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SAB Highlights: Acts - Ephesians

Acts | Romans| 1 Corinthians | 2 Corinthians Galatians | Ephesians |


  1. While Jesus went up to heaven, two angels (men in white) stop by to tell the disciples that Jesus will return in the same way he just left them (by beaming up/down via transporter). 1:10-11

  2. Whoopie! It's Pentecost: A mighty wind comes, cloven tongues of fire sit on top of heads, everyone acts drunk and talks in languages they don't understand. 2:2-13

  3. Peter says that their strange behavior (speaking in tongues, etc.) was to be expected since they were living in "the last days." 2:17

  4. Imagine no possessions: The early Christians were the first communists. 2.44-45, 4.32-35

  5. Peter and God scare Ananias and his wife to death for not forking over all of the money that they made when selling their land. 5:1-10

  6. The sick were healed just by touching the shadow of Peter. 5.15-16

  7. Holy prison breaks. 5.19, 12.7-10, 16.26

  8. Philip made "unclean spirits" scream as they left the bodies of the people they possessed. 8:7

  9. The Spirit caught Philip and transported him to a city miles away. 8:39-40

  10. The road to Damascus (three different versions) 9.3-6, 22.6-10, 26.13-15

  11. Jesus blinds Paul. 9.8-9

  12. Peter has a dream in which God shows him "wild beasts, and creeping things, and fowls." The voice (God's?) says, "Rise, Peter: kill and eat." 10:10-13, 11.5-10

  13. More speaking in tongues. 10.45-46, 19.1-6

  14. If a husband believes, his whole family is automatically saved. 11.13-14, 16.31

  15. Herod killed James to please the Jews. 12.1-3

  16. The "angel of the Lord" killed Herod by having him "eaten of worms" because "he gave not God the glory." 12:23

  17. The talking ghost: "The Holy Ghost said, Separate me Barnabas and Saul for the work whereunto I have called them." 13.2

  18. Paul and the Holy Ghost make Elymas (the sorcerer) blind. 13:8-11

  19. The blasphemous, envious, murderous, Christ-killing Jews. 5.30, 7.51-52, 9.17-18, 10.39, 13.45-46, 50; 14.2-5; 17.5, 13; 18.5-6, 12; 20.19; 21.17-40; 23.12, 27; 26.21

  20. "It seemed good to the Holy Ghost, and to us." 15.28

  21. Paul circumcised Timothy. 16.1-3

  22. God forbids Paul to preach in Asia. 16.6-7

  23. Paul expels a soothsaying spirit of divination. 16.16-18

  24. He shaves his head as a part of a vow. 18.18

  25. After only two years of preaching, everyone in Asia had heard the word of the Lord! 19.10

  26. Sick people were cured by touching the handkerchief or apron of Paul. And the evil spirits when out of them." 19:12

  27. The first Christian book burning. 19:19

  28. Eutychus was the first casualty of many long boring sermons. 20:9

  29. After listening to Paul's speech, everyone took off their clothes, threw dust in the air, and told the soldiers to kill him. 22.22-23

  30. The first hunger strike: "The Jews banded together, and bound themselves under a curse, saying that they would neither eat nor drink till they had killed Paul." 23.12

  31. Paul's Mata snakebite story. (There are no poisonous snakes on Malta.) 28.3-6


  32. The existence and nature of God are self-evident; thus, unbelievers are "without excuse." 1:20

  33. God abandons those who don't know him to "uncleanness and vile affections." 1:24-26

  34. God will make you gay! 1:26-27

  35. Paul condemns homosexuals (including lesbians). This is the only clear reference to lesbians in the Bible. 1:26

  36. "The natural use" of women is to act as sexual objects for the pleasure of men. 1:27

  37. "God gave them over to a reprobate mind." 1:28

  38. Homosexuals (those "without natural affection") and their supporters (those "that have pleasure in them") are "worthy of death." 1:31-32

  39. Paul asks the very good question: "Is there unrighteousness who taketh vengeance [upon innocent people]?" The obvious answer to this is, yes. 3:5

  40. Those who slander (or criticize?) Paul are damned by God. 3:8

  41. The guilty are "justified" and "saved from wrath" by the blood of an innocent victim. 5:9-12

  42. God gave the law so "that the offence might abound." 5:20

  43. If you have a living body, you can't please God and Christ isn't in you. 8:8-10

  44. Everyone is predestined by God to be either saved or damned. 8:29-30, 9:11-12

  45. No one can oppose Christians since God's on their side. 8:31

  46. "He that spared not his own Son" shouldn't be trusted by anyone. 8:32

  47. A Christian cannot be accused of any wrongdoing. 8:33

  48. If you are a child of the flesh, you are not the seed of God. Whatever that might be. 9:8

  49. He hated Esau. No one knows why. 9:13

  50. He blinded the Jews so they wouldn't recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 11:7-10

  51. Jews are Paul's enemies, but he loves them for their ancestors' sakes. 11:28

  52. Gentiles used to be unbelievers, but now the Jews are the unbelievers and God saves gentiles through Jewish unbelief. 11:30

  53. Non-believing Jews will obtain mercy through the mercy of believers. 11.31

  54. "The powers that be are ordained of God." Whoever resists them will be damned. 13:1-4

