Trivia:

CHAPTER 3

God tells Lehi in a dream to send his sons back to Jerusalm to get some brass plates--The plates have a record of the Jews and Lehi's genealogy--Lehi's sons return to Jerusalem--They cast lots to decide who will get the plates from Laban--The lot fell upon Laman--Laban refuses to give the plates to Laman--Laman, Lemuel, and Sam decide to return to the wilderness--Nephi talks them out of it--They return to Laban's house and offer him their father's precious things--Laban still refuses to give them the plates--The four brothers hide in a hole in a rock--Laman and Lemeul beat Sam and Nephi with a rod--An angel told them to stop--Laman and Lemuel begin to murmur. (600-592 BCE)

Previous chapter | Next chapter

Oh my heck! We forgot the brass plates!
Absurdity Plagiarism 3:1-31

1 And it came to pass that I, Nephi, returned from speaking with the Lord, to the tent of my father.

After I spoke with the Lord, I went to my father's tent.

He said to me,

2 And it came to pass that he spake unto me, saying: Behold I have dreamed a dream, in the which the Lord hath commanded me that thou and thy brethren shall return to Jerusalem.

3 For behold, Laban hath the record of the Jews and also a genealogy of my forefathers, and they are engraven upon plates of brass.

4 Wherefore, the Lord hath commanded me that thou and thy brothers should go unto the house of Laban, and seek the records, and bring them down hither into the wilderness.

5 And now, behold thy brothers murmur, saying it is a hard thing which I have required of them; but behold I have not required it of them, but it is a commandment of the Lord.

6 Therefore go, my son, and thou shalt be favored of the Lord, because thou hast not murmured.

7 And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.

8 And it came to pass that when my father had heard these words he was exceedingly glad, for he knew that I had been blessed of the Lord.

God appeared to me in a dream and said,

Send your sons back to Jerusalem to get the brass plates upon which is recorded your genealogy and the history of the Jews.

A man named Laban has the plates.

Go get them from him.

9 And I, Nephi, and my brethren took our journey in the wilderness, with our tents, to go up to the land of Jerusalem.

10 And it came to pass that when we had gone up to the land of Jerusalem, I and my brethren did consult one with another.

So my brothers and I returned to Jerusalem. [1]

11 And we cast lots -- who of us should go in unto the house of Laban. And it came to pass that the lot fell upon Laman; and Laman went in unto the house of Laban, and he talked with him as he sat in his house.

12 And he desired of Laban the records which were engraven upon the plates of brass, which contained the genealogy of my father.

When we arrived, we cast lots [2] to decide who would get the brass plates from Laban.

The lot fell upon Laman, so he went in to talk to Laban about the plates.

13 And behold, it came to pass that Laban was angry, and thrust him out from his presence; and he would not that he should have the records. Wherefore, he said unto him: Behold thou art a robber, and I will slay thee.

But Laban refused to give Laman the plates, accused him of trying to rob him, and threatened to kill him.

14 But Laman fled out of his presence, and told the things which Laban had done, unto us. And we began to be exceedingly sorrowful, and my brethren were about to return unto my father in the wilderness.

Laman somehow managed to escape.

After that, Laman, Lemuel, and Sam wanted to give up on the plates and return to the wilderness.

15 But behold I said unto them that: As the Lord liveth, and as we live, we will not go down unto our father in the wilderness until we have accomplished the thing which the Lord hath commanded us.

16 Wherefore, let us be faithful in keeping the commandments of the Lord; therefore let us go down to the land of our father's inheritance, for behold he left gold and silver, and all manner of riches. And all this he hath done because of the commandments of the Lord.

17 For he knew that Jerusalem must be destroyed, because of the wickedness of the people.

18 For behold, they have rejected the words of the prophets. Wherefore, if my father should dwell in the land after he hath been commanded to flee out of the land, behold, he would also perish. Wherefore, it must needs be that he flee out of the land.

But I talked them out of it by making a little speech.

19 And behold, it is wisdom in God that we should obtain these records, that we may preserve unto our children the language of our fathers;

20 And also that we may preserve unto them the words which have been spoken by the mouth of all the holy prophets, which have been delivered unto them by the Spirit and power of God, since the world began, even down unto this present time.

21 And it came to pass that after this manner of language did I persuade my brethren, that they might be faithful in keeping the commandments of God.

I told then that we needed to get the plates to teach our children the language of our fathers. [3]

22 And it came to pass that we went down to the land of our inheritance, and we did gather together our gold, and our silver, and our precious things.

23 And after we had gathered these things together, we went up again unto the house of Laban.

24 And it came to pass that we went in unto Laban, and desired him that he would give unto us the records which were engraven upon the plates of brass, for which we would give unto him our gold, and our silver, and all our precious things.

So my brothers and I decided to get my father's gold, silver, and precious things (that were left behind on their first wilderness trip), bring them to Laban, and offer to trade it all for the plates.

25 And it came to pass that when Laban saw our property, and that it was exceedingly great, he did lust after it, insomuch that he thrust us out, and sent his servants to slay us, that he might obtain our property.

26 And it came to pass that we did flee before the servants of Laban, and we were obliged to leave behind our property, and it fell into the hands of Laban.

Laban wanted our gold and precious things, but he also wanted to keep the plates. (He was into genealogy, too.)

So he decided to kill us and take our stuff.

27 And it came to pass that we fled into the wilderness, and the servants of Laban did not overtake us, and we hid ourselves in the cavity of a rock.

But we escaped to the wilderness and hid in the cavity of a rock.

28 And it came to pass that Laman was angry with me, and also with my father; and also was Lemuel, for he hearkened unto the words of Laman. Wherefore Laman and Lemuel did speak many hard words unto us, their younger brothers, and they did smite us even with a rod.

Laman and Lemuel had had enough. They started to beat Sam and me with a rod.

29 And it came to pass as they smote us with a rod, behold, an angel of the Lord came and stood before them, and he spake unto them, saying: Why do ye smite your younger brother with a rod? Know ye not that the Lord hath chosen him to be a ruler over you, and this because of your iniquities? Behold ye shall go up to Jerusalem again, and the Lord will deliver Laban into your hands.

30 And after the angel had spoken unto us, he departed.

Then an angel appeared and said to them,

Why are you hitting your brother?

God has chosen him to rule over you because you are so evil.

Go to Jerusalem and God will deliver Laban into your hands.

31 And after the angel had departed, Laman and Lemuel again began to murmur, saying: How is it possible that the Lord will deliver Laban into our hands? Behold, he is a mighty man, and he can command fifty, yea, even he can slay fifty; then why not us?

After the angel left, Laman and Lemuel began to murmur once again, saying "Laban is a mighty man. He'll kill us all."