Apocrypha / Deuterocanonical Books

2 Machabees (Douay-Reims Bible)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15


Absurdities
Injustice
Cruelty and Violence
Women
Intolerance
Contradictions
Boring Stuff
Science and History
Women
Good Stuff
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Dwindling in Unbelief
-Apocrypha

2 Machabees: Injustice

  1. Judas Machabeus assembles 6,000 men to kill Gentiles, with the help of God. 8:1-2

  2. Judas burned towns and cities, slaughtering the inhabitants. 8:6

  3. Judas reminds his soldiers that God killed hundreds of thousands of people in the past, and he could kill everyone on earth if he wanted to, so he'll be glad to kill thousands of people for them, too. 8:18-20

  4. God helped Judas kill more than nine thousand soldiers in Nicanor's army. 8:24

  5. "Moreover they slew above twenty thousand of them that were with Timotheus and Bacchides." 8:30

  6. "They slew also Philarches ... a wicked man." 8:32

  7. They burned to death Callisthenes since he was an impious man. (Impious men deserve to be burned to death.) 8:33

  8. "And indeed very justly, seeing he had tormented the bowels of others."
    (If you torment the bowels of others, God will torment your bowels as well.) 9:6

  9. After writing a boring letter to the Jews, Antiochus "died a miserable death" from his God-given bowel disease. 9:28

  10. Antiochus becomes a Jew and prays to God for mercy. But God ignored his prayers and killed him anyway. (See verse 28.) 9:13-17

  11. Some Gentiles escaped to two towers, and Simon's men let some of them escape. When Judas found out, he killed men who allowed the escape and killed more than 20,000 in the twin towers. 10:18-23

  12. Timotheus fled to a strong hold, where he and his companions "blasphemed exceedingly, and cast forth abominable words. Twenty of Judas's young men were especially offended by their bad language, so they burned the blasphemers alive. After that, they blessed the Lord who helped them burn Gentiles alive. 10:32-38

  13. The men of Joppe forced some Jewish women and children onto boats and then drowned them all. To pay them back, Judas burned the city and their boats, and killed those that escaped from the fire. 12:3-6

  14. Judas heard that the men of Jamnia were going to do like the Joppites did to the Jewish women and children, so he burned their city and ships, too. 12:8-9

  15. The inhabitants of the city of Casphin provoked Judas by blaspheming, so Judas "by the will of the Lord ... made an unspeakable slaughter," so that there was a river of blood six miles across. 12:13-16

  16. "Dositheus, and Sosipater, who were captains with Machabeus, slew them that were left by Timotheus in the hold, to the number of ten thousand men." 12:19

  17. Judas' enemies were struck with fear by the presence of God and started killing each other. Judas finished "the profane" survivors off by killing 30,000 with their own swords. 12:22-23

  18. God ("the King of Kings") inspired Antiochus and Lysias to kill Menelaus (the "sinner", "transgressor", and "sacrilegious wretch") by throwing him off a 75-foot tower. 13:4-8

  19. "So committing all to God ... having exhorted his people to fight manfully" using the watchword "the victory of God", Judas killed 4000 men and "the greatest of the elephants." "All this was done ... by the protection and help of the Lord." 13:14-17

  20. After Onias prayed for the people, Jeremiah the prophet showed up, delivering to Judas a gift from God: a holy, golden, gentile-killing sword. 15:12-16

  21. Judas reminds the people of how good God is at killing people. After all, didn't he send an angel to kill 185,000 sleeping soldiers? Maybe, if they ask him nicely, he'll send another "good angel" to terrorize and kill blasphemers again. 15:21-24