' four times in these two verses (although it is not included in the Greek) to support the GB's denial of the divinity of Christ. But adding words to scripture is condemned in Pr 30:6. 1:16-17
"Rejoice in my sufferings for you, and fill up that which is behind of the afflictions of Christ in my flesh."
The suffering Jesus was not sufficient to satisfy God's wrath, so Paul (or whoever wrote Colossians) had to make up for what was lacking with his own sufferings. 1:24
Is Jesus God? 1:16, 2:9, 3:1
Have Christians been raised with Christ? 2:12, 3:1
Should women have the same rights as men? 3:18
Does God approve of slavery? 3:22, 4:1
"Read the epistle from Laodicea."
Apparently God intended to include the epistle from Laodicea in the Bible, but it was lost somewhere along the way. There were several letters that claimed to be the lost epistle (and one of these was often included in Latin medieval bibles), but they are considered forgeries today. 4:16
1 Thessalonians
"We which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep." 1 Thessalonians was one of the first Christian writings, yet already (ca.50 CE) believers were getting impatient about Jesus' supposed return. Their fellow believers were dying and yet Jesus still hadn't come. What the hell is taking him? And what happens to dead believers? Will they get to see Jesus return? Paul had a lot of 'splainin to do. 4:15
"For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel...." From this verse and Jude 9, the Jehovah's Witnesses figure that Jesus is really the archangel Michael. 4:16
2 Thessalonians
Does Hell exist? 1:8-9
"Be not soon shaken in mind ... by letter as from us."
What letter is being referred to here? Is it 1 Thessalonians? If so, then should Christians not read it to avoid being "skaken in mind?" 2:2
If Paul wrote this letter (and many scholars think he didn't), then he is changing his mind (since writing 1 Thessalonians) about the timing of the Christ's return. The day of the Lord is no longer at hand. In fact it's nowhere near. Many things must happen first: there will be a great "falling away", a "man of sin" will be reveled, and Satan will show off his power by doing all kinds of signs and wonders. 2:2-9
Does the bible condemn gambling? 3:10
Although 2 Thessalonians claims to have been written by Paul, many scholars think it was a forgery. 1:1, 3:17
Jehovah's Witnesses use these verses to justify disfellowshipping anyone who disagrees with the Watchtower's teachings. 3:6, 14
1 Timothy
Although First Timothy claims to have been written by Paul, many scholars believe that it was written after his death. 1:1
Is Jesus God? 2:5, 3:16
Should women have the same rights as men? 2:11-15
Is polygamy OK? 3:2
"God was manifest in the flesh."
This verse has been used to support the idea that Jesus is God, but the best and earliest manuscripts say Christ "who was made manifest in the flesh," not "God was made manifest in the flesh." 3:16
"The living God" is the saviour of "all men" -- especially (but not exclusively) of those that believe. So even nonbelievers will be saved. 4:10
Jehovah's Witnesses use this verse (along with Dt 19:15) to justify their refusal to report or investigate incidents of child molestation unless two or three JWs have witnessed the event. If witnesses do not come forward (and they are discouraged from doing so since it would embarrass the organization), then the victim is told to be quiet about it. 5:19
Is it OK to drink alcohol? 5:23
Does the bible condemn gambling? 6:10
2 Timothy
Although Second Timothy claims to have been written by Paul, some scholars believe that it was written after his death. 1:1
"The Lord knoweth them that are his." This verse was used by the Catholic Church during the inquisition to justify killing those suspected of heresy. (Kill them all, for `the Lord knows them that are His'." ) 2:19
Titus
Although Titus claims to have been written by Paul, many scholars believe that it was written pseudonymously after his death. 1:1
Is polygamy OK? 1:6-7
Does God approve of slavery? 2:9-10
Is Jesus God? 2:13
"A man that is an heretick after the first and second admonition reject." The Jehovah's Witnesses follow this by disfellowshipping those who refuse to accept the Governing Bodies teachings. (The NWT translates 3:10 in this way: "As for a man that promotes a sect...." But don't all JWs belong to and promote a sect?) 3:10-11
Philemon
Does God approve of slavery? 1:10-15
Hebrews
Is Jesus God? 1:8
The JWs deny the divinity of Christ so they just changed the words in the New World Translation to read: "But with reference to the Son: 'God is your throne forever and ever.'" 1:8
Did Jesus die "by the grace of God" or "apart from God"? "There are good reasons for thinking that the latter ... was the original reading of the Epistle to the Hebrews." [Bart Ehrman, Misquoting Jesus, (2005), p.145] 2:9
Who was the greatest prophet? 3:1-3
Jehovah's Witnesses use these verses to justify their treatment of apostates (exJWs). 6:4-6
Does God approve of slavery? 13:3
Does the bible condemn gambling? 13:5
"Our brother Timothy is set at liberty; with whom, if he come shortly, I will see you."
The author of Hebrews never claims to be (and wasn't) Paul, but he wants people to think that he was. And it worked. That's why Hebrews is in the Bible. 13:23
James
"If any of you lack wisdom ... ask of God ... and it shall be given him."
