Highlights
-All: Genesis - Revelation
-Genesis - Deuteronomy
-Joshua - 2 Chronicles
-Ezra - Isaiah
-Jeremiah - Daniel
-Hosea - Micah
-Nahum - Malachi
-Matthew - John
-Acts - Ephesians
-Colossians - Hebrews
-James - Revelation

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SAB Highlights: Joshua - 2 Chronicles

Joshua | Judges | Ruth | 1 Samuel | 1 Kings | 2 Kings | 1 Chronicles | 2 Chronicles

    Joshua

  1. God's 31st Killing:
    "And they utterly destroyed all that was in the city, both man and woman, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of the sword." 6:21

  2. God's 32nd Killing:
    A family is stoned and burned to death (along with their animals) to punish the father (Achan) for looking at "the accursed thing." "So the LORD turned from the fierceness of his anger." 7:24-26

  3. Joshua kills all the inhabitants of Ai, burns their city, and hangs their king on a tree. 8:22-31

  4. God's 33rd Killing:
    The Ai massacre 8:30-31

  5. God curses the Gibeonites to be slaves of the Jews forever. 9:21-27

  6. God's 34th Killing:
    God gets right in and fights with the Israelites. He "slew them with a great slaughter" and even "chased them along the way." What a guy. 10:10

  7. God threw down "great stones from heaven" so that he could kill even more people than the Israelites "slew with the sword." 10:11

  8. God makes the sun and moon stand still so that Joshua could get all his killing done before dark. It was the first Daylight Savings Time. 10:12-13

  9. "The Lord fought for Israel." 10:14

  10. God's 35th Killing:
    Five kings killed and hung on trees 10:24-26

  11. God's 36th Killing:
    Joshua, at God's command, kills everyone and everything that he can find -- or, as the Bible puts it, he "utterly destroyed all that breathed, as the Lord commanded." 10:28-42

  12. God's 37th Killing:
    God and Joshua pretty much kill whoever they haven't yet killed. 11:6-12

  13. God's 38th Killing:
    Some more giant killing 11:20-21

  14. "For it was of the LORD to harden their hearts, that they should come against Israel in battle, that he might destroy them utterly." 11:20

  15. Remember that God "is a jealous God; he will not forgive your transgressions nor your sins." 24:19

    Judges

  16. God's 39th Killing:
    "The LORD delivered the Canaanites and the Perizzites into their hand: and they slew of them in Bezek ten thousand men." 1:4

  17. Cutting off the thumbs and big toes of a captured king. 1:6-7

  18. God's 40th Killing:
    The Israelites killed everyone in Jerusalem and set the city on fire. 1:8

  19. God's 41st Killing:
    Five massacres, a wedding, and some God-proof iron chariots 1:9-19

  20. God couldn't drive out the valley people because they had chariots of iron. 1:19

  21. God sells the Israelites into slavery. (Five or six times) 2:14, 3:8, 4:2, 6:1, 10:7, 13:1

  22. God's 42nd Killing:
    The spirit of the Lord comes upon Othniel and causes him to go to war. 3:10

  23. God's 43rd Killing:
    Ehud's message from God. 3:20-22

  24. God's 44th Killing:
    "And they slew of Moab ... about 10,000 men ... and their escaped not a man." 3:28-29

  25. Shamgar kills 600 Philistines with an ox goad. 3:31

  26. God's 45th Killing:
    "The Lord discomfited Sisera ... with the edge of the sword ... and there was not a man left." 4:15-16

  27. God's 46th Killing:
    Jael drives a tent stake through her guest's head. For this she is "blessed above women." 4:17-23, 5:24-26

