Highlights
-All: Genesis - Revelation
-Genesis - Deuteronomy
-Joshua - 2 Chronicles
-Ezra - Isaiah
-Jeremiah - Daniel
-Hosea - Micah
-Nahum - Malachi
-Matthew - John
-Acts - Ephesians
-Colossians - Hebrews
-James - Revelation

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SAB Highlights: Genesis - Deuteronomy

Genesis | Exodus | Leviticus | Numbers | Deuteronomy

    Genesis

  1. The two contradictory creation stories. 1:1-2:3, 2:4-25
  2. God's two magic trees: The tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. 2:9
  3. "In the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die." 2:17
  4. God says that if Adam eats from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, then the day that he does so, he will die. But Adam eats the forbidden fruit (3:6) and yet lives for another 930 years (5:5).
  5. God's clever, talking serpent. 3:1
  6. God's curse of all women. 3:16
  7. "Behold, the man is become as one of us." 3:22
    God expels Adam and Eve from the garden before they get a chance to eat from that other tree -- the tree of life. God knows that if they do that, they will live forever. A spooky thought indeed for an insecure god.
  8. The mark of Cain. 4:15
  9. "And Cain knew his wife."
    That's nice, but where the hell did she come from? 4:17
  10. The "sons of God" copulated with the "daughters of men," and had sons who became "the mighty men of old, men of renown." 6:2-4
  11. "There were giants in the earth in those days." 6:4
  12. Noah, the just and righteous. 6:9, 7:1
  13. God drowns everyone on earth (except Noah and his family). 7:4
  14. Noah, the drunk and naked. 9:20-21
  15. The curse of Canaan. 9:22-25
  16. The Tower of Babel. 11:1-9
  17. Abraham's first "she's my sister" lie. 12:13
  18. Abraham's war to rescue Lot. 14:14-17
  19. Lot [the just and righteous (2 Peter 2:7-8)] offers his daughters to a crowd of angel rapers. 19:8
  20. "The LORD rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire." 19:24
  21. God turns Lot's wife into a pillar of salt. 19:26
  22. A drunken Lot impregnates his daughters. 19:30-36
  23. Abraham's second "she's my sister" lie. 20:2
  24. God closed all the wombs in Abimelech's household to punish him for believing Abraham's lie. 20:18
  25. Abraham abandons his first son, Ishmael. 21:10-14
  26. God tells Abraham to kill his second son (Isaac) for a burnt offering. 22:2
  27. Put your hand under my thigh (testicles) and swear. 24:2, 47:29
  28. Isaac uses his dad's "she's my sister" lie. 26:7
  29. Jacob goes in unto Leah by mistake. 29.25
  30. The great baby making contest. 30:1-23
  31. Rachel buys sex with mandrakes. 30:15-16
  32. Jacob wrestles with God and wins! 32:24-28
  33. Jacob sees God face to face and lives. 32:30
  34. The Shechem and Dinah lovestory massacre. 34:1-25
  35. Reuben has sex with his father's concubine. 35:22
  36. God kills Er for being wicked. 38:7
  37. Onan spills his seed; God kills Onan. 38:9-10
  38. Judah impregnates his daughter in law. 38:16-18
  39. God brought a seven year, "very grievous" famine on the whole earth for no apparent reason (except maybe to make Joseph wealthy). 41:56