This is the verse that set the 14-year-old Joseph Smith off to found the Mormon Church. That is just an example of the type of wisdom God can give you. 1:5
Does Hell exist? 1:15, 4:12, 5:20
How long was Elijah's drought? 5:17
1 Peter
"Peter, an apostle of Jesus Christ" The author of 1 Peter claims to be the apostle Peter. Most Bible scholars, however, believe it was forged. (According to Acts 4.13, Peter was illiterate.) 1:1
"Submit yourselves ... to the king ... for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well."
Monarchy is the Biblically-approved form of government whose purpose is to punish evildoers and praise do-gooders. 2:13-14
Does God approve of slavery? 2:18
Should women have the same rights as men? 3:1
Is Jesus God? 3:21-22
The Watchtower Society teaches that there is no consciousness after death. But if that is so, then how could Jesus have preached to the "spirits in prison?" 3:19, 4:6
2 Peter
Although this epistle claims to have been written by Peter, he was almost certainly not its author. It is thought to have been written around 90-100 CE, long after Peter's death. The late date is suspected because: 1) verses 3:3-4 make excuses for the failure of the expected second coming of Christ, 2) the author refers to "all of the letters of Paul" in a way that indicates that Paul's epistles were already considered equal to "the other scriptures", and 3) the epistle depends upon the letter of Jude, which is thought to have been written around 80-100 CE. 1:1, 3:1
"No prophecy of the scripture is of any private interpretation."
That's just your interpretation. 1:20
"Submit yourselves ... to the king ... for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well."
Monachy is the Biblically-approved form of government whose purpose is to punish evildoers and praise do-gooders. 2:13-14
1 John
"He is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world."
Does Hell exist? 2:2
They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would no doubt have continued with us."
Many Christians interpret this verse to mean that it is impossible for a true believer to become an unbeliever. (They become antichrists instead.) 2:19
"There are three that bear record in heaven, the Father, the Word, and the Holy Ghost."
This is the clearest, and pretty much the only, expression of the Trinitarian concept in the Bible. It is not, however, found in the earliest Greek manuscripts and is omitted from most modern translations. Here, for example, are verses 5:7-8 in the New Revised Standard Version:
"There are three that testify: the Spirit and the water and the blood, and these three agree."
Not all Christians agree about how these verses (often called the Johannine comma) should be treated. See here for a KJV-only defense. 5:7-8
2 John
Don't associate with non-Christians. Don't receive them into your house or even exchange greeting with them. This is the biblical justification for "Disfellowshipping" among the Jehovah's Witnesses. 10

Jude
"Jude, the ... brother of James"
The author claims to be "Jude, the brother or James," which means he is also claiming to be the brother of Jesus, since that was the most famous James among believers at the time (Gal 1:19). He was lying, of course. 1
Do angels have sex? 6-7
What was Sodom's sin? 7
Michael the Archangel (Jesus according to the Watchtower) argued with the devil about the body of Moses. 9
Enoch, "the seventh from Adam", prophesied that God would come with 10,000 of his saints "to execute judgment upon all." But this prophecy is from the Book of Enoch, not from the Bible. 14-15
"Remember ye the words which were spoken before of the apostles."
Jude was written in post-apostolic times, so it's author could not have been the apostle Jude (Luke 6:16; Acts 1:13; cf John 14:22) as believers sometimes claim. 17
Revelation
Will Jesus' second coming be visible to all? Well, not according to the Jehovah's Witnesses, anyway. Even though Jesus (Mt 24:30) says he'll return "on the clouds of heaven with great power and glory" and this verse says that "every eye shall see him," The Governing Body claims that Jesus returned invisibly in 1914 without clouds, glory, or being seen by anyone. 1:7
Is Jesus God? 1:17, 22:13
JWs believe that there are two distinct classes of believers: the 144,000 "Anointed" that are going to heaven and the "Great Crowd" that will remain here on earth. The WatchTower teaches that heaven closed in 1935, and that everyone else will either be killed at Armageddon (if they are not JWs) or live forever on earth. 7:4
The "great multitude" is the WatchTower's "great crowd" that it claims will remain on earth rather than going to heaven. Yet in this verse the "great crowd" stands "before the throne" and "before the lamb". Where else would the thrown and lamb be besides heaven? 7:9
"And the name of the star is called Wormwood."
Some believers say that the 1986 nuclear disaster at Chernobyl was the fulfillment of the third trumpet in 8:10-11. 8:10-11
Catholics say the "woman clothed with the sun" is Mary; Protestants say it is Israel, the church, or Eve. But whoever she is, she's pregnant and the dragon wants to eat her newborn baby. He's worked up an appetite by knocking down 1/3 of the stars with his tail. But when the woman delivered, God beamed her baby boy up to heaven. Then the woman went into the wilderness to feed for 1260 days. Whatever. 12:1-6
Are the 144,000 men that are "not defiled by women" homosexuals? Are only gay men to be saved? 14:1-4
Does Hell exist? 14:10-11, 20:10, 20:14-15
"I am thy fellowservant, and of thy brethren the prophets"
Mormon apologists use this verse to explain the plagiarism of the Bible in the Book of Mormon. (Prophets sometimes send angelic visitors to other prophets to help with the proper wording of scripture.) 22:9