  28. God takes Gideon's fleece/dew test. 6:36-40

  29. God finds a few good men with a dog-lapping test. 7:4-7

  30. God's 47th Killing:
    "The Lord set every man's sword against his fellow." 7:21

  31. Two princes killed and their heads delivered to Gideon 7:25

  32. Gideon tears the flesh of the elders of Succoth and kills the men of the city. 8:7, 16-17

  33. Abimelech kills 69 brothers "upon one stone." 9:5

  34. God sends an evil spirit. 9:23

  35. God's 48th Killing:
    A city is massacred and 1000 people burn to death because of God's evil spirit. 9:49

  36. God's 49th Killing:
    The Ammonite massacre 11:33

  37. God's 50th Killing:
    Jephthah sacrifices his daughter to God. 11:39

  38. 42,000 die for failing the “Shibboleth” test. 12.6

  39. The spirit of God comes mightily upon Samson (and he kills things). 14:6, 14-16, 19

  40. God's 51st Killing:
    The spirit of the Lord comes upon Samson and he murders 30 men for their clothes. 14:19

  41. Samson catches 300 foxes, ties their tails together, and sets them on fire. 15:4-5

  42. God's 52nd Killing:
    Samson kills 1000 men with the jawbone of an ass. 15:14-16

  43. Samson goes in unto a harlot. 16:1

  44. God's 53rd Killing:
    Samson kills 3000 in a suicide terrorist attack. 16:27-30

  45. The massacre of the peaceful, unsuspecting people 18:26-27

  46. Gang rape and dismemberment of the Levite’s concubine 19:22-30

  47. God's 54th Killing:
    A holy civil war (It had something to do with rotting body part messages) 20:35

  48. A God-approved genocide to provide wives for 400 of the 600 surviving Benjamites of God’s holy civil war. 21.11-14

  49. 200 virgins of Shiloh are stolen to provide wives for remaining Benjamite holy civil war survivors. 21.19-23

    Ruth

  50. Naomi encourages Ruth to spend the night with Boaz. 3:3-4

  51. Ruth lies down next to Boaz after "uncovering his feet." 3:7

  52. She tells Boaz to spread his skirt over her. 3:9

  53. She lies at "his feet" until morning. 3:14

  54. She is "purchased" by Boaz for a wife. 4:10

  55. Boaz "goes in unto" Ruth and she conceives a son (King David's grandfather). 4:13-17

    1 Samuel

  56. God's 58th Killing:
    God kills Eli's sons. 4:11

  57. God's 59th Killing:
    God smites the Philistines with hemorrhoids in their secret parts. 5:9

  58. God asks the Philistines to make him five golden hemorrhoids. 6:4-5

  59. God's 60th Killing:
    God kills 50,070 men for looking into the ark of the Lord. 6:19

  60. God's 61st Killing:
    The Lord thundered with great thunder upon the Philistines. 7:10-11

  61. "I will make a covenant with you, that I may thrust your eyes out." 11:2

  62. The spirit of the Lord comes upon Samuel so he hacks some oxen in pieces and sends the pieces to all the coasts of Israel. 11:7

  63. God's 62nd Killing:
    The Ammonite massacre (and another God-inspired body part message) 11:11

  64. God's 63rd Killing:
    Jonathan's first slaughter 14:4

  65. God's 64th Killing:
    God forces the Philistines to kill each other. 14:20

  66. God's 65th Killing:
    God orders Saul to kill every Amalekite "man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass." 15:3

  67. God's 67th killing: In the Valley of Ellah 17:17-49

  68. God repents of having made Saul king since Saul refused to carry out God's commandments (i.e., Saul refused to commit complete genocide). 15:11, 18

  69. God's 66th Killing:
    To please God, Samuel hacks Agag in pieces "before the Lord." 15:32-33

  70. Saul is haunted by "an evil spirit from the Lord." 16:14-16, 23, 18:10, 19:9

  71. David buys a wife with 200 Philistine foreskins (twice the asking price). 18:25-27

  72. God's 67th Killing:
    God said to David, Go and smite the Philistines. 23:2-5

  73. Killing those that "pisseth against the wall." 25:22, 34

  74. God's 68th Killing:
    "The Lord smote Nabal, that he died." David then took his property and his wife, Abigail. 53:38

  75. David kills all the Amalekites again (see 15:7-8 where Saul kills them all the first time). 27:8-11

  76. Saul has a witch bring back Samuel from the dead. 28:8-15

  77. After being completely killed off by Saul (15:7-8) and then David (27:8-11), the Amalekites invade again. 30:1

  78. God's 69th Killing:
    God tells David to smite the Amalekites again. 30:17

  79. God's 70th Killing:
    God kills Saul, his three sons, and his men because Saul didn't kill the Amalekites (or maybe because he didn't inquire of the Lord). 31:1-4

