2 Samuel
Highlights

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24


Absurdities
Cruelty and Violence
Injustice
Contradictions
Family Values
Women
Sex
Science and History
Interpretation
Intolerance
Prophecy
Language
Boring Stuff
Good Stuff


2 Samuel: Sex

  1. David says, "deliver me my wife Michal, which I espoused to me for a hundred foreskins of the Philistines." Well, he actually paid with two hundred foreskins (see 1 Samuel 18:27). 3:14

  2. King David dances nearly naked in front of God and everybody. When Michal criticizes him for exposing himself, God punishes her by having "no child unto the day of her death." Although 21:8 says that she had five sons (which were sacrificed to God by David to stop God from starving people to death). 6:14-23

  3. David sees a woman (Bathsheba) bathing and likes what he sees. so he sends for her and commits adultery with her "for she was purified from her uncleanness." She conceives and bears a son (of course). 11:2-5

  4. God gave the wives of King Saul to David. 12:7-8

  5. God is angry at David for having Uriah killed. As a punishment, he will have David's wives raped by his neighbor while everyone else watches. It turns out that the "neighbor" that God sends to do his dirty work is David's own son, Absalom (16:22). 12:11-12

  6. After Bathsheba's baby is killed by God, David comforts her by going "in unto her." She conceives and bears another son (Solomon). 12:24

  7. Ammon (David's son) says to his half-sister Tamar, "Come lie with me, my sister." But she resists, so he rapes her and then sends her away. Tamar, knowing that she now belongs to him (since she was a virgin), expects him to marry her, but he refuses. 13:1-22

  8. Absalom "went in unto his father's concubines in the sight of all Israel." This was according the God's plan as announced in 12:11-12. 16:21-22

  9. To punish his ten concubines for being raped by his son, Absalom (See 16:21-22), David refuses to ever again have sex with them and forces them to "keep house" for the rest of their lives. 20:3