  55. Paul couldn't list the Ten Commandments. [Neither could Jesus (Mt.19:17-19)] 13:9

  56. Only wimps are vegetarians. 14:2

  57. "Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind." 14:5

  58. "He that doubteth is damned ... Whatsoever is not of faith is sin." 14:23

  59.  Shun those who disagree with your religious views. 16:17

    1 Corinthians

  60. Paul expected Jesus to return within the lifetime of his followers. 1:7-8, 10:11, 10:11, 15:51-52

  61. Christians started out divided (into followers of Paul, Apollos, Cephas, or Christ), and it has remained so ever since. 1:12, 3:4

  62. Poor Paul is confused. First he says that he baptized no one. Well, except for Crispus and Gaius. And maybe Stephanus and his household. He can't remember if he did it to anyone else. 1:14-16

  63. God: the destroyer of wisdom 1:19-20

  64. "It pleased God by the foolishness of preaching to save them that believe." 1:21

  65. If you are to be a good Christian you must try to know nothing (except for Jesus, of course). 2:2

  66. Christians can judge everything and everybody (including angels!), but no non-Christian can judge them. 2:15, 6:3

  67. Get saved by burning your work. 3:15

  68. Christians should become ignorant fools. 3:18-20, 4:10, 8:2, 14:38

  69. Forget Jesus. Follow Paul! 4:16

  70. Delivering people to Satan for the destruction of the flesh so that Jesus can save their spirits. 5:5

  71. Zeroth Corinthians 5:9

  72.  Paul lists ten things that will keep you out of heaven, including homosexuality and being "effeminate." 6:9-11

  73. Everything is lawful to Paul and he submits to no law. 6:12, 10:23

  74. "It is good for a man not to touch a woman." 7:1

  75. "I would that all men were even as I myself." 7:7

  76. Slaves should not desire their freedom. 7:21

  77. Those who are unmarried should never marry. 7:27

  78. There's no time for sex or marriage since the world will be ending soon. 7:29

  79. Gentiles sacrifice to devils. If you have gentile friends, then you are friends with devils. 10:20

  80.  "The head of the woman is the man." 11:3

  81. If a woman refuses to cover her head in church, then her head must be shaved. 11:5-6

  82. Men are made in the image of God; women in the image of men. Women were created from and for men. 11:7-9

  83. God likes short hair on men and long hair on women. 11:13-15

  84. "I thank my God, I speak with tongues more than ye all." 14:18

  85. "Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience." 14:34

  86. "If they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church." 14:35

  87. "If any man love not the Lord Jesus Christ, let him be Anathema." 16:22

    2 Corinthians

  88. Paul expected to see Jesus return in his lifetime. 1:14

  89. Saved people smell good to God. 2:15

  90. God blinds people to prevent them from seeing the truth. 3:14-15

  91. "The god of this world" (Satan?) has blinded the minds of nonbelievers. 4:3-4

  92. "Walk by faith, not by sight." (Don't look where you're going.) 5:7

  93. "The terror of the Lord" 5:11

  94. Jesus, who was without sin, was made into sin. This made the real sinners sinless. 5:21

  95. Keep away from unbelievers. Neither marry nor be friends with them. 6:14-17

  96. "Give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver."
    The televangelist's favorite verse! 9:7

  97. "For your liberal distribution unto them, and unto all men ... Thanks be to God." God loves liberals! 9:13-15

  98. Christians cannot be freethinkers, since all their thoughts and imaginings must be brought into captivity in obedience to Christ. 10:5

  99. There were these guys that Paul once knew, but he just can't remember whether it was in or out of the body. It was sort of an out of body experience. Anyway, one of these guys was way up in the third heaven and the other guy was in paradise. He heard stuff, too, but it's illegal to talk about it. 12:2-4

  100. Paul says he "will not spare" when he comes back to punish those who have sinned. 13:2

  101. Are you a reprobate? Here's the test: if you know for sure that Jesus is in you, you're not a reprobate. Otherwise you are. 13:5

  102. "Greet one another with an holy kiss." 13:12


  103. If anyone dares to disagree with Paul on religious matters, "let him be accursed." 1:8-9

  104. Those who try to follow the law are cursed 3:10

  105. Jesus was cursed by God. 3:13

  106. "If ye be circumcised, Christ shall profit you nothing." 5:2

  107. "I would they were even cut off which trouble you." (The New Revised Standard Version translates this verse as: "I wish those who unsettle you would castrate themselves!") 5:12

  108. Witches, idol worshippers, and heretics will not go to heaven. (Guess where they'll be going.) 5:20-21

  109. "See how large a letter I have written unto you with mine own hand." 6:11

  110. "Many ... desire to have you circumcised, that they may glory in your flesh." 6:12-13


  111. We are predestined by God to go to either heaven or hell. None of our thoughts, words, or actions can affect the final outcome. 1:4-5, 11

  112.  God had his son murdered to keep himself from hurting others for things they didn't do. 1:7

  113. Satan is the "prince of the power of the air." 2:2

  114. We are all "by nature the children of wrath." 2:3

  115. "Be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine." (Reject the Bible and all religious belief.) 4:14

  116. "Hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour." The bloody death of Jesus smelled good to God. 5:2

  117. No "unclean person" or "idolater" will inherit the kingdom of God. The wrath of God is on them. Don't associate with them. 5:5-7

  118. Wives must submit to their husbands "in every thing" as though they were gods. "For the husband is the head of the wife." 5:22-24

  119. Slaves must obey their masters "as unto Christ." 6:5