    2 Samuel

  80. David tells Jonathan that he has given him pleasures more than that of woman. 1:26

  81. David has his "young men" kill people, cut off their hands and feet, and hang them up over a pool. 4:12

  82. Whoever kills the lame and the blind "that are hated of David's soul" shall be made "chief and captain." 5:8

  83. "And David took him more concubines and wives." 5:13

  84. God's 68th Killing:
    God helps David smite the Philistines from the font and the rear. 5:20, 25

  85. God's 69th Killing:
    God kills Uzzah for trying to protect the ark from falling. 6:6-7

  86. David dances nearly naked in front of God and everybody. 6:20

  87. David watches a woman bathe, likes what he sees, and "goes in unto her." 11:2-4

  88. God says he will give David's wives to someone else who will "lie with thy wives in the sight of the sun." 12:11-12

  89. God's 70th Killing:
    To punish David for having Uriah killed, God kills David's newborn son. 12:15-18

  90. Ammon rapes his half-sister. 13:11-14

  91. Absalom "goes in unto" his father's [David's] concubines. 16:21-22

  92. To punish his ten concubines for being raped by his son (See 2 Samuel 16.21-22), David refuses to ever again have sex with them and forces them to "keep house" for the rest of their lives. 20:3

  93. God's 71st Killing:
    God sends a three year famine for something Saul did. 21:1

  94. To appease God and end the famine that was caused by his predecessor (Saul), David agrees to have two of Saul's sons and five of his grandsons killed and hung up "unto the Lord." 21:6-9

  95. When David had a census (that God "moved" him to have), God gave him a choice of three punishments: seven years of famine, three months of war, or three days of pestilence. David couldn't decide, so God chose for him and 70,000 men died in a plague. (The details are different in 1 Chronicles, but the principle is the same.) 24:1-15

  96. God's 72nd Killing:
    God kills a couple hundred thousand people to punish David for having a census. 24:15

    1 Kings

  97. Old King David tries to get some heat by having a beautiful virgin minister unto him. 1:1-4

  98. In David's last words, he commands his son Solomon to murder Joab and Shimei. 2:1-9

  99. Solomon kills his brother. 2:13-25

  100. Solomon carries out the deathbed wish of his father David by having Joab and Shimei murdered. 2:29-34, 44-46

  101. Solomon killed and sacrificed 1000 animals to God at Gibeon. 3:4 

  102. Solomon kills 22,000 oxen and 120,000 sheep when dedicating the temple to his bloodthirsty God. 8:63

  103. Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines. 11:3

  104. Ever the playful spirit, God withers, and then restores, the hand of king Jeroboam. 13:4-6

  105. God's 73rd Killing:
    So there were these two prophets. The first prophet lied to the second. To punish the second for believing the first's lie, God sent a lion to kill him. 13:11-24

  106. Killing everyone "that pisseth against the wall." 14:10, 16:11, 21:21

  107. God's 74th Killing:
    To punish Jeroboam, God killed his son. 14:17

  108. God's 75th Killing:
    Baasha kills Jeroboam's entire family, leaving none "to breath." This slaughter was done "according to the saying of the Lord." 15:29

  109. God's 76th Killing:
    Zimri kills all of Baasha's family and friends "that pisseth against a wall ... according to the word of the Lord." 16:11-12

  110. Elijah kills 450 prophets of Baal after beating them in a prayer contest. 18:22-40

  111. God's 77th Killing:
    The first God assisted "great slaughter" of the Syrians 20:20-21

  112. God's 78th Killing:
    God kills 100,000 Syrians because they said he was God of the hills. 20:28-29

  113. God's 79th Killing:
    God killed 27,000 men with a falling wall. 20:30

  114. God's 80th Killing:
    A son of a prophet said to his neighbor, "Smite me." But the neighbor refused. So God sent a lion to devour him. 20:35-36

  115. If you grovel before God, then he won't punish you; He'll punish your children instead. 21:29

  116. God puts a lying spirit into the mouth of prophets. 22:22-23

  117. God's 81st Killing:
    God killed Ahab for showing mercy to king Benhadad. 22:35

    2 Kings

  118. God's 82nd killing:
    Elijah proves that he is a man of God by burning to death 102 men. 1:10, 12

  119. God's 83rd killing:
    God kills Ahaziah for consulting another God. 1:16-17

  120. God's 84th killing:
    God sends two bears to rip up 42 little children for making fun of Elisha's bald head. 2:23-24