    Exodus

  40. God teaches Moses some magic tricks. 4:2-9, 7:8-11, 7:17-20

  41. He hardens the Pharaoh's heart.  4:21, 7:3, 7:13, 9:12, 10:1, 10:20, 10:27, 11:10, 14:4, 14:8

  42. He tries to kill Moses.  4:24-25

  43. God's first plague on the Egyptians: Rivers turned to blood. 7:17-22
    (Pharaoh's magicians knew this trick, too.) 

  44. Second Plague: Frogs. (Pharaoh's magicians do likewise.)  8:2-7

  45. Third Plague: Lice. (Pharaoh's magicians couldn't do this one!)  8:16-18

  46. Fourth Plague: Flies.  8:21-24

  47. Fifth Plague: God kills the cattle.  9:3

  48. Sixth Plague: Boils.  9:9

  49. Seventh Plague: Hail.  9:19

  50. Eighth Plague: Locusts.  10:5

  51. Ninth Plague: Darkness.  10:21

  52. Tenth Plague: God kills firstborn children and animals.  12:29-30

  53. God drowns the Egyptian army. 14:27-28

  54. "The Lord is a man of war."  15:3

  55. "Joshua discomfited Amalek and his people with the edge of the sword." 17:13

  56. God punishes the children for the sins of their fathers. 20:5, 34:7
    (unto the third and fourth generations) 

  57. Instructions for buying a slave.  21:2

  58. Instructions for selling your daughter.  21:7

  59. Instructions for taking a second wife.  21:10

  60. Children who curse or strike their parents are to be killed.  21:15, 17

  61. It's OK to beat a slave as long as he lives a day or two  "for he is his money."  21:20-21

  62. Abortion is not a capital crime.  21:22

  63. "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live."  22:18

  64. You must kill those who worship another god.  22:20

  65. Sabbath breakers must be killed.  31:14-15, 35:2

  66. God tells every man to slay "his brother, companion, neighbor."  32:27

  67. "And the LORD plagued the people, because they made the calf, which Aaron made." 32:35

  68. God shows Moses his "back parts."  33:23

  69. God's name is "Jealous."  34:14

    Leviticus

  70. "All the fat is the Lord's." 3:16

  71. Moses puts blood on Aaron's right ear, thumb, and big toe. 8:23-24

  72. God's 13th Killing:
    God kills Aaron's sons for offering "strange fire before the Lord." 10:1-2

  73. Hares are unclean since they chew the cud. 11:6

  74. Bats are just unclean birds. 11:13,19

  75. Four-legged birds are an abomination to God. 11:20

  76. Insects have four legs. 11:21, 23

  77. Baby girls are twice as dirty as baby boys. 12:1-8

  78. God's cure for leprosy. 14:2-32

  79. What to do if "he that hath the issue spit upon him that is clean." 15:8

  80. What to do "if any man's seed of copulation go out from him." 15:16-18

  81. Menstruating women are unclean to God. 15:19-30

  82. God's law for wet dreams. 15:16-17, 32

  83. Don't look at any naked menstruating women. 18:19

  84. Homosexuality is an abomination to God. 18:22

  85. Don't mix seeds when sowing a field or wear a garment with mixed fibers. 19:19

  86. If you have sex with a slave woman, you must then scourge her. 19:20

  87. Don't round the corners of your head or mar the corners of your beard. 19:27

  88. Children who curse their parents, adulterers, and homosexuals must be killed. 20:9-12

  89. Woman with "familiar spirits" must be stoned to death. 20:27

  90. The unchaste daughters of priests must be burnt to death. 21:9

  91. Handicapped people must not approach the altar. 21:16-23

  92. God's 14th Killing:
    A man curses and blasphemes while disputing with another man. Moses asks God what to do about it. God says that the whole community must stone him to death. "And the children of Israel did as the Lord and Moses commanded." 24:10-23

  93. God's instructions for buying slaves. 25:45-46

  94. "Ye shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it." 26:16

  95. God will "send wild beasts among you, which shall rob your of your children." 26:22

  96. "And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat." 26:29

  97. God places a dollar value on human life; women are worth less (50 - 60%) than men. 27:3-7 [tapitcode.html]

    Numbers

  98. God kills Aaron's sons for offering "strange fire before the Lord." 3:4, 26:61

  99. The law of jealousies: What to do if you suspect that your wife has been unfaithful. 5:11-31

  100. God's 15th Killing:
    God burned people to death for complaining. 11:1

  101. God made the Israelites eat flesh until it came out their nostrils. 11:19-20

  102. God's 16th Killing:
    "While the flesh was yet between their teeth ... the Lord smote the people with a very great plague." 11:33

