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Absurdity in Helaman

  1. And it came to pass

  2. Exceedingly

  3. Dwindling in unbelief

  4. "From the west sea [Pacific], even unto the east [Atlantic]; it being a day's journey for a Nephite." (Nephites could walk 5000 kilometers in one day.) 4:7

  5. The only way anyone can be saved is "through the atoning blood of Jesus Christ." This statement was supposedly made in 30 BCE! 5:9

  6. Lehi and Nephi stood in the middle of a raging fire, but were not burned. 5:23

  7. A voice came from out of the sky saying ... 5:29

  8. The earth shook exceedingly. 5:31

  9. "And behold the voice came again, saying: ..."(And the earth shook again.) 5:32

  10. And the voice came for the third time speaking "marvelous words." And (of course) the earth shook again. 5:33

  11. The faces of Nephi and Lehi "did shine exceedingly." (Just like the faces of angels!) 5:36

  12. Nephi and Lehi "converse with the angels of God." 5:39

  13. Everyone shouted to the voice in the clouds and "the cloud of darkness was dispersed." 5:42

  14. Everyone was encircled with a pillar of fire, yet they were not burned. 5:43

  15. The Holy Spirit came down from heaven and entered the peoples' hearts. "And they could speak forth marvelous words." 5:45

  16. And "a pleasant voice" came from out of the sky, saying ... 5:46

  17. And then the sky opened and angels came out "and ministered unto them." 5:48

  18. Those who reject the word of God (the Bible and Book of Mormon?) and "all the preaching and prophesying" are "grossly wicked". 6:2

  19. The absurd story about the God's fiery serpents and the graven image snakebite cure (Numbers 21:6-8) is repeated here. 8:15

  20. God gives Nephi the power to "smite the earth with famine, and with pestilence, and destruction." 10:6

  21. If Nephi commands a mountain to be "cast down and to become smooth, it shall be done." 10:9

  22. Nephi asks God to send a famine on the land. "And so it was done, according to the words of Nephi. ... And the whole earth was smitten," causing thousands of people to starve to death. 11:4-6

  23. After a couple years of starving thousands of people to death, God finally makes it rain when asked to by Nephi. 11:14-16

  24. Nephi and Lehi had many daily revelations from God. 11:23

  25. "Behold, we are surrounded by demons." 13:37

  26. Another amazing prophecy: In five years the Son of God will come. And this was (according to my motel room version of the BoM) in the year 6 BCE! 14:2

  27. Wow! The night before Jesus was born there were great lights in the sky that made the night as bright as day! 41:3

  28. "And behold this is not all, there shall be many signs and wonders in heaven." 14:6

  29. Jesus Christ is both the Son of God and his own Father! (Or something like that.) 14:12

  30. When Jesus dies (Remember this prophecy was made before Jesus had even been born!) it will be absolutely dark for three days and nights. No sun, moon, stars, candles, or campfires. 14:20, 27

  31. When Jesus dies mountains will become valleys and vice versa, cities destroyed, and dead people will come back to life. 14:23-25

  32. Dwindling in unbelief 15:11, 15

  33. The Spirit of the Lord was with Samuel, so the unbelievers' stones and arrows couldn't hit him. 16:2

  34. "They began to reason ... that it is not reasonable" for Christ to be both the Father and the Son or that such a being would come to earth. And if he does exist, why doesn't he show himself to them? 16:17-18