Apocrypha / Deuterocanonical Books

Esther (Douay-Reims Bible)
Introduction

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
10 11 12 13 14 15 16


Absurdities
Injustice
Cruelty and Violence
Intolerance
Family Values
Women
Sex
Contradictions

Dwindling in Unbelief
-Esther
-Apocrypha


Esther: Absurdity

  1. "Assuerus ... made a great feast ... for a hundred and fourscore days."
    Woohoo! A 180 day party! 1:1-4

  2. Because Mordecai (who was a Jew) refused to bow to Haman, Haman decides to kill every Jew in the Persian Empire, offering to pay 10,000 talents of silver (~300,000 kg) to get the job done. The day of the killing was chosen by casting lots: the fourteenth day of the twelfth month. (Since "lots" in Hebrew is "Purim", Purim became the name of the Jewish festival.) 3:2-9

  3. "Letters ... Were sent by the king's messengers to all provinces, to kill and destroy all the Jews, both young and old, little children, and women, in one day." 3:12-13

  4. "Mardochai ... rent his garments." 4:1

  5. "Then Zares his wife, and the rest of his friends answered him: Order a great beam to be prepared, fifty cubits high, and in the morning speak to the king, that Mardochai may be hanged upon it ... The counsel pleased him, and he commanded a high gibbet to be prepared." 5:14

  6. The king couldn't sleep so he asked someone to read to him the book of Chronicles. That ought to do it! 1 Chronicles is probably the most boring book ever written. No one can read it without falling asleep. 6:1

  7. "King Assuerus ... said: Who is this, and of what power, that he should do these things?" The king had completely forgotten that he had ordered the genocide of the Jews back in chapter 3. 7:5

  8. (8:11-13) At Esther's request, the king orders a preemptive strike on all 127 provinces from India to Ethiopia. Everyone who planned to kill Jews shall be killed by Jews, along with their wives and children. And all this killing is to take place on a single day -- the day after the first decree ordered all the Jews to be killed. 8:11-13

  9. On the day when all Jew-haters (and their families) were killed by Jews. The Jews had "a new light" and and "joy, and honour, and dancing." 8:16-17a

  10. All Jews must celebrate Purim each year.
    (How many times does God have to tell us?) 9:26-31

  11. Modecai's dream
    "The little fountain which grew into a river ... is Esther ... The two dragons are I and Aman." 10:6-10

  12. "These days shall be observed in the month of Adar on the fourteenth, and fifteenth day of the same month. with all diligence, and joy of the people gathered into one assembly, throughout all the generations hereafter of the people of Israel." (How many times does God have to tell us this?) 10:13

  13. Esther prayed to God, after pulling out her hair and covering her head with dung. 14:1-2

  14. I ... abhor the bed of the uncircumcised." 14:15

  15. "I ... detest it as a menstruous rag." 14:16

  16. Esther calls upon God and God softens the king's heart (so that he'd murder thousands of non-Jews). 15:3-11

  17. The king decrees that Haman and his family shall hang; that everyone in the kingdom who wanted to kill the Jews shall be killed; that whoever refuses to kill the people that wanted to kill Jews will be killed by sword and fire; and that everyone will celebrate the killing of the wannabe Jew killers forever. 16:10-18