Apocrypha / Deuterocanonical Books

1 Machabees (Douay-Reims Bible)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16


Absurdities
Injustice
Cruelty and Violence
Women
Intolerance
Contradictions
Boring Stuff

Dwindling in Unbelief
-Apocrypha

1 Machabees: Cruelty

  1. Mathathias showed his "zeal for the law" by murdering a man on the altar along with an officer of Antiochus. 2:24-25

  2. Matthathias and his friends gathered an army, slew the sinners, threw down altars, and valiantly circumcised all the uncircumcised children they could find. 2:39-48

  3. Before he dies, Mathathias praises some of the nastiest characters in the Bible: Abraham, Phineas, David, Joshua (Jesus) and Elijah (Elias). 2:52-58

  4. "Revenge ye the wrong of your people ... Render to the Gentiles their reward."
    Take revenge on the Gentiles. Kill them all. 2:67-68

  5. Judas Machabeus replaced his father (Mathathias) as the leader of the Jewish terrorists. His first act was to burn "them that troubled his people" (with fire). 3:1-5

  6. "He went through the cities of Juda, and destroyed the wicked out of them." 3:8

  7. Seron, the captain of the Syrian army, heard about Judas (as had everyone on earth). He collected a large army of wicked men to fight Judas. When Judas' smaller army saw the Syrians, they were frightened. But Judas told them not to worry. Because success in war depends not on numbers, but on God. "The Lord himself will overthrow them." 3:13

  8. "As soon as he had made an end of speaking, he rushed suddenly upon them: and Seron and his host were overthrown before him ... and there fell of them eight hundred men." 3:23-24

  9. Judas and his completely unarmed valiant men defeat 5000 well-armed soldiers. Judas told his men not to do anything; God would do the killing for them. And he did. God killed 3000 Gentile soldiers, and Judas and his men enriched themselves with the booty. 4:1-24

  10. Judas asks God to help him kill more Gentiles, and God delivers another 5000. 4:28-34

  11. Judas and his brothers killed some animals for God to thank him for helping them slaughter the Gentiles. 5:54

  12. Then Judas and his brethren attacked the children of Esau, burned walls and towers in Chebron, destroyed the all the altars and statues in the land of the aliens and strangers, and took the spoils of their cities. 5:65-68

  13. The Israelite priests weep and pray in the temple, asking God to let Nicanor and his army fall by the sword for their blasphemies. 7:36-38

  14. Judas asked God to kill the Nicanor's soldiers the way he killed 185,000 in Sennacherib's army. (Sennacherib supposedly blasphemed God, so God killed 185,000 of his soldiers while they were sleeping. Very resourceful!) 7:40-42

  15. So God helped Judas kill Nicanor and his army. First they killed Nicanor and the rest was easy. All of Nicanor's soldiers threw down their weapons and ran away. The Israelites slaughtered them all as they ran. Then they cut off Nicanor's head and hand and hung them up over Jerusalem. "And the people rejoiced exceedingly, and they spent that day with great joy." (Nothing can cheer God's people up more than a hanging head and hand.) 7:43-48

  16. Jonathan's army, with God's help, kills 1000 of Bachides' soldiers. 9:44-49

  17. "Jonathan ... struck Odares, and his brethren, and the children of Phaseron in their tents, and he began to slay, and to increase in forces. 9:65-66
  18. "Simon ... fought against Bacchides, and he was discomfited by them: and they afflicted him exceedingly." 9:67-68
  19. "He [Simon] was angry with the wicked men that had given him counsel to come into their country, and he slew many of them." 9:69
  20. "Jonathan ... destroyed the wicked out of Israel." 9:73

  21. "Jonathan set fire to Azotus, and the cities that were around it, and took the spoils of them, and the temple of Dagon: and all them that were fled into it, he burnt with fire." 10:84
  22. "The Jews ... slew in that day a hundred thousand men, and they set fire to the city, and got many spoils that day, and delivered the king." 11:47-48
  23. Jonathan rends his clothes, casts dirt on his head, and prays. Then he goes and kills 3000 men, presumably with God's help. 11:71-74

  24. "We have had help from heaven, and we have been delivered, and our enemies are humbled."
    God helped the Jews kill their enemies. 12:15

  25. Simon teaches his children well, telling them that God will help them fight holy wars. 16:2-3

  26. Simon's son, John, burned 2000 men to death. (Whith God's help?) 16:9-10

  27. Simon and his sons (Mathathias and Judas) were killed by Ptolemee and his men after they "had drunk plentifully." Then Ptolemee sent someone to kill John, but John killed the killer instead. 16:16-22