2: The Cow
Cruelty and Violence
Science and History
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Surah 2: Women
- Virgins await those who enter paradise. 2:25
- It's OK to have sex with your wives during Ramadan (at least after sunset). In fact you must "hold intercourse with them."
All of them. It is your sacred Muslim duty. 2:187
- Next Allah gets down to the really important things in life. Things we all wonder about from time to time. Like should I marry a
few idolatresses? Is an Islamic concubine better than a really hot Christian woman? Should I refuse to give my daughter to a Jewish man
until he becomes a Muslim? And who should I invite to the Fire anyway? 2:221
- Menstruation is a filthy disease. All good Muslim men should stay the hell away from menstruating women And for God sakes,
don't have sex with them while they're menstruating. It creeps Allah out just to think of it. 2:222a
- But don't worry guys. After they clean up you can have sex with them whenever you want. Allah loves clean men as much
as he hates menstruating women. 2:222b
- In the mind of Allah, women are like a dirty field for men to plow with their penises. Plow them whenever you like
(as long as they're not menstruating, of course.) 2:223
- Still, if a man doesn't want to have sex with his wives, Allah is OK with that, too. Wait four months, then if they
change their minds, go ahead and have sex with them. 2:226
- Women may not have sex for three months after getting a divorce. If they skip one of their filthy periods, they must not hide it.
In such a case, Allah suggests that their ex-husbands take their pregnant wives back. 2:228a
- Women have rights that are similar to men, but men are "a degree above them." 2:228b
- If you divorce your wife, you must divorce her twice. And she can ransom herself, whatever that might mean.
- But if you divorce your wife for the third time, you can't have her again until she marries another guy. Then if the other
guy divorces her, it's OK for you to have sex with your four-times divorced wife. What the hell. These are the limits of Allah.
- After your divorced wives have reached the end of their 3 month waiting period, you can take them or leave them. Just don't make
Allah a laughing-stock. 2:231
- If you decide to go ahead with the divorce, let your ex-wives get married again. It's cleaner that way. Allah knows; you don't.
- When a man dies, his wives can't have sex for four months and ten days. After that, if they're not pregnant, it's no sin for
the dead man if his wives have sex again. 2:234
- A woman is worth one-half a man. 2:282