  121. God's 85th killing:
    The Lord delivered the Moabites. 3:18-25

  122. Elisha makes his servant (Gehazi) and all of his descendants lepers forever. 5:27

  123. Elisha makes an iron axe head swim. 6:6

  124. God answers Elisha's prayer by smiting his adversaries with blindness. 6:18

  125. Mothers boiling and eating their own children. 6:28-29

  126. "Behold, this evil is from the Lord." 6:33

  127. A skeptic is trampled to death. 7:17-20

  128. God's 86th killing:
    God sends a famine on the people that lasts for seven years. 8:1

  129. God vows to "cut off from Ahab him that pisseth against the wall." 9:8

  130. God's 87th killing:
    God pays back Ahab by killing his son. 9:24-25

  131. God's 88th killing:
    God has Jezebel thrown off a wall and feeds her body to the dogs. 9:33-37

  132. God's 89th killing:
    All seventy of king Ahab's sons are killed, their heads put in baskets, and sent to Jehu. (God was punishing Ahab for not killing a captured king. See 1 Kings 20:42) 10:1-10

  133. God's 90th killing:
    "So Jehu slew all that remained of the house of Ahab in Jezreel, and all his great men, and his kinsfolks, and his priests, until he left him none remaining." 10:11

  134. "They took them alive, and slew ... two and forty men."
    Jehu meets with 42 brothers of Ahaziah, and then he murders them. 2 Chronicles 22:7 says that his killing was "of God." 10:13-14

  135. God's 91st killing:
    Jehu shows off his "zeal for the Lord" by murdering the rest of Ahab's family in Samaria. 10:16-17

  136. Jehu assembled the followers of Baal and them slaughtered them all. 10:18-28

  137. God rewards Jehu for murdering Ahab and his family. 10:30

  138. God, the divine physician, strikes king Azariah with leprosy. 15:5

  139. God's 92nd killing:
    God sends lions to devour the Samaritans because "they knew not the manner of the God of the land." 17:25-26

  140. "That they may eat their own dung and drink their own piss with you" 18:27

  141. God's 93rd killing:
    An angel of the Lord kills 185,000 men while they sleep. "And when they arose, behold, they were all dead corpses." 19:35

  142. God's 94th killing:
    God caused king Sennacherib to be murdered by his sons. 19:36-37

  143. Isaiah makes the sun move ten degrees backwards. 20:11

  144. God will "bring such evil upon Jerusalem and Judah, that whosoever heareth of it, both his ears shall tingle." 21:12

    1 Chronicles

  145. God's 4th Killing:
    "Er ... was evil in the sight of the LORD; and he slew him." 2:3

  146. God's 95th Killing:
    The sons of Reuben made war with the Hagarites and "there fell down many slain, because the war was from God." 5:18-22

  147. God's 67th Killing:
    "Saul ... inquired not of the Lord: therefore he slew him." 10:13-14

  148. God's 69th Killing:
    God kills Uzza for trying to keep the ark from falling. 13:9-10

  149. God's 68th Killing:
    "David therefore did as God commanded him: and they smote the host of the Philistines." 14:16

  150. David tortures all the inhabitants of several cities with saws, harrows of iron, and axes. 20:3

  151. God's 72nd Killing:
    God kills a couple hundred thousand people because David had a census. 21:1-14
    (See 2 Sam.24:1-15 for a different version of this story.)

  152. God repents. (It's about time!) 21:15

    2 Chronicles

  153. The Biblical value for pi is three. 4:2

  154. "Rehoboam … took eighteen wives, and threescore concubines; and begat twenty and eight sons, and threescore daughters." 11.21

  155. "The Lord struck him (Jeroboam) and he died." 13:20

  156. “Abijam waxed mighty, and married fourteen wives.” 13:21

  157. Whoever does not seek the God of Israel should be executed. 15:13

  158. Asa, when he had a foot disease, went to physicians instead of seeking the Lord. (God disapproves of those who seek medical help rather than "seeking the Lord." 16:12

  159. God puts lies into the mouths of his prophets. 18:22

  160. He killed Ahab for showing mercy to king Benhadad. (See 1 Kings 20:42) 18:33

  161. Hate the sinner, or God will pour out his wrath upon you. 19:2

  162. God fought for Judah by forcing the members of the opposing army to kill each other. 20:14-25

  163. He killed Jehoram by making his bowels fall out. 21:18-19

  164. He killed Jehoram's sons. 22:1

  165. He killed Joash, the princes of Judah and the Judean army. 24:20-25

  166. He destroyed Amaziah. 25:15-27

  167. He made Uzziah a leper for burning incense without a license. 26:19-21

  168. He smote Ahaz with the King of Syria. 28:4-5

  169. He sent the king of the Chaldees to kill all the "young men with the sword." He had "no compassion upon young man or maiden, old man, or him that stooped for age: he gave them all into his hand." 36:16-17