2: The Cow

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Surah 2: Interpretation

  1. Muhammad said that Satan runs away from any house in which this surah is recited. 2:1-286

  2. "Alif. Lam. Mim."
    Many surahs start with three Arabic letters. No one knows why. But I have a theory. The mysterious letters (Alif. Lam. Mim.) are the Quranic equivalent of WTF. 2:1

  3. Nothing in the Quran, not a singe verse, is wrong -- except for the verses that are wrong, that is. And Allah will replace them later with better verses. This is called the doctrine of abrogation. 2:106

  4. Muslims can't eat carrion, pork, blood, or anything sacrificed to another god. 2:173

  5. The Republicans should like this verse. It forbids what Tea Baggers they like to call the "death tax." So when a rich Muslim dies, he must leave all of his wealth to his family. 2:180

  6. "It is not righteousness that ye go to houses by the backs thereof."
    Is Muhammad talking about anal sex here? (I'm just asking.) 2:189

  7. "Be not cast by your own hands to ruin."
    Some Muslims interpret this to forbid suicide bombings. 2:195

  8. "Beautified is the life of the world for those who disbelieve; they make a jest of the believers."
    Yes life is beautiful to us unbelievers and we like to laugh at believers! 2:212

  9. Is it OK to drink alcohol? 2:219