  103. God gave Miriam Leprosy. 12:9-10

  104. God will punish you for the sins of your great-great grandfathers. 14:18

  105. God's 17th Killing:
    God killed the ten spies that gave a discouraging report with a plague. 14:36-37

  106. What to do if you "sin through ignorance." 15:27

  107. God's 18th Killing:
    A man is stoned to death for gathering sticks on the Sabbath day. 15:32-36

  108. God's 19th Killing:
    God buries alive Korah and his family. 16:27-35, 26:10

  109. God's 20th Killing:
    God burns to death 250 men. 16:35, 26:10

  110. God's 21st Killing:
    God kills 14,700 with a plague. 16:41-50

  111. God's 22nd Killing:
    "The Lord harkened to the the voice of Israel, and ... utterly destroyed them and their cities." 21:3

  112. God's 23rd Killing:
    God sends "fiery serpents" to bite the people. 21:6

  113. Moses' amazing serpent of brass. 21:9

  114. God's 24th Killing:
    God delivers the Amorites into Moses' hands. 21:34-35

  115. Balaam's talking ass. 22:28-30

  116. God's people will "rise up ... and drink the blood of the slain." 23:24

  117. God will "eat up the nations of his enemies, and shall break their bones, and pierce them through with his arrows." 24:8

  118. God tells Moses to "take all the heads of the people and hang them up before the Lord." 25:4

  119. God's hero (Phinehas) thrusts a javelin through a man and his Midianite wife's belly. 25:7-8

  120. God's 25th Killing:
    God kills 24,000 (23,000 according to 1 Cor.10:8) in a plague. 25:9

  121. A woman can't make a vow unless her husband allows it. 30:3-16

  122. God's 26th Killing:
    Moses tells his men to kill all the males and non-virgin women, but to keep all the virgins alive for themselves. 31:14-18 [tapitcode.html]

    Deuteronomy

  123. God's 27th Killing:
    God killed all the Israelite soldiers -- slowly. It took him 38 years to kill them all, but he finally got the job done. 2:14-16

  124. God's 28th Killing:
    The Lord destroyed them before them" -- the general treatment of the people who were supposedly displaced by the Israelites. 2:21-22

  125. God's 29th Killing:
    At God's instructions, the Israelites "utterly destroyed the men, women, and the little ones" leaving "none to remain." 2:33-35

  126. God's 30th Killing:
    The Israelites, with God's help, kill all the men, women, and children of 60 cities. 3:3-4

  127. Destroy the altars, images, and places of worship of those with different religions. 7:5

  128. Kill any prophets or "dreamers of dreams" if they say or dream the wrong things. 13:1-5, 18:20

  129. Kill everyone with religious beliefs that are different than your own. (Including your family, friends, and neighbors) 13:6-16, 17:2-7

  130. If you see a pretty woman among the captives then just take her home and "go in unto her." 21:11-14

  131. Rules for a man with two wives: "one beloved, and another hated." 21:15

  132. Kill rebellious or disobedient sons 21:18-21, adulterers 22:22, and rape victims if they fail to cry out loud enough. 22:23-24

  133. Women that wear men's clothing are an "abomination unto the Lord." 22:5

  134. Don't "wear a garment of divers sorts, as of woolen and linen together." 22:11

  135. How to dispose of a hated wife. 22:13-22

  136. Women, be sure to keep the tokens of your virginity. Otherwise the men of your city may stone you to death. 22:13-21

  137. A rapist must buy his victim from her father for 50 shekels. 22:28-29

  138. Cut off a woman's hand if she touches the "secrets" of a man who is fighting with her husband. "And thine eye shall not pity her." 25:11-12

  139. You can't go to church if your testicles are damaged or your penis has been cut off. 23:1

  140. A bastard can't attend church "even to his tenth generation." 23:2

  141. God's rule for wet dreams. 23:10

  142. How to shit in the woods so that God doesn't step in it. 23:12-14

  143. How to divorce your wife if you find "some uncleanness in her." 24:1-4

  144. If you don't obey all of these laws, God will (among many other things) smite you with hemorrhoids, madness, and blindness, burn or starve you to death, have some animals eat you, and snakes bite you. If you still refuse to obey, he will have your wife raped and force you eat your own children.  28:15-68, 32:23-25